Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Do you think it will help your long term recovery and help you to keep your baby of you cut all ties with your ex?

[saraheve]

Hi i have been honest I suffered depression and found it hard to keep on top of the housework. I was binge drinking weekends and occasionally smoking cannabis it's also have autism. I also was arguing with childs father due to him wanting money all the time. I do believe I have addressed and changed I have attended therapy, parent recovery and relapse prevention groups. And have hired a cleaner plus took parenting courses. I do accept made a lot of mistakes and changed, but I have changed my life around and social services admit their is no current concerns their just worried if I go back to my own Wayshoo, but I'm very ashamed how I handledyou depression and the groups and therapy have teached me how to deal with my emotions more positively. I can.say I changed my life around and feel much better for it. That is the truth thanks.

[saraheve]

They say the reason for reducing contact is because they want my son to settle into his placement and seeing me regularly will make him.want to come home, but I am doing my best and dispite if anyone believe it is have changed my life around. Their is no present concerns
Thanks

[lougle]

Well done for all you have done to address your situation. It must have taken a lot of hard work and determination to make those changes. Have you asked SS why they are not looking to return your DS home with you? Have they said whether they intend for him to return to your care in the longer term?

[saraheve]

Hi thanks it means a lot, I have spent hours per week on my recovery and theraphy I was binge drinking and smoking cannabis that im ashamed of, I dealt with my depression in a unhealthy way and feel very guilty of this but have pushed very hard to change things around and my way of thinking. My son can only be returned if I can proove I can look after my baby with no concerns and sustain the changes I have made, ss are worried I might replapse and I understand that but I'm so determined not to, so hopefully if im given a chance with my new baby and I do keep up the positive work I can try to go back to court in. Summer this year. I miss my son so much but when he comes home at least I can be a even better and healthier mum. X

[Finola1step]

You have so much to work for. Keep working. Focus purely on your children, your physical and mental health, your recovery. Keep working with social services. And my top piece of advice is to stay single. Focus on you and yours, let no man come in between.

And don't put your ex on the birth certificate.

[saraheve]

Yes your right thank you so much. I have to look after myself to look after my children to the best I can. And your right I am definitely staying single x

[FP239]

saraheve

Are you still seeing the babies father or not? because you need to v=cut him out of your life 100% if you want any chance at all of ever keeping your baby and son in your life. Ditch that parasite totally and save your children from being sepearated from their mother. Ask them to relocate you if you must.

[saraheve]

Hi thanks I am single but I wanted to remain friends with ex due to him being farther of my children. I am not letting him.abuse me or use me like the past and he has moved out. Social services said they can only go to court once baby is born but they said this could mean I go to a mother and baby unit to to monitored which I don't mind. Thanks

[UnbornMortificado]

Sara you need to ditch this man before he loses you your child.


No one here knows the full story but by the sounds of it you are turning your life round and making positive changes. He by the sound of it is not.

I know you mentioned MH issues on your other thread. Have you a cpn? Also have you thought about doing the freedom programme?

[Broken11Girl]

'Staying friends' with the ex might come across in a way you don't want, and don't intend I think, to ss. Maybe phrase it as being civil / on speaking terms for the sake of the dc. You're doing well to set those boundaries, not lending him money, not drinking or smoking weed with him. Make sure they know this and you have a plan in case he gets abusive again - up to calling the police if necessary.
If you don't mind going into a mother and baby unit that's good. If you relapse you'll be in the right place, if not, given the state of mh services these days you won't be in there long.

[AyeAmarok]

Your ex isn't safe to be around your children, so there is no need to stay in contact or "friends" with him.

Put your child first. Cut him out of your life completely, or I suspect it's only a matter of time before you lose your baby into the care system as well.

[donajimena]

I second what others have said. The ex has to go completely. I get that you don't want to cut him out completely but you need to liase with SS on how contact is facilitated (if its allowed at all) you cannot discuss it with him.
If you lost this baby to the system too and you felt that you had lost everything what is there to stop you taking up with him again out of loneliness and familiarity? The whole cycle would repeat itself.
Work with them ask questions, I've been on my arse with problems and depression and the house spiralling out of control.
I've battled the 'problems' also hired a cleaner which helps me keep on top of things with my input. These changes have lasted and my life is transformed so the good news is you CAN stick to it.
A stint on the freedom programme and sessions with womens aid did wonders too.
I don't know how involved you are with SS but my guess is not enough.
I'm speaking anecdotally here because I will never know the full story but I do know personally a woman who had a child removed from her care had another baby which was allowed to remain with her but sadly (or maybe not in the childs case ) was later removed as it was clear she could not cope. What I am saying is that she was given an opportunity.
I wish you the best but that man has to go. What will his reaction be if you cut contact between you? Is this something that worries you? If you go to women's aid they may well organise a MAREC meeting if this hasn't already been done?

[mathanxiety]

It looks as if they have concerns that you and the ex are still in a relationship and they are concerned he will be able to manipulate you into letting him back into your life.

You will have to choose your ex or your baby.
You should have no contact whatsoever, his number blocked, and a non-molestation order against him if there has been any violence.

It is as simple as that when it comes to this man.

[Fallonjamie]

He is not and cannot be your friend. Your ongoing contact with him is likely to be the major issue here.

[LIZS]

I very much doubt your ds will be allowed to return or you keep the baby unconditionally while you have any contact with your ex.

[saraheve]

No the abuse was from the past not recent, and I am going to be civil as he has changed his behaviour and their is no more conflict. I asked social services if he is the problem and they said no as he no longer lives with me and we no longer argue. I even said I'll move away and not have contact anymore if that will help. But they said that is not necessary and they are no present concerns. Everything is based on past concerns. But is that enough if I've done so much to address all concerns. I am civil with childs farther and we are not in a relationship.

[Northernlurker]

You may not be having a sexual relationship but you have a relationship with this man. As long as he is involved in your life in any way, you are undermining all the work you've done. Your son was removed less than six months ago, you are still in contact with an abusive partner, you have a lot of potential issues of concern. You need a good solicitor and you need to cut contact with the ex.

[saraheve]

No i am telling the truth. And I have a lot of evidence to prove I have made drastic changes in just 5 months. They have no present concerns.

[saraheve]

He is not abusive to me anymore and his the farther of my 2 children so I remain civil with him. I don't see him daily. Social services said they have no concern with this and even make me have joint contact with him when I see my son which I don't like as I rather be alone with my son

[viques]

I understand that you have worked hard to change things in your life, but I am sorry to say I am on the side of social services. You have only been clean for a few months, you are about to give birth , having a child on your own will be a huge toll on you physically and emotionally, I doubt many people would want to trust you to be the sole carer for a newborn child , let alone a social worker who knows that they would be ripped to shreds by the press if anything happened to the baby while in your care. I would want to see you clean for at least a year, and having proper support in place for you both before trusting you to be able to meet all a child's needs.

[TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN]

I hope the outcome is the best for you, DS & your baby 💐

[WannaBe]

So if the concerns are not with your ex then they are with you?

Clearly social services do have concerns or they wouldn't have reduced your contact with your son and be looking at the potential to remove your baby.

I appreciate that you have made changes in your life but it sounds as if it is possibly too little too late. If there was potential for your son being returned SS wouldn't be looking to reduce access because of his being unsettled, they would be looking at a plan to ensure his smooth transition from the care system back to you, and that's not what's happening here.

And it's clear that you're not yet prepared to accept your ex's abuse and are still putting him above your children if you want a relationship with him. Is it because he gets you drugs?

Abuse is abuse whether it happened last week or ten years ago.

[UnbornMortificado]

There should be more support in place to help you cope with what's being planned.

As I've said we don't obviously have all the facts but you do seem to have been told different outcomes.

[saraheve]

That's a really nasty thing to say "is it because he gets me drugs" I was not a hard drug addict I was smoking cannibis a couple times a week and I know that's wrong that's why I attend a parent recovery program a relapse prevention program, have been tested negitive weekly for 5 months for any drugs and alcohol , attend CBT theraphy every week, have a cleaner and see my children's dad because social services put a lot of our contact meetings with our son. My son is on a longterm care order and their is no plan from ss for his return, if I want him returned I will have to discharge it myself, this is why it is being reduced , not because I'm civil with his farther when their is no current abuse, I was very depressed in past and have seeked help with this. It's not to little to late how can you say that when I have done a lot and have a huge amount of evidence of this.