Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

I really hope this isn't true as I heard social services the court the guardian and the solicitor are all working togeather with the aim to take children away because they get paid a lot of money doing it. It's scary to hear. Maybe parents who do not turn their life around don't have much chance but the ones that do turn their life around who feel remorse for their mistakes and refuse to make the same mistakes surly theyou should be given a chance even if their monitored.

Nobody gets paid to remove children. People get paid their salary and that's it. There are no bonuses, commission or financial incentives to remove children.

Really doesn't happen it's all scaremongering.

While planning activities such as swimming is very laudable, realistically that isn't likely until a few months down the line. Massage could be earlier but I suggest you think more short term ie. Children's centre baby groups, contact with hv, breastfeeding cafe assuming you plan to bf etc. You may only have a short window to prove yourself. There may be no present concerns as you are on your own with no dependant children. I find it odd that your ex is still involved at any level and has even supervised access to your ds. Without him could your contact become more frequent again, ask the sw.

People shouldn't scaremonger women who are already scared and possibly valuable. Maybe they do this because they have to accepted their mistakes and not worked hard to make significant changes.

That's exactly right sarah.

It costs the local authority a fortune to take care proceedings. They don't do it unless they have to.

You've hit the nail on the head Sarah. People rarely want to believe their children were taken off them because of their own failings. So they shout conspiracy and spread fear. You however have accepted your failings and are changing, that is a huge thing to do.

SS top priority is the well being of the child. Their second priority is doing whatever they can to facilitate the mother and child staying together as long as that doesn't interfere with the welfare of the child.

I think you probably should of stopped at one child tbh. At least there are procedures in place to protect the second child. I suggest you cooperate , if you're sober you've got nothing to worry about have you?

Sara

I think I've seen you posting somewhere else and if I'm right please ignore the things that you're being told there right now. The poster there is not 'official' and has their own background and history.

Due to an abusive marriage I went through child protection planning when I had two young children and was pregnant with another. Had social services been looking for easy kids to adopt my youngest and the new baby would have been easy to place but at no point was that even raised, even when I asked them if doing that would protect the children from their father better than I could and offered them up if they could.

You've made great progress but the timeline is short for showing sustained change. I know this is going to sound horrible but right now I would suggest you 'forget' about fighting for your older child back and instead that you work with all social workers to support his placement and to show that your focus is on doing right this time with the new baby.

Go to your contacts and tell your older child how much you love him, tell him you're proud of him for being good where he is living and for working hard at school. Tell him how much you look forward to seeing him and hearing about all the nice things he's done with his carers, at school, with his friends etc. (It'll hurt to say it I know but pull your game face on and focus on the future.) tell him you love seeing him but don't tell him you miss him and when he says he misses you give him a hug and tell him you love him very much and that he doesn't need to miss you because you'll see him again soon.

Show his social worker that you accept that right now he's in the best place and that you want to support him the best you can to settle. If you can do this then you can ask for more contact because it won't be destabilising for him and you have your foot in the door. Step by step is the way to get him back but right now you need to focus on keeping the baby and showing you can keep it safe.

Stop contact with your ex, maintain your improvements and stick with it every day. Things might be tough right now but the future is still ahead and you can get where you want to be if you keep your focus and avoid being drawn in to arguing and fighting with the system.

Have they talked about a mother and baby placement? Maybe that's what they're looking for with the talk of court?

Good luck, I know it's not easy.

I heard social services the court the guardian and the solicitor are all working togeather with the aim to take children away because they get paid a lot of money doing it

We get paid our salary (which isn't enough to live on actually) and that's it. Nobody wants your baby to sell.

The problems as I see them are - from final care order to this baby being born is only 6 months. That's just not long enough to demonstrate sustained change. What you have done is amazing but you need to prove it for longer. Probably at least a year before they will close your case.
The ex also really doesn't need to be in your life. It doesn't matter if his abuse of you was recent or in the past - he doesn't benefit you and there is always a risk of him abusing you again.

Have you had a meeting before action with a solicitor yet? That's their first step. They will tell you what you need to do to avoid court and you need to do it.
You can also ask your solicitor to propose a parent and baby placement.

Hi does the ss need to go to court to get a mother and baby placement. It is hard being without my son. And the contact is being reduced because they say it's destabilising for him to see me so often. He always says he wants to come home and I do say I miss him every day. I didnt know this was emotional abuse as I was just trying to reassure him. I'm having a contact meeting next week and will tell them I want to do whatever I can to support his placement. Because I love my son so much even if he is not with me i still want him to be happy. Thanks for your advice i will take it on board. X

I think you probably should of stopped at one child tbh

I hate to think you have any what with your kind and empathic nature.

You can consent to a parent and baby placement under section 20 but they may want to go to court anyway as you can withdraw consent to section 20 at any time.

You shouldn't be telling your son you miss him all the time - how do you think that's going to help him feel better?

By saying you miss him you believe you're reassuring you love him and that he's wanted, am I right in thinking that? It's better to just say 'I love you'. Because 'I miss you' could be making him feel guilty, resentful towards his foster careers and SS.

unborn not the place for you judgement.

Ok I won't tell him I miss him I thought that would be reassuring him that I am thinking of him. I always tell him I love him so much and his the best son in the world and Im so proud to have a son like him. That's OK isn't it. Thanks.

Whosthemummynow, I think unborn was making a reply to letsleepingdogsspy's comment" I think you probably should of stopped at one child tbh.", saying that she should be more empathetic - I don't think she was saying it herself.

Saraheve, you must be trying so very hard. I hope you get support so that whatever the outcome, you get the help you need.

I hope that in years to come, whether your DS returns to you or not, he will be able to see that you did your best to improve your circumstances and put him first. It takes a lot of courage to accept that telling him that you miss him is not in his best interests. I admire you greatly for that.

Whosthe I was directly quoting another poster, I have had my own issues in the past and feel no entitlement to judge other people's troubles.

Sorry if that wasn't clear op.

That's Lougle that means a lot. I admit the baby was not planned. But I can't say she was a mistake I never want her to feel like a mistake if she's with me or not. I believe everything happens for a reason I see her as my baby angel. And my son is very excited to meet her his first sibling. So it's important for me to keep her in my care also for him as I want him to have a relationship with his sibling. Not planned maybe but she is not a mistake I will never make her feel like that. A gift a angel a joyful surprise out of such a painful year I like to think. She's special every child is planned or not and I just want the best for her. If I felt I couldn't look after her I would give her up out of love. But I know I am capable. I've already made the changes and I can sustain it I'm ashamed of past mistakes and that's enough for me not want to go back. Thanks

Cheers lougle my own fault I forgot to bold.

Sara you don't have to defend your pregnancy to any one on this thread.

Some posters like kicking people when they are down, it's just bullying imo

Sara I wish you all the luck in the world, it sounds like you have really worked hard to make changes

I'm just wondering, on a kind of unrelated note, do you have anyone to go with you when you're in labour? A friend or family member who can be there to support you?

My mum will be their and my ex as it's his baby to. I was told to call a ambulance. But I have a feeling she's with come late so probly be induced. I was induced in my last pregnancy. Iwant to be by myself beginning stages of labour as I want to focus and relax as much as possible with no distractions.