Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

[saraheve]

If anyone has anything nasty to say to me don't bother. I'm already in a lot of emotional pain.more than u can imagine, thanks to those and bless those who have sent me positive messages.

[saraheve]

I'm not just saying it, but nothing can cause me to relapse, I have attended relapse recovery programs. Parent recovery programs and have learnt so much. I want know any drugs and alcohol is not worth it. All her pain I feel I can't cover up with a drink or cannabis anymore i have to feel all of it that's very dificult. But at least I'm 100% clean and healthier now.

[saraheve]

Thanks someone told me as long as I'm doing everything right and positive the most they will do is monitor me, maybe in a mother and baby unit, so hopefully it will need ok. It's nice to hear someone supportive as I've had some bad comments on hear that I find upsetting if only they knew how much emotional pain im already in.

[viques]

Sara, I don't think people are meaning to cause you additional stress but many other posters, including me, have expressed their concern about your ability to care for a baby as well as for yourself. Many of your posts seem to put your feelings and emotions to the forefront, but the real issue and concern has to be how well you can care for a vulnerable baby. are you strong enough physically, emotionally and mentally to deal with the stress of caring for a baby as well as dealing with the things you are doing to help yourself. will you still be able to attend all your support activities with a tiny baby, and if not what other support is available to you.

[saraheve]

I have spent 15 hours plus a week making changes and have so much evidence to back this up so anyone saying it's to little have not seen all the evidence I have for significant change. And I am going to sustain then because I want my children more in the world and Im never gonna give up.

[saraheve]

The social services say theirs no present concerns yesocial their worried I won't be able to keep this up. But I know in my heart and mind I will i just need a chance to proove this.

[UnbornMortificado]

Do you get any support off your family?

[saraheve]

That's not truefully that contact is being reduced due to me still being civil with ex partner if that was true why does social worker want us to have contact with son togeather. I was with him for 15 years but we see each outher very occasionally to talk about children. That's is it.

[Muppetslikecoco]

It sounds like you're doing a lot to improve things. I think the mother and baby unit would be a really good compromise if SS think it's what you need. You can stay with your baby and prove that you've made these changes and can care for your children.

[saraheve]

Why would anyone harm come to the baby when there in my care. Im going to show everyone who doesn't believe in me that I will look after this baby very well.

[UnbornMortificado]

I meant like your parents, siblings?

Even just taking your previous MH problems into account. You'll know your self babies are hard, with pregnancy you run the risk of postnatal depression or even postnatal psychosis.

As a single parent do you see why this could ring alarm bells with children's services?

I'm not saying you haven't done really well and in not judging I have MH issues myself. I just think it's worth looking at it from children's services point of view.

[saraheve]

Hi yes I understand a baby is vulnerable and I will be able to look after her I would be more than happy. I have no family members around but I get on well with ex mum and she has agreed to look after baby when I go therapy and a parent recovery group. Also I am planning to take baby to baby swimming group and baby massage classes. I feel I do deserve a chance and I know their won't be any concerns if I do this. And yes stay single and focus on my children. All I want is to be with both my children.

[saraheve]

Ok thanks, they are going to get mental health worker to see me in hospital when I give birth. I think I'll be so happy when I see her, but if they do take her away then I don't think I'll be ok. Unfortunately I have not got much family around. But ex mum has been supportive and wants to help regularly with baby.

[JerryFerry]

I have no idea where you stand legally but I think you could do with a bit more encouragement.

You have clearly worked hard to clean up your life and engage with support services, not easy. Well done on your achievements so far, that sounds like excellent progress.

I hope you continue to get the support you need to stay healthy and strong. A mother and baby unit sounds pretty good actually, some much needed support when you and baby are vulnerable.

[CheekyNandosChicken]

I'm not a social worker so please feel free to dismiss my post. To you, 5 months without your child is an eternity but I think that social services are right to wait and see what happens after the baby is born.Post Natal Depression can happen to anyone. I was in a happy relationship, had a job I loved and healthy baby but was crippled by PND. Cleaning is hard with a baby and when you're tired from a day of looking after a frazzled baby, it would be easy to restart the habit of drinking to relax etc. I'm not saying that you can't do it- you come across as someone who is working hard right now and determined to be healthy which is fabulous. Keep on going- don't lose heart. You should be proud of the strides that you've made.
Good luck

[Muppetslikecoco]

If you have very little family support then I would second the PPs advice of calling homestart. They have volunteers who can come and help with baby/around the house. I think this would help reassure SS that you're being supported. Even someone with no mental health problems can find it very hard as a single parent.

[CheekyNandosChicken]

I think it's fantastic that you are planning things. Can you bottle that determination and energy and send some my way?

[SealSong]

As a social worker, I want to offer you the following advice:

• Get proper legal advice from a solicitor specialising in family law. You are likely to qualify for legal aid, and the solicitor will be able to help you with that.
  
• Continue working with social services and continue sticking to all the requirements of the child protection plan. If you are not clear what those are, ask the social worker to provide them in writing. Original concerns should be documented in paperwork from the original child protection conference and subsequent reviews, and you should have been given copies of those
  
• Continue working with other agencies such as mental health / drug and alcohol, midwives and health visitors
  
• Consider strategies to help you on a day to day basis - get a wall planner so that you can write down and remember important dates and meetings. Write down and stick up a list of reasons why you are making these positive changes. Start trying to develop new, positive social contacts and sources of support away from old drug taking or unhealthy social contacts.
  
• Minimise as much as possible the contact that you have with your ex. It will not be helpful to have him in your life
  
• Be mindful of the emotions of your nine year old - in contact do not talk about anything emotive such as 'you will get him back' etc...this is regarded as very emotionally damaging for him.
  
• Keep on with the therapy if possible. Or if not, look for sources of support such as local women's centres etc. Look for people who are going to help you succeed with your changes.
  

Good luck and keep moving forwards

[thequeenoftarts]

Saraheve

You're trying very hard to comply with SS demands and it can't be easy for you, knowing you have the threat of losing your baby if it all goes wrong, so you have my utmost respect for trying. Keep on doing your very best to do whatever they want, go to the Mother and baby unit, learn once again how to care for your baby, while you may already know, prove to SS that you are willing to do anything they ask and that your baby is the most important person in your life. Cut as many ties with your ex as possible, offer contact if SS recommend it, and supervised if necessary. Jump thru the hoops they give you, suggest taking parenting classes yourself. Allow them access when they require it, keep your baby clean and well fed and minded and I have NO DOUBT you can do all these things. I wish you all the best and hope if you have proved yourself that you also get your son back for good. The very very best of luck with your new baby and I hope all your wishes come through xx

[rosesandcashmere]

You've done an amazing job over the last few months and should be really proud. Do keep working closely with SS, and stay strong

[saraheve]

Thank you for your positive words it does make me feel better. I want to care for the baby and take them to groups such as swimming class and massage to stimulate them. I will keep trying my best. The stress of possibility loosing everything really hurts me but I need to remain positive for my children. I hope they do put me in a mother and baby unit and this will help also to keep my ex at a distance because everything will be monitored. I give birth in about a week 14 January is my due date so I'll keep you informed what happened. I hear horror stories of organised crime within social services and was told by someone on Facebook that they will take baby at birth and they want to force addopt babys in this country. This frightens me and I dont always know who to believe or trust. Surly if their is no present concerns they should give me a chance to proove I can sustain the changes I've made. Thanks again.

[UnbornMortificado]

Sarah if you are getting stressed by it all it might be worth asking for a CPN (what I mentioned earlier)

All it is, is a psychiatric nurse/support worker. Reason being they get a professional opinion on the state of your MH and whether you could or can cope with a baby.

I've had one in the past and even though I've been hospitalised in the past (MH reasons) and my children have gone to my mams. On release my cpn has been able to vouch for my ability's so I've never had SS involvement.

I just think having someone else in your corner who has a say in care proceedings can only be a good thing.

[UnbornMortificado]

Sorry and when I did have children's service involvement (allegation by my ex) she was able to step in saying she had no worries about my MH or the kids etc.

[PotteringAlong]

I hear horror stories of organised crime within social services

This is just not true. They're not the mafia...

[UnbornMortificado]

They don't steal babies sarah.