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Original poster

Outed an affair.. is this illegal?

111 replies

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 10:25

Sent a letter to the husbands wife telling her he was having an affair. the wife went round to OW house (I did NOT tell her where she lives) OW is now saying she's seeking legal advice and filed police reports.

From what I've been told the wife was rather pissed and went round there screaming and such!

Is this illegal? If so what can happen?

OP posts:
BeyoncesCat · 09/08/2014 14:28

Why is the op wrong for telling the wife? Wouldn't you want to know, or is blissful ignorance easier??Hmm

I would of done the same thing!

D0oinMeCleanin · 09/08/2014 14:29

The OW hasn't been going around ruining families. The married men who fucked her did that on their own.

greenfolder · 09/08/2014 18:57

cant imagine that there has been any breach of civil or criminal law. i wouldnt worry. i doubt she will change her behavour.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/08/2014 19:32

When the monogamy police have got over themselves - sticking your beak into other people's relationship issues is never a good idea. The OP isn't actu out of sympathy for the wronged wife, who she doesn't seem to know. It's self-righteousness and spite - and the fact that she chose an anonymous letter as her method suggests she's, well, not exactly someone you'd want to trust with your personal issues. It's stirring for the sake of it - and cowardly as well.

Waltermittythesequel · 09/08/2014 19:42

Crocs, I know you and I'm glad you've finally decided to cut OW out of your life (I'm assuming you don't want to say who she is.)

She can't do anything to you for sending his wife a letter that is factually correct. I can only assume she went to OW's house because he told her about it and where she lived.

SGB monogamy is not a bad thing. I never see anyone judge you for your choices, why are you always so sneery about other people's?

Greengrow · 09/08/2014 21:29
  1. If what you said is true she cannot sue for libel.
  2. If she knows it was you then she might be able to argue it as breach of data protection rights - to expose the personal data - the name and the affair but I very much doubt the police will want to prosecute even though breach of the Data Protection Act 1998 is a criminal offence and I doubt the Information Commissioner is likely to want to look into it. People tell their friend's wives all the time about affairs and I don't know of a single prosecution.
Purpleroxy · 09/08/2014 21:39

There are no legal implications for you.

Make sure you have no further involvement with the OW.

CoteDAzur · 09/08/2014 21:41

Surely love affairs are not covered by the Data Protection Act. If they were, gossip mags would not exist.

CatsCantTwerk · 09/08/2014 21:43

Ahem... Channelling OliviaMN Pleases read previous Bullshit Posts from the op ..

SGB has obviously done this also!

wafflyversatile · 09/08/2014 21:53

I doubt the OP signed the data protection act, nor is she bound by any other contract not to tell on someone.

If the OW is as the OP says she's bound to be full of bluster and threats.

I wouldn't worry about any legal implications from your letter. I would do my utmost to get the OW out of my life and live the rest of my life happy to be uninvolved in her dramas. Don't go obsessing about what she is up to. It won't do you any good.

TobyZiegler · 09/08/2014 22:01

Very harsh SGB!

Maryz · 09/08/2014 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 09/08/2014 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsfab · 09/08/2014 22:10

I'm Confused

Your step mother was shagging Billy from the next street so you wrote a note to Mrs Billy to tell her and his OW is annoyed?

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 22:15

She's not my step mother. Just an EA, narcissistic, threatening mother.

However yes now OW is threatening to sue me saying she's sending to her solicitor on monday etc calling the police blah blah blah.

However you've all confirmed that I've done nothing illegal and I'm fine with that.

She is now out from my life for good!

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 09/08/2014 22:26

She can't sue you for libel cos its true! You've done nothing wrong OP don't worry about it.

AtheistBitch · 09/08/2014 22:29

So the OW was like your step mother and she cheated on your father (after emotionally abusing you for a long time). This woman is sleeping with a married man and you told his wife. Your dad's ex wants to now sue you for telling her shagging buddies wife about their shagging?

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 22:59

She's just my mother no step involved

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 09/08/2014 23:05

She sounds a charmer - wanting to sue her own daughter. I wouldn't pay any attention to her - can't see how she can.

Whether or not it was wise to tell the wife is another matter, but at least she knows what her husband is like now.

wafflyversatile · 09/08/2014 23:29

So what are you going to do to stop her being a poisonous presence in your life? And what are you going to do to move on and not feel you have to get revenge on her for the hurt she has caused you?

prh47bridge · 09/08/2014 23:57

However you've all confirmed that I've done nothing illegal and I'm fine with that.

I haven't read the entire thread and that may be what others have said but I disagree.

A libel trial would not necessarily be that expensive and the OW may be able to find a lawyer who would take it on a no win, no fee basis. To make a case she would simply have to show that you wrote this letter, that it referred to her (sounds like that would be no problem) and that the contents of the letter were defamatory (again, no problem - alleging someone is having an affair is defamatory). She does not have to show that the allegation was false as someone said up thread. That isn't how libel cases work. It would be up to you to prove that what you said was true. So unless you have solid evidence of the OW's actions you could be sued for libel. Simply saying "she told me everything" wouldn't be evidence.

If the OW denies the affair you may also face a criminal prosecution under the Malicious Communications Act. The offence would be sending a letter with false information with the intention of causing distress or anxiety to the OW. Your defence would be that the allegation was true or, at the very least, you believed it to be true. You would face the same problem as in a libel trial - "she told me everything" is not evidence.

If you can prove your allegation is true you are safe. If you don't have proof you may have a problem.

theendoftheendoftheend · 10/08/2014 00:05

There is no way the police would run with a malicious communication charge on this basis!
Libel, maybe then? But at the end of the day, OP says she DID have the affair, libel has to involve an untruth. People love the 'threat' of libel/police action, it usually means they don't know what they're talking about and is an empty threat used for scaremongering.

differentnameforthis · 10/08/2014 00:34

When the monogamy police have got over themselves Seriously, SGB? I am usually nodding along in agreement to many of your posts, and am as monogamous as they come, yet I find your views very interesting...this though? Really? Victim blaming, hitting out at in that way!

Because we think the op was right, what? What are you implying?

This isn't about monogamy. The wife hasn't CHOSEN to live a non-monogamous life with her dh. She is being cheated on, being put at risk because the OW has slept with several men, behind their partners' backs! She could have any manner of STDs. The husband, by self admission is a sex addict, so this may not be the first affair he has had.

Don't jump on the op in some blind attempt to put monogamists down! This has nothing to do with monogamy, or any other type of CONSENSUAL alternative lifestyle!

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 10/08/2014 00:35

I have proof of the affair so no issue.

I've gone NC, moving soon and changed phone numbers so she won't have any of that.

OP posts:
missbluebird · 10/08/2014 08:07

I had this with my ex. Except I'm not sure if I was the OW or she was. We certainly didn't know each other existed (neither of us lived with him And she lived some distance away). When I found out by seeing an email I emailed and told her. It was the only way I had to contact her but to be honest I wouldn't have gone round and met her over a cup of tea either.

I thought she had a right to know (I would certainly have wanted to know the other way no matter how she told me) and so I emailed her told her what her DP / my DP had been up to. She went ballistic with me according to ex DP (so not entirely sure of truth). But the story he told me what that she looked into taking legal action and in the end the only thing she could think to do was inform my professional body. Not that my profession had anything to do with him cheating. So I can only presume that this course of action was because legally she got nowhere. She also got no where with professional body reporting.

She obviously didn't want to know and it didn't occur to me that she wouldn't want to know. So perhaps I am as cold hearted as some posters are making the OP out to be....

I know this is not an AIBU but IMO the fault here is solely with those who have cheated. You've done the wife a favour OP.