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Original poster

Outed an affair.. is this illegal?

111 replies

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 10:25

Sent a letter to the husbands wife telling her he was having an affair. the wife went round to OW house (I did NOT tell her where she lives) OW is now saying she's seeking legal advice and filed police reports.

From what I've been told the wife was rather pissed and went round there screaming and such!

Is this illegal? If so what can happen?

OP posts:
Maryz · 09/08/2014 11:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deluge · 09/08/2014 12:03

What were her motives, though? They were spiteful and self interested. Nobody is going to benefit from this. She could have spoken to the wife discreetly. An anonymous letter? Pathetic and nasty.

Romeyroo · 09/08/2014 12:17

Article 8 of the European Convention of Human Rights provides for the right to a private life.

The OP would have had to weigh up whether the breach of confidentiality to the OW was justified by the need to protect the wife from the continued emotional harm of an affair.

The problem here is that the wife also has the right to a private life, and the OP has intruded in that with the letter. Again, the OP could possibly justify that by saying that she was acting to protect the wife's interest. This point becomes harder to sustain given the means of imparting the news. There was no concern for the immediate wellbeing of the wife - if there was, the OP would have spoken to the wife face to face and made sure that she had support and indeed, wished to know. The right to a private life extends to having your psychological privacy respected.

I think it is just as well the wife is not pursuing this. I do understand the ethical and moral dilemma, but what on earth possesses you to think an anonymous letter was possibly a good idea?

Maryz · 09/08/2014 12:20

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Viviennemary · 09/08/2014 12:23

I think sending anonymous letters to people hinting at scandal can be considered a crime.

Pastperfect · 09/08/2014 12:24

Trying to imply the OW could invoke article 8 is absurd as are the suggestions that the OP could be "done" for harassment. So many people spouting bullshit just to stick the boot in and far more vindictive/spiteful than they claim the OP has been.

CatsCantTwerk · 09/08/2014 12:30

So in a nutshell you don't like your step mother so you have ruined numerous peoples lives just to get back at her?

dottytablecloth · 09/08/2014 12:34

The way the OP dealt with revealing the affair was very cold.

Anonymous letter which the wife received, possibly without having any RL support, is a cowards way of telling her.

Yes the adulterers are to blame, not the OP, but I do think she sounds very thoughtless.

Lucked · 09/08/2014 12:43

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle isn't it.

So seeking legal advice implies the police aren't interested because if anything this is a civil matter of more likely the op hasn't done anything wrong.

I don't think there is a case for libel here. Never mind if being a private letter it wasn't actually libel was it. She is bluffing and angry. Wait to see if you get anything from a solicitor then post what it says. I agree that she won't be able to afford to take this to court.

Do as you originally planned and go no contact.

My only problem with an anonymous letter would be my uncertainty of it being truthful but otherwise I would want to know.

Lucked · 09/08/2014 12:46

As for the right to a private life the op has not done detective work the husband has openly acknowledged the wife so not relevant. Also nothing has been published technically this is all still private if messy.

Romeyroo · 09/08/2014 12:46

I don't think it absurd. I think we have an ethical duty to think about the consequences of our actions. The OP has no right to send a letter which can only unleash an emotional storm to a woman she does not know well enough to talk to.

Romeyroo · 09/08/2014 12:55

The point about privacy goes further than informational privacy; whether information is in the public domain or not. It is about psychological privacy; someone only has the right to do damage to my psychological privacy if it is justifiably in my interests, that I would be better off knowing, and would wish to know.

This is why, for example, you can decline antenatal screening or genetic testing, because you have the right not to know.

It does not matter whether the husband was open or not, the point is whether the wife's privacy should have been intruded upon in the manner it was. There are people who would make the decision not to know. The wife was not given the right not to know. The OP did not know her well enough to find out if she would want to know or not. That is the point.

Of course, no-one would probably take that to court, but as an ethical question, it is valid to consider.

TrendStopper · 09/08/2014 13:17

I think an affair should always be exposed no matter if it is to be vindictive or to be caring.

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 13:28

I sorry but I'm not debating whether it should of shouldn't of been told or whether I should of wrote it via email or gone round for a cup of tea and a scone whilst sharing the news her husbands a morally bankrupt sex addict (as he calls himself).

I'm asking what there are if any legal consequences. I guessed as much this is civil

OP posts:
DoJo · 09/08/2014 13:31

THe wife was at risk of STDs if she was having sex with her unfaithful partner - I think most people would want to know if their husband was doing something which could kill them, render them infertile, or require treatment to avoid long-term complications.

If I thought someone I knew, even vaguely, was in that position I would tell them.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/08/2014 13:33

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Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 13:35

Have you read the pp?

It was my father you fool

OP posts:
Letthemtalk · 09/08/2014 13:56

Op, I don't think you did anything wrong. Horrible time for you, and I seriously doubt that there'll be any legal repercussions for you.

Pastperfect · 09/08/2014 13:56

SGB that was fucking nasty.

The OP states she was emotionally abused by the OW, presumably as a child, think you could cut her a bit of slack eh?!

romey you're now making another argument - ethically what the OP did may not have been ideal but this is in legal and legally she has done nothing wrong

Letthemtalk · 09/08/2014 13:56

Op, I don't think you did anything wrong. Horrible time for you, and I seriously doubt that there'll be any legal repercussions for you.

NamesNick · 09/08/2014 14:02

cant do right for doing wrong sometimes.

has the wife been in touch with you OP.

Maryz · 09/08/2014 14:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 14:08

Wife hasn't been in touch.

She received the letter and from what others have said has had it out with the husband and the gone round to the OW house no idea where she got the address from as I didn't give her anything like that so can only assume the H gave it to her

OW has never accepted responsibility and still isn't as she is blaming me for ruining his family because she's found out Hmm

OP posts:
Maryz · 09/08/2014 14:23

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MuttonCadet · 09/08/2014 14:26

Sorry I didn't realise that she was claiming that she was going to prosecute YOU.....

I don't think you have anything to worry about legally.