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Original poster

Outed an affair.. is this illegal?

111 replies

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 10:25

Sent a letter to the husbands wife telling her he was having an affair. the wife went round to OW house (I did NOT tell her where she lives) OW is now saying she's seeking legal advice and filed police reports.

From what I've been told the wife was rather pissed and went round there screaming and such!

Is this illegal? If so what can happen?

OP posts:
HauntedNoddyCar · 09/08/2014 11:02

Exam I agree that most people would rather know but I would prefer to be told gently by someone who had my best interests at heart rather than by some bomb lobbed into my life by someone hell bent on their own agenda.

differentnameforthis · 09/08/2014 11:07

I hope you're happy that your revenge is potentially getting someone else a criminal record

The op shouldn't have that on their conscience. It was up to the wronged wife not to behave on a way that would get her into legal trouble, not the op's for making her!!

How about being responsible for your own actions? The op did nothing wrong, imo.

TSSDNCOP · 09/08/2014 11:09

So what action are they taking? Did you have absolute proof of the affair?

isthisanacidtest · 09/08/2014 11:11

So the OW knows you wrote it?

You better be very sure of what you wrote, and be glad libel cases are expensive.

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/08/2014 11:16

Not sure, but think you can be prosecuted for sending anonymous letters.

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 11:16

They just said they were taking legal action

The ow knows it was truth as she told me everything

OP posts:
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 09/08/2014 11:21

So, reading between the lines from what i can see - woman has a thing for married men. It would appear she is only after the thrill of him being married, gets bored when they leave. Your dh left you for her, and was swiftly dumped, as has happened at least a few times before. Woman has a new beau, and you informed the wife now, rather than her find out later when he ups and leaves (and woman moves on to the next pitiful specimen).

Now I dont know about the legalities (though I'd guess that if everything was factual you'd be fine re slander, the only possible concern imo would be anything re incitement of violence?? Does that even exist?) but I really dont understand the venom here about how what you've done is a bad thing. Of course the woman could be vulnerable, but she'd be no less vulnerable if the first she knew of it was her husband walking out.

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 11:25

Nothing in the letter was threatening, offensive or harassing.

It was one letter stating 100% facts.

I've dealt with harassment myself and It took more than 1 letter

OP posts:
Pastperfect · 09/08/2014 11:26

This is not AIBU - so maybe back of eh?!

As I understand it the OP outed an affair, because the OW was previously involved in the breakup of her marriage/family. Easy in those circumstances to at least understand why the OP might get sufficiently pissed off with a second affair to out it.

If the wife's world has just blown apart the responsibility for that lies squarely with her cheating spouse who has publicly betrayed her.

As for legal action against you - ha ha ha Grin it is not a criminal offence to write a single letter and the OW would need at least 100k for a libel trial, notwithstanding of course she'd need to prove what the OP said was untrue.

isthisanacidtest · 09/08/2014 11:27

I'd say finding out your husband was dipping his wick elsewhere is pretty bloody offensive .....

Protection from harassment page says you only need one course of conduct and harassment is defined as "causing alarm or distress"

I reckon the letter from you would likely have done that. Caused distress to the wife.

Kewcumber · 09/08/2014 11:29

OP didn't say she'd sent the letter anonymously Confused how would they know to sue her if she'd done it deliberately?

And anyway you'd only get prosecuted for sending malicious letters if the person you'd sent them to complained who is the wife.

Action would be for libel or slander I guess but even then I think you have to "publish" the untrue allegations - not sure a private letter would count.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 09/08/2014 11:29

So, if you're intent on revenge, what revenge did you take on your husband/partner when he had an affair? Or are you in the 'men have needs, they're excused' camp?

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 11:30

To the wife yes whom I sent it to yes.

However the OW is taking legal action against me (so she say's) not the wife. She didn't receive the letter

OP posts:
CleanLinesSharpEdges · 09/08/2014 11:30

Why did you send the letter anonymously? Why not just put your name to it?

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 11:35

She cheated when she was married to my father not my husband or partner. She then was a narcissistic bitch for many years and was EA abusive to me. So the action I've took is to tell her I was going to tell the wife and to cut her off completely and this is what I've done.

So no she was not in the "they're excused camp"

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 09/08/2014 11:35

Not sure why you're getting a hard time here. Not sure how the OW can take legal action against you for a letter she didn't receive (unless libel - but she won't be able to afford to do that anyway). She sounds as if she's not used to having any fall out from her behaviour.
Just ignore it.

Heathcliff27 · 09/08/2014 11:41

I understand why you did this OP, really I do.....but if you have been on the receiving end of an affair and know the pain you felt why would you then inflict the same pain onto another woman? You sound like a woman scorned without any compassion for this poor woman. What were you going to gain from this?

Heathcliff27 · 09/08/2014 11:41

Ok, xpost with your last update

Heathcliff27 · 09/08/2014 11:42

Drip feeding at its best

Deluge · 09/08/2014 11:44

And this all makes you feel better, does it, OP? Its improved your life and that of the wife? And now that he has been found out, he is never going to do it again, right?

Misguided at best.

Deluge · 09/08/2014 11:45

She is never going to do it, rather.

Shaking my head, to be honest.

treadheavily · 09/08/2014 11:51

If you haven't threatened anyone or sent more than one letter designed to cause upset, you will not have broken any law.

Sending an anonymous letter is not illegal, but sending post intended to harrass is. It is not deemed harrassment until there are at least two items and even then a caution would likely be the most likely police action.

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 09/08/2014 11:52

The wife knows, the husband and her have been found out.

If they didn't want to deal with his wife finding out they shouldn't of had an affair, If he didn't want her knowing then he shouldn't of done this and if she didn't want to split up a family she shouldn't of slept with him knowing he was married with children. End of!

This isn't AIBU, Whether you think it's right or wrong or what you would of done make absolutely no difference to me or anyone else for that matter. It's done, I didn't ask did I do the right thing in your eye's I asked what possible LEGAL implications I could face from the OW. I stated it was 100% facts and now I know their isn't really anything she can do. To be honest I don't care anyway. So all you people telling me how horrid I am and whatever else has no effect on me

OP posts:
treadheavily · 09/08/2014 11:54

Actually there are firms who will sue for libel on a no win no fee arrangement but they would only take a water tight case. If what you wrote was true then it is legal.