Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Can the local authority force DH to house his estranged daughter if her mother dies?

119 replies

birdsfoot · 13/02/2011 11:46

DH has two daughters. One, A level student aged 18, sees us and the other does not. For the last 9 months his younger D (12yo)has had no contact with him (her choice). She has stopped going to school, started hanging out in town at night, smoking weed, drinking etc. Her mother is unable to cope, though she encouraged her D to stop seeing DH, and has become more and more ill with the effects of stress.

We hear from the older D that mother's health is spiralling downhill and she fears she will suffer an early death. When the older sister says to the younger one "Shape up, or mum will die and you'll end up in foster care" the response is "no, I'll just have to stay at dad's. Even though I hate him, it'll be better than being in a home."

What is the legal position on this? Can the local authority make us take the child. DH is not consulted about anything the child does. He pays maintenance, but apart from this has nothing to do with the child as she has said she has "divorced" him.

OP posts:

unavailable · 13/02/2011 17:57

Wow, you're all heart arent you!

I hope his daughter gets the support she needs from someone who cares.

Oh, in answer to your question - no, the LA cant "force" your husband to take over the care of his daughter...Probably for the best if his view is the same as yours.

scurryfunge · 13/02/2011 18:01

If the mother's health really is at risk then perhaps it is time for your DH to face up to his responsibilities and start building a relationship with his daughter.

rinabean · 13/02/2011 18:02

"the child"

Says it all, really.

Changeisagoodthing · 13/02/2011 18:04

Gosh I wouldn't like to meet you in a dark alley at night.

Probably wouldn't make it out alive.

Snorbs · 13/02/2011 18:04

How touching. Maybe her father's complete disinterest in her is just part of this poor girl's problems.

He isn't legally obliged to put up his child. If the worst came to the worst then hopefully someone else in the girl's extended family - someone with a damn sight more compassion and care than your DH is showing - would step forward and take her in. If not then she'd end up in care.

amberleaf · 13/02/2011 18:05

WOW!!

FiveFeetTwo · 13/02/2011 18:06

Your thread title is intersting: "to house" rather than "give her a home".

Do you have children with this sorry excuse for a man?

RoobyMurray · 13/02/2011 18:06

she's TWELVE FFS.

belledechocchipcookie · 13/02/2011 18:07

Good god, it's a 12 year old child you are talking about! Your 'dh' doesn't have to care for his child, she will end up in care if he refuses.

belledechocchipcookie · 13/02/2011 18:07

She's probably better off in care to be honest.

JaxTellersOldLady · 13/02/2011 18:08

what a dispicable way of phrasing it OP! "The Child" "force"

grow up. This girl needs help, either help her or tell your husband to grow a pair and step up to his responsibility of being a parent.

It is obvious to me that the 12yr old still has feelings for her father, otherwise she wouldnt give a stuff if she went into foster care.

Grabaspoon · 13/02/2011 18:08

I am glad that I am not the only one thinking poor, poor girl.

I can only hope that if her mother does die that she is taken in by someone who will her time/love/attention and affection as it sounds like she is craving all of this and all her father/stepmother are thinking are "Will we end up with her if something happens"

I think it's about time your DH (if you can call him that) grows up and becomes a DF to that poor child.

coldtits · 13/02/2011 18:09

She's twelve years old. YES he is legally responsible for her if her mother dies, and so he fucking should be. Otherwise, she will be deemed 'abandoned' and she will have been.

I bet he'd willinging take her if he were to be charged for her local authority care.

coppertop · 13/02/2011 18:09

For starters I would be telling the 18yr-old to stop telling her sister that it will be her fault if her mother dies.

I feel sorry for the 12yr-old. What a charming family she has.

Northernlurker · 13/02/2011 18:10

As others have said, no your dh is not legally obliged to house a child he doesnt want. Moral obligation is another matter. It's a disgrace he has permitted his relationship with his daughter to disintegrate like this. She is 12 - you should have done more, both of you.

GColdtimer · 13/02/2011 18:12

So many heartless things about your post I am not sure where to begin but even he has no legal obligation what about his obligation ads a father ffs. And perhaps instead of thinking "if" the mother dies he could think about how to help. Odd suggestion though that may be

onimolap · 13/02/2011 18:12

I'm also thinking poor, poor girl; but also note that the estrangement is reported as her choice as she has "divorced" her father, and that the older daughter is in contact.

So no, you cannot be forced to take in a child against your wishes. But what would be her best interests were she to be left motherless? Could you start building bridges with her now? I suggest your DH as the one to take the initiative, as he is the adult.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/02/2011 18:12

Poor little girl I hope she gets the support she needs.

Georgimama · 13/02/2011 18:13

My relationship with my father was on similar happy terms to your husband's and step daughter's, OP. I can reassure you that I wouldn't have pissed on their house if it was on fire, so she's unlikely to want to live with you. You might want to reflect on why that might be the case.

flowery · 13/02/2011 18:15

I can't get my head round the concept of someone not wanting to 'house' one of their own children if their other parent dies.

AboardtheAxiom · 13/02/2011 18:16

I am not easily shocked but . I cannot believe how cold you sound.

The poor girl is 12 how did she get to this point of self destruction?

I actually think it's rather telling that she has said that although she supposedly hates her dad, living with him would be better than living in a home. Most teens off the rails immediate retort to this would be that a home would mean no mum or dad breathing down their neck.

FakePlasticTrees · 13/02/2011 18:17

wow - your DH isn't bothering with his daughter, although he knows she's seriously going off the rails, her other parent is ill and not coping, but he's very concerned that if his ex dies, he might have to be responsible for his child who is greiving her mother's loss.

She might not go in care, if your DH can't be arsed being a parent, I'm sure social services will talk to her adult sister. Who might be forced to put her own life plans on hold and be the parent your DH isn't. Or 'D'SD2 will go in care and DSD1 will spend the rest of her life feeling guilty about abandoning her sister. And probably hate her father for not loving her sister.

But in answer to your question, no, if any parent point blankly refuses to give a home to their pre-teen child and there are no other family members who will offer, then social services will put that child in care.

FakePlasticTrees · 13/02/2011 18:19

oh, and if her mother is really that ill, do you not think that she might be going off the rails as a cry for help? Maybe you could, you know, help?

SoupDragon · 13/02/2011 18:21

Holy crap!

I sincerely hope the girl is sent to live with someone who may actually care about her, not you and her father.

flowery · 13/02/2011 19:16

I have been thinking about this and getting more and more angry.

OP are you going to come back and explain why this girl's father and step mother are so keen to avoid having her around they would prefer her to go into care?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5