Chances of my brother/parents getting custody of niece?

[auntyimmy]

Hi and I hope someone can help here.

My brother has a daughter who is 8. He split with the mother when she was 2, then she moved away and he hasnt seen her much since. Now this is partly his own stupid fault as he doesnt like committing to things or talking about things so hes never really made proper arrangements. But our parents used to get niece and have her to stay for holidays and then the mother stopped this when my brother moved in with them.

She said my brother cannot look after her on his own as there is rumours about his mental state. Well he has been very depressed missing his children (he has another son who he doesn't get to see as well) and had some trouble a couple of years ago but is getting treatment now and is not a danger to anyone at all. But the mother wants evidence he is ok! Why on earth should he have to provide evidence to her? Parents have told her lots of times that he is fine but she won't beleive it and now we havent had her to stay for three years

The mother has always just said we can visit niece where they live but its a long journey which doesnt seem fair we should have to do all that travelling only for a few hours with her.

Now things are even worse as we have found out she has moved to live at a hippy traveller site and now neice is living in a caravan without proper heating or running water. So parents and brother are thinking about trying for custody and definitely overnight visits as we all miss her so badly and want to see her and spend time with her and its horrible to think of her living somewhere like that.

My brother has his faults and was a bad partner and hasnt really lived up to his responsibilities in the past but with our parents help he would be able to look after her. The mother is very unreasonable, she wont talk to my parents on the phone just shouts at them if they try, says she will only talk to my brother but he doesnt deal well with that sort of thing and finds it stressful talking to her. He loves his daughter so very much and misses her a lot, this has broken his heart that he isnt trusted to have her and that the mother has turned out to be so unfair.

They are going to see a soliciter next week but thought maybe someone here would have some good advice about what the chances are, and what to say.

you can book train tickets up to 3 months in advance, if you book them that far in advance they can be vvvvv cheap - for 2 adults and a child from london to penzance and back I once paid £30 in total, if your brother pulled his finger out and planned in advance he could easily pay for a ticket once a fortnight.

I would travel for days to see DD for an hour with people watching my every move if that was what I had to do to see her.

"They are going to see a soliciter next week but thought maybe someone here would have some good advice about what the chances are, and what to say."

I would advise your parents to put the estimated cost of the process of trying to get custody into paying for train tickets and money to send to his daughter/their granddaughter.
That would do more good and actually have a positive outcome than a half arsed attempt at kiddy snatching.

The more i read the more i just want to tell you and your db to f the f off and grow up.
Maybe if you had decent standards in what to expect a parent to do he wouldn't feel like he could get away with this shitty behaviour.

YOU MY DEAR AND YOUR PARENTS ARE ENABELERS.

"I would advise your parents to put the estimated cost of the process of trying to get custody into paying for train tickets and money to send to his daughter/their granddaughter."

best advice i think OP and her DB will ever get on the whole situation.

I am guessing that the OP won't be back....

How can he think he could possibly get unsupervised access to his daughter??

Does she even know what he looks like??

My Ex H is now not allowed to have contact with my Dcs (not an easy decision) because he cannot prove he is stable mentally and tbh it sounds like all her mother is asking for is proof that he is mentally stable first iyswim.

He should concentrate on that if he really wants to see his DD tbh.

sleepycat, some of us were born long before central heating, fitted carpets and the like became indicators of whether you were a good parent or not.
We even had a copper on the stove and a mangle.

There are far worse ways to live, OP has a very limited world view.

Goblin, indeed, we had a tin bath and outside loo when I was a baby. I am sure such things aren't allowed these days.....I have to do the "it never did me any harm" thing, well, because I am old, and it didn't