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Am I wrong

130 replies

melza84 · 26/09/2021 11:54

I would like to make a formal complaint regarding this incident. I myself telephoned the police on Friday 24th September evening to report that my partner/ex partner was trying to throw me out onto the streets with 4 children the youngest one being his biological daughter age 7 who suffers severe autism and global learning delay. My son aged 15 is also under CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse whilst under the care of social services after a series of lies from his father against me , social services have never taken any responsibility for this leading to my son having mental health issues and anxiety and has not been out for 2 years. His father has now been classed as a danger to the children and has no contact he servered 5 years in prison due to dangerous driving and the death of his sister and fleeing the scene. I phoned the police for help as I have previously been in a woman’s aid refuge about 5 years ago due to the perpetrator. The police officer said he was going upstairs to do a welfare check on the children female aged 18 son 15 and daughter 14 I requested they did not due to the situation with my son and I would call the children Down he spoke in a very nasty tone and replied no I’m going up. My children could have been changing or anything and my son is still in shock and upset and so is my 14 year old daughter who is very shy and has anxiety issues also , they had all gone upstairs so they wouldn’t have to speak to officers and I wanted them kept out of it and so did they . However he ignored my request. I was facing homeless being on the streets with my children one who as I mentioned is autistic. The police said they would take me to my parents my parents refused as my partner has done this so many times. I explained when my partner was last acting like this he took an overdose, and became violent and women’s aid helped me find a place in refuge . We spent 4 years apart went to court over our youngest daughter I got a residency order for our daughter my ex partner got supervised contact due to the fact the court questioned his mental capacity to safeguard such a severely disabled child. The police who attended last night I wanted them to help me resolve the problem instead they threatened to arrest me for breech of peace meaning social services would have had to be called as an emergency because my ex partner is unable and not allowed to care for our autistic daughter. I have given up my house a year and a half ago to move in with my partner on the condition I was also named on the tenancy so my children would have a secure home apparently although we claimed together I was never placed on the tenancy . I told the police they had been unhelpful they never took the fact I have mental health conditions and sometimes struggle to concentrate my depression and anxiety has worsened over the past few months due to living like a prisoner and having to care for extra people because my partner is out all day. The police told my ex partner to leave for half an hour so me and my youngest daughter could go to sleep and told me I had to find alternative accommodation today I’m trying it’s impossible with 4 children especially when my youngest is autistic and it’s Saturday I have phoned the police again this morning and been advised ‘ I said I had said I would find new accommodation today’ this wasn’t the case they told me I had to. I’m in the process of trying to find accommodation but as it’s the weekend most places are closed and I have rung emergency shelter 3 times and I keep getting a message saying they have very high calls and can’t answer the phone. Where does this leave me? The officer I spoke to this morning said if I rang again I would be arrested for breech of peace and as my ex partner does not have the mental capacity to care for my autistic daughter she would be placed into the care of social services which they also threatened me with last night. My daughter has attachment issues with myself she has never been away from me for more than 4 hours at a time. I have fought for 4 years to get her a special placement and she is to start on the 4th October, as I said my son is currently having treatment with CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse under the care of social services, my 2 daughters attend high school and have settled well. The police wanted to take me back to my parents knowing full well I would lose all the hard work I’d put in and causing severe upheaval to the children’s lives . They then said I had the choice to go to my brothers house with 2 bedrooms, a newborn baby and 3 large dogs they refused to accept this would not be unsuitable due to my daughters behaviours in any case they said they had given me two options when my parents and brother had both declined anyway so the only other option was to arrest me for breech of the peace even though I was merely speaking with them. I told them my ex partner is supposed to be medicated with apixabam due to blood clots and previous stroke, lethyroxine for under active thyroid and 150mg of sertraline due to mental health and previous overdose he suffers from paranoia. They didn’t listen to a word I said I was happier talking down to me and discussing the fuel crisis with my ex partner. This has added to my stress and anxiety and I believe they discriminated against me and my daughter on mental health grounds making disabled people homeless. Now to continue living in my ex partners house I have to live like a prisoner and follow all his rules or I will be homeless or arrested and do not know what will become of my children the police also said they will be reporting me ( not my ex partner) to social services to say I’m neglecting the children because the house is untidy ( two children are his as well he does not work but spends all day out of the house leaving me and expecting me to do all chores whilst he is out and I’m at home caring for our autistic daughter) I have already emailed the council to inform them this situation is making me ill and I need my own home for me and my children and am awaiting a response I have been to numberous meetings regarding the welfare and education of my children and the 2 officers who attended were an absolute disgrace and discriminatory against me and my daughters mental health.
This is my official complaint

OP posts:
pleatedblind · 26/09/2021 19:10

And if they do - that will push your family way up the priority list for alternative housing.

It's relevant that you thought you were on the tenancy but now find you aren't. If ex lied and told you you were they need to know that. And his rules, and his threats.

OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:14

It is widely recognised that the police deal poorly with domestic incidents, especially the front line/PC’s who lack adequate training, its recognised within the police themselves! Much good does it do them or the families they fail daily.
OP I think you are right to complain and I hope you get the support you need, although to be frank, I don’t fancy your chances. You do need to be persistent, document everything and keep a record of any and all contact. Best of luck.

Offmyfence · 26/09/2021 19:24

@OppsUpsSide

It is widely recognised that the police deal poorly with domestic incidents, especially the front line/PC’s who lack adequate training, its recognised within the police themselves! Much good does it do them or the families they fail daily. OP I think you are right to complain and I hope you get the support you need, although to be frank, I don’t fancy your chances. You do need to be persistent, document everything and keep a record of any and all contact. Best of luck.
I really don't agree!
Tillysfad · 26/09/2021 19:28

general

Are you unaware of how unpleasant and horrible you're being? Your content may be well intentioned but it comes with so much patronising condemnation you'd be better off silent. You're not entitled to behave like that and get forelock tugging gratitude.

That's why.

Generalpost · 26/09/2021 19:33

@Tillysfad

general

Are you unaware of how unpleasant and horrible you're being? Your content may be well intentioned but it comes with so much patronising condemnation you'd be better off silent. You're not entitled to behave like that and get forelock tugging gratitude.

That's why.

And you sound great comments about whisky wtf. So your not sounding great yourself.

Now if I was not trying to help op I would not be putting sensitive stuff about my own situation to show op o do not understand would I.

OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:36

I really don't agree!

Ok. Shame your opinion has no impact on reality then isn’t it.

Offmyfence · 26/09/2021 19:38

@OppsUpsSide

I really don't agree!

Ok. Shame your opinion has no impact on reality then isn’t it.

Does yours then???

Nope!

MrsKeats · 26/09/2021 19:40

So it's the police's fault that you lead a chaotic life?
Poor kids.

OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:41

No, but the fact remains that services/responses for DA across the country are piss poor.

Offmyfence · 26/09/2021 19:43

@OppsUpsSide

No, but the fact remains that services/responses for DA across the country are piss poor.
Having to deal with chaotic people that have made their own issues, it's a massive drain!!

They can't deal with everything'

MrsKeats · 26/09/2021 19:45

It makes me laugh when an op is titled 'Am I wrong?' Then the op goes on to complain that people are judging.
That's what you asked for!!

OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:46

They have a legal obligation to safeguard vulnerable people, a duty that they know they are failing to meet.

Tillysfad · 26/09/2021 19:47

general I don't care how I come across to someone who has been as unkind as you've been tbf

Offmyfence · 26/09/2021 19:48

@OppsUpsSide

They have a legal obligation to safeguard vulnerable people, a duty that they know they are failing to meet.
Please do show the information that shows that?
Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 19:49

You don’t have grounds for a complaint against the police.

Generalpost · 26/09/2021 19:54

@OppsUpsSide

They have a legal obligation to safeguard vulnerable people, a duty that they know they are failing to meet.
The police wanted to check on the children that night to make sure their safe op adirr them not to. Then got upset when they did it anyway.
OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:54

Have you tried Googling it? I can’t help with links as that isn’t where I get my information from but I am sure there is plenty out there if you look.

OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:55

They were right to check the children and their bedrooms, but that wasn’t the whole incident.

Offmyfence · 26/09/2021 19:56

@OppsUpsSide

Have you tried Googling it? I can’t help with links as that isn’t where I get my information from but I am sure there is plenty out there if you look.
I don't believe you!
OppsUpsSide · 26/09/2021 19:56

Ok.

melza84 · 27/09/2021 11:10

I have been on the phone to my old family support worker she will be calling ss in this area to inform of the situation and ask for housing arrangements, as re the police complaint she said it was Absolutely ridiculous and he should've been removed from the property as the police to have powers to do this in any domestic situation and the fact that I was not in breach of the peace at all I was merely speaking I'm trying to explain

OP posts:
Tillysfad · 27/09/2021 12:04

Well thank goodness someone decided to be sensible!

The police can be as prejudiced against women as any other group.

pleatedblind · 27/09/2021 14:11

Really glad to hear you have someone on your side. Thanks

melza84 · 27/09/2021 14:29

Thank you and Tilly

OP posts:
Worldwide2 · 27/09/2021 20:19

🍷