Am I wrong

[melza84]

I would like to make a formal complaint regarding this incident. I myself telephoned the police on Friday 24th September evening to report that my partner/ex partner was trying to throw me out onto the streets with 4 children the youngest one being his biological daughter age 7 who suffers severe autism and global learning delay. My son aged 15 is also under CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse whilst under the care of social services after a series of lies from his father against me , social services have never taken any responsibility for this leading to my son having mental health issues and anxiety and has not been out for 2 years. His father has now been classed as a danger to the children and has no contact he servered 5 years in prison due to dangerous driving and the death of his sister and fleeing the scene. I phoned the police for help as I have previously been in a woman’s aid refuge about 5 years ago due to the perpetrator. The police officer said he was going upstairs to do a welfare check on the children female aged 18 son 15 and daughter 14 I requested they did not due to the situation with my son and I would call the children Down he spoke in a very nasty tone and replied no I’m going up. My children could have been changing or anything and my son is still in shock and upset and so is my 14 year old daughter who is very shy and has anxiety issues also , they had all gone upstairs so they wouldn’t have to speak to officers and I wanted them kept out of it and so did they . However he ignored my request. I was facing homeless being on the streets with my children one who as I mentioned is autistic. The police said they would take me to my parents my parents refused as my partner has done this so many times. I explained when my partner was last acting like this he took an overdose, and became violent and women’s aid helped me find a place in refuge . We spent 4 years apart went to court over our youngest daughter I got a residency order for our daughter my ex partner got supervised contact due to the fact the court questioned his mental capacity to safeguard such a severely disabled child. The police who attended last night I wanted them to help me resolve the problem instead they threatened to arrest me for breech of peace meaning social services would have had to be called as an emergency because my ex partner is unable and not allowed to care for our autistic daughter. I have given up my house a year and a half ago to move in with my partner on the condition I was also named on the tenancy so my children would have a secure home apparently although we claimed together I was never placed on the tenancy . I told the police they had been unhelpful they never took the fact I have mental health conditions and sometimes struggle to concentrate my depression and anxiety has worsened over the past few months due to living like a prisoner and having to care for extra people because my partner is out all day. The police told my ex partner to leave for half an hour so me and my youngest daughter could go to sleep and told me I had to find alternative accommodation today I’m trying it’s impossible with 4 children especially when my youngest is autistic and it’s Saturday I have phoned the police again this morning and been advised ‘ I said I had said I would find new accommodation today’ this wasn’t the case they told me I had to. I’m in the process of trying to find accommodation but as it’s the weekend most places are closed and I have rung emergency shelter 3 times and I keep getting a message saying they have very high calls and can’t answer the phone. Where does this leave me? The officer I spoke to this morning said if I rang again I would be arrested for breech of peace and as my ex partner does not have the mental capacity to care for my autistic daughter she would be placed into the care of social services which they also threatened me with last night. My daughter has attachment issues with myself she has never been away from me for more than 4 hours at a time. I have fought for 4 years to get her a special placement and she is to start on the 4th October, as I said my son is currently having treatment with CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse under the care of social services, my 2 daughters attend high school and have settled well. The police wanted to take me back to my parents knowing full well I would lose all the hard work I’d put in and causing severe upheaval to the children’s lives . They then said I had the choice to go to my brothers house with 2 bedrooms, a newborn baby and 3 large dogs they refused to accept this would not be unsuitable due to my daughters behaviours in any case they said they had given me two options when my parents and brother had both declined anyway so the only other option was to arrest me for breech of the peace even though I was merely speaking with them. I told them my ex partner is supposed to be medicated with apixabam due to blood clots and previous stroke, lethyroxine for under active thyroid and 150mg of sertraline due to mental health and previous overdose he suffers from paranoia. They didn’t listen to a word I said I was happier talking down to me and discussing the fuel crisis with my ex partner. This has added to my stress and anxiety and I believe they discriminated against me and my daughter on mental health grounds making disabled people homeless. Now to continue living in my ex partners house I have to live like a prisoner and follow all his rules or I will be homeless or arrested and do not know what will become of my children the police also said they will be reporting me ( not my ex partner) to social services to say I’m neglecting the children because the house is untidy ( two children are his as well he does not work but spends all day out of the house leaving me and expecting me to do all chores whilst he is out and I’m at home caring for our autistic daughter) I have already emailed the council to inform them this situation is making me ill and I need my own home for me and my children and am awaiting a response I have been to numberous meetings regarding the welfare and education of my children and the 2 officers who attended were an absolute disgrace and discriminatory against me and my daughters mental health.
This is my official complaint

My ex partner has changed his mind he now wants me to stay, he has these outbursts when he's stressed and thinks he can pick us up and drop us whenever he feels like, which is why I'm still going through social services to get my own place!

Phew, I would breathe a sigh of relief that your daughter can start her placement! Please spend the next few weeks doing everything you can possibly do to secure your own place. You can't live like this. You will have to leave your DSS to his mum as your DD comes first but I'm sure you know that. Would your family help you with a tenancy?

In future, I wouldn't call the police unless you're in danger. I wouldn't talk to them. If your DP tries to tell you to leave again, just explain you're in the process of sorting something else and tell the police that too if they ask. Just keep doing you and stay engaged with women's aid. You have done so well to keep your children as well as possible with this one mistake of giving up your own home. Just that to fix now and you can continue onwards and upwards.

Floranomad I was sat on the settee drinking coffee I told them all I wanted to do was to settle my daughter down because she has to take melatonin to sleep and needs quiet to do so and I would go to bed as well, they agreed to that and told my ex partner to go for a walk for half hour which he did , the was no aggressive behaviour only from my ex towards me shouting Im not going anywhere get them out if anyone was breaching the peace it was him, the police wear body cameras it's all on there 🤷‍♀️

You need to take a step back, forget relationships and focus on making life stable for your children.

I was single for 4 years we were all happy yes I made a mistake thinking we could be a happy family. People make mistakes I'm doing everything I can to put it right I was happier single I don't intend to get into another relationship ever again I can't trust people anymore after this

I'm expected to move to another area and start all over again?

Given the choice between the chaotic and damaging life they are currently living and the temporary negative experience of moving followed by settling into long term security and stability I would choose moving.

It’s not going to be easy in the short term but it’s what’s best for the long term.

In the future you can look back on this time and be relieved and proud. If you stay where you are you’ll be looking around at this exact same shit show of a situation instead.

You only get one life. Your children only get one life.

This is so chaotic for your children. Please stop blaming others and take control of this situation. Find a stable home, support for your children and stay single. You need to take a look at yourself here. It’s years of poor decision making.

Temporary negative experience no having to say goodbye to all their friends and start over again isn't a temporary negative experience, why not get my own house in the kids school catchment areas ? Rather than move to another area ? I'm feeling everyone thinks I wanted this 🤷‍♀️ it was a big mistake I have admitted that but I did not post to be judged , I have applied for an occupation order to secure I can stay here until I find some where else I'm going to close this thread as very negative comments I came here for advice and support not to be finger pointed , people making assumptions and basically telling me I'm a bad mother I have had 67 appointments in 1 year regarding my children and have never missed one I have fought for them to be happy and as I also mentioned we were all fine and happy for well over a year, the police had plenty of options if you phone shelter and ask they could have removed my partner from the property if it was in the best interest of the children which it clearly was .

I'm sorry who am I blaming? I've said I made the mistake who's everyone around me, you clearly know nothing of mental health and autism and abusive partners like I said I came here for advice not to be battered when I'm down. Mums net full of judgemental people no support at all just trolls

Your poor children. I don’t think that you should complain about the police, put your energy into trying to find somewhere to live. Don’t get back with guy. Do the freedom program.

Exactly what I'm doing tomorrow when I phone social services

Why are they wishing to arrest you for breach of the peace op? Police don’t threaten that for no reason

A breach of the peace is defined as “an act done or threatened to be done which either actually harms a person, or in his presence, his property, or is likely to cause such harm being done.” They must release you once the threat of the breach of peace has passed.

You must have been doing this for them to day they would arrest you for it.

Absolutely none of this is down to just bad luck and others out to get you op, you must know and accept that your children have suffered due to your poor judgment.
The police absolutely had the right to check the welfare of the children, from the sounds of your op they had ever right to be concerned.
The police wouldn't report you to SS for having an "untidy" house, there's more to that. It must be horrific living conditions for that threat. They also wouldn't continuously threaten to arrest you for BOP unless you were kicking off, which again by your op, and the way you're replying to people, it's pretty clear you weren't sat calmly drinking your coffee.
Your children having autism makes absolutely no difference to the life they are stuck in. Millions of children have SEN, and have supportive and stable homes.
To answer your op, yes you were and are wrong. You need to completely turn your life around, or accept that your children would be better placed elsewhere.
Rather than worrying about having to move away, I'd be more concerned with proving you can take care of them enough for SS to leave them in your care.

Sweetheart they never had any concerns when I was single and bringing up my children alone as for threatening to arrest me for breach of the police this is why I made the complaint

I'm really not interested in talking to anyone on her and having to defend myself you are not very nice people FACT kick someone when their struggling sorry I'm not perfect like you all lol judge me when you walked a day in my shoes I hope you all experience this one day my children are 13, 15 and 18 my youngest is 7 , the older ones are learning how to look after themselves in life as they should and originally we were only ment to visit the children were so happy they wanted to stay ! As I said everything has been fine for well over a year

You know you need to leave, the 18 year tough as it is, will not be a priority for the council as they are an adult, the council also will not prioritise placement close to the children's schools, they will simply offer something that is safe and clean. Do you have a friend who can store your belongings? The police can facilitate you removing your personal possessions from the house nothing more. I have an autistic child, life isn't easy but your problems run far deeper due to your choices - a refuge might be a good option as they can help you realise how to take control of your life - can anyone house their oldest 3 for you first 6 months perhaps? Provide a stable home for them whilst you get back on your feet, social services cannot help with your eldest

You went back, you didn't ensure you were on the tenancy, the police cannot be held responsible for your life choices.

Yes you are wrong.

Stop focusing on yourself and your disastrous relationships with hopeless men and instead focus on creating a stable and secure home environment for your children.

No one can thrive in a chaotic, drama laded, stress filled environment. Cut out all the crap and put the children first.

@melza84

Temporary negative experience no having to say goodbye to all their friends and start over again isn't a temporary negative experience, why not get my own house in the kids school catchment areas ? Rather than move to another area ? I'm feeling everyone thinks I wanted this 🤷‍♀️ it was a big mistake I have admitted that but I did not post to be judged , I have applied for an occupation order to secure I can stay here until I find some where else I'm going to close this thread as very negative comments I came here for advice and support not to be finger pointed , people making assumptions and basically telling me I'm a bad mother I have had 67 appointments in 1 year regarding my children and have never missed one I have fought for them to be happy and as I also mentioned we were all fine and happy for well over a year, the police had plenty of options if you phone shelter and ask they could have removed my partner from the property if it was in the best interest of the children which it clearly was .

I don't think the answer is always to move far away. Although it seems to others its a fix its not in (some) cases it can fuck children up especially if they have additional needs. You need to have support for yourself as well. To isolate you in an area you don't know anyone is unlikely to help. What your partner is doing is a form of abuse. You do need to move out though and go into temporary accommodation you need a place of your own where no one can kick you out where you and the children can sleep knowing you have a secure roof over your head.

Of your children are already In school they don't have to leave the school if you are out of the catchment area. Just as long as you can get them to school. So maybe you could move to the opposite end of town/on the out skirts

Gogohm my 18 year old is sitting her A levels she was born on the 1/09/2003 so has always been the oldest in the class, she had to resit last year because of the Covid situation I'm sure social services and the council will prioritise the children's education, either that or I have been told to apply for an occupation which means I have the right to stay in the house due to the best interests of the children, I don't want my ex to lose his house but if that's the path I have to go down to ensure my children's future I will

@melza84

Sweetheart they never had any concerns when I was single and bringing up my children alone as for threatening to arrest me for breach of the police this is why I made the complaint

Has the complaint been upheld..........time will tell!

@melza84

Gogohm my 18 year old is sitting her A levels she was born on the 1/09/2003 so has always been the oldest in the class, she had to resit last year because of the Covid situation I'm sure social services and the council will prioritise the children's education, either that or I have been told to apply for an occupation which means I have the right to stay in the house due to the best interests of the children, I don't want my ex to lose his house but if that's the path I have to go down to ensure my children's future I will

Op your right in some of your post. It might depend on your council. But for mine. My child was doing A levels that alone gave am borough need. This also applies to children doing GCSE and also if you have a child with special needs.

The bit you are wrong about Is the house. Talking blunty your not on the tenancy. And your ex does not have to leave .

How is it in the children's best interest to stay in the house ?

Social services will want you to show your can protect the children and keep them safe . Are the children on the protection register?

@melza84

Sweetheart they never had any concerns when I was single and bringing up my children alone as for threatening to arrest me for breach of the police this is why I made the complaint

You say in the OP that your 15 year child was under social services!

@melza84

I'm really not interested in talking to anyone on her and having to defend myself you are not very nice people FACT kick someone when their struggling sorry I'm not perfect like you all lol judge me when you walked a day in my shoes I hope you all experience this one day my children are 13, 15 and 18 my youngest is 7 , the older ones are learning how to look after themselves in life as they should and originally we were only ment to visit the children were so happy they wanted to stay ! As I said everything has been fine for well over a year

The 15 year old hasn't been out for 2 years. How is that learning how to look after themselves in life as they should?

Op, you're seeing everyone else as the enemy, people advising you on this thread, the council, the police, and want to kick up a fuss and complain about the way the police treated you, and are complaining that WA and the council will rehome you away from the area, but the person who has caused all this seems absolutely fine in your eyes.

That is a major safeguarding concern.

You are failing to keep your children safe and secure, you're allowing your relationship to come before their welfare.

I was also in an abusive relationship. I get it. Sometimes you feel its easier to deal with the abuse rather than uproot everything. The minute the kids start getting involved, as has happened, you need to reevaluate the situation.

They are living with a mum who, for whatever reason, is failing to protect them, and a man who thinks nothing of turfing them into the street at stupid o'clock at night.

This is no way for any of you to live. Please get whatever help you can, if that means moving then that's what has to happen, at this rate the children will be removed from you and will be moved anyway.