Am I wrong

[melza84]

I would like to make a formal complaint regarding this incident. I myself telephoned the police on Friday 24th September evening to report that my partner/ex partner was trying to throw me out onto the streets with 4 children the youngest one being his biological daughter age 7 who suffers severe autism and global learning delay. My son aged 15 is also under CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse whilst under the care of social services after a series of lies from his father against me , social services have never taken any responsibility for this leading to my son having mental health issues and anxiety and has not been out for 2 years. His father has now been classed as a danger to the children and has no contact he servered 5 years in prison due to dangerous driving and the death of his sister and fleeing the scene. I phoned the police for help as I have previously been in a woman’s aid refuge about 5 years ago due to the perpetrator. The police officer said he was going upstairs to do a welfare check on the children female aged 18 son 15 and daughter 14 I requested they did not due to the situation with my son and I would call the children Down he spoke in a very nasty tone and replied no I’m going up. My children could have been changing or anything and my son is still in shock and upset and so is my 14 year old daughter who is very shy and has anxiety issues also , they had all gone upstairs so they wouldn’t have to speak to officers and I wanted them kept out of it and so did they . However he ignored my request. I was facing homeless being on the streets with my children one who as I mentioned is autistic. The police said they would take me to my parents my parents refused as my partner has done this so many times. I explained when my partner was last acting like this he took an overdose, and became violent and women’s aid helped me find a place in refuge . We spent 4 years apart went to court over our youngest daughter I got a residency order for our daughter my ex partner got supervised contact due to the fact the court questioned his mental capacity to safeguard such a severely disabled child. The police who attended last night I wanted them to help me resolve the problem instead they threatened to arrest me for breech of peace meaning social services would have had to be called as an emergency because my ex partner is unable and not allowed to care for our autistic daughter. I have given up my house a year and a half ago to move in with my partner on the condition I was also named on the tenancy so my children would have a secure home apparently although we claimed together I was never placed on the tenancy . I told the police they had been unhelpful they never took the fact I have mental health conditions and sometimes struggle to concentrate my depression and anxiety has worsened over the past few months due to living like a prisoner and having to care for extra people because my partner is out all day. The police told my ex partner to leave for half an hour so me and my youngest daughter could go to sleep and told me I had to find alternative accommodation today I’m trying it’s impossible with 4 children especially when my youngest is autistic and it’s Saturday I have phoned the police again this morning and been advised ‘ I said I had said I would find new accommodation today’ this wasn’t the case they told me I had to. I’m in the process of trying to find accommodation but as it’s the weekend most places are closed and I have rung emergency shelter 3 times and I keep getting a message saying they have very high calls and can’t answer the phone. Where does this leave me? The officer I spoke to this morning said if I rang again I would be arrested for breech of peace and as my ex partner does not have the mental capacity to care for my autistic daughter she would be placed into the care of social services which they also threatened me with last night. My daughter has attachment issues with myself she has never been away from me for more than 4 hours at a time. I have fought for 4 years to get her a special placement and she is to start on the 4th October, as I said my son is currently having treatment with CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse under the care of social services, my 2 daughters attend high school and have settled well. The police wanted to take me back to my parents knowing full well I would lose all the hard work I’d put in and causing severe upheaval to the children’s lives . They then said I had the choice to go to my brothers house with 2 bedrooms, a newborn baby and 3 large dogs they refused to accept this would not be unsuitable due to my daughters behaviours in any case they said they had given me two options when my parents and brother had both declined anyway so the only other option was to arrest me for breech of the peace even though I was merely speaking with them. I told them my ex partner is supposed to be medicated with apixabam due to blood clots and previous stroke, lethyroxine for under active thyroid and 150mg of sertraline due to mental health and previous overdose he suffers from paranoia. They didn’t listen to a word I said I was happier talking down to me and discussing the fuel crisis with my ex partner. This has added to my stress and anxiety and I believe they discriminated against me and my daughter on mental health grounds making disabled people homeless. Now to continue living in my ex partners house I have to live like a prisoner and follow all his rules or I will be homeless or arrested and do not know what will become of my children the police also said they will be reporting me ( not my ex partner) to social services to say I’m neglecting the children because the house is untidy ( two children are his as well he does not work but spends all day out of the house leaving me and expecting me to do all chores whilst he is out and I’m at home caring for our autistic daughter) I have already emailed the council to inform them this situation is making me ill and I need my own home for me and my children and am awaiting a response I have been to numberous meetings regarding the welfare and education of my children and the 2 officers who attended were an absolute disgrace and discriminatory against me and my daughters mental health.
This is my official complaint

Get real get a life you troll you are the exact type of people who will make up shit

I'm just responding to what you've posted.

If you don't like being pulled up on your obvious lies and don't want people to comment on the utterly miserable, unstable, chaotic and damaging environment you're providing for those dc, maybe don't post about it on the Internet.

@melza84

Phill whatever. I was sat quietly which the police body cameras will show. Get real get a life you troll you are the exact type of people who will make up shit

You need to start being honest with yourself and sort this mess out for the sake of your kids. Police do not arrest you for breach of the peace if you are cooperating with them. SS do not take your kids away because your kitchen flooded.

Phill whatever go away now please I wasn't arrested is the point I hadn't done anything wrong or I would have been arrested wouldn't I ?

@melza84

General then you have been in my situation who are you to judge what did you do

The situation you put yourself in??

No one else did that!

The people you are complaining about, are the only ones who seem to be looking out for the best interests of your children.
If the police and the SS are so awful and against you, why do you keep calling them yourself?
Maybe stop wasting time complaining against the people you are continuously contacting for help, and then complaining whatever they do. Instead focus on sorting out a safe space for your kids.

@Tillysfad

16:58Floralnomad

Lucky you, with insurance and enough put by to pay a plumber. Naturally you assume everyone has these advantages because you're ignorant of certain realities.

Not at all , if I didn’t have insurance I would call the landlord to get them to sort it , if they didn’t I’d call environmental health at the council . What I wouldn’t do is call SS , and IME nor would anybody who didn’t already have some kind of involvement with them .

@melza84

General then you have been in my situation who are you to judge what did you do

What did I do ? I jumped through all the hoops social services told me to. I done everything they told me. Yes they do make up liars. I had a sw who reported that my dd had clothes on that did not fit her. She did but the social worker failed to say my day was painting. She said I had hardly no food in the house. But I shopped daily. My daughter used to say to me good girl mummy well done. They decided that there was almost a parent reverse not that dd was just copying what I said to her.

With the DV side of it to me the physical side only happened a couple of times but he had also been accused of hurting another child (not mine) I had to proove to ss that I would keep away from him.

As I said above they lied about lots if things . The thing is as you say they abuse their power so I literally has to eat shit from their shoe in order to keep my children. This was many years ago though but it seems things have not changed.

Now more recently my dd has been in a dv relationship. He's in prison as the moment. But when it first all happend she literally rang the council said that she been beaten up and she has no where safe to stay and they found her somewhere. He's in prison at the moment. But because she was in a bad place and made a bad choice and did have contact with him whilst in prison. This caused massive concern. Even though he's in prison she was made to move to a refuge. She's had to have assments. Her son is on PLO which means if she ever has any form of contact with him again her child will be taken from her. Ss are doing checks on me to see if gs can stay with me if the shit was to hit the fan . But touch wood dd has been having assments and counselling. And I think shes turning a corner and seems to be heading to a better place.

I'm saying this because I do know what it's like and I can see your going through hell. And I would never ever wish it on anyone. I can see you love your children but you need to make you and them safe and that seems ti be away from your partner.

I cant believe the empathy bypass of people here. OP didnt just go 'oh yeah ill make this choice and who gaf about the kids'.

@Unsure1983

I cant believe the empathy bypass of people here. OP didnt just go 'oh yeah ill make this choice and who gaf about the kids'.

So what did happen then?

@melza84 putting everything else to one side what are you going to do next time your partner decides to put you abd the kids on the streets again?

off

You may have noticed the op days she has taken her children to over fifty appointments this year and not missed one? Fought to get a placement for her child with additional needs and finally secured it starting next month? Whatever else happened, not that.

I would like to sit most of MN down in front of three back to back Ken Loach films and see if they'd gathered together an ounce of humility by the end of it

general Did you notice the op is still applying for new housing because she agrees with you? Or do you just take potshots like a half assed general after a whiskey? Read her posts.

It sounds like a horrendous mess, but you have no basis for any sort of complaint.

I'm no longer interested in this post everyone sounds like my ex ' come on be honest with yourself you can't cope with out me ' as I have already said I'm contacting social services tomorrow and asking for help with rehoming

@Tillysfad

general Did you notice the op is still applying for new housing because she agrees with you? Or do you just take potshots like a half assed general after a whiskey? Read her posts.

You sound similar to the op with your tones why can't you just ask a question without putting something sarky on the end?

You could have simply said general You may have missed it but op did say she's looking for council housing. But even if she is this can take months/years . Hence that temporary accommodation might be an option to get her and her children away from this situation

What a chaotic mess. Your poor children.
The police have done nothing wrong.
Harsh as it is you've made terrible choices hence the situation you're in now...and not for the first time.
Your poor children.

@melza84

I'm no longer interested in this post everyone sounds like my ex ' come on be honest with yourself you can't cope with out me ' as I have already said I'm contacting social services tomorrow and asking for help with rehoming

Absolutely no one has said anything close to that. Who here has said you can't cope without your ex??

Tilly is the only non judgemental person commenting on this

OP, I have read through this thread with my jaw gradually dropping further and further to the floor at the responses you've got.

From what you've said it seems quite clear that your ex is continuing to abuse you - coercive control. He has rules, you needs to follow them or he threatens to throw you out. I am shocked but sadly not surprised that the police did not pick this up.

I do think you have a basis for a complaint, but I would advise you to think about whether it is worth your time and effort. You do need (as you know) to get away from your ex. It's clear you are seeking advice and help in doing that. It's not as simple as some people seem to think, and you need to look after yourself in order that you are able to look after your children. Are you getting any support for your mental health?

I am sorry you are in such a shitty situation

Plenty of people have said' be honest your, this , your that , everything I have said is true if you don't believe me that's your problem don't come at me keyboard warriors coz you can judge call me a liar from your hiding place

I’m confused you said your parents lived over the road from your last house in one story then said you can’t go to your parents (they said no anyway) but it would impact your children as this is where their school is ….so you already have left one area uprooted your children for a partner who you already left him 4 years ago due to relationship issues and then surprised when your back together history repeats itself?

The police wanted to check on the children without influence this is standard safe guarding, they probably then triggered further concern by your reaction which (in their minds protecting the kids) said they may have to arrest you.

Time to put the children first, especially your eldest so she can get the Alevels and hopefully move on with her life. Obviously your child with autism also needs support if they already been moved about but require stability.

Don’t take him back, it’s a high risk situation that is likely to repeat itself as your partner won’t take his medication.

@lynntheyresexpeople

People have been trying to do the opposite and lead her from him. To encourage her to put herself abd children in a safe place. But if what she's hearing is the complete opposite them its very hard to help

Pleatedblind it is a shitty situation I'm mentally and physically exhausted I can't look after 7 people alone my ex seems to think it's easy but he can't cope around our youngest daughter for long and he fights for attention that needs to be going to the kids

Time for change please read the posts correctly before commenting 9 years ago I lived across the road from my parents I don't know why I'm wasting my time here . The police have just called to do a welfare check on me and the kids I take it they actually did some homework and have changed their tune

@melza84 I think you need to explain to the police the actual situation re. Your ex and how you're living. They CAN do something if his actions constitute coercive control.