IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

@Twomumfamily So sorry to hear this. I hope you hear back from the clinic soon in regard to your progesterone concerns and also to discuss next steps✨We are all here for you 💜

@strawberrylaces12 Keeping everything crossed for you. And as you said, take the next few weeks easy and keep occupied (easier said than done - I know!). Hope the TWW flies by for you and brings you good news ✨

@Curlylockss Welcome to the thread! Hope things are going well so far in your journey. Have you narrowed down your clinic search? How many have you seen/spoken with?

Also hope you are getting on ok with your donor search. My partner and I used Xytex (in USA) and they were great. Cryos (in Denmark) was our second go-to and I have also heard good things about them too. Do you think you'll stick to a UK bank?

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Hope things are moving along well with your admin round/first IUI round! :) x

@solanks all good here, just waiting for my next cycle to begin maybe next weekend. So we're down to the final few days of calm before chaos, I think!

@solanks and @Quickdraw23 thank you! I'm feeling more relaxed overall so far (although it's not been long!). I've got a nice 3 day weekend ahead with plans with family and friends so going to try and focus on that 😊

Thank you so much everyone. It's so much harder seeing that negative test than I anticipated! I haven't heard back from the clinic yet however I imagine there will be a wait now for a FET.

xxx

@Twomumfamily hugs! I hope you hear back soon 😊

How's everyone doing?

I'm about 4dpo and ttw isn't feeling too bad (yet). I seem to have a method of dealing with anxiety at the moment and it's just acknowledging the thought and thinking "I don't care" and weirdly it's working well 😂Also "what's the worst that could happen?". Not a long term solution I know as I'm probably pushing down some feelings but usually they are quite irrational or unhelpful thoughts so they are draining. Work is busy so that's also keeping me occupied too. Got nice plans in over the next couple of weeks so just remembering to live life and not spend all my time thinking about tww.

@strawberrylaces12 I have thank you, hoping to go again in Mar/April for a FET depending on when they can get me in for a debrief.

It really is difficult, but glad you have some techniques that are working. Have you reached out to the counsellor that is attached to your clinic? I can't remember if you are NHS or private but might be worth touching base either way. I have just booked back in with my therapist, which I think will be helpful if we continue getting failures.

@Quickdraw23 Sorry I missed your previous reply - Thank you, it really is about being protective isn't it. I didn't think straight up negatives would be so hard, how long did you take off between transfers? Did you switch between medicated and natural FETS or stick with one? I have been looking into other diagnostic tests which we will probably do if another fails such as Era/Alice etc, have you had anything like that? I am probably getting ahead of myself as at my age (34) half my embryos are probably abnormal anyway lol!

@Twomumfamily aww glad you've heard back and have an idea about next steps! How are you feeling about it all?

Yeah I have an appointment booked in March for the counselling session. It's NHS😊Whatever stage we're at then it'll be really useful just to have that space to talk through the process and anxieties.

@Twomumfamily That’s ok! I know what you mean about straight up negatives. I’ve only ever had totally blank tests; so definitive!

its hard to remember exactly when, but I think I had a transfer end of May, then another in July, so no break there. Then I was really busy so I had a break and the third one was in October, but all quite close together really. All were medicated. If I ever do another FET though I might try for unmedicated as I just hate the vaginal progesterone so much.

All were stark white negative and no more embryos from that egg retrieval. With three failed transfers my clinic wrote me a letter to the GP and I managed to get some bloods done on the NHS which were:

Beta 2 Glycoprotein
Factor V Leiden Common Mutation
Factor II Prothrombin Common Mutation
Lupus Anticoagulant
Anticardiolipin Antibodies

Im not going to lie, I don’t actually fully understand what all of these are. I was so fed up by this point that I just arranged them with the GP and didn’t ask questions, but I think they are looking for issues that affect your blood clotting that can cause issues with your uterus. They all came back normal anyway, so I’ve still no particular indication of anything going on with me that’s causing this.

regarding the EMMA/ALICE/ERA tests my clinic doesn’t recommend them due to the lack of robust evidence for them. I’m with quite a no frills clinic that don’t really offer add ons.

I think (?) EMMA and ALICE tests are amber on the HFEA website, as some research suggests they might be helpful, but the evidence base still isn’t solid. The ERA test is actually graded red by the HFEA, as some recent research evidence found it might actually produce a poorer outcome. Due to that I’m not inclined to go for the ERA tests, but I am thinking about the EMMA and ALICE tests, as though they aren’t solid, they at least haven’t been found harmful. They’re just so bloomin expensive 😩 I am also 34, so really it’s impossible to know if this is a womb issue or just bad luck with that crop of embryos.

i was reading this article last night, and based on these stats, it’s probably still within the realms of “normal” to need 4-5 embryo transfers before a positive result at this age.

any road, my nurse has suggested that I have a consultation with a consultant to discuss whether a more tailored approach is needed. If that’s the a case I will be shunted across to the consultant led clinic, rather than nurse led and therefore more expensive. If that happens I may go for a second opinion at a further clinic that does offer more types of testing and a wider range of ivf protocols. I feel like if I’ve got to drop a massive bung of money on this I might as well shop around!

@Quickdraw23 Goodness, hats off to you for doing them all quite close together. Yes from my research, I thought it is most likely to be the embryo's rather than a womb issue from my failed transfer. That article is interesting, thank you for linking it, can't believe it is only 40% success per egg retrieval, in a way at least it means that if the 1st cycle doesn't work the 2nd has a higher chance!

How are you and your partner feeling now you have had a break? I hate the pessaries too, I am going to try to push for injections if I can unsure I i will be medicated or natural. I want to do natural as hormones really mess with my PMDD (extreme form of PMS - I feel sorry for my wife!!).

Thank you for flagging the tests you had, if my next one fails I will push for those before a 3rd transfer, I don't think they will do them yet unfortunately.

Hmmm, in that case I don't think I will look into Alice/Era etc, not worth spending so much money on something that could be detrimental. I guess its just trial and error, and by the sound of it just doing transfer after transfer as frustrating as that is.

Yes, it is definitely worth shopping around if you are going to be pushed to the more expensive clinic - are you based in London?

my partner bless her is a natural optimist, and she is keen for me try again with my own eggs (without putting pressure on me!); I think she just wants me to know that she supports me trying again. She’s very supportive. She also wants to have a go herself in the future, but I think because she is a little younger isn’t feeling the time pressure as much as me. I’m feeling better for having a bit of a break from it all, and reclaiming my body a bit. Now that I have decided to give it another go, I’m feeling a bit frustrated that we can’t really start again for another few months (financial reasons). We aren’t based in London. We live quite provincially, and travel into Bristol for treatment. Are you London based?

The first week of the tww went pretty easily, didn't think about it too much and kept pretty neutral and relaxed about things. But in the two or so days I've felt more anxious and pessimistic, I think maybe progesterone is peaking/increasing and that's not helping my mood. I'm just assuming that this month won't be successful and prepping myself for the next cycle. I don't know why, maybe it's a defence mechanism so if it doesn't work I can think "knew it" 😂at least, although I've still been bloated on the progesterone pessaries, I've been less nauseous this month so far 😊

I wondered that @strawberrylaces12 re the progesterone. The physical symptom build up in the second week of using it for me is definitely real, and once you start feeling so physically different it’s hard to stay distracted isn’t it!

@Quickdraw23 definitely!! As of this afternoon/evening my boobs have been really quite sore too (more than usual) so wondering if it's pms or the progesterone pessaries, who knows! Also had a headache which has now gone thankfully. Just feel like my hormones are definitely at play now, whatever the cause! 😅trying to keep distracted and positive where possible. This evening my wife and I have been planning our wedding anniversary trip to London in April, treating ourselves to some nice things so that's really nice to look forward to 🥰

How are things with you? 😊

CD1 here, so I'll be going in for early scans next week to see how it's all progressing. I've been trying to wean myself off of using Mumsnet quite so much - tbh I was getting pretty obsessive, waiting for this cycle to start so that it feelings like "something is happening". So I'm hoping to maintain my current calm usage and just check in every so often! Wish me luck 😂

All my best to those on TWWs right now. Hopefully I'll be after your words of wisdom later on in the month...

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick I hope your scans etc. all go well! Good luck on your calm usage of mumsnet😂it can be tricky!

The second half of this tww is definitely much harder than the first. Got some pms type symptoms which could also be due to progesterone pessaries or the trigger injection or all 3 who knows. Not feeling overly positive for finding out the outcome later this week. In good news though my progesterone blood test came back as a good result to confirm ovulation so that's nice 😊I've told myself if we find out we've not been successful later this week then I'll have a consolation prize of a pint or glass of wine at the pub next week 😜

@strawberrylaces12 fingers crossed for you and your partner on test date!

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Good luck with the cycle, hope it all goes well. I know what you mean about mumsnet I have had to do the same. It does help I think!

@Quickdraw23 That is really exciting, think giving it another go is a good idea as everything I have read is it is a numbers game! I know the wait prior to starting treatment again is brutal but hopefully you can try to do some nice things you won’t be able to do when pregnant! I don’t know about you, but I always feel better when I have a plan!

I had my follow up appointment yesterday, the Dr agreed that we would go for a medicated frozen embryo cycle with added progesterone injections (single embryo transfer). There isn’t a waiting list so could go again in Mar but realistically we still need to sign consents, have meds delivered etc so planning for April to manage our expectations. Then if this one doesn’t work we may do a double embryo transfer - Eeek!

@Twomumfamily ooh that's exciting! Great that there isn't a waiting list but of course there's all the prep for it. Keep us updated! How are you feeling about it all?

I've started spotting a bit today so pretty sure AF is due tomorrow (test day). So weird that before the fertility stuff I never got any spotting before AF and now this has happened each time for the last 3 months. I'm not sure if the progesterone is doing anything to help as my cycles have been slightly shorter during fertility treatment. Unless the trigger shot impacts it, idk.

I guess I can say "knew it" if/when AF shows, as I hadn't felt too confident this month! Just feeling quite deflated about it all tbh. But onwards and upwards I guess.

Great idea on planning nice treats to look forward to. It’s definitely helpful I think.
sorry to hear about the spotting today. Is it test day tomorrow? Wishing for a positive outcome for you.

I'm ok thanks, I emailed a new clinic today to enquire about a consultation, as my clinic haven’t responded to an email I sent 9 days ago, which has rubbed me the wrong way 😂

Exciting @Twomumfamily i know what you mean about the dash to get all the logistics sorted - sometimes easier to push it forward a month than get wound up and stressed about meds arriving on time and paperwork being done!

Yeah really need nice things to look forward to especially with all of the fertility stuff which can be emotional and stressful.

Tomorrow is meant to be test day but I don't think it will be. Spotting more now so think I'll fully start with AF tomorrow and don't want to waste a test or have the horrible thing of seeing a negative. So just going to see how it goes but realistically I've accepted that this month's attempt hasn't worked.

Blimey 9 days is a while, unless maybe they're shorter staffed? I find my clinic is hard to get through on the phone but really good at replying to emails so I'll just email them to book in the next cycle tomorrow once AF fully arrives. Sometimes they reply within like 30 mins it's great! Fingers crossed you hear back from the new clinic soon!

Period arrived as expected. Onto the next cycle. We are potentially changing donor to see if that helps as advised by the clinic. Hopefully will be able to sort that in time for the next try as it's all on site. Feeling pretty upset tbh, quite despondent but I'm telling myself if we don't try it definitely won't happen where as if we do at least there's a chance.