IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

@solanks No, they didn't push back the procedure because I'd had my surge and it was obviously about to rupture. They actually probably would have cancelled it if it wasn't there anymore. If I'd ovulated on day 12/13 as I thought I did, then it would have been too late to do the procedure. You want the sperm there before the follicle ruptures ideally.

I also felt 100% sure that it had ruptured, but the truth is, you really cannot feel it with any certainty. What you feel with ovulation pain can equally be pressure and swelling. You really don't know.

I think it can give us a sense of control to question the medical decisions but actually they are probably doing what is right based on what they - or anyone - can know (which is limited!)

@Ivffirsttimer7 Think we're on the same boat as you on this. We had never previously considered IVF due to it being more invasive with more meds than IUI. Also cost was a significant factor too. For us and our journey, we have got to the stage where we want to open up all possibilities if it means our chances are higher. Not sure what we will decide if we cannot take the NHS route.

@nutellacrepe Sorry, yes, that makes complete sense doesn't it. I think that's what we will do next time if we do have another IUI (is ask for a scan beforehand to triple check). Like you, my partner was so certain that hers ruptured too because of that pain. Sounds like the timing for you was as accurate as it can be.

Completely get where you're coming from regarding control btw - I hate not being able to take things into our own hands 😣

@nutellacrepe @Twomumfamily Something we decided not to get, but now in hindsight wish we did, was a HyCoSy! Let us know how you get on when you have it.

Has anyone else had one done here? Do they hurt? Are there any side effects after?

(I note @nutellacrepe 's comment that it essentially flushed out the tubes, which is very interesting and worth noting).

Sorry I just read back my post and I didn't mean 'obviously' in an aggressive way to you :) I just meant it was obvious to the nurses when they saw it on the scan, so they went ahead with the procedure.

Yes it's so hard with the control thing, I get so much anxiety about all this and I have a bit of a default critical mode where I assume people aren't doing all they can, people are incompetent, and that I have to go off and do all my own research and know everything so that I can tell them what to do.

It doesn't help that out clinic are a bit hopeless with their admin sometimes, like yours by the sound of it.

I don't know what the answer is, but after 8 rounds of IUI I've started to try and let go of some of that because it hasn't made any difference. And truthfully, I think they are doing their best. The more I read, the more contrasting opinions I find and the more it seems that really there is just not a consensus on some of this stuff, but I realise that my clinic medically are doing everything that they can do, even if that's not 100% the same as the next clinic. They still get decent results on average so I'm trying to trust them.

But it's just so stressful when you just want to have a child and others can do it so easily. Hope you are doing OK.

I'll let you know on the HyCoSy... I'm regretting not having it done sooner to be honest, I will kick myself if it shows something and I've already had 8 rounds! Haha x

Also just to clarify re that scan - I didn't actually ask them to book an extra one in on the day of the IUI. I already had one booked in, but I then also got my surge that day. I asked them if I could keep the existing appoinement just for reassurance, which they agreed to even though they didn't think it was necessary. So I had an existing scan in the morning, then an IUI in the afternoon.

They didn't book in an extra scan before the procedure just because I asked/ had anxiety about it.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't book in a special scan for you before the IUI - they will probably say that you've had your surge so the timing is all good and you don't need a scan.

@nutellacrepe Ah yes, the fun HyCoSy that would make sense! I have also heard that its good to flush things out. I would definitely recommend taking pain killers as it can be a little uncomfortable (I didn't and that was a rooky error).

@solanks Oh my gosh it is going so slowly, I keep noticing every twinge and have to remind myself it is way too early. I will keep you posted!

Are you going to see your GP regarding moving forward? Hopefully, it will be better for you but we found the GP had no idea about what to do for a same sex couple annoyingly. Fortunately, we went in armed with info which I think helped and were able to ask to be referred to an NHS clinic we liked with good reviews. We also found they didn't know the eligibility for same-sex couples and IVF eligibility so we googled that prior too. Might be worth arming yourself up too. (Sorry if you are not going to the GP and/or the above isn't relevant and I am just waffling on hehe).
Good luck hopefully you will get some positive info re IVF soon!

@Twomumfamily Thank you. I'm really not looking forward to it as I even find the IUI procedures painful (which are apparently not meant to be!) I'm definitely going to dose up!

@nutellacrepe Oh me too, most people said it wouldn't hurt but I found the IUI very painful and was so bruised after - the things we go through!

Out of interest, did the clinic not recommend a HyCoSy prior to IUI (so strange how all clinics run so very differently - are you private or NHS?!)

@Twomumfamily Well it has been talked about in the past but as they assumed I was healthy with normal fertility I never bothered and they didn't really push for it. I didn't see the point in having a procedure I probably didn't need because they thought I would get pregnant easily. I was NHS to start with and then private for IUI.

@Twomumfamily Sorry you found the IUI painful as well.
I have found massive variance depending on who does it actually - some people are definitely better at it than others!

How did you get bruised if you don't mind me asking? (I can't imagine where you'd get bruised as isn't it all internal?) Were they doing ultrasound at the same time?

@nutellacrepe Absolutely, no need for a painful procedure if it is not necessary. I am unsure why they did one for me straight away tbh (although they found one partially blocked tube but that has not affected any treatment I have had!).

Yes, I was internally bruised (or just sore maybe), I bled a fair amount (from my cervix I think) as she had to keep taking the speculum in and out, and pulling(?) at my cervix with another instrument for about 20 mins. I am hoping the next one won't be as bad if I have to do it again. I'll maybe take a stronger painkiller.

How did you cope with the 8 rounds, did they get any easier pain wise or did you just dose up with painkillers each time?

@nutellacrepe Haha don't worry, I knew you were not being direct or aggressive🙈It wasn't until I re-read it and had my morning coffee that I realised that it just wouldn't make sense to push it back. It's not customary at our clinic to have those scans you mentioned before an IUI procedure, the reason we thought it may be a good idea to have them though is to be sure that we are not going in too late/missed ovulation. If we had an unlimited supply of donor sperm (and money!) we wouldn't really mind, but want to be as cautious as we can be.

@Twomumfamily My partner will only get a HyCoSy now if we are not eligible for IVF/the wait list for IVF is long and we therefore may undergo some more IUI. Again, in hindsight, we probably should have just got it done at the beginning but we are where we are now so are just looking forward and learning as we go.

I know what you mean regarding those twinges - it's so hard to ignore them!

Btw, thank you so much for the info regarding GPs. I am now going to obtain a plethora of print outs to pop in my holster ready for that appointment! I am basically like Monica from Friends when it comes to these things so I'll probably even organise it all and get my fancy highlighters and sticky notes out haha! 😅

@Twomumfamily Oof, that sounds horrible, I'm so sorry to hear about that experience :( I have never had anything like that. The procedures have always been really quick for me, like 5 mins or less, but I do tend to cramp a lot when they put the catheter in.
Do you know how experienced the person who did your procedure was? That makes a big difference.
They once asked me if I would let a student do mine and I refused - I don't mind them watching but would never let them do it, because I know I find it painful even when it's a very experienced nurse!

@solanks Sure, that completely makes sense, it's so expensive isn't it! I just didn't want you to have an expectation that they'd agree to give you an additional scan, because they didn't really do that for me, it was more of a coincidence really. Most of the time I don't get a scan just before the procedure.

@Twomumfamily Thank you. I found the meds ok surprisingly. I have the mirena coil in to manage my endometriosis and was abit worried how it would interact and if I would produce any eggs. They said it was my choice but quite often women keep it in if they are donating their eggs. I had quite significant stomach pain the day after the first injection but after that was fine. I was very tired and bloated but it was only 13 days so can’t really complain. I did get abit emotional and moody one evening but no surprise when you are pumping your body fu of drugs. I do feel they have had an effect on my cycle etc as I have had 2 months of break through bleeding which I haven’t had in almost 5 years. That said, I am due a coil change anyway.

Hoping your IUI is a success 🙏. I am finding it hard to progress over into pregnancy boards until we have our scan at the clinic next Tuesday. We are abit later for the scan as we are away in Devon this week. My partner is so relaxed where as I keep having moments of panic.

Nice to find this thread and see others in the same situation as us. I don’t think our clinic had lots of experience of same sex couples as I had to be transferred to the main nurse, as our assigned one just didn’t have a clue. We did see one other couple going in this time round which was nice

@solanks I think that with the research it makes you feel like you are doing all you can. It’s a rabbit hole sometimes though isn’t it! If time had been on our side I think we would have done the 3 IUI then IVF on NHS. However, my partner would have been pushing the 40 mark and cut off point.

Just picking up on what @nutellacrepe said on a pp. I took all the usual supplements including Ubiquinol (that’s the pure form CoQ10 that is meant to be faster absorbing), high strength Vit E and Alpha Lipoic acid for the eggs. Though my eggs are older so perhaps not required in other situations. My partner took the usual ones, added the optibac (I didn’t realise the vaginal flora was so important) and also had weekly Acupuncture until 1 week after the transfer. I know there is a lot of differing opinions on that and likelihood is it’s just luck but thought I’d put it out there.

@nutellacrepe The same lady who did my HyCoSy did my IUI (HyCoSy was fine with the catheter insertion) so I don't think she was a trainee - hoping it will be someone else if I have to do it again though ha!

@solanks Ah I am glad you found that helpful, haha definitely need to get the binders out for sure and tell them what you want to do next.

It's so strange, we haven't seen a SS couple at our clinic at all and we have been going for about 18 months!!

I am struggling with this TTW atm, only on 6dpo and feels so long away till test day. My brother and sister-in-law called us yesterday to say they were pregnant (they had just done the test) so really hoping we are too as we would only be a few weeks apart. Know it is a very slim chance but seems to have added to the pressure lol!

@Ivffirsttimer7 Did you do a specific type of acupuncture? I have heard good things about it and was going to look into it!

The open evening yesterday was great, confirmed that we're happy with the most local clinic. We'd looked at all the HFEA stats to shortlist possible clinics, so we knew quite a lot before we went. We were one of three, maybe four SSCs so that was nice too. So we've booked initial fertility tests with that clinic and we can go from there... just a blood test and ultrasound for now.

Wondering whether the HyCoSy is only recommended or actually compulsory before starting IUI. The clinic said that they do test people before, as IUI won't do much if there's tube issues, and it saves time, but I wonder if that's assuming clinical fertility issues being the reason the couple wants treatment? Like... is that a SSC thing too? Part of me thinks might as well check. The other sceptical part thinks it's another way to get a few ££ off of every couple. Something we can ask at consultation but I'd like to know experiences here too.

Thanks so much for the supplement advice @nutellacrepe @Ivffirsttimer7 about COQ10. I've now done a lot of research on various conception supplement options. I'm terrible with being able to swallow the bigger capsules that many of them are, so I've decided for the sake of making it easier to go with the sachets instead. But I'll wait until we're a little further ahead to start taking them! My daily multivitamin already has 200ug of folic acid so I'm hoping that has been keeping me in decent shape.

Edited to correct tags!

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick My clinic didn't require a HyCoSy because there were no obvious issues with me. It was optional so I said no.

However now, after 8 failed IUI's, they are strongly recommending it.

I will kick myself if I've had a blocked tube all this time and could have found out a year ago!

It's a personal decision really, it might provide peace of mind to know you're all clear before you start IUI, but if there's nothing obviously wrong then you might want to just try a few rounds and see what happens.

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick As I went the NHS route first they did all the tests and I had a HyCoSy (which we didn't need to pay for fortunately) prior to starting private treatment. Although they found one of my tubes was blocked this hasn't actually affected treatment at all, and we have just done IUI while ovulating from the side that is blocked.

If you have had any operations on your tummy previously (I had appendicitis which they think damaged my tube) then it may be worth doing the HyCoSy, other than that, as other posters have said it may be worth saving the money and giving it a go and seeing what happens!

@Twomumfamily can I ask how you got the tests and HyCoSy done on NHS? I don't think ours does unless a mixed sex couple 🤔

@nutellacrepe good point - thanks

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Of course. We went to our GP in early 2022 and asked to be referred for fertility treatment. (They were clueless and we did our research and asked to be referred to an NHS clinic that had good reviews).

They processed us the same as a mixed sex couple, I had a meeting at the clinic about 6 weeks after our GP referred us and I had my bloods taken, discussed IUI and said next step is HyCoSy. I had the HyCoSy about 4 weeks after that. Then we had our next appointment with the donor clinic (same hospital) which was about an hour and discussed donor choices and my HyCoSy results. In Jan 2023 we had our mandated implications counselling - all of this was under NHS and free.

It was only from there that we had to pay anything and this was for our IUI treatment, we are having our treatment at the same NHS clinic.

I believe, that if you go via NHS then you only need to start paying at the treatment point - all bloods, HyCoSy and other investigative treatments are covered. However, this could be different for each area/CCG or possibly different for each hospital/trust.

If you have already booked in for all your treatments with your clinic, it may not be worth trying NHS as the lead time from the first meeting to treatment is at least a year minimum (although it was 18 months for us due to some sperm shipping delays).

I don't think it is really advertised much, we only knew that we could go the NHS route as someone else had done so previously and told us - I do with GP's were more clued up.

To be honest, it is a long wait and I think saved us about £800 which after adding up all the costs (sperm x 8 and treatment) really isn't that much in the grand scheme of things!!

@Twomumfamily not specific. It was termed as fertility acupuncture. She would ask about where you were in your cycle each time and place the needles in slightly different areas. I think the best ones have been trained by Zita West, our one had done training quite a few years before. It was a throw everything and the kitchen sink at it for us. We had them for 8 weeks leading up to the transfer, one straight after and then one a week later.