IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

Thought I'd join this conversation for the first time. Me and my partner are planning on starting IUI in the next few months.

Just started looking at clinics / donor websites.

Our area needs you to pay 6 privately first before NHS will be considered.

Are there any tests you need to get done that we could get done on NHS?
Like I don't know whether I'm CMV negative or positive for when looking at sperm, do anyone know if NHS will test that for free?

Thanks @solanks and @strawberrylaces12 - Just on the progesterone pessaries now.

Hi @Curlylockss Welcome, how exciting :) We had all our tests done via the NHS, including a HyCoSy, AMH, CMV etc. We went to our GP and asked to be referred to a fertility clinic that we liked (we did some research) and then went through all the appropriate testing with them on the NHS (I don't think the GP do these tests but I may be wrong). The first time we needed to pay for anything was for our IUI's - It is still classed as self funded (or 'private' just at an NHS clinic).

It took about 6 months from going to the GP to completing all tests and being ready to start IUI, but when our IUI's failed our IVF funding was approved within the week as we were already on the system, and we started IVF the following month.

I hope this helps, there is so little info on the NHS route online, but it absolutely is possible (but you do need to plan in advance as it is MUCH slower than private and you do still need to pay for the IUI).

@strawberrylaces12 sorry to hear you’re definitely out this month. Glad to hear your clinic includes counselling – so important!

@Twomumfamily wow! Progress! Do you still have to wait two weeks to test, or what's the next stage for you?

@Curlylockss welcome. Personally, we did our tests with the clinic in the interest of speed. I didn’t have the patience to wait for the NHS! The HyCoSy was about £500 but the CMV and Chlamydia (compulsory pre-hyfosy) tests were only £50. Hep and HIV tests are included in the cost for IUI cycles at my clinic.

Thanks @Twomumfamily
How did you know the clinic you liked would be allowed to be referred there on the NHS?

Were your IUIs cheaper this way? Obviously you saved money on the tests, but was the actually IUI cheaper?

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick We have to wait 10 days (as had a 5 day blast transferred) so we test next weekend. I don't think they do the blood tests at our clinic though.

@Curlylockss I don't think the IUI's were cheaper if I am honest, they were £1200 per cycle (Unmedicated). We went NHS as I was fairly certain I would eventually need IVF due to previous abdominal surgery and I personally preferred waiting before, rather than after, we had begun trying with IUI (for my mental health). We had our 1st IUI in Oct 2023 and I have just finished my first NHS funded IVF cycle. We did also had 6 months to spare as we went to the GP before we were ready to try (I am a forward planner lol).

I did a lot of research and I had several clinics I liked (Guys and Kings) that were local enough to us (GP was pretty clueless) so I basically told her to refer me to one of those and fortunately she did/could. As with anything NHS you really have to push and self advocate.

Might be worth reaching out to your GP just in case while you also look at private clinics?

How's everyone getting on? 😊

We have our next cycle scan (day 12) later this week, so fingers crossed for that and hopefully another attempt this month. Trying my best to just relax a bit more in general but also about the fertility stuff too, obviously it's easier said than done. I'm just trying to acknowledge the fertility stuff/thoughts but not let it rule my life and be at the forefront, also easier said than done! But I have managed to do that a bit which is good - as in, yes it's a big part of our life right now but it's not the only part. We have lots of lovely plans with friends and family and hopefully going to book a couple of little trips away etc. Just so there's less pressure/focus on fertility each month because I don't think that's helped the last couple of months. We'll see how things go😅

CD13 here on my admin cycle. Had a final blood test this morning, next week we confirm our consents to go ahead and (most importantly) pay for round 1. Part of me feels like this waiting is going so slowly but another part knows that if/when I am pregnant it'll be so real and go quickly.

I have a really stupid thing. I know it's our first ever IUI and it's so unlikely to be positive, but based on my usual timings I'll be taking a pregnancy test shortly before mother's day. And I know of all things that's not what to focus on, but it gives me a concrete date that we'll know something. I'll know if it worked and I'm pregnant, I'll know whether IUI is painful for me, and I'll know whether we're looking at a due date in 2024 or maybe 2025. I think with all the uncertainty about cycle lengths and ovulation dates (even with predictable cycles), having an unmoveable date (mother's day) in the calendar is helpful.

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick

Ooh exciting good luck! One thing I will say is I wish I hadn't pinned my hopes so much on attempt 1 (and 2 as well). I think I need to just be hopeful about the overall process and not each specific attempt as it puts a lot of pressure on it. However obviously for some it does work first time so I really hope that that's the case for you! 🤞

Hopefully we'll be having our 3rd attempt this month. Although they did say if the 3rd isn't successful it's worth considering changing the donor in case of compatibility issues, so we'll just have to see how it goes 😊

That's what I mean - it's not so much about it being positive but just having more knowledge about motherhood on a day about mothers. I'm not sure I can explain things particularly clearly.

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick that makes sense - it's such a difficult journey isn't it, all the what ifs and uncertainty! But hopefully it'll be a good outcome for you around that time 😊

i think your approach of planning lots of other nice things is a good one @strawberrylaces12 its so easy to feel like everything else is on hold isn’t it.

hope you’re admin cycle all goes well @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick

my update is I had some bloods done to check my clotting and lupus anti coagulant and they’re all fine, so I’m waiting to speak to my nurse next week to work out next steps. It sounds weird but I would find it more helpful to know there is a problem with me that can either be addressed or not.

also two of my friends undergoing fertility treatment have told me they’re pregnant in the last week, so now I feel like the only one left who has tried and not been successful. I’m obviously delighted for them both, but it’s hard not to brood on my own poor outcome as well.

im really torn about whether to try another round of ivf with my eggs or see if my partner has a better outcome. If I do another egg retrieval it needs to be sooner really due to my age.

will have to ruminate and see!

@Quickdraw23 Sending you lots of hugs, it is always difficult when people make pregnancy announcements, as much as we don't want it to affect us, it inevitably does. A close friend of mine facetimed me to let me know she is 12 weeks, I managed to hold it together on the call but it hit me after and I did have a little cry. Unexplained is so frustrating, although hopefully that means that it is positive news if you did decide to move forward with another cycle/transfer yourself?

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Good luck with your admin cycle!

@strawberrylaces12 Really hope that 3rd time is the charm for you! I have heard the same thing about changing the donor, it adds another stress on though as it takes so long to find one you like let alone two!

I did an early test with a FRER yesterday at 5dp5dt which is when most people get their first positive test. It was stark white, tested again today (6dp5dt) with a pre mom, big fat negative. Quite gutting if I am honest. My wife thinks its still to early but I really feel like I am out.

We found out after the transfer that even though I have 4 blasts in the freezer they are all 4BC which is quite poor quality which could mean less chance of implantation (which is what I think has happened this time).

I have had a bloody good cry (thanks progesterone) and will be glad to stop these bloody pessaries on official test day. Out if interest, do the progesterone pessaries make anyone else super down?

Trying to stay positive as I know we are so very lucky to even have any in the freezer - But the unknown of it all is quite hard & scary isn't it!

@Twomumfamily sorry to hear that it was a negative. Please do not even worry about the grading they give. There is alot of information out there that dismisses this and is essentially how good looking the embryo is. The only way you can tell if they are good is the testing. If it’s any comfort ours weren’t great, we had a 3AB that failed and a 3BA that worked. It had only just reached blast stage and even after thawing didn’t progress but it worked. Keep the faith. Keep pessaries going for a few days, I know people will say you don’t know until it’s 13DPT, and that’s when we tested but usually around the 9/10 dpt is average.

@Ivffirsttimer7 Oh really? Thank you, that is incredibly reassuring. To be fair the clinic didn't seem fazed by the grading and when I mentioned it they also said it didn't matter - Google however said the opposite and has scared the life out of us that a C had less that 25% chance (I know - never google lol). Did you have a chemical with the first transfer or straight up negative and did you wait till 13dpt both times? How did you both manage - nerves of steel!

That does make me feel better, everywhere said 6dpt was average (NO MORE GOOGLING). Yep the pessaries are still going, it isn't over until official test day but I don't think I will test early again, its too much of a mind f**k. I'll keep positive thoughts going that it could be a BFP in a few days and if not, there is always next month. This progesterone though, its like PMDD on steroids!

@Twomumfamily we just never got a positive so I assume never implanted. In many ways I am grateful for that. We tested at 10dpt and even the wait until 13dpt for official was awful, I kept hoping it was wrong. Second time my partner said we are waiting till 13dpt and that’s that. So we did, kept busy and was so sure it wouldn’t work.

I have banged on previously that I think fresh isn’t as good as frozen. Body still up in the air from drugs etc. Also next time your body will know to what to expect. I will keep everything crossed for you in the next few days!

@Quickdraw23 yeah I think it's helping. And I'm sort of trying to detach/distance myself a bit from all of the feelings around fertility stuff currently. Which is kind of sad because I'm less excited but also I think it's going to protect myself a bit from being so disappointed. Just feeling quite neutral about it which is probably not a bad thing.

@Twomumfamily thank you! Yeah changing thr donor would be a bit annoying but thankfully the clinic have like a brochure type thing of donors so it's not like we have to source it from elsewhere thankfully! Really keeping my fingers crossed for you, we're all here whatever the outcome. I found progesterone made me feel quite down and tired, not as mood swingy as I expected though. Let us know how you get on (if you're happy to of course!).

Got the day 12 scan tomorrow morning. I've been doing ovulation tests (clear blue ovulation advanced) at home just out of interest. I got an empty circle on Monday and yesterday but a flashing smiley face (high fertility) today so I imagine I'll get a static smiley face (peak fertility) tomorrow or Friday. I've had some ewcm today which I don't think I tend to usually get until about day 13 although of course each cycle is different. So just fingers crossed it'll all time okay and we won't miss ovulation. No ovulation pains yet though which I do get a day or two before. None of it is an exact science though is it😅

Scan was good, two follicles at 21 and 22 I think it was and lining looked good. Got a peak on the ovulation test so they did the IUI this morning 😊Fingers crossed and here goes the next wait and see period 🤞 just trying to feel quite chilled about it (easier said than done!) and not have too high expectations. And also I'm going to try and just live life these next two weeks and enjoy it still rather than counting down the days so much like I have the last two times. I'm sure that won't last long😂

Good luck @strawberrylaces12! Sounds like there's a few people who'll be testing in February

@strawberrylaces12 good luck for this cycle!

Unfortunately I have come on my period this morning, so our first transfer has officially failed sadly. Quite gutted, but I had a few days to process already which has helped.

I have emailed the clinic to see if I can stop progesterone and see what the next steps are. As I have started bleeding while on progesterone I am worried my progesterone is low, so will ask for a few more exploratory tests. I am hoping we can jump straight into a FET but don’t know if they will want me to have 2 bleeds prior.

@Ivffirsttimer7 Thank you for all your support this last month, it has really helped to hear you and your partners process. I really appreciate it!

Sorry to hear your news @Twomumfamily. Hopefully they can figure out what's going on with the progesterone

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick thank you! 😊

@Twomumfamily thank you! Sorry to hear it wasn't successful. Today at the clinic I mentioned that my period started on progesterone last cycle (as I was wondering my progesterone dose needed to be upped) but the fertility nurse said progesterone isn't used to stop a period, it's common for it to start if implantation didn't happen/wasn't successful. So I'm still going to be on 200mg a day. I guess if my progesterone levels on my day 21 blood test were low (which they weren't) then they may have upped it. I don't know! Really hope you hear back soon about the next steps 💕

So sorry to hear the transfer didn’t work @Twomumfamily it’s so tough going. I hope you treat yourself to something nice and enjoyable as soon as possible.

I also tried really hard to detach feelings/push down feelings of hope, which does feel sad but was really protective for me when I had my negatives,

Good luck @strawberrylaces12 !! Got everything crossed for you.

@Twomumfamily no worries. It’s nice to know there are others in the same situation, or have been through it. What was the level prior to transfer? I read anything below 50 is too low. Higher the better.