IVF sibling round support

[itsmschanandlerbong]

Just wondered if there would be any interest in setting up a support thread for those of us thinking about a sibling round. This could very much be a 'me' issue but I feel a bit awkward sometimes posting in other threads, it's a bit like being stuck between being very lucky and fortunate having had a successful round, but also struggling with the challenges of having to go through it all over again. I've found it difficult to know my place in this community now.

So yeah, is anyone else trying or thinking about trying for their sibling round yet? Ill post a comment with our story.

@Overlyanxious congratukations on your baby boy!!! Hope you are both well!

We had transfer on Tuesday so currently 4dpt. Usual cramps and sore boobs which I’ll blame on progesterone. Not getting my hopes up. I convinced myself last month it had worked and it hadn’t so will just wait and see

@Overlyanxious huge congratulations and a big welcome to your baby boy! ❤️ I hope you're recovering well and settling in nicely at home - how is your older one doing with the new arrival?

@2mumlife well done on starting potty training and I hope it's not too hard... A lot of what you wrote is really similar to what we're going through, especially when it comes to toddlerdom and the odd act of jealousy/roughness. I'm constantly chasing time too, and this is while my partner is still on parental leave so 12w in I'd say this transition is definitely harder than the first time round. But I wouldn't change a thing, of course 😊

@LT103 I'm sorry about the last one, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is the transfer that works for you 🤞🏼🤞🏼

@pinksheetss and @Cherryblossom90 wishing you both the best of luck! No advice from my end I'm afraid - I had 2 FETs with the same protocol, embryos of the same grade, etc. one failed and one worked and I have no idea why.

Hi all, hope you don't mind me jumping in.

I'm trying for baby #2 after my first also through IVF (after doing 2 cycles). Unfortunately my body doesn't seem to produce many eggs naturally each cycle (a bummer for IVF) but my doctor with the full fertility tests done twice never mentioned anything about low reserve so I'm guessing that's not an issue? From my experience each transfer resulted in pregnancy although the first try was a chemical and second resulting in my child.

I did my new cycle again for baby #2 since I never had any leftover each time. This time even lower egg retrieved so probably need a bit of a handhold as I am here praying the 2 embryo they fertilised will at least having one making it.

I feel very blessed with my first and will try my best to give my first a sibling.

@StaceyWS88 interested to hear how you went from a failed cycle to having more eggs subsequently? I feel kind of down with the low egg collection and wondering can we do anything subsequently to improve the chances or it's more a blip of a month?

Appreciate the supportive community on the forum.

@Overlyanxious I’m late to the party but congratulations!!! How you all getting on? Pleased to say our rough-patch with toddler seems to be improving. Hope yours is coping ok with all the changes x

@beachbum85 How are you getting on? Potty training ended up being really easy actually - lots of accidents the first day, but pretty much there by day 4 and been dry during the day really reliably really quickly. So I’m actually kind of glad we held off a bit as I think she was more than ready which has made it really painless. Baby boy is 6 months now! So we’ve started weaning which started off a bit slow but he’s picked up now. He’s definitely hitting some separation anxiety / preference for me now which is challenging particularly at night he’s not settling great at the start of the night. We didn’t sleep train first so just persevering. This morning I had both sleeping squished either side of me from 5am 🤦‍♀️ I may never sleep more than a few hours at a time again 😂

@LT103 How are you getting on??

@WhiteJasmin Were you able to transfer anything? It’s a long road if you need to do more egg collections.

We’ve been talking a lot about our 1 remaining embryo. I just cannot get to a place where I feel ok about destroying or donating to research, so my wife has got on board with transferring it at some point. I feel in a lot of limbo though feeling like I don’t know if baby boy is our last or not. And I really wish I knew one way or another to be honest 🤦‍♀️. How is everyone else feeling after 2? Do you feel done? I just…. don’t. Feel very much though that I don’t want to get hopes up, and like I should be treating everything as the last time. Feels weird though to think I might never do the whole baby stage again. Don’t know if anyone else can relate? 🤦‍♀️ Also feeling quite conflicted about whether we transfer the last embryo fairly quickly or not - in one way I just want to know if we’re done or not so we can know one way or another, and if we’re done then embrace this being the last and kind of move on with life and sell off the baby clothes and get back on track with career. But then if it works it would then mean another small age gap, so maybe we just need to stay in limbo longer. Anyone else considering what to do in the future?

@2mumlife exciting about a possible transfer later in year.

we’re in limbo just now.
since going back for sibling round we’ve had 1 miscarriage in November. Then 2 back to back transfers this year that were both negative. We have 2 embryos left.

out of the 5 we have so far used, only one was successful.
we go on holiday this week then planning to transfer on our next day 1. Next to decide is whether we transfer the 2 remaining embryos together. Not sure can justify another £6k for 2 separate transfers. But then worry about the increased risk of twins. They have suggested double transfer to us a couple of times now so they will do it but I’m undecided.

still to do consent forms which we will prob do while we’re away then go from there

any thoughts? Single vs double?

for context we had 1 grade a (which was miscarriage), Then 5 grade b (1 successful, 1 miscarriage and 2 negative) and have 1 grade b and 1 grade c left

@2mumlife yes I had one embryo that made it for transfer and I tested positive. Got my first ultrasound tomorrow so I'm pretty nervous. I'm also feeling guilty that my first is still young and I would love to spend more time with him but biological clock is ticking so I can't wait it out so to speak.

@WhiteJasmin congratulations! And best of luck for your scan XX

@LT103 ugh that's a tricky one... If it were me, I think it would depend on what the plan was if both the embryos weren't to be successful (obviously hoping that's not the case!). If I were going for another egg collection, I'd want to do it asap and therefore would transfer both together, but otherwise I'd do one at a time. I remember reading that the science says an unsuccessful embryo wouldn't jeopardise a successful one of transferred together, but just to reduce the risk of twins. All of this if you're ok with twins/another 2 kids, of course.

@2mumlife so glad to hear that potty training and weaning is going so well for you guys! Ah the sleep troubles 😅 I'm worried about never waiting properly again too haha but in our case it's the toddler that's the problem as he wants someone to sleep with him in his room all night 🤦🏻‍♀️ we also didn't sleep train and, with all of the changes the last few months, we're not pushing too much, but it's hard. We also have some bits if aggression (hitting, spitting, shouting) which really get me down, but I think things are improving now that we've settled back at home.
I can totally relate with your feelings about this baby being the last... I actually have shed quite a few tears about that. In our case, she was our last embryo and we're just so grateful to have 2 healthy kids, so we're done. My partner is also pro contraception so that we don't tempt fate seeing our ages but I feel like that's a bit silly after all these years of infertility and when I would actually love a third (without properly considering the logistics though). If I had another embryo I would really want to transfer it and see... Can you wait it out a bit and see how you're feeling in a year's time or so? And assume he's the last in the meantime so you're not getting your hopes up or anything, or keeping yourselves back when it could not work? So many difficult decisions...

Hello everyone. Hoping I can join this thread. We are very lucky to have our 2yo son born in 2023 who is an absolite joy. This was on our first round of IVF ICSI fresh embryo.
We have 1 frozen embryo left and planning to try again in the New Year when I will be 35.
Any good news stories or advice on having 2 successful IVF pregnancies much appreciated. I'm not sure we could fund a new cycle due to finances. Thank you

@LT103 I’m sorry the last cycle was unsuccessful again. We’ve always done single transfers. I’ve just always felt like yes, another round is expensive, but my health and my babies health is more important. You’ve got to do what’s right for you though x

@WhiteJasmin Congratulations! Hope everything goes well with scan. How old is your first? By

@beachbum85 We didn’t sleep train either. Toddle had lots of sleep disruption for awhile after baby was born but it’s gradually got better. Last night she slept through 8-5 and then I went and slept with her from 5-6. Baby woke at 6 so went back through to him, and then toddler woke up 6:15 when my absence was detected 😂 and came through (she’s recently started in the morning just coming through to “big bed” independently which is nice). Hopefully things will improve as he adjusts. I just kept having to remind myself she’s still a baby too when there was bad sleep / undesirable behaviours. I’m quite keen to wait until my period comes back again, and we wanted to aim more for a summer baby if it works, so I think we may end up waiting a bit longer to try. It’s just the limbo, and wanting to know I guess, and I’m
holding on to all this baby stuff 🤦‍♀️ I think as well as we need to make some other decisions as well next year about moving house and things - though I guess another baby actually wouldn’t really affect what we’d want from a house etc. It’s just hard being in a place of feeling another child would be welcome but not wanting to get hopes up that much either as feel like statistically it’s probably not going to stick 🤷‍♀️ so I don’t want to try the last embryo and set off a whole new urge to do egg collections etc etc again 🤦‍♀️

@HappyMamma2023 Welcome to the thread! I found the second time around easier in some ways - less time to worry about the process. We were very lucky that our baby was conceived on first medicated FET (unlike our first who took 7 attempts of IUI/embryo transfers).

@2mumlife @beachbum85 we just completed consents this week and after a lot of reading have gone for a single transfer.

we found an interesting paper that showed if you transfer 2 embryos of different grades it can cause both to fail. We have one b and one c so we will do 2 single embryos.

we won’t be doing another collection as I’m 43 now so these are our last 2 chances and if it doesn’t work, so be it. We have our little boy and we will be ok with just having the one.

I have guilt as it is trying for a second as I fee it will take away him getting all my time but I do know that having a sibling would just be the most amazing thing

Thanks for the well wishes! @2mumlife my first is 18 months at the moment.

Hey, how is everyone getting on? @itsmschanandlerbong @beachbum85 @Overlyanxious

Last few months we celebrated DDs 3rd birthday and DSs 1st birthday and I returned to work (what a drag). DSs has just started walking so thats fun :)

We've been doing lots of chats about our last little frostie. I'm still quite keen to give it a last roll of the dice, but I've hit a bit of a mental block - keep thinking to myself if we try and it doesnt work, then thats it really, no more babies. And I'm not sure I'm ready to accept no more babies. Feel a bit like whilst we are in the state of having a frostie I can still dream about about doing it 1 last time, but that if we try and it doesn't stick, then I really do need to move on out of the baby stage.

Hey @2mumlife lovely to hear from you! Happy birthday to your DS - exciting to have him walking, I'm sure 😍

We're well, thanks. My daughter will turn one just before Christmas and then I'm back to work mid-January so really trying to make the most of this last bit of time off... And that's it for us, no more babies and I'll have to work until I retire 😅 I sometimes get really sad about it and wish we started trying a lot earlier, but then I think about how lucky we've been and that, if things weren't exactly as they are, we wouldn't have THESE babies. So, somehow, I've accepted it and have been selling/giving away all my pregnancy stuff and the things she's grown out of. I'm not sure how I'm going to stop breastfeeding before going back to work, and how I'm going to feel about that, or deal with settling in at nursery, but I guess it would be just as hard even if I had 5 more babies (ha!).

Cheering you on to gather the strength to give that little frostie a go! It could go either way... think about how amazing it would be if it worked but, equally, the worst case scenario is what you have now and that's a pretty good one 😉

Hey! Just hoping for a bit of advice I think…

story: failed IVF. ICSI = 5 Frosties (2x miscarriages, 1x fail and fourth FET was my miracle boy, and 1 frostie left)

Just had a set of baseline fertility test and my AMH is 7 at age 36 so low (was 31 at age 31) Antral follicle count was 5 on R and 9 on L.

So with money, time and energy all considered with a toddler in our lives… would you transfer the remaining frostie or start a new round of ICSI?

What do you think? What would you do?

I was in a similar position and tbh didn’t feel very hopeful about the final one as despite having a successful pregnancy from that batch we used several others trying for a sibling that didn’t end up working. I wanted to go for a fresh round and not waste time or money on it.

However the consultant said the quality (untested) was still good and that it being younger meant it statistically had a better chance of working than a fresh round being older. He also said that if it didn’t work we could start a fresh round within 2-3 months and that length of wait wouldn’t make a difference to our chances.

We tried it and I did get pregnant but it wasn’t viable. Am now pregnant from a new round but in the end I am glad we tried it first. A couple of reasons - if it had’ve worked it would’ve been significantly cheaper to do an fet than a whole new round, I also think the idea of having one ‘banked’ but not using it would play on my mind. If that’s the embryo that’s going to work then I want it asap, if that embryo was never going to work then I’d rather know sooner rather than later so I don’t mentally label it as a ‘back up’ when it never was one if that makes sense.

@Strawberrryfields thank you very much for your honest opinion, sharing your story and thought process. That’s really valuable. We are having another consultation in about a month so we need to think about our decision over the festive period.

@TheYorkshirePudding No worries at all, I’ve always found it helpful reading others’ points of view. Good luck with your next steps.

@2mumlife how are you getting on? I haven't been on mumsnet forever. It's so chaotic with 2 children 🤣 the little one just turned 1. They are very cute together but also annoy each other with snatching of toys.

@beachbum85 how are you doing?

Hi hope everyone is doing well! My IVF sibling child is doing well.

At times I think of having another but I'm happy to say my IVF journey is over. I like the idea I don't have any leftover embryos and every embryo was given a chance at life.

Thanks for the community's support as IVF journey can feel very isolating.

@Overlyanxious Lovely to hear from you! I love the chaos 😂 mine are 3.5 and 1.5 now. We get a bit of the snatching too, but also a lot of cuddles (which also results in annoyance when the other doesn't want a cuddle 🙄). They're actually genuinely really good with each other most of the time, and the more the little one gets more independent and can say more words the easier its getting for them to find their own grove together.

@WhiteJasmin @Overlyanxious I've actually just had a BFN today 13dp5dt with our very last embryo (we had 1 left frozen). Still trying to process the feelings really. I don't know - the whole way through my second pregnancy knowing there was an embryo left, I've sort of had it in my mind that I'd get to do it all 1 more time. It took a little bit for both DW and I to land on agreement at the same time to give the last embryo a shot, so feeling really flat that its not worked to be honest. We still have some donor sperm but DW is turning 41 this year and I think is more ready to be 2 and through. The transfer has really strengthened my feeling though that I'd like to do it all again 1 last time. Not sure what we'll do yet. I mean 2 is chaos and I can see benefits in moving past the newborn stage, but damn biological urges!

@2mumlife I'm very sorry to hear about your results today. You gave the last embryo a chance at life and left no regrets in having a leftover frozen embryo. Take your time to process your feelings.

@WhiteJasmin Thanks Jasmin. I agree - it felt really important to give that last embryo a chance. I'd always have been wondering if we didn't transfer it what would have happened.

@2mumlife I'm sorry to hear about the Bfn. It's so difficult to know what to do. I feel sad about not having anymore but we can't afford more children really.

It is lovely to hear the other 2 are getting on so well. x

@Overlyanxious @2mumlife I love reading your updates and it all sounds so familiar: the chaos, the snatching, the excessive cuddles... I think my kids are each others' favourite people, despite the moments of jealousy and everything, and I love to see it 😍

@2mumlife I'm so sorry your last transfer didn't work out - it's great that you and your wife can't to an agreement and have that embryo a chance but that hope and then loss is always so hard 😓 take care of yourself XX

@Overlyanxious I also feel so sad that the baby stage is over, especially when my 3yo says 'she's not a baby anymore Mummy, she's a toggler now' 🥺 but I'm 40 now and my partner is older and he's just so worried that we'd have a baby with physical complications or something and just disrupt the family balance we've created (he was the same with the sibling round but more willing to risk then to give our first a sibling). I could spend so much time in tears over the nostalgia but I'm trying to focus on the excitement of new phases like school and just soak in everything as much as possible as it passes 🤷🏻‍♀️