IVF sibling round support

[itsmschanandlerbong]

Just wondered if there would be any interest in setting up a support thread for those of us thinking about a sibling round. This could very much be a 'me' issue but I feel a bit awkward sometimes posting in other threads, it's a bit like being stuck between being very lucky and fortunate having had a successful round, but also struggling with the challenges of having to go through it all over again. I've found it difficult to know my place in this community now.

So yeah, is anyone else trying or thinking about trying for their sibling round yet? Ill post a comment with our story.

Hi everyone!

@Overlyanxious I'm sorry you're struggling with your thyroid! My experience with bridging between the clinic and GP on this was terrible with the previous GP, but great with the current one, so I think it's a mixed bag of how familiar GPs are with thyroid issues and fertility. What I was told is that TSH over 2.5 is high (high TSH -> underactive thyroid/hypothyroidism) in terms of carrying a pregnancy, but I haven't heard concerns about values on the lower end, so I hope you've sorted it out in the meantime and it's all fine xxx

@2mumlife How's the iron supplement? Hope you're feeling well on it!

Update here is that we had a good (although heavy) discussion with the geneticist on Tuesday and she explained that there's a condition called Noonan's that can have a range of impacts but, when coupled with the missing duct, generally has a v bad prognosis (and there the initial discussion about potential TFMR and all the tears...). So, although the likelihood of baby having Noonan's is low based on what we can see at this stage, she highly recommended we check for it... and I had an amnio on Wed. I will say that they sold it as 'oh you're a pro with all the IVF needles, this will be nothing!' and it really wasn't the case, but it went very smoothly and, apart from a little bruising and feeling quite worse-for-wear, everything seems to be OK so far. But now the wait for the results, which will take 3-5 weeks...

@beachbum85 thank you. My consultant from the clinic ended up ringing me as I kept asking questions. She said not to worry too much but I need to keep getting blood tests to keep an eye on it.

Hoping you can stay sane during the wait for the results. I wish they could just tell you the same day. I really hope it shows everything is ok and you can then relax. Keeping everything crossed for you. Have you got anything planned to keep you busy?

I'd love to join the sibling round thread.
My story:

Mid 2021 decided to start trying for a baby. The very next month found out I was pregnant, delighted. Had a baby in early 2022.

Early 2023 started trying for a baby expecting to conceive first month. A year on... nothing. Did one cycle of IVF - unsuccessful. 13 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 1x day 5 embryo, 2x day 6 embryos. None euploid.

I'm late 20s. AMH 13. Husbands sperm is good. Had all the possible tests. So so disappointed and sad

@beachbum85 Iron tablets are going ok. Was a bit surprised but been told to just take a high dosage but only 3 times a week - apparently there is some evidence showing its as effective as daily supplementation but with less side effects. With DD I got my bloods retested 4 weeks later to check levels again, so I'm assuming it will be the same this time.

I'm sorry geneticist was emotionally challenging. It sounds like she's prepared you for the absolute worst case scenario, but that the amnio could very much come back saying everything is absolutely fine? I'm assuming the amnio will check for everything? Didn't realise the results of an amnio would take so long to come back. How are you feeling about it all now you've had a bit of time to process?

@strtng Welcome to the group. I'm sorry to hear your first round didn't work out, but it sounds like you're in a great position - you're really young and got a really good number of eggs collected for AMH. Do you have another round planned?

@2mumlife yes, we will 100% be doing another round, just not sure what changes to make to ensure better success next time - is it the clinic / something else etc.

Diet seems decent, neither of us eat red meat and haven't drank for about 1 year for me and 7mo for DH. I take ubiquinol, pregnancare pre conception, extra vit d. I don't have a stressful job at all (I'm a SAHM but have a lot of help)

@strtng Sounds very much like you're doing everything already. You could try acupuncture if you're wanting to feel like you're doing something different (know feeling of control can help!). Your numbers are good, its just a shame none were euploid. I know very little about PGTa testing, but I think sometimes people transfer 'mosaic' embryos? Sounds like you just got unlucky this cycle and there is no reason to think you wont get a euploid embryo next time? What have your clinic advised? You had a good number of eggs collected, so I assume they're happy with your response to stims?

@2mumlife I'm yet to speak to them! Issue is I'm not sure I'd know what the "correct" answer is - they could say "oh well do more of X and less of Y next time" and I would have no idea if that's moving in the right direction or if it's the wrong decision.

Welcome @strtng is it worth asking if your DH needs to take any supplements (although I see his results have been good). From reading other peoples threads on these types of things it sometimes is a case of luck rather than needing to do anything specific. As @2mumlife you are young so that is good.

@2mumlife that's interesting about how often you take the iron. How are you getting on in general?

I have my scan on Thursday - I cannot wait to get it over and done with.

@Overlyanxious been thinking of you and your scan today - I hope it all went well xxx
I'm glad you got an answer about your thyrois results and it's nothing to be worried about. an extra eye on things is always good anyway.

Hi again @strtng I'm glad you joined the thread. I echo what the others said, that it's sometimes more about luck and even repeating exactly the same thing can get very different results. Other times, a change in meds can change everything. I can definitely understand the disappointment of the first round not working, and wanting to know what needs changing or not, but so much of it is outside our control and you may just have to go with what the clinic suggest without knowing whether it's a good idea or not. I find that so hard myself, but your history, age and numbers are on your side so there's no reason it wouldn't work next time. Oh, and I agree with trying acupuncture - I loved the feeling and it helped me feel I was doing something when everything else was mostly out of my control.

@2mumlife I'm glad you can take a bit less of the iron supplements and that's going OK so far. Hopefully the next bloods will confirm the levels have gone up sufficiently.
Also I wanted to update and say that potty training is going pretty OK! The first 3-4 days were tough and exhausting but once he got the hang of it, it's been pretty smooth. We go around 4-5 days between accidents and then it's usually because he's too busy playing to stop and use the potty 😅

We just got a letter today saying the 'urgent' route for our results wasn't accepted so we may be waiting up to 5w rather than 3w. We got confirming that there's no Downs Edwards or Pataus, which we knew from the NIPT but always such a relief to know for sure. We'll be back at my home for a couple of weeks so that will hopefully keep us well distracted until we hear back 🤞🏼 (although I come from a place where termination is never acceptable, not even for medical reasons, so if it's bad news, I really hope we don't find out there!) So far doing relatively OK, trying not to think about it all too much, and trying to stay optimistic - the geneticist said we have a 90% chance or more of all coming back clear, so we're focusing on that for now.

@Overlyanxious The iron tablets are going fine thanks - its slightly weird as only have to take them 3 times a week (rather than daily) but apparently its a legit approach to minimise side effects whilst still increasing iron (and to be fair, I've not had any of the usual iron tablet constipation yet so maybe its a better approach!). Seconding the well wishes for your scan today!

@beachbum85 Well done on giving the potty training a go! Glad its worked out so well. Sort of wish we'd given it a go hearing how well your wee boy is doing, but oh well, we'll need to hang off now until things settle after the birth but that'll be ok. Amazing you'll have at least 1 out of nappies during the day!

How do they decide what 'route' you get sent down? I guess its at least better to know its going to be a longer wait, than having uncertainty. Do the results come out as a letter, or do they make you an appointment to tell you so you can ask questions etc?

@2mumlife I wouldn't worry, there are pros and cons of any time. Your daughter is a little younger and then you know you won't be faced with the regression after birth. I'm very glad we went for it and it was OK overall, but I must say I was really regretting the decision those first few days! Not helped by the fact that it was lovely weather and we were stuck inside running after a half naked toddler all day long😅 some of the most argumentative days between my partner and I since he was born!

We get the 'slow' route because we have only 1 risk marker and the risk is seen to be low - which is all good, of course, but 5weeks is torture! They will call us as soon as the results come in and then, if there's anything concerning, we'll meet with the geneticist again to discuss the implications, but she's only in once a week I think, and they don't want anyone to wait longer than necessary to know the results. Very nice and understanding of them, at least.

@beachbum85 and @2mumlife thanks for thinking of me. Luckily the scan went well so that's one milestone now met. I now need to register with the hospital and get those appointments in.

@beachbum85 oh that's so annoying you have to wait longer. I hope the time goes nice and quick for you. Well done on the potty training.

@beachbum85 thank you! I've tried acupuncture but it didn't seem to work for me in that I just sat there anxiously the whole time calculating weeks and days and which DPO I am, symptom spotting. I've also failed at yoga and meditation as a means of relaxing for this exact reason haha

@Overlyanxious my husband takes Impryl, l carnatine, omega 3, and maybe some others? Also a SUPER healthy diet, no drinking. Seems like such a mystery!

Hi everyone, I’m new to this thread because I stupidly thought I wouldn’t need any external support but it’s 3am and I’m sobbing in bed because I really don’t think I have any chance of this round working.

My daughter is 2.5, I am currently in the stims stage of a fresh cycle after failed FET earlier in the year.

When I was doing the round that my daughter came from I was eating so healthy, didn’t eat any sugar as all, only eat whole food, literally no junk. This time around I’m really struggling to stick to this, we’ve had family visiting, bbqs, holidays etc and I’ve not been anywhere near as good as I should have been. It’s so much harder when you already have a toddler to care for. On top of that I’m really struggling to sleep, had about maybe five hours over the last three nights.
Im so scared this isn’t going to work and it’s because of me. I want it so badly I hate myself for not being stricter.
Anyway, thank you to anyone who reads this, I just need to feel heard by people who hopefully understand.

Hey @Dove88!! I'm similar ish in the sense that I've got a 2.5yo daughter (conceived naturally though, first cycle of vaguely trying) and now really struggling to conceive no2, moved onto IVF. Had a disastrous first cycle and now on holiday, will do second cycle when I'm back.
My first cycle (which was an absolute disaster, 13 eggs --> no euploid embryos, considering I'm 29) I was super healthy in terms of eating - no sugar whatsoever, barely any carbs, vegetables with every single meal, nothing "unhealthy", no red meat in any form. Now I'm on holiday (but long... will be away for 6 weeks between July and September) where I can't cook for myself and obviously feeling a bit weird turning up to a restaurant requesting steamed salmon with a side of asparagus. So I also feel so guilty and if I couldn't get healthy embryos with a healthy diet then what chance do I have when I'm eating pizza?!

I have read though that supplements and age determine egg quality waaaaaaay more so than whether you eat carbs or not... so fingers crossed!

@beachbum85 Haha the nice weather is surely good for potty training - lots of time in the garden so it doesn't matter if there is an accident!

I guess its good you're 'lower risk' if that makes sense, and good they call you so you can speak to a human rather than just opening a letter for instance and having to try to work out what it means. Do you have another scan in the meantime?

@Overlyanxious Glad your scan went well! Congrats :D

@Dove88 Hey, welcome to the board. I'm sorry you've been struggling. I think you need to remember exactly what you've identified yourself - you have a toddler. You cannot possibly have the same full momentum to throw into IVF this time as you did last time. So please give yourself permission to accept that that is ok! I don't think its necessarily all that healthy all the super strict behaviours. I like to think about it this way - if you're feeling stressed about being strict and worrying about feeling guilty etc, you are telling your body that you are stressed, worried, anxious etc. So your body is going to know now is not the right time for a child. If you can embrace being less strict this time around and not feeling guilty, you'll be telling your body things are find and now is a good time for a baby. I was really lucky that FET worked for our sibling round. I did NONE of the "good / right" things I did in previous (unsuccessful) rounds. I even missed some of my meds on more than 1 occasion. Both my FETs that have been successful (for my DD and this pregnancy) have worked when I've relaxed, stopped stressing about things and just been getting on with life as normal. So please don't think that you need to do everything "perfectly" for it to work. Being kind to yourself, and reducing your stress and anxiety as much as possible is I beleive ultimately going to do more than eating the "perfect" diet x

So glad to hear that @Overlyanxious 😍wishing you happy and healthy weeks ahead! xxx

@strtng haha no, that doesn't seem like any of those 'wellness' approaches are helping there! Any idea of when you might go for a second round? Have you had any useful info in the meantime? Enjoy your long holiday... 6 weeks away sounds lovely!

@Dove88 welcome, and I'm so sorry about your FET and that you had a rough night. Please, please don't feel so badly about this round... I totally agree with @2mumlife : this is life with a toddler, and feeling good overall is a lot more important than what exactly you eat, and how much of it, etc. I had 2 FET close together... both times I did more or less the same basic stuff, but with the first one (BFN) I was a lot more stressed about the timing of it all, balancing work, etc. with the second (BFP), I had just come back from a long holiday, eating a mix of stuff but definitely not too healthy, we almost 'rushed' into it so I didn't do all the prep I had previously, but mentally I was in a much better place before, during, and after the transfer. Stressing about stressing is another problem I find, so I don't want to push you in that direction either, but I please try not to worry about being less strict - there are so many factors in the mix here!

@2mumlife yes, definitely, nice weather helped both in terms of letting him round around half naked to get to the potty quicker, and for being outside. I did notice that he had more accidents in the garden though because he was having too much fun to stop and go to the potty 😅
No scans here until the 27th when we have the anomaly scan (a little late at past 22w but we'll be away before) and cardiac scan. We should have the results before then though, and definitely good to be able to speak to someone right away because these genetic issues are pretty complex... Still can't believe that we're not even 2w into a 'up to 5w' wait though 🤦🏻‍♀️ I must say I feel a bit bad because I feel quite detached from the baby compared to how I was in my previous pregnancy, but I just can't help it really.
How are you doing?

@beachbum85 I think that must be really normal to be feeling a bit detached at the moment when you've had this worry put over you. I'd just see it as a bit of self-preservation of your emotions going on. I'm really hoping you'll get the all clear soon, and be able to continue your pregnancy with the confidence that everything is and will be ok. Just plodding along here really, we started painting the spare room that will eventually be this babies bedroom over the weekend, and talking more about possible names. I think DP has started nesting, as she randomly stripped off all the covers on the sofa to wash as well this weekend 😂I have no such surge of productive energy unfortunately! Have a long list of things I'd like to get done before baby arrives and making very little progress towards any of them. I'm also feeling super unmotivated at work but also know there is a lot I should be finishing off and wrapping up before I finish up!

Thank you for the reassurance everyone. I am trying to stay positive, it was a tough night but hopefully a good sleep will help me feel better. I’m going to make an effort to refocus, thank you and good luck to everyone else

@Dove88 please don't worry. I'm constantly exhausted and not getting enough sleep and therefore eating badly and I've got to 8 weeks pregnant.

@Dove88 please don't worry. I'm constantly exhausted and not getting enough sleep and therefore eating badly and I've got to 8 weeks pregnant.

How is everyone doing? I'm just counting down to my 12 week scan on the 4th.

@Overlyanxious I hate the air between viability scan and 12 week scan, always feels like forever! How are you doing symptom-wise? Have you had much nausea?

Im fine, but hitting that “this is getting uncomfortable and will you stop kicking my fecking cervix” stage 😂 earlier than I did with DD. My growth scan this week got delayed for a week (assume consultant on holiday) so next spying appointment is next week now for us. Only have 4 weeks left of work, we painted spare room and picked up a new pram today, so it’s all starting to feel a bit real now 😬

How is everyone else doing?

@2mumlife oh no the uncomfortable stage isn't good. How many weeks are you now? That's good you get to spy next week. Well done on painting the room. It's exciting you are so close. How do you find things like picking up your toddler?

I have nausea most of the time. It gets worse as the day goes on as I get tired. I'm also so exhausted. Luckily the nausea is manageable and I think looking after a toddler helps as getting out the house makes me feel better. It's the same as last time, but last time I laid in bed a lot. I just want to get to this scan now and also not take the meds anymore.

How far are you into your wait now @beachbum85 ?

@Overlyanxious I'm 33 weeks now, so heading towards the home stretch! Have 4 weeks left of work and then on annual leave before mat leave officially starts, and really looking forward to be done working to be honest! I still pick her up as she's a cuddly one, but been doing more to encourage her to walk and use the pram now (used to carry her in a sling / backpack a lot before I got pregnant). The thing that's worse is actually the elbowing my bump when she's sitting on my lap for a story (she clambers on me a lot).

Interesting you're finding looking after a toddler helpful! I hated it as vomited more this time and my daughter would come watch 😬so I would just say mummy was sick, so for awhile she went around talking about me being sick and then asking if she was sick or if her other mummy was sick. Hopefully the nausea passes for you soon x