IVF sibling round support

[itsmschanandlerbong]

Just wondered if there would be any interest in setting up a support thread for those of us thinking about a sibling round. This could very much be a 'me' issue but I feel a bit awkward sometimes posting in other threads, it's a bit like being stuck between being very lucky and fortunate having had a successful round, but also struggling with the challenges of having to go through it all over again. I've found it difficult to know my place in this community now.

So yeah, is anyone else trying or thinking about trying for their sibling round yet? Ill post a comment with our story.

Sorry I’ve been quiet, been getting used to life with 2 (it’s massively chaotic and lovely in equal measure).

DS is 5 weeks now, so partner is back at work and trying to establish a new normal, though things keeps changing! Reducing DDs days at nursery in 2 weeks, and also DP just got a new job she will start before Christmas that means she can work from home mostly (or we think use hot-desking at a building just in town) so that will change everything again and make a big difference)

@Overlyanxious how was the 20 week scan? Are you feeling better?

@beachbum85 so glad everything looking good on your 28 week scan. Is that you back in your home country now? Not long to go now!!!

Nice to hear from all of you!

@LT103 I'm so sorry to hear the pregnancy wasn't viable... what a difficult rollercoaster that must have been 😓I hope that, at least phsyically, you've been able to recover OK and come up with a plan for the polyp removal and the next round. Sending strength...

@Overlyanxious I'm assuming your 20w scan was all fine - great news! Sorry to hear about the colds and sinus issues and I hope the freezing weather hasn't aggravated those... I know it's very common in pregnancy but it must be frustrating to be dealing with that for so long!

@2mumlife I've been thinking of you often! Chaotic and lovely in equal measure is exactly what I'd imagine, and I hope things will settle even better once Dyour partner starts her new role and all the changes are made 😊how is your daughter getting along as a big sister?

All good here and I arrived back home on Monday with my son (partner will join in a couple of weeks). It's been a busy week getting booked in at the hospital here and getting all the necessary tests done and so on, apart from my son settling in at a new nursery, etc. but I feel well, although a little bit in denial that we'll have 2 kids in max 6 weeks! I'm feeling positive that everyone here is very supportive of going for a VBAC, baby is head down, and my consultant says it's statistically an 80% chance of success in our case, so that's making the decision a bit easier. They will let me go to 41w max though, and I won't be induced because of the risk of uterine rupture, so we're looking at a potential C-section between around 31 Dec/1 Jan is she doesn't make a spontaneous appearance 😅other than that, I just need to get started with practical things like packing my hospital bag as the midwife had some words with me when she realised how unprepared I am 🤦🏻‍♀️

@beachbum85 That’s exciting you’ve moved! It’s great everyone is being supportive of a VBAC I hope it all goes according to plan for you! I didn’t pack my emergency hospital bag in case we needed to get transferred to hospital until right until the end 😂 I also was in denial. Hope your DS is enjoying his new nursery so far - how many days will he be going to nursery when baby arrives? We’re reducing my DDs days from 4 to 3, last 4 day week is next week. I’m looking forward to having her more and getting her out of nursery but know it will come with challenges!

We found she did amazing for the first 2 weeks, before we had some more challenging behaviour (just being a bit too rough with him). But it also coincided with an explosion of the toddler “NO!!!” phase, and an even stronger “I DO IT!” phase. But both phases seem to be getting better. She wants to be very involved picking out clothes, watching his nappy changes etc so been encouraging things like that and giving her jobs to do. She does want to go in his bouncer / Moses basket / next2me etc so we just let her so she loses interest. She’ll lie down with him when we’re doing tummy time or playing on the floor and I’ve been engaging her in some play with him now he’s awake a bit more, and developing they bind between them a bit. We’ve just had to adapt, particularly with sleeping - so I was still cosleeping with my daughter from her first wake up until DS was born, and she didn’t take well to my partner trying to settle her at night, so we did me doing night settles with DD in her room and making sure my partner had a bottle of expressed breastmilk for DS if he woke. But it was exhausting and I was falling asleep in DDs bed, so I started bringing DD into bed with me and cosleeping with her and having DS in next2me which was better (and kicked DP out the bed again 😂) . Now when she wakes I ask her if she wants to stay in her bed or come to the “big bed” and she is choosing. Last night she chose her bed and slept through after a settle. Luckily DS is such an incredibly easy baby compared to my daughter - he’s got a very different temperament, sleeps so much better than she did, and his weight gain is excellent (health visitor weighed him in at 12lbs 1oz yesterday at just over 6 weeks 😂 - he was only 8lbs when born!!!). It has made me really realise what a high-needs baby my daughter was, and still is in many ways. So we do a lot of prioritising her emotional needs at the moment. We make a conscious effort to give her 1:1 time, so it means I’ve left DS more with DP than I ever did with DD at this age. We try to time things so I can take DD swimming for example whilst DS naps. Everyone warned me second babies can be totally different, but it really is true. And parenting is totally different second time around - you just can’t be as responsive / do all the things you did with baby #1 and it’s taken me awhile to not feel as guilty about that (I mean, I still do feel guilty but I’m working on it)

Do you have nice things planned to do in your final few weeks? Make the most of them! 🤪

Hey @2mumlife I can't believe it took me so, so long to get round to answering 🤦🏻‍♀️ things have been good here, but very busy, especially whilst working (first week off) the weeks my partner was back up in the UK (39w+ now so he's here to stay 😅). We have lots of fun things to do here and a lot of help here but my son also demands a lot of attention and with all the changes I've been trying to prioritise him whilst spending some evenings alone with my friends as I know I won't get to do that for a while! He's going to nursery 5 mornings whilst we're here and then 3/4 days a week once we're in London... Haven't really decided yet. How is 3 days going for you? Does it help your daughter feel involved at home and spend more time together?

Thanks for sharing your experience! It really makes things sound doable 😊 I guess it's all about adapting and finding compromises that work... I'm not sure what we're going to do about sleeping as we've had some night time tantrums recently but I guess we'll have to see what happens when baby is here... and I'm glad your second baby is so much easier, that must be such a nice surprise 🤩 honestly it sounds like a lovely time!

Still waiting, not so patiently, for any sign of spontaneous labour! All tricks welcome 😅. I have an appointment on Boxing Day, which is the due date, to see whether anything is progressing and potentially have a sweep, and a tentative C-section booked for the 28th, with the possibility of delaying till 3rd Jan. It's a bit restrictive because of the holidays and doctors' leave and the way the health system works here, but my consultant is being as flexible as possible and I'm keeping everything crossed that my body will start the process soon!

I hope everyone else is well! Have a lovely festive season with your little ones 🤩

@beachbum85 @2mumlife glad to hear you are both doing generally well. Sorry it's taken me so long - it's been hectic and seem to be going from one illness to another.

I'm now nearly 30 weeks so counting down till March.

Hi @Overlyanxious sorry to hear you've been unwell... tis really the season! I hope things have been better recently! March will be here before you know it 😊how are you feeling about everything?

It's taken me a while to come and update here, but our daughter was born, healthy and well, 2 weeks ago 😍I still can't believe she's here and all is fine... It was a really positive birth experience too: a bit long but I went into labour spontaneously and had a vaginal birth, with no stitches or anything, so the whole birth and especually the recovery has been incredibly smooth compared to my previous emergency C-section. Life with 2 kids has been exactly as @2mumlife described: massively chaotic and lovely in equal measure 😅the first few days home, which coincided with Christmas, were tough for my son and his behaviour was really unpredictable and all potty training went out the window, but he's settling now, and his protective, affectionate side has taken over. He also comes to our bed sometimes, and juggling bedtime with the toddler and baby's feeding times is sometimes hard, but we're also prioritising him and trying to disrupt his routine as little as possible (which feels strange to say with a 2 week old!). Generally, we're over the moon - sleep deprived and all over the place, but just so happy and grateful.

Thinking of everyone else and wishing you well - here's hoping that 2025 brings all that you're hoping for xx

@beachbum85 congratulations - I'm so glad the birth went so well and you have a healthy baby.

I just want it to be March and for my baby to be here - I get such bad anxiety through pregnancy. I have some worries about how it will be with my little one adjusting to a sibling and I think I'm having a c section so a bit worried about that and having a toddler who likes to be picked up. I've actually started to notice I can't do as much as before as I ache too much.

@Overlyanxious thank you!
I'm sorry to hear about the anxiety - it can be such a difficult time. I hope you get through these last couple of months OK...
Tbh picking up my toddler is the main reason I didn't want to schedule another C-section so I totally get it. I can only compare a positive second birth with a bit of a nightmare first experience (preeclampsia, induction, fetal distress, emergency C-section, blood transfusion, etc.) but, after the VBAC, I managed to pick him up 8h or so after giving birth, which was quite a relief. I don't know your reasons for opting for a C-section though, and I know an elective one is a lot better than emergency, so hopefully you'll manage to juggle the two just fine. I have 2 friends who had elective second C-sections with toddlers the last few months, and they were both very happy with their decision xxx

Hi all, just jumping on. First of all, great idea for a thread because I’m feeling frustrated and sad but totally agree with the feelings of posting it where someone else may still be TTC baby number one.

5 years TTC, one failed egg collection, (none viable), one failed fresh, FET ending in a chemical and then almost a year ago (he’s one on Sunday 😭) had our boy. I have two embryos on freeze.

I definitely want a second and don’t want to wait too long, I’m 37 this year, and I’d like to get the sleepless nights over with sooner rather than later 🤣 my and my husband decided to casually see what happens 🙄 before doing a transfer because realistically, I don’t know where the moneys coming from 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m trying to be chill about it but I’ve done 5 pregnancy tests in the last 48 hours and I’m like HOW AM I HERE AGAIN?! I don’t want to go back to the OPKs and the peeing on sticks and holding the strip up to the light or inverting colours on my phone. I just want some kind of miracle 😭

So I basically came to whinge ☺️ thank you to anyone who read my nighttime rant.

Hoping all who are trying or doing a round BFPs soon 🍍

How is everyone doing?

@Overlyanxious Not long to go!!!

We’ve managed to wangle it and we’re having a FET in May. Had our consultation Friday. Going to try and be patient until then and try naturally although I know it won’t happen.

Rightly or wrongly we’ve gone straight back into another transfer and managed to sneak in a month earlier than I planned. FET is on Thursday 😬😬

Hi @2mumlife ! How are you? How has it been going with your daughter in nursery less? How are you all dealing with big feelings of a toddler, the chaotic sleeping, and everything else?
We're fine... 6w today and baby is relatively calm and easy, and my son seems to have settled pretty well, despite the odd tantrum and just being a 2.5yo. It's amazing how very different they are, physically, in temperament, and behaviour... The learning never ends!

@Overlyanxious how are you doing and feeling about it all? I hope the anxiety is under control and your body is still coping with doing as much as is needed...

@LT103 so exciting! Best of luck for Thursday and the tee 🤞🏼🤞🏼 Keep us posted 😊

@StaceyWS88 great to hear you have a date, and hopefully time will fly until then! I absolutely hated going back to TTC naturally whilst waiting to transfer so I totally sympathise xxx

Hope everyone else is doing well!

@StaceyWS88 that's exciting about May - not too long now.

@LT103 hope all went well with the transfer.

@beachbum85 glad to hear it's all going well for you.

I'm feeling more anxious I think unfortunately, but only 3/4 weeks left.

@Overlyanxious thabk you. Transfer was fine and I’m currently 10dpt. Otd is Wednesday which is later than it used to be at my clinic but I haven’t tested early this time so I still have no idea. I’m starting to panic about having to test

hope youre managing to enjoy these last couple of weeks!

@LT103 oh it's horrible waiting to test. Sending you lots of luck for Wednesday.

@LT103 very very best of luck for tomorrow 🤞🏼

@Overlyanxious I'm sorry things are still tough for you... Hoping these last weeks fly by so you can meet your little one asap! How's your older one doing with the idea of the imminent arrival? XX

@2mumlife I hope all is well with you xx

Hi sorry if this is wrong place but I wasn't sure if creating a new thread was better or just jumping in here

I had IVF in 2021 due to ten years trying and 'unexplained' infertility. We were extremely lucky that an FET from that round, first transfer was successful and our daughter was born early 2022. We had three embryos left in the freezer
In December last year I went back to transfer and unfortunately that one failed.
I just did a transfer this month also and that also seems to have failed (7dp5dt today and negative test).

First transfer (successful) was a 4AA
Second 4BB - failed
Third 4BB - failed
And our last embryo in freezer is a 4BC

I'm finding it so hard since we have had success before. My clinic did change my protocol and put me on natural modified for these two and I'm wondering if that's maybe the issue but also wondering if with the cost of it all now I'd be better just doing another full round or does anyone have any advise on anything I could try?
Feel absolutely gutted today

Honestly @pinksheetss I would love you to start a new thread about this bc I think I may be struggling with this decision soon too and would love others insights and sucsess stories. It's a complex decision! I'm not sure how many people are currently on mumsnet at the moment who are trying for another ivf baby. I'm defo the only one on the Feb 2025 thread!
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever decision you make!

@pinksheetss im in exactly same boat.

did egg collection 2022. First FET was empty sac, second gave me my little boy. Both natural transfers

now changed to modified natural and had transfer in September which ended in miscarriage (low, slow rising hcg and finally ended when they gave me ok to stop progesterone)
had second transfer 2 weeks ago and just had a negative test unfortunately.

I have 3 left and we’ve made decision today just to go straight into another transfer.

@beachbum85 thabks for the 🤞 but not to be this time

@LT103 Sorry to hear the latest round was a negative

@Overlyanxious How you doing lovely?

@beachbum85 Aww the weeks are flying by! Glad your wee boy is adjusting well. My two have very similar look but totally different temperaments. We’ve been doing ok - it’s hard work having both, so finding I have very little time to even stay on top of the house never mind time for myself. Toddler is a toddler - definitely finding toddler-dom hard work to be honest, but trying to just focus on all the positives of seeing her become her own independent person, and trying not to tear my hair out at the ridiculousness of some of her demands, or the not listening 🙉 - we’ve just started potty training as well 🤦‍♀️ she’s doing really well actually. Baby boy is now 4.5 months, rolled over for the first time the other day. He’s much more social than my daughter was - very smiley to strangers (she would have screamed at them) so a very different experience. The bond between them is lovely most the time, but we eye go through a jealousy / being too rough stage, but that seems to be passing

@2mumlife nice to hear how it’s all going 😊

last round didn’t work but we’ve gone straight into another transfer back to back (partly to avoid the price increases at clinic) so first lining scan yesterday and another tomorrow. Transfer likely to be tues/wed next week. Not quite sure why I’m torturing myself with 3 transfers so close together but 🤞🤞🤞

@LT103 I'm sorry but good luck for this round

@2mumlife where has the time gone. I know what you mean about tough times with a toddler. My son has become more challenging the last couple of weeks. He is so funny though and too cute. I'm just about hanging in there - I have a cold so feeling pretty rubbish. My c section is this week so only a few more days to get through.

@2mumlife @beachbum85 I had my baby boy today. He is perfect. Now struggling to get any sleep in hospital.

Two IVF children and I have never slept in hospital after giving birth. 😬