Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

[quote thislittlebird]@seekingsolace2 I have pco (I think) and I’m a little overweight so I need to lose a bit. I’m hoping it will help me ovulate. Fingers crossed you get positive results too!

Ah yes, the weird, insensitive comments from people gets very tiring. This weekend alone my friend told me I was “more fortunate” than others after my first failed Letrozole cycle because it was funded privately, and my other friend asked why don’t we adopt? I think people mean well but they don’t have these problems so I can’t help but roll my eyes.[/quote]
Oh good luck I hope it definitely works out and thanks I'm just hoping the results come out fine. I'm so sorry you had to hear that..it's cruel that people use words like fortunate..and I agree people aren't in the same position so they simply don't understand.

@Roo45 speaking of which, I saw a t shirt for sale on the bfn podcast site with ‘Just Relax’ on it that I am very tempted to buy 😂

The threads when people ask “what worked for you?” Always make me roll my eyes because without fail 10 people rock up to say “we just relaxed and went on holiday and it happened!” 🙄🙄🙄

Lately I’ve started to get more anxious about my health as IVF nears. I have some autoimmune issues and I’m so worried they’ll also stop me conceiving. I have a chronic eye dryness/infection thing right now and when we left London to visit family in Cornwall for a week it went away. I’m so tempted to start thinking about moving from the city in case it helps my health, but obviously IVF in London is coming fairly soon and moving is complicated with jobs. Sigh.

@seekingsolace2 yeah, I hated being told I’m “fortunate”. It really hurt tbh but I know she meant well.

I’m don’t even think I ovulated on the drugs I was on this month, if I’m honest. I’m going to call the clinic but I’m stuck waiting for AF after being on progesterone.

[quote Roo45]**@seekingsolace2* @thislittlebird* so many of these 'helpful' comments I've lost count, I agree I know people mean well but often just make me feel worse! Been told to 'just adopt' 'just relax' 'go on holiday around your next ovulation' (we have MFI) 'just keep praying/say this prayer' (come from a religious family) 'just enjoy this time as much as you can, kids will take over your life' I'm sure there's more! Totally sympathise, people just don't get it 😞 x[/quote]
Yes! My most hated one is the just relax comment. And yes when people tell me to pray they sound like I'm not making effort in prayer and that's offensive because I myself am quite a religious person and constantly keep praying.. I mean if I don't pray for my child then who will right? I'm just glad I don't live in my home country otherwise I'd definitely be bombarded with these comments from relatives everywhere...

[quote thislittlebird]@seekingsolace2 yeah, I hated being told I’m “fortunate”. It really hurt tbh but I know she meant well.

I’m don’t even think I ovulated on the drugs I was on this month, if I’m honest. I’m going to call the clinic but I’m stuck waiting for AF after being on progesterone.[/quote]
Did you also try the ovulation test strips just to check whether you were? I'm not sure if they work very well with PCOS but some people did suggest it.. I've used many strips and never got one positive ovulation test so it definitely doesn't work for me (probably because I'm not ovulating) but other people have said it does...so not sure..

@seekingsolace2 they don’t work well normally but I had a trigger injection so it could have just been the injection hormones showing up on the OPK.

@seekingsolace2 I was religious but must admit infertility has really tested my faith at times and some days I'm just so angry and upset and I got to a point I when just stopped praying as I didn't think I was being listened to :(

I have also heard of ovusense regarding ovulation but just admit I don't know much about it but a friend with pcos I know used it

@thislittlebird Oh I hope you would be able to move to Cornwall! IVF just impacts everything doesn't it, I didn't move job for ages because I didn't want to have to deal with a new job on top of IVF, a few months ago however I took the plunge but I knew I wouldn't be having any treatment for months at that stage and I was still near to my clinic and hadn't moved location so it was a little different for me.
Wishing you both the best xx

Hi everyone,

Hope you don't mind me joining this thread. Been TTC for 2 years with no success and we found out yesterday that hubby's sperm is OAT. Low numbers, morphology not good and 0% motility. We are absolutely devastated, I've been crying on and off privately (putting a brave face on for hubby so he doesn't feel guiltier than he already does). I used to be on TTC forums until I was finding it too hard to share my disappointment every month but I would like to join in again with some infertility support groups! We've been told our option is IVF and that we would look to start treatment in 6 months. Hoping everyone is healthy and we all get that dream of a BFP soon!!

Hello @Gem0912 welcome! Yes I had to make the move from TTC to infertility forums a few years ago too, ah I hope the wait goes quickly for treatment, we have MFI too xx

Hi @Roo45, thanks for the reply! Have you had a long journey with infertility? It's much easier having people to relate to and support. We just told our parents as we thought we might need some support when going through treatments etc also there's no risk of them announcing they're pregnant 😂

3.5 years for us now, male factor and 2 failed icsi cycles and hopefully a third soon. I do have close friends that know but tbh they all have kids now and I just feel like they're moving on with their lives and I'm stuck so I sometimes find it hard to talk about with them now. My family know too they usually just keep telling me I need to pray and have faith, I appreciate it's coming from a good place but it can be hard sometimes to hear that.
It is really hard for both I think with MFI, I have days where I just cry the whole day sometimes when I feel particularly hopeless so I know the feeling. I hope for you it isn't as long though. Has your consultants recommended any supplements at all?xx

Hi, anyone mind if I join, me and my partner have been trying for about 3 years now and have just been referred to nhs fertility clinic so I’m at the start of this journey. It’s so hard because one my friends is now onto her second kid which I’m so happy for her but just not happening for us. My partner had a sa and had a 1% morphology and my bloods was okay but they haven’t done any further on me yet so could be other things wrong to, and top it off AF is just arriving and really gets worse each time it comes along

Welcome @Gem0912 and @Marie93..I think the moment we began to realise that conception is taking a little longer than normal is when it becomes very daunting but definitely gets easier when you have people to talk to about it..so feel free to comment on the thread.

@Marie93 it's a whirlwind of emotions every month whenever AF arrives and completely understand when you're happy for the people around you having babies but feel like you're stuck in the same place and nothings happening for you. Good luck for your appointment, I hope it goes well!

@Gem0912 I can only say that personally the known problem is my PCOS so I definitely do feel guilty in comparison to my husband as I know how much we both want children...but his support helps me feeling less guilty and I guess in this time both spouses need each other's support and understanding more than anything..I hope your 6 months pass by quickly and best of luck with your IVF cycle :)

@Roo45 I know I haven't been in the journey as long as you so I can't understand your emotions exactly but when I started to feel disappointed and not listened to I took a step back and really started to look at all the things that God has blessed me with and also the fact that none of this is in our control..so it is beyond our fault. What helped me to continue praying was believing that this is a test that hopefully I'm being rewarded for. I hope that can help you in some way or the other too.. xx

Hi @Roo45

I know what you mean about family. My husbands grandparents took 5 years to conceive so we get the "it'll happen eventually just like your grandparents". We've told them and we just don't talk about it much.
The doctor just recommended wellman supplements. I've read good things about coq10 so I'm going to do my research this weekend. Are there any supplements you've been recommended?

Hi @Marie93 I've just recently joined also. Sorry that your suffering with infertility. I think we must be at a similar stage. We've just had our first appointment with the fertility centre and are waiting for appointments to do a second SA and an internal ultrasound and blood work with myself. Are your next steps the same?
I completely empathise with you regarding friends. I'm 30 and everyone around me are having babies!

@seekingsolace2 thank you for the reply and the welcome 😊 it's definitely easier to speak to people who understand what you're going through. You don't understand the impact of struggling to conceive unless you're going through it.

Thanks for making me feel welcome
@seekingsolace2 it’s nice to know and speak to people who understand what it’s like, I hope so to I will keep update on my appointments
@Gem0912 same for you sorry to hear about yours too, I’m just glad I’ve found people who understand. We must be near similar, I’ve been to the docs and had my bloods done which was all okay and DH had SA done which all 3 came back with low morphology so that’s when they referred us to the nhs clinic which we have in November but we’re not thinking of going private because we won’t be able to get ivf on nhs as my DH has child from previous relationship so going through all the monitors right now
I guess if we do the nhs meeting they will want to do the same tests the doing on you. Yeah it’s hard anit it, I’m only 28 and the whole time we’ve been trying my friend is now onto her second kid.

Welcome everyone! I agree the only people who really understand are those who have/are going through this difficult journey. ❤️ It is so nice to have support from people who get it.
Thank you @seekingsolace2 I agree completely. I went through quite a dark period a few months back after our second cycle failed, coupled with lockdown easing and multiple pregnancy announcements but I'm trying to get my faith back.
@Gem0912 my doctor recommended well man too, although personally for us not sure how much it helped but DH wasn't taking regularly. Additionally now taking co q 10, fish oil and walnuts. Impryl and proxeed are mentioned but haven't tried those, however those are multivitamins and we found it was cheaper to buy individual components and just take a general multivitamin! DH taking more regularly now so hoping it helps!x

Hi girls.. can I come onboard? Really need to vent today. I’m so sad and angry - want to throw something at a wall.

We’ve my male factor / unexplained infertility. My long awaited ivf cycle over the summer ended with no heartbeat at 7 week scan, and I’m just finishing up the medical management process for that now, and trying to figure out next steps.

Meanwhile, like many of you, I’ve zero support in real life. My two best friends both have newborns so the WhatsApp group is all photos and chat about feeds and sleep etc etc. I’ve tried to be supportive of them, but at the same time - they know my situation and haven’t asked once how I’m doing since the initial bad news.

Absolutely agree that people just don’t understand what this is like until they’ve been through it.

Hope you’re all doing ok today

@LucyLocket2021 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, that must've been so difficult. Are you having another IVF cycle?
Sorry your friends are being insensitive, like you say it's because they don't understand. At the same time it's not rocket science, if you really wanted something and they got it they wouldn't rub it in your face. They could talk privately until they're blue in the face.
Just keep your chin up, if you need to then tell them you need a break from everything baby for a while and they should understand.

@LucyLocket2021 welcome this is defo the place to come vent too
I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve gone through and such a loss. That must of been so hard and like you say it would been nice if they had checked in on you. I total understand how your happy for them but at the same time it’s so hard especially when it’s always there. Maybe you should try silence the chat for a little time out every now and then for your own mentality, my friend had a kid last year and is now onto her second and I don’t know if it’s because that made it so much harder when I came on this month

Thanks for your reply @Gem0912. I’ve deleted WhatsApp off my phone for now for a break. I’ve a scan on Monday to confirm that all tissue has passed and then a review in 3 weeks with our IVF consultant. We do have one blast frozen, but it just about met the criteria for freezing whereas the one I lost was “textbook perfect”… so I expect that we’ll be doing another cycle in a few months. I’ve just ordered a load of vitamins so hopefully they’ll do something helpful!

How are you feeling now after your disappointing news on Tuesday? Did they suggest anything you can do in the meantime? My husband’s numbers improved somewhat with supplements and lifestyle changes, but it did take a few months. And it is so hard to be patient in this situation!

Thanks for your reply @Marie93 it’s great to have found people who understand, although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.. that’s it - seeing others live out what we dreamed of.. and of course, we’re happy for them, but I still want to throw something at a wall

Hi @LucyLocket2021 I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it must feel like. Lots of prayers for you!! Good luck for your scan and consultation, I hope it goes well. I know it can feel quite isolating especially when friends closest to you behave this way but just keep up the strength and this time too shall pass.. are you happy with your clinic and doctor? You can get a second opinion if you want and get more insight..

@LucyLocket2021 I'm so sorry for your loss, our last cycle we also had a perfect blast that didn't implant, generally our embryos have been poor quality though and we haven't had any to freeze and hoping to do another fresh cycle soon x