Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

I was ok after mine, just nervous. No nausea or side effects.
Good luck @thislittlebird 🍀💐🍀

@CurbsideProphet thanks! I’m trying to be grounded and manage my expectations for EC and hoping it goes well and OHSS free. Fingers crossed the trigger doesn’t make me unwell. You’ve done your FET now?

@thislittlebird I didn't feel ill from mine, just the anxiety of the situation, so 🤞🏻for you. Yes FET was last Thursday. Terrified every time I go to the loo. With my first fresh transfer I bled from day 5. I've only left the house twice for short times as I'm so frightened I'll be out and suddenly start bleeding.
I spoke to our counsellor yesterday and she said "of course you'll be anxious, just do what makes you feel most calm". That made me feel better as everywhere I'm reading about women and couples going about life as normal, thinking I'm so abnormal for being this terrified.

I just found out an aquintance of mine recently gave birth. 2 years ago when we have started to TTC, they were trying as well and couldn't succeed for 6 months. They were also very worried even though she is 5-6 years younger than I am. In the end they conceived naturally.
Today is 1dpd5t and I feel like I am way behind everyone in life. I cannot change the job I am not happy with because of all the ICSI appointments and the financial stability. I am sure I cannot be as flexible in a new job. We were also considering to move another EU country but we cannot leave the other two frozen embryos behind. With Covid, you never know how the travelling restrictions will be in the future. And finally we cannot buy a house in Germany because we don't wanna settle down in here. So everything is connected to the outcome of this FET. I feel stuck in a limbo.
I also got hCG booster post ET. Clearly being on a fake pregnancy hormone is not helping either.

@Cayandsimit it's so hard living in this limbo. I also feel like my life was supposed to be completely different. Wedding - baby - happily ever after. Sadly not.
I'm 7dp5dt (FET) and so anxious. Hope you're ok 💐

Yeah I feel that way too @Cayandsimit. I want to move, have maternity leave, get a better job and so on. Can’t do any of it because of infertility. I know my current job is super flexible so I stay put.

@CurbsideProphet I feel fine post trigger, which is good. But yes, I’m anxious about EC. The egg quality and count is worrying, I’m 39 in Mag :/ but fingers crossed and all that.

I think if isolating suits you then that’s fine. It’s really hard to be entirely normal in this process IMO. Do what makes you most comfortable!

*May

@thislittlebird yes it's all about the unknown isn't it. Unfortunately we just have to breathe through it, somehow. What time are you going in tomorrow?
If it's any help I was petrified before both my egg collections. The Consultant was very clear they wouldn't do anything at all until I was definitely sedated. I lay on the bed and the Anaesthetist did the cannula, everyone talking very calmly and reassuringly while I drifted off. No memory at all of the procedure, nothing, just waking up afterwards feeling drowsy.

Good luck @thislittlebird! I was fine for mine and hope you will be too.
Completely agree with you all, I've missed loads of opportunities in my career due to not wanting to commit with IVF :(
My job is so busy and stressful at present I'm planning to leave but again I don't want to commit to anything else long term. But another part of me thinks you've put so much of your life on hold for 4 years, maybe it's time not to make IVF the focus. Another way infertility f us all over.

@CurbsideProphet I’m in at 10 for 10.30 which is a good time. Gets it done and out of the way. I’m planning to do the same, tell them I don’t want them to start until I’m asleep asleep. I’m too anxious about medical procedures, I don’t need to be aware thanks!

@Roo45 the career side of things is really crap. I changed industries/careers in 2018 and I had the intention to make progress but I never have done because we’ve been ttc pretty much since I started this job so I’m just stuck here. I think making IVF not the focus might be a good move. I think I have to move on with something this year, whether or not we have success. I can’t keep treading water like this.

@CurbsideProphet I have so many ups and downs during the day. Going into bed by kissing the ultrasound picture of our little embryo & feeling optimistic, and then waking up feeling really desperate that it won't work... If we go through all three embryos and it doesn't work, I think we will go for adoption. Insurance pays half for one more round of ICSI but I don't know if I can take more of this...
I know it is just 2dp5dt and ours was an expanded embryo. So it suppose to start implanting today. I am not stupid but still waiting for a symptom this early to assure me that it is happening...
You are 8dp5dt today. How are you feeling? Will you test soon?

@thislittlebird good luck at the EC today 🍀 I was super scared before my first general anesthesia but it was a pretty smooth ride in the end ☺️ I know nothing I say will stop your worries. You just have to experience yourself. I hope it works for you this round so you never have to do it again 😉

@thislittlebird hope you're not too nervous today, but obviously it's fine if you are (completely normal I would say). I'm sure all will be very smooth and you'll be home and comfy on your sofa in a few hours 💐

@Cayandsimit the wait is so hard isn't it. I've started with faint brown discharge when I wipe. Feeling very emotional as we've been here before and for me.it was a bad sign (obviously for some women it can be a good sign). DH has asked me to hold onto a tiny thread of hope while I still can.

We've already paid for another full cycle as part of the package. We've only made 3 embryos from 2 full cycles so I don't think it would be unexpected to have to start again. But obviously devastating.

@CurbsideProphet I really hope it is just implantation blood. I agree with your husband. Being hopeful beforehand doesn't increase the level of frustration after... 💐

Hi All,
Not sure if this is the right place to post but hoping we can save someone some money on medications for IVF. I have 6 x 0.25mg of cetrotide pre filled syringes and powder vials that are valid until 09/2022 and 1x cetrotide (same mix) valid until 08/2022. They have been constantly refrigerated since they were delivered but we cannot use them. I would love to give them to someone to reduce the cost of a cycle rather than them being returned to the clinic and getting thrown out. Please let me know if anyone is interested. Obviously they would need to be collected or delivered locally due to the need for them to stay cold - SW19 area.

@CurbsideProphet how are you getting on? I know you had your FET.

My egg collection went well, thanks for the well wishes! We’ve got some embryos frozen now (they called with day 6 update today) which is good because we knew being 39 in May + having mfi would work against us, and did a freeze all in the end because I haven’t been feeling well and started having breathlessness and very laboured breathing when moving around from Saturday. Not sure what’s going on really, touch of ohss or anaesthetic reaction, or anxiety aggravating my asthma or all of the above. Not clear, but doctor was happy to freeze all and let me try a FET when I feel better in April. I’m on prednisolone and amoxicillin and feel a bit better today. Yet more waiting is hard though, I have no idea if I can even get pregnant so as nice as it is having some embryos in the freezer I know it’s still a long old slog, potentially.

@thislittlebird that's great you have embryos strong enough to freeze. Definitely best to wait until you are 100%. The stims and egg collection can really take a lot out of you. I did find I was stronger physically for my FET.

I did my test on Monday and it was positive. I can't explain how shocked I was / am. I had cramps and brown discharge over the weekend (plus my digestive system and bowel feel awful 😩) and was absolutely convinced it wasn't a good sign. I'm absolutely terrified as I've had 1 mmc and 1 early miscarriage, so a bfp doesn't definitely mean baby for me. The clinic will scan me in 3 weeks. That's where it all fell apart in August so I'm just going minute at a time for now.

@CurbsideProphet oh wow, that's great news but totally understand why you're concerned. Yep, that sounds like the right plan, minute by minute, day by day and so on. Fingers firmly crossed for you. Did you say before that this was your last frostie?

Yeah, I feel so grateful it went ok. We've now got 4 frozen, 3 on day 5 and then they called today on day 6 to say they'd frozen another and there were two more hanging in there that they'd give another day but they are unlikely to make it and they'll call me tomorrow to confirm final numbers. It's impossible to know how the first round will go, so it's such a relief to jump that first hurdle. I'm feeling better today, I took the week off work sick because I felt awful and panicked by the breathing issue and didn't have the headspace for it on top of all this. Going to accept the offer of counselling (they referred me when I went in wednesday because I was freaking out) and try to spend the next couple of months getting fitter/healthier if I can.

We have decorator in next week, and then a holiday to Scotland end of march/early April so at least there's distractions between now and FET. Need to convince DH to book that nice beach holiday I mentioned.

@thislittlebird thank you 💐 yes our only frozen one.
4 frozen embryos is absolutely brilliant. Sounds a good plan to have a few things to distract you between now and April.

@CurbsideProphet congratulations!!! So happy for you! 💕
I totally understand that you have some reservations due to what you have been through... I hope everything will go smoothly for you and the baby in the next 9 months 🙏🍀

@CurbsideProphet I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Yeah, happy with our outcome. It’s a stage of the process overcome for now.

Hope everyone else here is doing ok

@CurbsideProphet super happy for you and praying for you that it all works out!
@thislittlebird that's great..sounds like a great plan, resting and taking off work will help your mind be somewhat relaxed..

I was due to start letrozole but my period didn't show..it's been a week today. I couldn't do last months cycle because of a personal emergency that came up and have been waiting this month but nothing yet. I had some brown spotting 2 weeks before and just don't know what anything means...all I can do is wait really so doing that.

Hope everyone's well!

Thank you @Cayandsimit @seekingsolace2 @thislittlebird💐💐💐
I just keep saying to myself "all the signs point towards everything being ok at this moment". I get too panicky if I think beyond right now.

@seekingsolace2 so much waiting in this process, sounds like you're getting through it 💪🏻

@CurbsideProphet congratulations and keeping all my fingers crossed for you! @thislittlebird congrats on 4 frosties and take some well deserved rest!xx

Thanks! Hope you’re doing ok @Roo45

I got referred to the infertility counselling service and I’m kind of annoyed that it’s not until April, and on the phone. It all seems sort of pointless when it’s so far away from the time you’re struggling. It’s frustrating. Tempted to try the workplace mental health scheme, can’t remember its name.