Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

@AnonymousXXIX how long are your cycles normally? Any stress/diet/lifestyle changes? If it's 3 days I know it's hard not to worry but I'd try to wait a few days more.
@willithappen that would have really upset me! I think people just don't realise the impact of what they're saying sometimes and there's a misunderstanding about how successful ivf actually is. Good luck for your FET xx

@Roo45 my last couple cycles were 21, 25, 27, 23 and 24 days, usually with ovulation around day 12-13. In general my cycles are 24-27 days with a few outliers (21, 29 days).

I haven't been more stressed than usual, as far as I am conscious of it anyway. Except phone calls with the NHS, that has been really stressful!

Thanks ladies. Yeah it was a bit of a gut punch but I didn't know what to say back to them so I just sort of laughed it off

@willithappen i had a friend say to me when I was upset when my first cycle failed 'ivf is more common than you think you're hardly the only one going through it and it does work it has for X and X person' I know she meant well but I really didn't need to here that on that day.
So today was my first period since my second cycle failure it was a few days late so there was always that hope in the back of my mind even though I've never had a positive pregnancy test. Ended up crying at work luckily there's very few people at the moment in!xx

Hi all just found this thread. Been struggling for 3 years now and been trying to save for IVF which is proving difficult.
Some family know we have been saving and It's getting a bit much with the constant "are you close yet" comments. Anyone else also sick of the phrase "you will make great parents" especially from people who know you are having issues. x

@MoominC I'm so sorry those comments are awful aren't they. I know people mean well but they have no idea really. I've had things like that and 'what about adoption' too ugh there's so many.
Have you looked at ABC/access fertility packages? There is a thread on here about what people have done to afford IVF. Is abroad an option which can be cheaper?
Foe those comments advice I was given is to have a stock phrase to reply with that you're comfortable with saying or if you're not just tell people you're not really comfortable talking about that at the moment xx

Hello,
Hope it's ok to join the thread. I feel pretty down in the dumps. I'm certain our first ivf has failed and we only got one embryo out of 15 eggs so not even a second try.
I've been so ill with ohss, I feel disgusting and bloated and totally not myself. I wouldn't mind if I had something to show for it.
Then I go ahead and tell MIL that it hasn't worked and she responds with "well I'm not surprised with how stressed you get, stress is very bad for fertility"
Can you imagine hearing that. Thing is who the hell goes through ivf without any stress?
I just keep thinking we are never gonna have our own baby. Maybe we will do ivf in the future but cannot face the heart break of it not working and being in debt. I've heard that story so many times.

@Leonardo2021 omg that is so horrible! Have you explained how unhelpful that sort of comment is? A lot of time people think they are trying to be helpful so they need to be set straight...

Still no period here. It must be stress caused by the NHS situation. So confused where in my cycle I am now. Did I ovulate, did I not? I tested my LH last night which came in at a very inconclusive low to medium... but can't find any info online about what your LH levels are meant to be throughout your cycle (only peak at ovulation).

@roo45 I've had the adoption commenta before too. I try not to let the comments bother me too much just some days can be tough I guess. We are currently looking into abroad but gotta wait till the covid situation is more under control. x

@annonymousXXIX cycles can be such a nightmare to figure out. Have to tried getting the premom app and ovulation sticks. I found them the best as you can take a photo of the results and the app tells you what it means (if that makes sense). All the other sticks confused me and that one made it more simple x

@moominC yes I used to use that but this is ofc the one month I didn't bother tracking! I always ovulate cd 12 or 13, with cycles under 28 days, and this is literally my first missed period ever. Lots of acne, lots of cm, v emotional. My body is going nuts.

@Leonardo2021 someone in my husband's family told me I was 'lucky he is sticking with you during IVF' (we have MFI). Needles to say I've not spoken to them about our IVF since.
Bless you it's very easy to get disheartened but I really hope the embryo sticks you just have heard it before but it really does only take one good luck xxx

*must have

@willithappen those comments seem so insensitive don't they! I know they are well meaning but gosh. Happened to my partner also on the weekend. He was at a friend's house and the friend had just had a newborn baby. He told them we will probably do IVF later this year (I have no tubes so it's the only way) and the friend said it is so lucky that we could time it as ideally they would have liked to have had a baby 6 months later but once they started trying it just happened on the first time. It was a well-meaning comment apparently but I thought it was an incredibly insensitive thing to say.

This is why I don't talk to anyone about this stuff as I appreciate it is hard for others to try to offer their support without sounding insensitive or rude.

I’m so glad I stumbled across this forum. I’ve just got the news my egg didnt make it to day 5 blastocyst. Although I knew this was likely I was just trying to be hopeful, it’s been a day full of tears.
I was getting promising signs throughout my scabs, I had 8/9 follicles and then I preovulated! They rescued 3 eggs of which 2 fertilised and 1 only made it to day 3.
I’m just mortified.

Has anyone got any positive news for a 42year old that just wants a little angel dust right now x

[quote Roo45]@Leonardo2021 someone in my husband's family told me I was 'lucky he is sticking with you during IVF' (we have MFI). Needles to say I've not spoken to them about our IVF since.
Bless you it's very easy to get disheartened but I really hope the embryo sticks you just have heard it before but it really does only take one good luck xxx[/quote]
Blimey what an awful thing to say. Some people are just so insensitive and don't think what their saying.
Yes ours is MFI as the main issue too. I do have pcos So that is a factor too.
I'm hoping a urologist can help next have you had any success with a urologist for mfi? Or do they not seem to do much? X

@Leonardo2021 DH has seen 2 urologists and neither had anything useful to add. No varicoceles were found, so nothing to be done, just bad luck. An ultrasound did show some calcification, but they have no idea if that has any impact and even if it did there's nothing they can do. They suggested supplements, but more in a 'if it makes you feel better' sort of way. We do believe they helped though as his count went from 2 million to 7 million the past year (also no cycling, no laptop in lap, and so forth and so forth). P.S. we got cheap supplements from Boots, not those really expensive ones everyone recommends.

@AnonymousXXIX wow that sounds like a massive improvement with the supps.
My partner did try all sorts of supplements consistently for 4 months but they didn't make a difference what so ever. I do wonder if he's got a varociele but I've heard they don't bother doing surgery on that anyway these days??
We can't work it out. He's so healthy, very fit , into exercise. Highly nutritious diet, hormonal profile all normal. No issues at all in the bedroom. Was totally unexpected. His count has consistently stayed at 1 million and he's had about 4 semen analysis now over the course of about 8 months. Strange eh! I just feel like if we could improve his issue we would have a good chance naturally.

@Leonardo2021 same here! He is still in shock I think. Absolutely nothing wrong, all tests came back excellent, super healthy lifestyle. Totally inexplicable. Results do vary lots, but at least his seem to be between the 2 mil and 7 mil and not lower (which was our first concern of course). Chances of conceiving naturally are still pretty nonexistent though so we're waiting for ICSI.

My tests all came back fine as well thankfully, but currently having a proper panic about that period that's a week late. I was fine UNTIL now. Please can the universe keep it that way?!

Any update @AnonymousXXIX
I've had 3 pregnancy announcements on social media today, each one just felt like a punch in the stomach. One of them it's her third child and I feel like it would be a bloody miracle of I could even have one!

@Roo45 oh I'm so sorry that's got to be so tough :( :( :(

I haven't posted here in a while because you'll never guess what that late period meant. I won't spell it out. All I can say is I hope it provides some hope rather than sadness.

I don't think anyone who doesn't have our problems will ever understand how painful casual pregnancy announcements are... but also how painful casual pregnancy chat is. And the added anxiety! It's NOT easy for a lot of people and they may only have the one shot. You can't just try again or just decide to have another. It's really made me evaluate what I would say as well (or specifically, don't say), both online and in person.

@AnonymousXXIX congratulations wishing you a smooth and successful pregnancy xxx

@IVFat42 sorry seemed to have missed your initial post, it's so hard when you hear about only 1 egg there are plenty of success stories out there with just 1 but I completely understand the anxiety. Any updates?xx

I understand @Roo45

I visited my best friend yesterday who is pregnant with her first child.

I am so so happy for her and can't wait to meet the baby and celebrate with her, they will be amazing parents. But it is also really hard as it's something that me and DH want so, so much.

@malefactorwoes I'm so sorry it's so hard isn't it. My friend who got married the week after me has 2 kids now, my friend who started trying 18 months after I started got pregnant almost straight away and her baby is nearly a year old now! Another friend gave birth the day after my second IVF cycle failed. I just feel like I'm getting left behind whilst everyone else gets to move on with their lives.
Where are you in the journey?xx

Hello all. I would like to join please @Roo45.

Your story about the food and universe trying to tell you something is very relatable. This is me right now, but with appointments.

No one wants to help us, nhs doesn’t care, private is proving difficult, can’t speak to a GP because we’re not important enough. I’m so tired. I feel like this is all a sign telling me I should not be a mother. Everyone else I know never had these obstacles. Even people with problems managed to get help (clomid etc) and i can’t even get treated decently by a doctor.

I need to read the rest of the thread, there’s probably more relatable stuff in here.