Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

Thanks for your messages and your support @seekingsolace2 @Roo45 - really appreciate it.

I’ve just downloaded a copy of ‘It starts with the egg’ and ordered ridiculously expensive supplements to try to improve quality for next time round… so I’d like a fresh cycle soon but not too soon!!

General jist of the book so far seems to be avoid processed food, plastics near food, nail polish and fragrances cosmetics / cleaning products, and minimise sugar / refined carbs in favour of lots of fruit and veg. Nothing too unsurprising, but it references lots of studies - some new hope that I can take some action to help this situation along!

My scan this morning showed miscarriage complete thankfully.

Hope you’re all keeping ok?

Hi all, my AMH results just came in and the level is 62. My husbands results are all normal thankfully. The doctor said it's a high level and that it just further confirms PCOS. She suggested a supplement called inofolic and to try and get my BMI up to 19 at least for one month and has later prescribed letrozole. She also told me to eat lots of steak and fruits and veggies mentioning it improves egg quality..

I've been going crazy researching AMH levels and Letrozole success stories.. my research led me to OHSS which is a risk for people with high AMH and now it feels like I have one more thing to worry about.. currently feeling quite overwhelmed (I guess it's what information overload does).

Hope you all are doing well..

@seekingsolace2 I’m letrozole right now, just about to trigger today.

The way for you to avoid OHSS (which you won’t need to worry about unless you’re doing IVF) is to have a freeze all. Make sure that if you get to that stage you ask for one, they’ll usually do it anyway for people with PCOS because of the risk.

As far as I’m aware the steak thing is about protein, protein is known to improve egg quality. I’m mostly veggie so I’ve been eating nuts and peanut butter, Greek yogurt that kinda thing. I did have some chicken and beef this week but I’m not sure it’s worth the effort when i eat meat so rarely.

@thislittlebird oh good luck for your cycle! I hope it goes well.. I assumed OHSS would be a worry since she mentioned that they'll do a scan later on day 10 of my cycle to see if too many follicles have matured and if the dose is just right for me or not..

Yeah she mentioned protein and iron and that's why suggested red meat particularly.. I don't eat that many veggies usually so trying to include that rigorously in my diet now.

Have you tried inofolic? I've read that it also improves quality and some have reported that it induced their ovulation...I just started it today. Let's see how this month turns out..

I hope your cycle is a success. Lots of prayers for you xx

Thanks, I’m gonna need it! Cycle one didn’t work, but I have two follicles ready this month. Two chances or two fails 😩. We have male factor too so the odds of it working are slim.

I have been toying with the idea of trying inofolic for a while but haven’t made a decision. Let me know how you find it. I don’t seem to have definite PCOS, it’s unclear. Possibly PCO, without the symptoms? So I’m never sure whether to try PCOS recommended products or not tbh. Do you have regular cycles and normal progesterone?

I never got my progesterone checked but my cycles are irregular ranging from 24-40 days.. and my scan showed PCO as well. If only your scan showed PCO, but no symptoms then maybe you don't have PCOS? I'll let you know how the inofolic turned out..
It is a supplement so maybe taking it won't do any harm..

I hope those two chances turn into a BFP! Despite the male factor, it is possible so let's keep up the hope

@seekingsolace2 doctors just seem so uninterested in whether I have PCOS or not so I don’t know what to think. One doctor said no you need 20 follicles plus on each ovary, one said borderline, one said yes I do have it and another said it doesn’t matter for ivf 🙃. So that’s as clear as mud. My AMH has been 31 and 36 when I’ve had it tested, and my follicle count has been 23-38 at different times. I think I’m probably slightly PCO/S, if that’s an option.

It’s so expensive doing ovulation induction privately. This is our second cycle, at around £800-900 pcm. I don’t think it makes sense to keep doing it, need to save the money for IVF really.

We had a weird week where we found out funded ivf round will be in 2022 now and I’m not happy with that. I’m 39 in May, so I think we’ll try to do a round before Christmas if our clinic will let us. It’s all so stressful.

@thislittlebird wow that's a lot of doctors with very different views...I had 18 follicles on one ovary and 6 on the other.. I also got insulin and testosterone checked which were normal but because of my irregular cycles and the scan PCOS was diagnosed. If you have regular cycles, then maybe getting hormones checked would diagnose it but then again if it doesn't matter for IVF then is there even a need to diagnose it...

£900 is a lot for induction. Right now, my clinic has only quoted me £160 for one scan but I'll have to confirm with them if they plan to do more than one scan...and I'm not eligible for NHS assisted conception services due to the visa I'm on, even our insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments so we had to go private even for the first appointment. It is very stressful, and both financially and emotionally exhausting.

Have you considered changing clinics? Maybe you can get another clinic to do a round before Christmas?

@seekingsolace2 yeah my testosterone has been normal but I’ve not had insulin resistance tested yet so I will ask when I next speak to my GP. It’s just frustrating, I wish there was more understanding and consensus around PCOS.

The £900 figure is essentially three scans for £770 and then another £100 roughly for letrozole, progesterone and ovitrelle. It is a pricier London clinic, but it’s where I am now. I went there for one doctor and she retired before I got to IVF 😔. I should have been offered clomid on the nhs but the woman I saw was an idiot who said there was nothing wrong and sent us packing, which is how I ended up at a private clinic or two.

The problem with changing right now is the timeline. If I do want to do a cycle before Christmas no new clinic will be able to fit me in in time I think. With this one everything is done, protocol decided and so on. I’d need a new consultation elsewhere and one clinic I called had a three or four week wait.

@thislittlebird oh yes..how foolish of me! It's a minimum 3 week wait for any appointments... I hope this cycle works wonders for you xx

Hi, can I join this thread? Just starting infertility testing after a year TTC, but it has already been confirmed I have a short luteal phase (7/8 days) so near on impossible to concieve until we know the issue and if/how we can fix it.

The other day we found out that two of our friend couples have started TTC. My instant reaction was 'bet they announce a pregnancy before us which is going to hurt so much' (even though we will be happy for them of course.) I just hate that this is my reaction now you know? Also the fear of going on social media because inevitably there will be another pregnancy announcement.

I also struggle with the fact that my husbands cousin concieved literally on her first month trying! How is it so easy for some people?? xx

Hi @Janey3090. I’ve seen a number of people around here with short LP. It seems quite common.

Our friends started trying after us and they all have babies now. It’s a very lonely journey and those are very normal reactions. I can’t go near sm and sometimes I can’t go near mumsnet too. Someone on another thread I’m on just announced she’s having her second and I nearly burst into tears at work. This is really embarrassing but I just know it’s never me, it’s never us, pregnancy is something that happens to other people. Babies and families are for other people.

I feel coldy too, sore throat and stuff, might just go home to bed. To add insult to injury I’m on progesterone and yet it never feels like it works for me, I feel no different and still don’t get any pmt symptoms like sore boobs etc. Feels like my body is broken.

My friend was about 39 when she started trying and conceived really quickly. I started at 36, I’ll be 39 in May, and I’m still here treading water.

I feel like this too! My whole Instagram is just full of mum and baby stuff at the minute, I just had to delay my IVF cycle because my husband couldn't get time off around our planned egg collection hoping we can do it before the end of the year but I just feel done. I'm come home from a really busy day at work we've had a few off sick and I've just been crying since. I wanted to try and at least do some day trips and get out a bit but work is so busy I need the weekend to run all my errands, we live close to my husband's family and they need a lot of help with things. I'm just so fed up and feel hopeless.

All my friends have kids now and the way I am at the minute I can't be around them. I'm sorry you girls are going through some of this too xx

@Roo45 I can imagine, I’m sorry he can’t get the time off, that sucks. I was really emotional yesterday and I’m very short tempered today. I just got angry at my husband for sending back some vegan Ubiquinol by mistake. He packed up and posted the vegan one instead of the one with gelatine in and it was the gelatine one he was meant to return. I’m just so sick of all this stupid ttc shit.

I get it, I just saw another bfp on here and got upset all over again. I feel like this is my only bfp free space, if I’m honest. I’m scared to check threads some days.

Harder still if your husband’s family needs support, it’s an extra weight on your shoulders

I had to speak to occupational health this week and she was telling me I need a hobby, I need to get away etc and sometimes it’s not that easy to do, especially when work is busy. And I don’t know how much time off I’ll need yet for IVF, so I’m trying to keep some holiday.

I feel like I have no friends now if I’m honest. Very few anyway. I’m so distant from everyone.

Hello everyone, popping back in to hide from the world. I'm still so sad. Just pretending to be normal now.

We're looking to try with our 1 frozen embryo in early December but I'm so afraid that it won't even defrost properly, nevermind what can go wrong after that.

Feeling very sad about the lack of RL support. MIL hasn't said 2 words about my miscarriage on the 2 occasions I've seen her which feels so hurtful. I really thought she would bring flowers or something to show she cares. We have a tricky relationship, but this is the the end of it for me. My own mother has been extremely emotional which I can't cope with.

People never behave how we want them to. Sigh.

@thislittlebird and @CurbsideProphet I'm so sorry for what you are both going through. I don't think anyone really gets it, even my own husband I think really understands the grief and waves of hopelessness.
Good luck for December @Curbsideprophet im the same worrying about what could go wrong on the next cycle so I know it's easier said then done but try not to worry right now if you can as you will be worrying in December anyway and to be worried for so long will consume you. Is there any way to distract yourself?I don't know if I've expressed myself very well I hope I make sense.
@thislittlebird when I get time I have been knitting I do find trying to focus on a project with a podcast or Netflix on in the background can help me! Would something like that help you? Xx

I get how you all feel. Someone in my family just delivered a baby, and its all great but I feel so sad..and on top of that I feel awful for feeling sad because I'm not generally a negative sort of person...I have switched myself off social media and even archived all WhatsApp chats in which people have their profile pictures with babies..it's absolutely insane. I feel ridiculous but I think not seeing it is gonna help me in not feeling sad....

I love to knit its my favourite hobby and does give me some sort of relaxation I really enjoy it..so yes do try it, maybe you'll enjoy it!

Thank you @Roo45 💐
Oh I can so sympathise with the grief and waves of hopelessness. It keeps coming back again and again.
Yes I definitely understand what you mean. The logical part of me knows that I need to manage my worry and not obsess over things that may not even happen. I think it just feels like protecting my heart and not getting my hopes up. Which makes no sense because if the worst happens it won't feel any less horrendous.

@thislittlebird I don't have anything useful to say other than 💐💐 I'm also very lonely. DH's friends and sibling all have children. My friends either have children, are pregnant, or are single and don't want them. No one understands how this feels. I find it too hard to find the energy / inclination to arrange to see friends, as I feel like I'm just pretending to be myself. I haven't seen my nephews for months which is awful, but they asked if they were going to have a cousin and it broke my heart.

Hi girls...sorry we are all going through this! Yes I agree about a social media blackout my entire Facebook has been people taking their children on Halloween themed days out and I just can't deal with it. I've just spent the whole weekend helping my husband's family with stuff, I don't want to come off sounding spoilt but just feel at the moment I don't even have the supposed 'advantages'' of a child free life in terms of just being able to do what I want when I feel like it!

Hi everyone, do you mind if I join? We have been TTC for 18 months and after a miscarriage earlier this year I am really struggling with everything you guys have been mentioning - social media, announcements and especially feeling lonely because none of my friends have been through this.

Totally get what @seekingsolace2 said about feeling bad about all the negativity when it's not usually in your character. I do think we're entitled to some negativity though - there's only so much you can go through and still be super positive and hopeful. My joy barrel is pretty empty right now!! 😂

I've bailed on a baby shower tonight because I can't handle it so I'm sat here on mumsnet instead...good god I wish baby showers weren't a thing!

@bfnancy sorry to hear what you are going through and for your miscarriage :( if I ever get pregnant (which feels like a bloody miracle) Ive already sworn I'll never have a baby shower or gender reveal etc because of how s* they've made me feel over the years.
Look after yourself today ❤️

@bfnancy my joy barrel is also empty 💐
I think going through this we need to try and look after ourselves and say no to unnecessary things that will cause us emotional harm.

Can I ask how all of your partners / husbands are managing with everything?

My DH is really struggling now. He had his first migraine in ages on Friday and tonight he was just broken really. Luckily he's gone to sleep now. I just don't know what to do. I'm very emotional and worried about how we're going to get through all of this. We've spent our 2 year marriage in misery, starting with an early miscarriage - endless ttc - private tests showing my low AMH and his low morphology - IVF referral last year- 1st cycle only 1 embryo which failed to implant - 2nd cycle fresh transfer miscarriage before 7 weeks. Now we're planning FET with our 1 frozen embryo but I'm already anticipating the worst case scenarios (embryo doesn't survive defrosting, miscarriage etc) and worrying about how we'll get through it.

A social media blackout honestly sounds like the best idea! I've deleted my Facebook app and already feel better. It's a tough time of year with Halloween days out, and then the Christmas post of the kids being excited will start. No doubt there will be Christmas Day pregnancy announcements too

Totally agree with that @Roo45 if I do manage to ever get pregnant I will not be one of those who has a baby shower/posts shed loads of photos of said baby shower etc... I definitely feel like after going through infertility you are more aware of just how many couples go through it and that they are likely to be struggling to hold it together in secret. So I would hate to ever contribute to the sadness xx