August 2020 IVF - continued

[Lepatz]

Morning ladies!

We hit our 1000 limit on the original thread! That’s 1000 messages of support and advice, celebrating every happy milestone, and being there for uncertainty and bad news too. Thanks @Mseddy for setting up our little cohort :)

Will try to tag the regulars, apologies if I miss anyone. @Custardandcream @nextweek @kikisparks @StayingPositive8 @Bruce2 @CardboardCat @MrsT36 @loulamay @MsNoons17 Argh, my phone is refusing to autocomplete properly - I hope that works.

Wishing everyone heath and happiness - whatever stage of the journey you're on xx

Now for the message I'd come on here to post. Didn't want to have this as the first post in the thread...

Well, it's a bfn for me.

Feeling a bit numb. Not exactly a surprise, but we never stop hoping, right? The thought of multiple cycles of this is not great. But the thought of never being a mum is so much worse.

I have one nhs round left. Anyone know if they'll let me do another fresh, or if I need to do frosties if I have them? I'm glad I have two in the freezer, but at 41, am scared of my eggs getting any older.

Wishing everyone a luckier Sunday xx

@Lepatz thanks for starting this new thread
I'm so sorry about your bfn, that's so disappointing for you but its great that you've got frosties! I'm NHS to and at my clinic you have to use the frosties before you can so another fresh round.

Thanks @nextweek - i hope you have a positive result with your test today :)

@Lepatz I'm actually not sure what to think, I did the test the clinic gave me and a FRER as a backup. Both had a line but both were faint. I thought it would be darker by now if it were a BFP?

@Lepatz thanks for starting a new thread. So so sorry about your BFN it’s so hard after everything we go through to get to this point.

I think NHS treatment varies by area. At my hospital one cycle means egg collection and all frozen transfers from that collection- incredibly lucky I know. You have to use all Frosties at my clinic before moving onto another fresh cycle.

How do you let your clinic know? Do they bring you in for an appointment?

Little bit of news from me, my clinic phoned DH back and have made an appointment for us on Monday, another blood test (not sure what for- to see if HCG is now zero?) and to discuss next steps. DH can come in with me this time which is so good as I can’t always retain all the information at these appointments when I’m stressed.

My main thoughts are whether after 2 chemical pregnancies, this time with a “perfect” 4AA embryo, there should be some testing of me before we use our remaining embryos. We’ve already decided we’ll be taking progesterone for 12 weeks if we get a BFP again- people might remember I was scared of coming off it and 2 days after I stopped it my tests got lighter. I read online that endometriosis can affect progesterone. So that’s one thing to change, DH already spoke to the clinic on this and they are fine with it. I’d also ideally like a test for “sticky blood” as if I have that it can be relatively easy to treat with blood thinners if I get a BFP again. In an ideal world I’d like a hysteroscopy to check what my womb lining is like but the waiting list for that might be too long and I want to do another transfer this year if at all possible. Also I still don’t know what this mass is on my left ovary that the EPU mentioned and want that checked out.

@nextweek oh congratulations! A second line means you are pregnant . I know exactly the worrying feeling, I was anxious with my first line being faint- obviously didn’t work out for me but I googled extensively at the time and a lot of people had faint lines that turned into babies. Maybe it’s not as light as you think, do you want to post a pic? Did you use FMU after a decent length hold?

Also just to catch up with some posts from the last thread:

@msnoons17 that’s great your FET should be starting in a couple of weeks. Good luck!

@custardandcream thanks for your kind comment and that’s so exciting you’re now 9dpt- what day will you test?

@Cardboardcat glad the spotting has stopped, dark lines are a great sign!

@kikisparks thats great that your husband can go with you on Monday, makes it a bit less daunting than trying to do it all yourself. Sounds like you've done your homework and know what to ask for which is great. I hope the clinic can do as much as possible for you.

I used FMU and didn't get up during the night so would have been 8 or 9 hours since I last went. I'll try to post a pic.

They're both faint which is worrying me. I can't phone my clinic until tomorrow so think I'll do another FRER in the morning

New thread! Wow! Thanks for setting it up @Lepatz so sorry about your BFN. This process is so hard. I'm pretty sure you have to use all your frosties first. But try to be postive, you aren't using them up to get them out the way, they could be your babies!!

@nextweek congratulations! I don't think they are faint at all! Trust me, my first few where squinters!

@kikisparks that's good that the clinic are seeing you again nice and quickly and damn right they should let DH in with you. I didn't realise how close the correlation between stopping the progesterone and the lines lightening was. 100% fight them for more progesterone next time!

@CardboardCat I think it was you on the old thread who asked me about symptoms? The only thing I have at the moment is constipation (probably from the bloody beaver bullets) and my nipples look like burgers! Honestly I can't even look at them without laughing my head off. I haven't tested since 9dp5dt and I'm 13dp today. I might test shortly when I get up but I'm so scared. Otd is tomorrow so I have to do it eventually!!

We are currently in Cornwall camping for a week so it's nice to be away from everything! But the communal camping toilet situation isn't going to make peeing on a stick easy, or help with my lack of movement!!

@nextweek those are not that faint, nice clear lines! Does your clinic do a blood test? All that matters is that HCG doubles every 48 hours.

@kikisparks I'm glad your OH can go to the appointment with you and you sounds like you're ready to advocate for yourself. All of those suggestions sound really sensible as well so hopefully your clinic will be onboard. You guys are so strong, good luck with the next steps.

@Lepatz I'm really sorry about your bfn, that's really shit. I hope you and your OH can have some chill time today and regroup. Thinking of you You are such a strong, supportive influence in this thread, I'm sure whatever your next steps are you will be ok.

@nextweek Yay! I really hope this is it for you. I'm sorry there is some ambiguity though, more uncertainty is horrible. Anecdotally, I have darker lines with second or third morning urine, I think this is because I drink quite a lot of fluids in the evening so my fmu can be quite dilute.

@kikisparks no mine don't do blood tests, I think i would just have to wait for the 7 week scan. They said if I got a bfp today then I've to keep taking cyclogest for another 3 weeks. I can't bear the thought of going weeks not knowing for certain! I guess I could keep doing a test every few days and then i would know? Ugh why is it never straight forward!

@nextweek Yes mine were the same, it sucks. Taking an HPT (same brand, same hold, same time of day) every day did show me good line progression and then eventual faint tests suggested a chemical pregnancy which was obviously finally confirmed so I think HPTs can be used to give a good indication of how things are going but also doing it daily caused me to go slightly mad- if you can hold off I’d wait at least 2-3 days to test again as you should definitely see a darker line at that point and hopefully be reassured then. Today you are pregnant!

So after waiting 4 days my line this morning is barely a squinter. Chemical for me I guess. This whole process sucks

Thank you @kikisparks thats good advice. I've got another FRER so will do that one tomorrow before I call the clinic and depending on the outcome I'll hold off another few days before testing again. If it hasn't worked I'd rather just know so we can get on and plan for our next cycle and not have weeks of uncertainty

@Mseddy that sucks that its lighter, its all so stressful all the uncertainty and second guessing

@Mseddy I am so sorry, that's really shitty. Urgh, this whole process does suck and makes me want to swear at the universe. I hope you can find some comfort in your OH today.

Sorry to hear your news @Lepatz is great that you have another nhs round and two in the freezer. Doesn’t make it any less disappointing I know but a little weight off your mind I hope. Thanks for starting the new thread.

Thanks @kikisparks I am glad you are getting seen so quickly and that DH can come in with you this time. It’s so much information to be given and overwhelming isn’t it. I’ve started writing notes so I don’t forget anything to ask now.

@Mseddy Best of luck whenever you do your test. Enjoy your holiday in the meantime! By the way whenever I see beaver bullets it really makes me laugh! We call ours sherbets.

@nextweek I’ve never used those tests before just digital. There is definitely two good lines there! I do find it strange that most clinics don’t do blood tests more often after the test day or before starting treatment again. Just seems as long as last one was within 6months it’s not needed or maybe that’s just mine.

Hope everyone can enjoy their Sunday a bit.

@nextweek It's great you have lines, even if not as dark as you'd have hoped. They don't look bad to me :) The uncertainty (at every frickin stage) sucks ass. Wishing you stronger lines tomorrow. Today you are pregnant - congratulations :)

@kikisparks I emailed the clinic today, and have stopped the meds. I think they'll call me tomorrow and I'll find out more. Fingers crossed they also include multiple transfers in a cycle - your clinic offers a great deal with that! It's great you have some concrete ideas for next time, i can hear your strength and resilience in your words :) Wishing you so much luck as you go into these next stages.

@Mseddy oh I'm so sorry. Fingers crossed it's a bad test, and better luck tomorrow. I hope you can enjoy camping in the meantime. I found the beaver bullets a bit of a mission in the camp loos!

Thanks @MsNoons17 I hope you have a good Sunday too :)

@CardboardCat thank you for your kind words - brought a bit of a tear if i'm honest x

I feel so comforted by the strength in this group, we all deserve some easier times.

@Mseddy I’m so sorry to hear that that uncertain time is not nice.

Hello. Congrats to those with two lines. So so sorry to those that had bfn. I reckon I'll be in that camp tomorrow! That's actually the day before OTD, but DH is at work the next day so decided to do it a day early.

Tested (stupidly) at 5dp5dt and was negative, my boobs feel less sore than they have been and I have zero symptoms. So I don't hold out much hope....

This was our final NHS frosty, so if we go again it'll be self funded and won't be until we have saved for it. Who knows when that'll be.

I've bought 2 more FRERs (at boots prices which is a kick in the teeth) just to be sure. I already know, but my brain is trying to tell me "it could be a dodgy test" "there was loads of leftover progesterone in the sample maybe that affected it" "fmu has never been my strongest" ect but I know this is all clutching and its over. Me and DH have had a good cry this morning and wallowed about in the tent. But now we have pulled ourselves together and are sitting on a beautiful beach in the sunshine being thankful that we have eachother. I'm not thinking about my frosties because each of them come with more uncertainly and potential hurt and I just can't even imagine another TWW anytime in the near future. Just getting my head around the new fertility club I've found myself in. I'm no longer the "I've never even managed to get pregnant" club, now I'm the miscarriage club. All these clubs fucking suck!

@Mseddy these clubs do suck! Clubs that nobody wants to be in, but are the clubs with the most understanding and supportive people.

I know that progesterone feeling, like, "surely all that leftover "stuff" has to affect the stick". We all know it doesn't, but don't want to lose hope.

@Mseddy I’m so sorry! Think I missed your message in the thread & didn’t realise you had already tested. Hope you’re ok.