August 2020 IVF - continued

[Lepatz]

Morning ladies!

We hit our 1000 limit on the original thread! That’s 1000 messages of support and advice, celebrating every happy milestone, and being there for uncertainty and bad news too. Thanks @Mseddy for setting up our little cohort :)

Will try to tag the regulars, apologies if I miss anyone. @Custardandcream @nextweek @kikisparks @StayingPositive8 @Bruce2 @CardboardCat @MrsT36 @loulamay @MsNoons17 Argh, my phone is refusing to autocomplete properly - I hope that works.

Wishing everyone heath and happiness - whatever stage of the journey you're on xx

@Lepatz thank you for setting up the new thread! I’m so sorry for your BFN it’s so heartbreaking after 2 weeks of hope so sending lots of love

@Mseddy I hope it was a dodgy one and everything crossed tomorrow is back to normal. An early loss is such a kick in the teeth after everything we go though to get those 2 lines.

@nextweek they’re 2 good lines and it’s about progression but you are definite pregnant, congratulations!

I’ve been hiding out with DH and the dogs in Rutland avoiding anywhere that sells hpt but couldn’t stop myself in the coop today then they had FRERS. I know I’ll cave and test tomorrow, it’s only 6dp5dt so if it’s a BFN I can always tell myself it’s soo early anyway!

@Mseddy so sorry for you, I’m still holding out hope for you and really crossing my fingers but I know what it’s like to be in that place

I was in that position on Monday and I couldn’t think about the Frosties then either, but since having my miscarriage confirmed on Wednesday and some time to start to grieve the pregnancy loss I am slowly thinking forward to an FET- of course everyone moves at their own pace and you don’t need to think about anything until you’re ready. I hope you can enjoy your holiday, and you and your DH take care of each other. Whilst it sucks to be in any infertility or miscarriage club the main thing about being in a club is you’re not alone, we are here to listen any time you want to talk about your feelings, as you have listened to us.

@kikisparks thank you, such lovely words. After doing really well most of the day in St Ives, I freaked out when I started bleeding and sobbed the whole way back to the campsite on the bus. We had another little cry together when we got back and are feeling a little better now. I only have (TMI) like brown stringy discharge now. But I'm still certain that coupled with my barely positive test this morning is all the confirmation I think I need. I won't be able to have bloods given I'm 7 hours away from my clinic! I'm glad you are thinking forward to your FET x

@Bruce2 I think we all imagine the worst, I hope the wait until your scan goes quickly

@Lepatz thank you for the new thread, I’m really sorry you got a bfn

@nextweek congratulations! When I had a faint second line the clinic advised testing again in a couple of days, I’m sorry you’re still not sure this whole process is a rollercoaster

@kikisparks glad your DH can come in with you for the follow up hope they can give you some answers. I’ll test in a few days time, in my first cycle I didn’t make it to my OTD as I had a bleed first so I’m a bit concerned about getting to that point

@Mseddy I’m really sorry about the test and your bleed let yourself process it all, no need to make any decisions yet

@Pinkstars2501 good luck for tomorrow

@MrsT36 Good luck if you do test tomorrow

BFN

I knew it would be. I have no more embryos/blasts and no more rounds left. This is our 2nd fail and I'm not sure I can do it again.

Good luck to those still to test.

@Pinkstars2501 I’m so sorry. There’s nothing that can be said to make it hurt any less but I’m thinking of you. You need some time to grieve this cycle before you can make any decisions. It feels like such a big hill to climb right now. You’re so strong, whatever you decide you can do it.

@Mseddy how are you this morning? Sorry you’re going through this. Hope you and DH are OK, I know an early loss is the hardest thing after IVF, when can you go to the clinic? X

@Pinkstars2501 I’m so sorry I can completely understand the feeling of not being able to do it again, but give yourself some time, you don’t need to make any decisions now. Look after yourself and take time to grieve, a BFN after IVF is a loss just as much as any other loss, we go through so much and it is painful when the journey ends at this point.

Oh here you all are! I missed you! Haha. Didn't see the new thread and wondered why everyone had gone so quiet.

@Lepatz - I'm so sorry lovely. I'm 40 and share your fear about the ageing eggs. But then I read so many stories of it working for people into their mid-forties and I have hope. Plus your frosties is fantastic, meaning you can do a FET whenever you're emotionally ready.

@nextweek - a line is a line! definitely test again tomorrow because the hcg will go up I'm sure. Congrats!

@kikisparks - after my last chemical I also had lots of questions. That plus two natural miscarriages a few years ago. I felt like I wanted to test everything under the sun. In the end my Dr said that he didn't think we should change much in terms of protocol, and that the chemical was a really good sign that I could get pregnant. This round I am on Clexane injections, which seems to be a double whammy of blood thinner plus something to help if I had autoimmune issues, although we didn't actually test for those. Not sure if your clinic has mentioned these, but thought I would put it out there! My GP also did blood tests for magnesium, B12, iron and thyroid - all were low apart from thyroid which looked fine, and so I took supplements from 2 weeks before FET as well as my pre-natals. My clinic also advised Vitamin E 1000 mg (not sure about the mg, but definitely 1000 something) a day plus L'arginine (had never hear of that and honestly have no idea what it is ). I have also done acupuncture this time round.

@Mseddy I'm so sorry about your lighter line and bleeding. God this whole thing is just a big pile of shit. So glad you enjoyed some sunshine and beach time. Sounds so therapeutic.

@MrsT36 @Custardandcream - good luck for testing!

@CardboardCat - hope you're doing okay today. Hang in there!

@Pinkstars2501- so sorry about your result. let yourself just cry and scream and rage as much as you like.

Lots of love to everyone. Remarkable women all of you. x

Not having the best day. My Clexane yesterday went spectacularly wrong and I have bruised horrendously. Also just not 'feeling' pregnant and have convinced myself I've had a missed miscarriage. Which makes the injections and drugs seem pointless anyway. Trying to throw myself into work but feel so distracted and all over the place

Thankyou for your kind words. It really means so much.

It's not just the emotional side that I don't know if I can do again, because I think given time, that I could. It's the cost. It's just so expensive and it'd take us years to save for a round I think. You don't want to go for the cheapest just because it's cheap do you.

I'm 34 soon, have stage 3 Endo and a frozen pelvis. So it's weighing up if it'd even be worth going through or if it's likely to fail again anyway. My blasts have all been top quality, my linings perfect, everything has been spot on both times and it's still failed.

@loulamay sorry you’re having a rubbish day. It can be all these crazy drugs were pumping ourselves full of that is making you feel this way. No symptoms isn’t a bad sign, especially as you’re so early on. When is your scan?

So I caved and tested this morning and I have a Squinter! I didn’t think there was anything there until I took it outside in the light.

After my early loss first transfer I’m trying not to get too excited as there is a long way to go, but it’s hard not to get carried away. Been a long time and several transfers since I had any kind of line. Just going to try and enjoy it and test again on Wednesday x

Sorry to hear your result @Pinkstars2501Its so difficult. Hope you’re ok.

I'm sorry @Pinkstars2501. I'm not in the UK so not sure how it works, but you don't qualify for the NHS from what you've said? I have seen on some other threads about people doing to Europe where it's much cheaper. Sending you a huge hug.

*going to

@loulamay hi. Yes, we had one round NHS funded, if we lived an hour up the road it'd be 3. Im so thankful to have had the round don't get me wrong, but it's such a postcode lottery.

I may look in to going abroad. But I don't want to talk into the trap of throwing money at something that will never work. I've seen how it ruins people.

@Pinkstars2501 that’s so unfair about the NHS funding, it really should be per the NICE guidelines everywhere!

You might not want to think about possible next steps yet but if/ when you do it might be worth checking Access Fertility which is just a fertility finance company afaik, it says they do partial refund programmes and multiple rounds for cheaper prices than if you paid direct through the clinic. If I’m not successful on my NHS rounds and have the emotional energy to go again then I’ll probably see if I can get a loan to do a private round, I’ve heard people say that they’ve paid it up at £250 a month which is a lot but doesn’t seem as bad as the idea of coughing up a big sum all at once.

@Pinkstars2501 sorry missed your other sentence. I suppose the really upsetting and frustrating thing about IVF is that, most of the time, we can’t say if it will or won’t work, it might work and statistics can give you some idea of success rates but we’ll never know if we will personally be successful. You sound very sensible about money and that can only be a good thing, I think it’s a very personal thing about what is affordable and what you and your partner feel comfortable with.

@loulamay I’ve never seen a bruise like that poor you. Maybe try some ice? I’m also sorry you’re so anxious about a missed miscarriage, it’s such an anxious time. When is your scan?

@MrsT36 congrats! You definitely should enjoy it if you can, but also if you end up feeling worried don’t feel bad about that either. I thought it was all about getting to that 2nd line but now I know it can still be an anxious time after that too.

@Pinkstars2501 I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN. It really really sucks. Esp as it was your last blast from that round. Be kind to yourself today - it's ok to wait a while before having any of the big thoughts about what comes next.

@Mseddy I'm so sad to hear about your bleed yesterday - I hope you and your OH aree doing ok today.

@loulamay - Glad you found us again and thanks for the kind words. And WOW to that bruise!! I have never seen anything like it.

@MrsT36 Congrats on your squinter! Another step down the road - and it's a big one :)

It's weird. In some ways I feel some sort of relief today. No drugs, no uncertainty. Less knicker-watching. My head is a bit quieter. But then I think I'm kidding myself. Inside I'm tearing apart. I wish I was still doing something!! Still no bleeding, still have a headache, still so tired. I didn't mind the symptoms before the BFN, but I resent them now.

I haven't heard from the hospital yet, though I think I missed a call from them an hour ago. I found the funding page - it says 2 fresh cycles funded. I suspect that a FET would be instead of a fresh though. Just another damned bit of uncertainty and hope.

Sorry, a bit of a rant from me today. I feel like crap, and wish I could have a break from myself right now. Bleurgh!!!!

Thanks guys! Bruise is a real beauty. No idea what went wrong. But if I'm on blood thinners maybe bruises would be worse anyway? Not sure.

My scan is tomorrow morning. Just want it over with now, whatever the result is.

@Lepatz - totally understand that feeling of a brief respite. Plus now you can have wiiiiiine

@loulamay

Thanks guys! Bruise is a real beauty. No idea what went wrong. But if I'm on blood thinners maybe bruises would be worse anyway? Not sure.

My scan is tomorrow morning. Just want it over with now, whatever the result is.

@Lepatz - totally understand that feeling of a brief respite. Plus now you can have wiiiiiine

Yep bruises are definitely worse on thinners sadly

@Lepatz I'm so sorry about your BFN, shitty day. I totally get where you are coming from on the ageing eggs. I'm 40 and put so much pressure on myself with the ticking time bomb especially as I have premature diminished ovarian reserve. But it's awesome that you got some frosties and even more amazing that you live somewhere that you get another round!! the 'terms' of our NHS funding were a fresh transfer which includes 1 frozen transfer (as part of 1 round of IVF) so fingers crossed for you

@Pinkstars2501 I'm sorry for your BFN too. I know someone has mentioned Access Fertility above, depending on your age, there is also ABC fertility that offer a set price reduced package if you fit their criteria (when you are ready to think about things again).

@loulamay Jeez that bruise is insane, you poor thing. Best of luck with the scan tomorrow. I didn't have any symptoms and prepared myself for the worst so keeping everything crossed for you for a positive scan

@MrsT36 congratulations!!

@Mseddy Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing today. Sounds like a hideous day yesterday and hoping you and DH are doing ok. You have each other and clearly are an amazing support to one another.

For those that don't get hcg testing with their clinic have you asked your GP if they would be willing to do a test for you? I have been known to tell my doctor that I need blood tests and what for.. sometimes they accommodate (probably to get rid of me ha ha!!)

Thanks all, I really do appreciate you taking the time to offer up some options for us

@Mseddy rant away. Sorry you’re feeling like crap, I so get you on the resenting symptoms. Mine are all gone now and bleeding and pain are dying down, it’s such a relief to get my body back if you know what I mean, at every stage through this something has been uncomfortable be it nausea, indigestion, bloating, sore boobs, fatigue, cramping, gas, poor sleep, mood swings, constipation, loss of appetite etc etc and it’s tolerable enough when I thought there could be a baby at the end but now I know there won’t be it’s nice to feel normal. I hope you get to that point soon. The uncertainty is so stressful. I really hope you get to speak to your clinic today.

@loulamay good luck for tomorrow, hoping for a good outcome.

Today at the clinic was disappointing, we didn’t get to ask any questions, it was just a nurse doing the blood test and she didn’t know we’d been told we’d discuss next steps. Blood test just confirmed HCG is down to 4. I also got told that I can phone up to book FET at my next period when the other nurse said it has to be period after next so more confusion and uncertainty.

@kikisparks I think your last tag was meant for @Lepatz she's the OP on this post now. I totally agree with feeling better that the symptoms have gone, although I'm cramping today but that's just the bleed doing it's thing I guess.

@StayingPositive8 I'm feeling much better today. I've spoken with my clinic and they agree I've had a chemical and can stop the beaver bullets (thank god for one small win I guess) the nurse was really positive about the quality of our 4 frozen embabies so that's given me a little hope and knocked me out of the "I'm never doing any of this ever again" mood I was in yesterday. I have booked a video chat with my consultant for 3 weeks time, enough time to reflect on this round and start thinking about the next. By then hopefully I'll be nearly due my "in between" bleed and we can crack on with the following bleed for a FET. I've never had a FET before so it's a new experience for us. I know the odds of a baby from a FET are higher so I'm trying to concentrate on that for now.

Hope everyone is doing well. Fingers crossed will will all get our baby one day