Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

As I suspected. SIL pregnant again. This girl just has everything. And I was doing really fucking well with keeping my chin up but I just can't cope with this. Fuck

Florafoxtrot Fuck her.
(sorry I'm in a foul mood, horrible period pains and hating everyone and everything today)
Anyone has had enough of this ttc shit? I'm about to give up. I feel like a raging bull today and I'm surprised I didn't get in an argument/fight all day lol

That's great news Pjs it's nice to hear employers can be understanding.

Congrats on the job baguette

Jam sounds similar to my hubby, he has cut down thou I'm not sure it's enough I am tracking it on an app. Will see what the results of his tests are in a couple of weeks. So glad the letter was quite detailed re amount of alcohol you should consume when ttc. Seems he listens to that more than me! 🤞Him cutting down more will do the trick.
Glad I'm not the only one frustrated with my DH!

Thanks for the new thread Jam.

TTC 2 years next month. Had 2 mcs, one 1st month of trying and 2nd March this year at 11 weeks. Previous ectopic 11 yrs ago but remaining tube all ok and AMH levels perfect apparently. Went to the Lister to talk about starting IVF back in June and we got referred to a urologist and DH had sperm DNA test. Result was v high at 50% which took us out of unexplained category and explained mc's. Didn't think any issue with him before because the doctors we had seen previously told us his sperm must be good because of getting pregnant. Not the case. Since June, he has had varicocele op and has cut back on drinking (big binge drinker/after work city drinker), lost 1.5 stones and we've both been on specialist diet and having supplements (he has proxeed plus.) He had another frag test 2 weeks ago and got results today and it's down to 14% which takes him from the nearly infertile category to excellent so a huge improvement. Most people conceive within 6-9 months of having the op but consultant today echoed exactly how we feel - sometimes the emotional element is more important than the intellectual and there comes a point in any relationship where you need to move to next stage and make things happen and the stress is counterproductive, which is where we're at. The past few months have been absolutely awful seeing 8 friends have babies when we would have been. Going to give it a few more cycles with view of starting ICSI/IMSI in November if nothing has happened by then. Seems crazy even thinking of number 2 when having one has proved so difficult but he said in future, we should have no problem as we have now sorted the issue.

flora how many children does she have? Some people really do seem to have it all don't they. Just doesn't seem fair sometimes when you're going through such a s**t time.

I've been where your DH has been too jam, and DH has definitely been there. It caused so much resentment and I actually threatened to leave many times when he would come in pissed after I'd been at yoga and sitting eat eggs and spinach and other healthy shite. Men often really don't deal with this stuff v easily which is crap in itself but hope you guys have had some chats since the wedding. We had a wedding in July where we both couldn't wait to get out of there and made us both feel so shit, it's horrible what this does to you.

That's great news on the job front pyjamas. How are you feeling about everything now? Which clinic are you at if you don't mind me asking? We would be having ICSI/IMSI in November at the Lister.

I'm also at the Lister chlo! We're planning on going for the third round in November so we may well be in the waiting room at the same time at some point! Also will be either ICSI or IMSI depending on DH's DNA fragmentation test.

Yeah it's really promising about the job - even if it doesn't happen, it was a valuable lesson that I'm not necessarily stuck and honesty is the best policy!

Ah really?! I remember you saying you didn't feel happy with your consultant but now changed and feel a lot happier. Be interesting to see how you get on with the frag test. The proxeed plus helped loads for us as well. I asked the urologist ( or cock doc as we call him) if he felt they were the best clinic for a couple with our history/issue and he said they're definitely one of the best and said they're the John Lewis of clinics- interesting analogy but I'll take that, can't go wrong with John Lewis!

Bet it gave you a bit of confidence knowing the company still wanted to talk to you. Feeling in limbo can definitely knock your confidence in so many areas of your life so good to be reminded that you're valued and talented.

Massive hug flora I can imagine how much this must hurt xxx

Caz how much alcohol did your letter say was acceptable?

Chlo that's quite incredible the difference in his results - your perseverance has really paid off. Really hope you get your well deserved BFP and don't even need ivf

Pyjamas that's amazing - you must be hot property 🔥

DH and I had our first couples therapy this evening and it went well. We need to see her individually once then we crack on together weekly. I feel optimistic this is going to help us through the next few months

Thank you for the welcomes, its nice to have people to talk to who aren't my DH or my mum (although I'm lucky to have them I know)

Well, I definitely would like to go to the John Lewis of clinics Chlo! I get everything else from there... Huge congratulations on the DNA improvement you had, you both must have worked really hard for that and I hope you get a speedy result.

Congratulations on the new jobs/potential new jobs PJs and baguette. I hope you can find some conception approved way to celebrate (or just enjoy some deserved depending on where you are in your cycle I guess).

If your company had 'fertility leave', would anyone here think about taking it?

Jam - I haven't taken provera before either but apparently it will give me another period (joy). The nurse was hopeful that we could wrangle onto an IUI cycle after this next period but its an NHS clinic for a huge area so the slots fill up really quickly. We are meant to have the IUI before we get IVF so keen to get it all going.

Provera also apparently helps with Endo as well but not holding out any hope for that. If any of you are Endo suffers I will let you know how it works out.

age :38 too old
TTC: 16mo too long
been here since thread 9.
welcome newbies !
MC last year almost to the day

Yep, we're clinic buddies chlo! Yes, I was unhappy with the consultant, but have never had any issues with the actual clinic. And our new consultant there is an absolute gem - good to hear they've been described as the John Lewis of clinics - I love John Lewis! Feel free to DM me if you want to compare Lister notes 😊

So glad therapy went well jam - DH and I haven't been for a while, but it so so helped us when our troubles became too much.

I would take fertility leave in a heartbeat chocolate!

Omg hep I can't believe it's been a year. I'm sorry - this time must be so hard for you.
I hope it's not selfish but that really hits home how much time has passed for all of us. I cannot believe I've been on these boards for more than two years. That's such a chunk of my life. I feel oddly shocked. Milestones are both a blessing that we nearly got somewhere and the hope we felt at that magical time and the worst, saddest emptiest feeling.

Thanks lab, and welcome to the thread. It really helps having people going through the same thing to talk to. I've got friends who've had IVF but now have babies so of course they get it but now they're at different stage so it just helps having people to talk to who are going through it right now. I didn't quite take fertility leave, I actually left my job as it was mega stressful and involved lots of travelling (as does DH). I got so bored and depressed after 3 months though, I completely lost myself so decided to set up an online boutique. Still feel a bit weird not having a proper job, even though it's actually been a real success but I do miss old work friends. Stay in touch with a few that I was close to but with the others, I feel v conscious that everyone knows I left to have a baby and that hasn't quite materialised yet!

How are you feeling hep with that date looming? What stage are you at with things?

Glad the therapy went well jam.. I think you said before that DH wasn't keen on going so that's great that you've gone and both got something out of it.

I'm ok ..... i am alternating between fighting to be zen and accepting not being a mother, and not giving up.

I have known from the start that IVF personally is not for me. Will need to have a heart-to-heart with DP soon. He is very laid back about TTC.....although was equally as gutted as me last year.

Starky's kid must be about 1 years old by now ....

That's so weird hep I was thinking about Starky today and just couldn't believe that it has been so long. That people we knew from way back when have actually moved on and are parents. for you. The milestones suck for me. I can't believe its my birthday this week and I would have had a 9 month old. Would you consider any other assisted conception apart from IVF? Or other ways to build a family?

PJs so exciting about potential new job offer. I often think about changing job, but I think the only thing I'd prefer would be full time writing, and as thats unlikely to be a money spinner, I think I'll have to put it on hold.

Flora I'm so sorry. hugs for you.

Fertility leave sounds a great idea.

I'm heading into FW. I'm not even sure what that means anymore. Just gotta keep shagging and hoping I guess!

Hi - just popping up to say am still following you guys; may not post as much but wishing you all good things xx

On me: 33, cycle 11; no hint of anythinh, done day 3/21 bloods and waiting for SA results.

flora am really sorry - hope you're doing OK. Really floored me when I heard SIL was pregnant, also just felt like they had it all. Take care xx

Good news on job progress PJs & baguette

Thanks for the thread jam hope therapy helps

to those thinking about milestones and time passing - really hope there's good news for those starting treatment in coming months

Good luck with the provera chocolate and fingers crossed you get one of the IUI slots. Our NHS trust doesn't fund IUI and we didn't want the double disappointment of paying £1k for it and it not working, so we didn't try it. When we saw our consultant for IVF though she said why on earth aren't you having IUI, it's so much less invasive and the NHS should be funding it. I was like - yeah, you're telling me..

Hep 💐

Thanks chlo DH did really well in the end and really opened up. To be honest I think he's got some issues he needs to work through aside from infertility , which the therapist picked up on. Hopefully it will help.

Flash hope you enjoy FW, conception aside it can be a good way to connect with your partner. Also hope you have a lovely birthday

AF due imminently. Don't you just hate those days. 😫

This whole funding thing really gets my goat. Just not fair, people don't choose to be in this situation. Whole other argument though....

AF arrived this morning, just as DH was leaving on work trip but feel positive after yesterdays appointment and want to stay that way. Just trying to cling on that we're not there yet but making improvements so it's still a step in right direction

Thanks for the kind words last night ladies, (gonna your message was my fave) I basically ran out of the house screaming and crying, got to the park down the road and then pretty much collapsed. DH and I then had a huge screaming argument which involved me screaming in his face that my SIL gets everything that I want in life and that he should leave me and then I've just cried all night. For me she has everything - a toddler, a huge house in the country, she doesn't work and now she has just fallen pregnant again - easy as that. We babysat their toddler while they went for the scan (we didn't know that was the case) and then they came back to ours and we spoke about our journey - just think that they must have laughed themselves stupid driving home.

I've been back to the clinic this morning for 21 day bloods and there were 2 women standing outside smoking. So sobbed through the blood tests and I'm now at work. The nurse were amazing, just listened to me and I'll get the results this afternoon and likely a counselor appointment.

This really is such a self indulgent post but just not sure what to think or say anymore.

Hello the newbies, I'm so sorry that you also find yourselves here but this really is an incredibly supportive thread.

Jam really glad that the counselling went well and that you are feeling a bit better - I have been thinking of you.

Enjoy FW Flash - definitely my favourite time of the month!

P.S. Meant to add and forgot - I know am not at infertile point (hence not posting as much), just wanted to hang with the Cool Kids from the Conception boards still! Just saw a thread of someone pissing everyone off for worrying at 4 months (admittedly she has health anxiety & can sympathise as get anxious myself), and thought would clarify...

Oh jam bollocks, hate that feeling

chlo sorry about cd1 - nice PMA though, hope you can stay positive

flora shit you poor thing, that sounds awful. I know I don't know SIL but I really hope & would like to think that your family won't think any less of you. Have they mentioned what you told them since? I've been reading your posts and you sound amazing - funny, hardworking, wise words, kind - don't doubt your DH loves you for who you are. You'll get to where you need to be, I'm sure of it. Take care of yourself xxx

I saw that thread too Quiet - seemed a bit cruel to laugh at some of the comments in context of the health anxiety but I did... and then I got annoyed that a GP would send someone for tests after 4 months with the waiting lists being what they are!

Thanks for the kind words, we had that conversation with them the day before we went for our clinic appointment so we then relayed that all the signs were good and they just responded saying that was great news. In fairness they've kept their news secret for another week but I am still struggling with it. Really hope my 21 day bloods today are OK - not sure I can hack another visit to get more done. Anyone else visiting a clinic that is actually situated within a maternity hospital?!

I'm so sorry flora, it's so hard when everyone else seems to have it so easy and don't appreciate it. Sounds like counselling migrant helpful. God, this is all so shit isn't it?

Sorry about AF chlo but really admire your attitude. One step closer.

Glad counselling went well Jam and you feel it will help you and DH. Good on him for opening up, it's always hard particularly at the beginning.

Flash, enjoy FW! I've decided that's the most important thing of all these days.

Thinking of you hep xx

Excellent job news pyjamas and baguette!

That thread sounds ridiculous, and also not fair when the waiting lists are so long as you say. Totally irrational but annoyed me recently when Stacey from Eastenders got married and it's been splashed everywhere saying they want 4 kids. I read it and thought well don't we all love!

She sounds like a right jammy git flora.. Is she a nice person with it? Surely not... ha ha. Hopefully they'll be mindful of your situation over the next few months. We've got so many friends posting constant pics of their new babies, one who is constantly spouting how amazing motherhood is and I'd like to think I'd be a bit more sensitive when I do get there. I feel like I can't not like the constant bloody pics though because then I'll look like a bitter, old cow!

A counselling migrant Kath they might give me a sense of perspective for sure!

Well Chlo she is one of these people that everyone says is "sooooo nice" which my friends translate into being "soooo boring" We are very different people with little in common other than marrying two brothers so I don't really have much of a relationship with her - meaning I'm not really conflicted when I say she is a spoilt and lucky cow!