Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

Kath - perfect, glad I’ve got you guys to hand hold me through this xx

Kwick - definitely keep yourself warm, calm and zen. Nothing wrong with popping to bed a little earlier today at all.

Jam - that chat sounds like just the thing you needed, I’m so glad you gave your mum another chance to listen. You’re on level ground now, with no secrets. She should be the rock you need her to be now - so pleased it went this well.

Chlo - you’ll be absolutely fine. Glad you have a friend to tap up knowledge from, it’s amazing how women who have been through this are so willing to share every detail. Normally people are so guarded with medical procedures but IVF seems to break all boundaries.

Graaaaaaah we can do this ladies!!! Embies are growing and for those who are waiting, IVF is ready to give us the babies we deserve.

Wow it’s been a busy day on here today.

penguin so sorry it wasn’t a better result. Take some time to look after yourself. Lots of love to you

lemon you can always kick off with any tests you’ve not had. Hopefully by the time they’re in you’ll be ready to go so won’t waste any time.

mouse please don’t apologise for being negative - we have all been there, I know how hard it feels and how resentful and bitter it makes you...you are doing amazingly!

Sorry that it has come to IVF skip but hopefully you’re feeling positive that the next step is on it’s way. Those friends don’t sound great - and it shouldn’t be a competition for who has the worst life, especially when you’re clearly asking for their support.

gee sounds like your friend isn’t being a great one either - I know how it feels to drift apart when your lives become so different.
Don’t put it all on you though - some people just aren’t as good at offering support and being there- and that’s not your fault!

chlo good luck tomorrow - I’ve got the Emma Cannon book but some of it is a bit much! I think generally lots of protein and healthy fats. I’m drinking beetroot juice, pomegranate juice and milk but I think I’m probably sending myself a bit mad with trying to remember what to have!

So sorry about your news jam it must feel like a punch in the gut - and not what you need when you’re starting injecting. I hope your Mum is helpful. Good luck for the first injection - you will be fine, just take your time and stay calm! I’ve heard water as well - 3 litres a day apparently!

Amazing that you are pupo kwick - get yourself to bed and get those socks on!

We’re due in for egg collection at 7.45 tomorrow - eek! Feeling weirdly excited and nervous - like I can’t wait for it to be over and know how it’s gone but I’m also dreading it being a bad result. I’m in first tomorrow so hopefully will be home at lunchtime on the sofa!

inspector I'm so sorry. You sound very brave.

Jam I'm really pleased you had a good day with your mum.

Clo good luck for you tomorrow.

My day 21 results came back today, but I'm saving them for when I've had my day 5 and DH has had his semen analysis so we can talk them all through together. I'm bleeding but boobs still sore so I know it's not proper AF yet, so hopefully the first blood test will be valid.

First baby arrival message came today in all.its WhatsApp photo glory. Throws into harsh reality the current pointless banality of my.life when the message included the line 'heard you've been on holiday and things, look forward to catching up'. Yep, you've made a person, I've lain on a sunbed drinking sangria. Normally a day of detachment and wallowing perks me right up but the cloud has not lifted today. The thought of getting up tomorrow and going about life as normal tomorrow seems so impossible.

struggle I've got everything crossed for you.

Kwick I'm singing the stick little emby song.in my head.

My god, I don’t come on for a day and it’s all run away from me again! I’m so sorry if I miss anyone out, it’s just so hard to keep up!

Kwick - yaaaaaaaaay you’re PUPO!!! EXCITING. I have literally everything crossed for you!!

Jam am so so happy you had a good chat and a cry with your mum. Sometimes some good Mum time is just the ticket. I can’t wait to see mine after a year in a few weeks!

So good to see you again skipper - brilliant that you’ve settled on IVF plans, having something to work towards can help so much. Sorry to hear about your friends though. While this infertility shit is great at weeding out crap friends, it still hurts to drift apart from them. I’m in the same boat with my best friend of over 20 years.

Good luck with your appt chlo!

It’s a horrible feeling when stuff like that happens gee. I totally get it and would feel the same way.

Good luck tomorrow struggle!!! Egg collection day is my favourite day out of the whole thing - best sleep ever!

Latest news from me - I got a second interview!! It’s the final round and there’s just one other person in the running. Have got the proper fear now, but am just going to plough on and see what happens!

Flash - I get where your emotions are coming from but your life isn’t less important or interesting than theirs. Sounds like they’ve had an easy run of things, some of us have to work for the things we want. And if that means taking a holiday from all the stresses and strains and lying on a sunbed drinking sangria from time to time, so fucking be it.

Pyjamas - good to see you too! Congratulations on a second interview! You have been busy I see!!

Struggle - ooh that’s an early egg collection! Sending you my best vibes and wishes for half an hours time xx

@HepKestrel Hep are you okay or have you left us??

Kwick I’m fine. We pretty much gave up on IVF after the crappy experience at that clinic. I just didn’t feel strong enough to continue, and as we have 2 kids already I don’t have the overwhelming need to get pregnant that might otherwise have been the case. We still have 4 Frosties (3 day 3 and 1 blasto) so may use those early next year. I wanted to lose weight and get fit first. In the meantime we’ve been trying naturally, but you know what they say about repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results... I thought I might be in with a shot this month (have been feeling a bit different) but my temp dropped today so maybe not. Have been eating pineapple like an IVF-er though! Have you been demanding room service bring you pineapple core??!
Right, I will now exit and stop hijacking this thread. Good luck to you all.

geeup I am flying back today and back at work tomorrow. I think I prefer to work through it - more distractions that way!

So so glad jamon that is mummy love right there! Your turn to give some soon 😘

19.55

Hi @sk1pper

still lurking, but distracted with work.

(whats pupo?)

chlo best of luck with your appt today 😘

skipper I got sucked into the vortex of sleep quite early - and despite some indigestion (too many M&Ms 😬) I slept well.
Loving the PMA 💓

struggle you may be home by now!!! I hope EC went well and you are resting up! I will join you on the sofa just as soon as I get home!

flash fricking gut wrenching. Hope sleep helped a bit and you feel able to face the day. Thanks for your singing 😘
What skipper said.

I actually fell asleep before I listened to my post IVF visualisation track - fortunately I woke up, switched it on, fell back asleep... hope it worked through my snoring 😌

pyjamas you have so got this!!! Do they not understand they are contending with a future Dame of the realm!!!!

@Polly99 don’t go!!!!
I did not realise you had a shitty time at CRGH - what happened?
Are your frosties with them?
🤞🏼you get a BFP!

I am now at airport waiting for plane to board. Flying back to Gatwick - nightmare trek home but best timed flight. I am really looking forward to being home.
I did have a moments panic that my case would be over the 20kg limit but it came in at 12k so all good

Hey Hep - glad you’re still here albeit lurking. Everything okay?

Kwick - didn’t realise you were flying back so soon, hope you have a stressful and safe journey home. Make sure to keep warm! I learnt this from you - I had to buy more thermal heat socks the other day because I’d worn my first pair right the way through.

Also, my tiny boobs are killing me right now. 😭 I keep checking my face for stealth spots because I know my pre-AF hormones are going nuts right now.

Gah too much to catch up on!

kwick.... amazing! Fingers crossed for an uneventful 9 months for you!

jam that reeling feeling i so sympathise with.... just think that with every injection you are getting one step closer to joining them xx

Im in that unnerving time of wondering who around me will be next as last friend due to give birth any day now. I worked out that since we started trying I've lived through 6 pregnancies of very close friends/family (and about another dozen acquaintances/other family).

penguin so sorry xx

AF arrived bang on time for me this morning. Can't even remember if I'm on cycle 21 or 22 now !!

Wow I really have lost count I think this is actually cycle 23

They got 6...a bit disappointed it wasn’t more as they thought there were 8 in the running bit the doctor said they don’t often get them all. Sperm sample was all good, so
now it’s just a waiting game to see how many fertilise.

The procedure itself was fine - I was first in which was good as there wasn’t too
much waiting around. I started to feel really anxious in the theatre with my legs in stirrups but then the drugs kicked in and I just dozed through the whole thing, before I knew it hubby was back and we were back home by 11.30.

Currently on the sofa and being waited on ha nd and foot - just keeping fingers crossed for some good news tomorrow.

Well done @struggleisreal - 6 is great. Often lower numbers can be higher quality. Crossing everything to hear how your fertilisation went. Hope you feel well.

struggle six is fab. Fingers crossed for.some.good progression. How long until you find out a out fertilisation.

Sorry for my self indulgent pity party yesterday. It's not excuse but my due date is fast approaching for the second time and I find it hard not to dwell on that.

Thanks kwick and skipper. I know you are both right. I have felt stuck for so long and I know I need to focus on what I can control and not on what I can't. Which is why I've decided to definitely apply for this new job this week and see what comes of it. I also definitely don't think anyone's life is pointless with or without a child, but I have.definitely been living the safe option in case of a baby, and it is too painful to do that now.

I've also decided to try starting up pre conception vitamins again etc. To try and feel I am once again doing all I can.

Pyjamas great news on the second interview..I'm keeping everything crossed for you. What kind of work do you do? Understand if you don't want to be very specific of course.

Well done Struggle - does egg collection hurt? Or are you 100% knocked out?

Thanks for good luck messages for appt. Didn't go as planned unfortunately. I've got a cyst on the left ovary so got to take the pill for a month to get rid of it as it can reduce the chances of successful treatment, go back for a scan on the 20th Dec and then will mean starting more or less on my birthday on 2nd Jan. Am feeling pretty gutted tbh. I know it's only a few months but I'd really psyched myself up for it and just feels like yet another setback.

Glad egg collection went well steuggle sorry can't reply properly as on the app and I get lost, need to reply from laptop x

Well skipper can you believe I only just invested in some thermal socks (8 pairs) and I would not be without them!

hep I missed your post earlier! I miss you - come back!!!
PUPO is pregnant until proven otherwise

Sorry about AF wing

struggle 6 is amazeballs!!!
I find the theatre bit not so great, although my experience yesterday with IVI was the best yet - I think the position of the bed/chair thing helped alot. Although where they scanned me over the top is sore - a bit like the flare up I had after MMC - I wonder if I am allergic to something medical establishments use?
🤞🏼 you get lots of fertilisation

flash no apologies required. Go for the new job - sounds exciting!
Yesterday when they gave me the after treatment leaflet I nearly died laughing as I saw the point on “start taking folic acid” 😂 I have fricking been on the stuff since bloody May 2015!!!

skipper I was always 100% knocked out... now I just want to be a 100% knocked up!!! 😂😂😂

Sorry am tired and sore... on my way home now - yay!!!

Struggle 6 is a great number! Lots to work with there 😁 I’ve got my fingers crossed for you for tomorrow! I call these next few days “the gauntlet”

I’ve always been totally knocked out under general anaesthetic as well skipper - I loved it!

Sorry appt did t go as you’d hoped chlo - always so shit when you’re thrown another curveball.* January will be here before you know it.*

Hope you’re home safe and sound kwick!

Thanks flash - I don’t mind sharing, everyone in my life and work knows about IVF! I work in PR. Heard from recruiter today - they wanted me to come in this Thursday for second interview, but I pushed it to next week (Tuesday). I have some meetings I can’t shift and I’d really like some time to prepare! It’s between me and one other person who they’re also seeing on Tuesday. I’m told interviewer is direct and straight talking, which is fine as so am I, but I’m glad I’ve got some time to really think about how I pitch myself! Must buy an interview outfit...

Thanks all

skip it definitely feels a bit painful now, like really low down period cramps. At the time it was fine - you could feel them doing something but not what. I felt fine when I came home actually but feel a bit more tender now. I was 100% knocked out but you can be at some places. I was just drifting in an out of sleep, so aware of stuff happened and being wheeled back, but not really what has happening

flash I get the dreaded call tomorrow morning. Already feeling sick with nerves.

chlo so sorry it’s not sooner, but hopefully you can have a fun Christmas as your final blow out and then be ready to go in January.

Glad you’re home kwick - rest up and look after yourself. I always laugh at the folic acid thing too - I’m sure I’ve got build up enough to last for years.

pyjamas amazing news about the interview - well done you. When is it?

DH and I just had a huge argument. Like massive. I’d started spotting so was a little bit miserable tonight (I admit) but that’s only because I know that my period is due and with it comes a whole world of pain. I always try and broach the subject of infertility with him but we never end up talking about it and tonight I wanted that to change. So as directly as I could, I just asked whether we were going to talk about it or not. Then he comes back with the most insensitive and misinformed matter of fact statement, “well I wasn’t expecting anything this month because we only had sex twice”.

I was flabbergasted when he said that. Firstly, he seems to have completely forgotten that I have endo encasing my ovaries - so my chances of pregnancy are ridiculously low. Secondly, we had sex 7 times between my period and ovulation, not twice. I even had to show him the evidence in my app for him to believe me. Being a highly sensitive individual I burst into tears at this point, told him he doesn’t seem to care as much about any of this as I do and takes zero interest in all of the work I’m putting in. And I knew I’d got him because he got so angry and said, “well you do those tests yeah? And take those drugs? What else is there to do?” (He stuttered through all of this like it was an effort to remember just two of the many things I do to help conception). So I asked him to tell me what the tests and drugs were for and he didn’t answer the question, just shouted, “Well why don’t you just go private then?” And I just said, “I think what you meant to say was Well why don’t WE just go private then?”

He’s stormed out of the house now. I am so angry with him, first time in 9 years of being together we’ve been like that. And all he had to do was talk to me.