3rd or more time lucky - IVF cycle buddies October

[Hobbes39]

Hi Just wondering of there are folks on here who are about to go through their 3rd + time of IVF who want a cycle buddy? I dont mean it badly towards anyone who is starting their IVF journey for the first time, (i was there just this time last year after all) but I feel a bit like I cant be as optomistic about it as I was, so dont want to drag any first timers down? Hope that makes sense!
Anyway, just to explain about me:
TTC #2 for over 2.5 years now
Unexplained Secondary Infertility (have 4 year old DS)
Age 40.5
AMH: 15.4
2 failed fresh and 1 falied FET (with single frozen 3BB embryo we got from 2nd fresh round)
about to start 3rd fresh round when my period starts in approx 7-10 days, so will probably be late october EC.
anyone else a bit jaded, but still vaguely hopeful want to join me?
xx

Welcome @Weedance sorry you've had such a tough journey. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chopped between ivf and icsi? We're the FETs from previous icsi cycles? Hope this Ines the lucky one!
Sorry you've been feeling grumpy @Hobbes39 it's amazing how much we're controlled led by our hormones! Wish I'd understood that when I was younger pre ttc!
Hope you're bearing up @1Wanda1 - thinking of you.

Hi geeup. We've done ICSI every time, the one Frostie we had didn't make it to transfer.

I think the stats are sadly against me at my age... but it's hard to give up on the dream isn't it.

Hobbes I hear you. I am a dragon right now! Chocolate is not safe around me either so not only am I a grumpy moo, I'm a tubby one too. Lucky hubby

Welcome weedance sorry to hear you've had such a hard journey, 🤞weds brings good news for you.

That must of been awful bleeding every month of your pregnancy, you must of been on edge the whole time!

I was terrified when it started at the weekend and proper sobbed. I have calmed down a bit now as sunday was barely anything just a bit of brown when i wiped and today nothing so hoping all is ok. Spoke to a doctor from my clinic this morning and he really didnt seem worried, he said it can happen and as it was so little and has stopped now not to worry, they dont want to scan me as its still early and he said it could end up leading to more worry if they cant see anything. So just got to keep fingers crossed and wait till our scan on the 16th, what will be will be.
Have been resting at home all weekend and today as have now developed a bad cold and sinus infection, taking tomorrow off work too, hoping to feel better in time for my flight thurs morning!!!
Luckily we did not book through Monarch!!!

hobbes it is amazing how much hormones control us isnt it, i never realised how much before doing IVF its crazy!

Hope everyone else it well, gee, lulah, decaf, wanda xx

So pleased to hear the bleeding has tapered off coco - hope you can't start looking forward to your holiday now!

Know exactly what you mean about the hormones hobbes and weedance - I'm amazed my DH didn't divorce me during the downregging phase of my fresh cycle - I was one crazy woman! Am definitely preferring the lack of extra hormones involved in a FET!

great news coco you must be so relieved! It does feel as if you have to endlessly hold your nerve in this game, you are doing so well. In a way i got used to the bleeds and as time went on, they got lighter. It wasnt much blood, just spotting really but enough to freak me out and send myself off to the EPU. Like your doctor, they were completely unphased and see this everyday.

I hope you can try and forget the stress on your hols and have a wonderful, well deserved rest x

Hi all and welcome Weedance. Glad to hear all is well with you, Coco.

I am feeling quite... meh. It probably sounds ridiculous to say, but I find I am reading or hearing a lot about people who get pregnant on their first round of IVF, or first FET, and I just feel so sad that it hasn’t happened for us.

Hi All.
Sorry i have out of touch, we are on holiday and wifi has been quite patchy. Also DH has asked that we try to focus on holiday and not fret over pregnancy. Not quite so easy, what with the daily injections, pessaries & tablets!
coco so glad the bleeding stopped! Hope you have a lovely holiday. X
weedance sorry you have had such a hard time, and welcome to the group. Are you testing today? Good luck🤞
wanda i felt the same after my first two failed cycles. Infertility is just unfair. But all we can do is continue on, and hope our luck changes sometime.
hobbes chocolate is thw only thing that saved my marriage during downreg. DH took to hiding an ‘emergency’ bar he could offer me whenever i got into a state.
gee, lulah hope you are doing well. ❤️

Hi all, hope you’re all doing OK.

I’m not surprised you’re fine bring it difficult wanda - it does seem like every failed cycle, I get a rush of baby bombs - most of which are accidental! I found I had to step away from the internet for a bit as well because like you say, all you seem to find is story after sorry about first time IVF success and how FETs “almost always work”. Hope you start feeling a little better soon

Hope you’re both having a good holiday decaf and coco - and that the weather’s good!

Good luck for your beta today weedance - I have my fingers crossed for you.

Hope all’s well with you hobbes and gee - I suspect that like me you’re both getting bored of waiting to start your next cycle!

Exactly @lulahbelle - I'm so over waiting to start! I'm boring myself! Just focusing on weight loss, upcoming holiday and work whilst googling various mumbo jumbo ways to increase success of a FET and reading the whole of Mumsnet.

thanks for the well wishes, I feel as if I'm out though. I know my body pretty well after years of all this and i just feel it's not happened. Sore boobs have gone down which always happens before AF, plus leg cramps have been here for a week, all classic AF symptoms for me. I'm even having a really strong coffee to get me though the day after spending most of the month caffeine free. I don't think it's going to make any difference anyway!

hobbes, lulah and gee. the waiting is the worst! waiting, waiting, constantly waiting! it's a real exercise in patience isn't it. hope you can find lots of distractions to keep you going x

Hi all! Lulah - you are spot on - impatient to get this over with (that's not the healthiest of attitudes is it?!)
Glad it's not just me that is a bit more snarky and partial to the choc - I don't really remember being as grumpy the last few times, I think the whole doing it AGAIN thing has made me more meh about everything.
Doesn't stop me reading the mumbo jumbo too tho... 🙄.
Hope everyone is ok today?
Good luck weedance 🤞
X

Hi all, as suspected got a BFN today. It's shit. Don't really know what else to say. Thanks again for all your support. I'm just so bloody sad

Oh weedance - I'm so sorry .
There's nothing I can say, but it's so shit and unfair. X

Am so sorry weedance - that’s utterly shit. Like hobbes said, there’s nothing I can say to make it better but am thinking of you

I'm so sorry weedance

Gutted for you weedance. It's so hard. Nothing we can say but we understand I guess. So sorry it didn't work this time.

How's everyone today? Hope you are doing ok?
I had a ridiculous sob this morning - we have a friend coming to stay so I was clearing our spare room and trying to shove things away in the overflowing understair cupboard... it's overflowing with baby things that my DS has outgrown but we are clinging on to with ever reducing hope... anyway - so I was trying to fit all the crap into the cupboard and in the process managed somehow to whack myself in the face with a bit of old highchair - and it HURT! Ouch! nothing like having your inability to have a sibling literally whack you in the face to make the tears flow tho. Sometimes I think I should just sell it all / bin it - that might make it happen.... .

Oh hobbes, am so sorry you’re feeling so low today. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must be to have to look at all that baby stuff that you’ve been waiting so long to use again. Have a big piece of cake - it won’t solve the problem, but I find it’s an excellent short-term mood improver! Hope your head’s not too sore as well!

I got the blood test results back which were all normal. I know that’s a good thing, but in a weird way it would have been nice to have a reason for why I miscarried a genetically normal embryo. It means we’re all good to go this coming cycle for the FET which is great, but I’m terrified there’s an issue we haven’t found and that even if the FET works, I’ll lose this one too. I know I need to start being more positive about things but it’s hard! Of course booking a consultation at a new clinic in the expectation that this FET won’t work was probably not the best way to approach things

Hope you’re doing OK weedance and wanda - have been thinking of you both.

Hope all’s well gee, coco and decaf.

Oh poor you Hobbes, sounds very painful in more ways than one. Are you ok? Hope it doesn't bruise, that'd be the final insult wouldn't it.

DH came home with a chocolate cake last night to cheer me up. Bless him, he's sad too and it did work to cheer us up a bit along with the generous quantity of wine i'd sunk

Its funny you should say that about the old baby stuff. I've had that very same thought many times. If I sell/bin all the baby stuff that fills every spare cupboard in the house, I might actually get pregnant. Maybe i should just take the lot to charity shop, try and invite some good karma into my life, feels like i need it!

lulah gosh it really is swapping one worry for another. First we worry that our precious embie won't implant, then if it does, we worry about it sticking. Miscarriage is so devastating, of course you are worried about it happening again, its totally understandable. I guess some things we will never know the answer to and have to try and find some peace with that. With all the good luck vibes you are being sent from everybody this thread, I reckon you'll be fine, whatever happens. Try not to worry yourself sick (easier said than done i know) xx

Oh god Hobbes. What a kick in the teeth - literally. Thinking of you. Hope your friend cheers you up.

Hi everyone. Weedance I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked for you this time. It’s just so sad and unfair, isn’t it?

Re getting rid of old baby stuff, I do know a lot of people who have done that and then got pregnant... though all the favourite items are hard to let go of.

Have had a lot of other stuff going on in my life the last few days - quite stressful for other reasons - so have focused less on not being pregnant but am feeling very anxious for other reasons! Not sure what’s worse!

Coco I hope you’re having a great holiday.

Hi Lulah - glad you have got your results back, but totally understand your frustration - it's great there is nothing they can find wrong, as hopefully that means it's just a matter of time, but if they'd found something at least it would give you answers and something to fix to give you more confidence of success...
weedance - a massive bruised nose & mouth would just top it off... 🙄 but hopefully it won't! While I am more aware every day how lucky we are to have DS, the not being able to escape the constant reminders of secondary infertility even in my own home is hard. You may be on to something with the charity shop idea... that's probably the way to go. I think if this one doesn't work I will have to clear out if only to try to move on slightly... Wanda - if I do, I hope to add to your list of people who then had miracle baby!
Hope you are ok Wanda - sorry you are having other stresses too - I hope they pass...as you say - could be a good thing to distract you from this shit, but it seems unfair to have additional pressure too
Thinking of you all xx

weedance i’m so sorry! I am gutted for you.
wanda hang in there.
hobbes hope you are not too bruised!
lulah i’m sorry there were no answers for you. Its the hardest thing, not knowing why, and just having to blindly trust in the next cycle. But all the tests/investigations they do are incomplete, as they just dont know enough. My consultant told me to think of it as a statistics/ luck game. Very hard, when its your body & dreams of a baby you are staking!
AFM, as my holiday ends i am slowly panicking again. Got my scan next week. Haven’t felt any nausea/sickness the whole time we have been here, so worried the scan will show nothing! As you said weedance i’ve gone from worrying the embryo wont implant, to worrying it’s miscarried.
Hope you are having a more relaxing holiday than me coco
How are you gee?