The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

fourpaws hugs. I'm sorry you're feeling so low, as zippy said it is completely understandable, and you still have many options. Please don't do anything drastic, your DH will want and need you by his side more than anything else. As someone else said have you considered counselling? I've found it a huge help just to talk to someone who is outside the situation. Thinking of you.

Four paws - remember that your man loves you and you are his family you are such a warm, kind person and that's while going through all this shite. You always encourage and help others I mean it you are fantastic. I am 39 and one week into DR feel nothing can't even visualise this ever working and like you I have watched dh with children and wept feeling like a failure but I found joy in life before this all started and I bet you did too. You have time on your side and you are strong. Have you been able to really express how you feel to someone that understands? Maybe the counseller at the clinic? Being on here has made me realise that all the fears and thoughts I assumed were about me, are really just about the ivf cause women on here literally speak my mind... Please be kind to yourself and hang in there x

Hang on in there fourpaws. Talk to your hubby and use the counselling service. Keep talking to us too.

I got baby bombed by my best friend yesterday. It's her second so I had been psyching myself up for it coming for a while, still didn't make it easier. It's a good thing my acting skills are top notch....

Good luck tomorrow fourpaws remember it's not your only option

Good luck today fourpaws. Remember your fighting spirit and go get those answers and a plan. . Thinking of you.

Sorry about the baby bomb pea. It doesn't get any easier.

Thanks potatoes, you're totally right about the choices being taken away. I am dreading my next cycle and the lack of control over my own body and all those drugs and not feeling myself.

Urgh Monday. Shattered after a busy weekend. Need more sleep!

Thinking of you today fourpaws

Hope you get answers and a plan from the consultants today fourpaws. Have your list of questions ready. Xx

Thinking of you fourpaws - really hope they're helpful today but if not remember that wasn't your one and only shot at this

Thinking of you fourpaws

And bathtubs of glitter shit to you all

Sorry for lack of personals, on phone, but have been following everyone's updates

News here is that second attempt at a FET was cancelled

Medicated FET didn't work
Ovulation induction FET didn't work
So now we have to bring out the big guns.

The only time my lining has thickened up is during my fresh cycles, when oestrogen levels were sky high from a shitload of follicles

So the only way to get a frosticle on board is to do a full fresh round

We would have to do EC because of OHSS risk. Even though we're not going to use the eggs. Would happily donate to another couple but am not eligible. Hoping we can donate them to medical research. Cannot believe we are potentially literally throwing eggs away (when this time last year I was in borderline premature ovarian failure)

Depending on how things look on saline ultrasound this week the plan is either:

a) start stims once period arrives in a couple of weeks - hope to fuck lining thickens up and put back a frostie on day 5

b) have another hysteroscopy & a copper coil placed in the uterus for 1-2 months. THEN do another fresh round as in step a)

The prospect of 1-2 months of a coil doesn't fill me with joy

But then again neither does another miscarriage

Wow banana sorry it didn't work this time but sounds like you have a good plan (and a great dr!) how are your stress levels? I'd be a basket case with all that it I guess having perfect Frosties takes the pressure off a bit and means you definitely want the right conditions before going ahead

banana your level of knowledge always blows me away! Could you fertilise the eggs you collect just to have more in the bank as it were? Good luck. You always have such energy for your plan!

Fourpaws thinking of you if you're out there.

So today I've been inspired to look into hypnotherapy seeing as acupuncture has been so very successful for me. Anyone got any experience of that?

Hello,

Thank you for all your thoughts today, means a lot.

No further forward really. Refused to accept my comments saying that with low amh, I should be on short protocol. Said that was not the case. . Was concerned that I have not had a period yet, lots of fussing around that. Did scan, lining thin, no period lurking. Did full bloods work up, will get results later in week.

Wants to discuss my point about funding with the team.......if that did count as one cycle (it doesn't) then she would suggest using my one remaining cycle for a donor. If it didn't count, she would suggest one cycle with maybe she said mepour? Rather than gonal f and then we have one cycle left for donor.

Not impressed at this end. Going to await results of team meeting and bloods and then have a think. I would like a second opinion so am looking at private consultations even initially, to see what options are.

Four babies in the waiting room today. Unbelievable.

I'm ok. I didn't cry today probably done all that already.

Shall read back and catch up properly now. Thank you all again.

Oops, meant to add that I also appear to have lost over a stone, since starting this part of the process.....

BMI had to be under 30. Was around 27. Now way down at 23. Not really sure what that's about. Light nights and dog walking probably. Can't say I have changed a dress size or anything exciting.

Glad you got through it four, I was thinking about you today. I am a bit and at their responses. Their approach seems very rigid. Straight to donor after one cycle (that potentially wouldn't have suited someone with low AMH) is quite extreme. I think a second opinion would be sensible to explore options. There are ways to get a view without initially paying for a private appointment - for example there is a big questionnaire that you can fill in for Serum (I think it is) and they will respond suggesting the treatment they would offer.

Can you look on the fertility friends boards for people who have been to your clinic and had similar issues and see how they have got on for any advice? This is hard enough without the battle to get the right treatment.

So sorry you had disappointing news banana, it is so frustrating. Will you create more embryos from this round? Such complex considerations at every step.

I'm tired and irritable. Hope others are having a better day.

Well done for getting through fourpaws and hope you and Mr Paws have been able to talk through everything. How is he feeling? I'm v new to this ivf game but am shocked they're suggesting donor at this stage - I think thats terrible.

tiger am joining you on the tired and irritable bench.

Waving to everyone else - we've got our follow up consultation tomorrow post failed ivf. If I get through it without tears it will be an achievement

Good to see you back fourpaws. Sounds like it was a pretty unsatisfying conversation. I think your idea of trying a private consultation is a good one. Thing with private is you can just go one step at a time. Do some tests. Have a consultation. Get a second opinion. Stop any time and go back to your other clinic.

How are you feeling? More angry than upset?

Fourpaws menopur is fine - I think it has LH, whereas Gonal F doesn't, so it works in a different way. I had one round of it for ovulation induction, it is really nice in terms of lack of side effects. For the first time in a decade it helped me to grow follicles and a decent lining. The only bummer is you have to inject at the same time every night - they recommend between 6-8pm - which is a bit restrictive if, like me, you're not comfortable carrying round meds in cool bags and shooting up in restaurant toilets. But on the upside, being home at that time every night made it much easier to stop drinking and live a 'healthy' ('boring') lifestyle!

Banana I'm really sorry it hasn't worked, but glad you have a plan. What does the coil do to help?

I'll join Tiger and Chocolate on the tired and irritable bench. I'm currently on norethisterone to induce a period and it has made my hypermobility worse, plus I think I'm about to be baby bombed by both best friends too. I'm so fed up of being in this limbo, not making plans because of fertility treatment, feeling like there's nothing to look forward to. I know I'm being ridiculous - I'm healthy(ish), I've got a lovely DH and lots of other good things - but bah.

robber yes yes yes. All of that. Baby bombs all around. Feel I can't plan anything, want to plan a ski trip (and even got asked to join a group for a chalet which we've never done and would love to), but can't in case I'm pregnant. Hard to look forward to anything.

Good Morning

Yes potatoes, angry and also slightly numb. Not really feeling anything.

I have asked this before, and I know nobody will be able to tell me, but I still have no period!!! Dr was extremely surprised by that, (oops I did say that above). So, where is it? She said it would come within 2 weeks of stopping injections. That was 3 weeks ago tomorrow.

Thanks robber that is good to know. I don't really go out these days, to grumpy, so that would be ok. Just need to wait till Friday and see what they say. I totally get you on the plans thing, it is so hard to agree to anything because dates will certainly clash.

I found another policy for my local area (more up to date) and it includes an appeal section. I have drafted an appeal, just because I am in a mood to argue with them, which i will lodge if they say no more treatments. I think we are going to go private anyway but as I keep saying, it is the principle of it. (and as a lawyer we all know where principles get you).[sceptical]

Potatoes and tiger we could make more embryos to have in the bank, definitely - however we have 6 PGS-tested blasts on ice, so think we have to accept that if we can’t get a person out of 6 genetically perfect embryos, we just aren’t meant to have a biological child of our own. We have to draw a line somewhere, and tbh if I keep getting BFN or miscarrying healthy baby after healthy baby, that line may be drawn before we’ve burned through all six embryos

four echoing the other ladies, hope you and mr paws are bearing up. Can recommend Fertility Friends as a wealth of support and knowledge. There is a great low AMH board with lots of lovely and VERY knowledgable women. I’ve never had Menopur - cos I’ve only been on a short protocol. My Dr uses Menopur + Gonal-F on a long protocol (where you need some LH because you’ve been down regged) and Gonal-F only on a short protocol (because your body is already producing its own natural LH before you slam the brakes on with the Cetrotide, so don’t need any more added in). Agree with the others that it’s ridiculous they’re suggesting donor at this stage!! Good on you for drafting an appeal. Give em hell.

Robber I’m sorry you’re suffering with your hypermobility. I do wonder if the IVF hormones are affecting mine - I assumed my joints were buggered as a hangover from the pregnancy, but maybe the last 3 months of turning myself into a human chemistry set has had some effect too? Lashings of glitter shit to you

choc thinking of you and hope you’re doing OK after your follow up consult yesterday

Zippy stress levels are not brilliant tbh. DH and I are holding up. Just. Emotions were high at the weekend, it's all very challenging and very all consuming. And because we have no kind of timetable, we've just been in limbo since, well, the miscarriage in March. We didn't know when we'd be able to cycle again, and were waiting on my body to get un-pregnant-ed, then after the cycle in May we've just been going round and round trying (and failing) to get a FET off the ground. We're just in permanent standby / permanent treatment mode. And obv the constant curveballs and disappointment are pretty wearing. We're doing our best, but as you ladies all sadly know all too well, this shit is HARD.

AFM so consultant and I are now in unchartered territory, having done a treatment last night that was the first time for both of us

I'd sent through some medical studies about trying a Neupogen uterine wash as a rescue treatment for thin endometrium - he thought the results looked really impressive, so was keen to give it a go. Saw him last night for the first wash: Dr was fab, said he'd been reading up lots about it all (doing his homework!) to prep for it, was all excitable at trying something new, and really hoped it would have the desired effect.

Was all very straightforward: just an anglepoise lamp shining up my vagina whilst he threads a catheter into my uterus, squirt in the meds, bosh.

I go back tomorrow for a scan to see if it's had any effect. The studies said they repeated it 48h later in some cases, so we might do another one, depending on how things look. Really hoping we see some kind of response, as desperately hoping to avoid a hysteroscopy and 1-2 months of a copper coil. He’s also not charging me for the procedures - hopefully a learning experience for both of us.

Oh and finally triggered. Ovaries about to explode with one 34mm follicle (+ 3 others not far behind). No wonder I’m a bit achey...

Oh and Robber the coil apparently creates an inflammatory response in the endometrial lining which helps it to regenerate - a bit like a turbo version of having an endometrial scratch. Dr said it's why women who have a copper coil tend to have heavier periods.

He said it's often used to treat women with Asherman's syndrome (intra uterine adhesions), to let the endometrium repair after the adhesions have been surgically removed.

Hello

Dr called today. They discussed my case and are not prepared to offer anymore funding for IVF but will for one donor cycle.I told them I was lodging an appeal.

Dh and I are quiet and upset. He does not want me to fall out with everyone and keeps saying how can we go back there if we win an appeal.

I have started looking at private clinics Edinburgh or Newcastle if anyone knows of any.... I still feel forced into something without reason but don't feel I am getting anywhere.

She said and I quote, your tests from Monday are better than they have ever been. There is nothing at all wrong with you. In fact, your oestrogen is very high. I asked what that meant and she said we will book you in for a scan in two weeks and induce your period then if it has not come. I don't know what any of that means and I said no thanks. I asked for an appointment with my local consultant who I saw before we were moved to Lothian, and she said she would send me one but I would have to go to Edinburgh, because she can't see my areas appointments.

Any comments would be welcome. I am sorry that this is all me me me. I do think about you all and if I can help in anyway with Anything I will. Although, as you can see, I ain't the most clued up. Going to make a Facebook account and will PM someone to add some other stuff there. Have probably already outed myself but quite frankly, don't care.

Fourpaws fucking hell, that's awful. I'm so sorry. As if infertility isn't shit enough without having to put up with that crap. How can she say in one breath there is nothing wrong with you and in the next point out how long it has been without a period? I'm so upset for you.

You say appeal - is that with PALS?

Not initially Robber. It would just be to the nhs board and then to ombudsman.

I actually feel like they think I'm mad. Just making this up for the fun of it or something. Thinking back they kept asking me to show them how I was doing injections when I was there. I lay awake last night thinking maybe they think I didn't take them? so hurtful and upsetting.