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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

998 replies

icy121 · 20/05/2016 10:47

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 20/07/2016 18:56

Hi ladies. It's good to be back! Thank you for all your kind words this week.

Had my app at the clinic. The shirt version is: we'll do a cycle in November. The long version is: there was LOADS of stuff we weren't told in the official cycle debrief and I'm starting question the clinic. They might be strong medically but relationships with patients is not a strong point. I found out the embryo grades (not that good), that actually they thought I didn't respond too well to stims and they'd up the dose next time. Stuff like that which I think I REALLY should have known following a cycle debrief. Bananafish I need tips on how to get them to take me seriously! He even started by saying "so I hear you want to ask some questions?" in a really surprised tone with his eyebrows practically shooting off his forehead.

Meh I cannot imagine the emotions you're going through. The phone must be an object of terror. Fingers crossed for good news. Wine ready for bad news. Zippy holding out for the lines to get darker. Best of luck. Karla I hope you sorry out the appointment ridiculousness soon!

Anyone seen icy recently?

And I'm dying to ask - how's life over on the Facebook group? Is it more exciting than here?? Do you talk about those of use that haven't joined???

icy121 · 20/07/2016 22:29

Hey potatoes I've literally (as in literally-literally and not figuratively-literally) just logged into the thread! I've been keeping off MN a bit, just waiting waiting waiting. Had my 42 day cycle then clinic said I'll start downregging for FET cycle on day 22 (so next Saturday), have our implications next Friday, AND they can elongate downreg for another week to tie in with holidays.

Diet has been shit and I've boozed and smoked on 2 boozy days. I feel like I went balls out before on "being a good little polycystic" diet and this time I couldn't give a fuck. Which is ridiculous.

The FB group is much like the thread except EVERYONE IS REAL! And there are screenshots of the most offensive shit people put online. which you probably couldn't put on MN without feeling nervous.

Right, time to catch up now. I'll just leave a bucket of steaming glitter shit, dig in.

OP posts:
Zippybear · 21/07/2016 10:02

That's me out, all tests negative this morning. I know I haven't been through anywhere near as much as some of you but I just don't understand how to cope with this

fourpawswhite · 21/07/2016 13:49

Hello

meh any news yet? been thinking of you.
potato gosh, sounds like you have same issues I do with clinic and communication. Glad you have a plan. If I manage to get anywhere in my consultation I will also give you some pointers as to how I did it....
sammy How are you?
icy I am getting pissed this weekend. I decided on like Monday. Infact i am contemplating not coming in tomorrow. I so need a drink. How bad is that....

How is everyone else? Sorry for those I am missing. Sitting at court on my phone and trying to look back as far as I can. We have had wifi installed, not for inappropriate use. Ha. Given I can see male agents watching football I wonder if anyone would dare question me for posting here over lunchtime. Bring it on the mood I am in......

fourpawswhite · 21/07/2016 13:52

Pants, zippy so sorry. I had written a bit to you at the end and I don't know what I did.

i am so sorry. I do not know I am afraid. i have not even got as far as you and feel utterly broken. I have spent a huge amount of time being "quiet" staring into space. sara I think suggested a book or mindless tv to just take your mind elsewhere for a while.

I am sorry and I am sure far more qualified people will be along to advise. Was the test at the clinic or a home one? I have never been able to get positives on home tests. Just no period, then DR test, then MC in my previous cases. How many days are you post transfer? Flowers

MehMehM3h · 21/07/2016 18:31

So sorry zippy I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, just be kind to yourself and cry if you need to. Take your time...I remember when our first cycle failed, I ended up calling a counselling service through work and he told me this is grief, you are grieving so do let yourself do that x

potatoes the fb group is as icy said - no different to the thread but we can screenshot things!

fourpaws the rollercoaster continues :( :) the clinic called the embryo has divided but is a little behind- 4 cells instead of the 6 they like. Sooo they are going to watch it and let us know on Saturday...more waiting! On top of that, they told me another embryo had divided into four cells! Although they don't think it will go any further.

I'm currently resisting the urge to open the bottle of prosecco...!

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 21/07/2016 19:31

Sorry to hear that zippy. There's nothing helpful to say really other than do whatever you need to do to feel better.

Fourpaws what clinic are you at? I'm at Oxford.

Meh your nerves must be shredded. Fingers crossed for Saturday. Are you racing in for ET if he's still dividing?

MehMehM3h · 21/07/2016 20:10

Ooh potatoes I'm at Oxford too...! Yup nerves are a bit fried! I am not sure what will happen on Saturday. I know they will call us and I suppose it depends on what they say. If it is good news then I imagine we will have to hot foot it to Oxford!

fourpawswhite · 21/07/2016 22:20

Edinburgh Royal

fourpawswhite · 22/07/2016 10:32

Morning

Anyone know roughly when I might expect a period after my failed cycle? Are we talking weeks or months or days? Probably a stupid question I know.

Zippybear · 22/07/2016 11:48

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Feeling a bit better today, had some wine and pizza last night and have been for a run this morning and am trying to feel excited about putting infertility/IVF on the shelf for a while and actually having a life. Our Nhs cycle will come up near Xmas, although whether we will be up for it emotionally or whether it will be an option at that stage I don't know with my low amh. My clinic has the same one size fits all approach as yours fourpaws so will be interested to hear how your review appointment goes. Not sure when you should expect a period - so you stopped all drugs before egg collection? Different situation so don't want to scare you unnecessarily but I had a friend who had zero fertilisation and wasn't on any drugs after egg collection and she took three months to get back to normal but she was in her 40s. Could you ring the nurses at the clinic and ask what they think? And not a stupid question, one you need to know!
potatoes am shocked by your clinics attitude. Well done for getting some answers! Maybe they think the less you know the better stress level wise?!
meh everything crossed for you. In my extensive googling I have read so many stories of success with less than perfect embryos, and it only takes one and all that!

RobberBride · 22/07/2016 12:01

Hello everyone, may I delurk and join you? I've been following for a while, and I know some of you from other threads. I'm definitely barren - I don't even ovulate without serious medical intervention - and I'm very bored of this shit. We've been TTC since October 2014 and I've ovulated once in that time Hmm.

Zippybear · 22/07/2016 12:22

Hello robber I've seen you on the things that haven't worked thread. Sorry about the lack of ovulation and welcome on board

tigerdog · 22/07/2016 13:08

It is hard to predict four but I would prepare yourself for a bit of a wait just in case. I have just had a random 37 day cycle (and I am usually very regular!) and I am three months post my last IVF cycle. Of course, it has fecked up all my dates and appointments for my FET so now just rearranging my scratch and other delights. sigh. I was very glad to read your post a few pages back - that's the spirit! I definitely think you need to challenge them on their treatment of you, as it sounds as though there are several things that they have done incorrectly.

I am very sorry zippy. Wine and pizza sounds like a good start to a bit of a break from ttc and IVF. Was this your second cycle? I found that I was much less sad when my second cycle failed, just very numb. After both failed cycles we have had a 'summer of fun' - basically doing whatever we want to make ourselves happy! This probably sounds bloody naff, but we have realised that we need to work hard to make some happy memories for ourselves - I don't want to look back on these years as just one big ball of misery.

Welcome robber, sorry that you've ended up here, but it is a good place to be barren. Are you planning on going down the IVF route?

meh, still thinking of you and hoping that the embryo is a fighter.

potatoes it sounds like a useful appointment but I would have thought they would talk about all that at the cycle debrief. Both my clinics only volunteered the minimum of information I found, I have had to push to get my questions answered and even then it depends on the doc I have seen. I end up seeing various different doctors throughout each cycle, so I don't feel like anyone really knows me or is responding to my specific requirements. I guess that is the downside of NHS treatment.

The good thing about facebook is that it is all quite immediate - can get a bit of a dialogue going about stuff. Handy if advice is needed, or if you need to let off steam!

Sounds like you've got a plan coming together there icy, enjoy the boozing whilst you can! I was booze free for ages, didn't make a jot of difference, and now I am just enjoying what I feel like.

Not much to report here, long cycle has buggered all my FET dates but period finally arrived yesterday. Never have I been so glad to see the arrival of a period. Nervous that this is a sign of my further declining fertility though.

Birthday tomorrow. 36 and barren is not much to celebrate. I also look like shit post surgery earlier in the week so not feeling the most sociable! I think I might bake myself a cake this afternoon.

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 22/07/2016 14:23

Welcome robber.

Sorry I can't help on the cycle to period question as I went via miscarriage. In the case of miscarriage it can be three months, but once I was sorted (second erpc) I had a 26 day cycle which is my normal length. So I guess (really unhelpfully) "it varies"! Sorry!

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 22/07/2016 14:25

Happy birthday tiger. Hope whatever you do is what you need - be it something flash or nothing at all. Counting the years when you're mid infertility sucks.

karlafox · 22/07/2016 15:42

Welcome aboard robber we love de-lurky barrens here, hope you find us a lovely bunch if not bitter...
tiger I'm with you on the 'summer of fun' so fed up of living and breathing infertility. Right now, I'm glad to be choosing not to be pregnant definitely not hoping for an ironidiff the thought of going through it all again later this year makes my heart sink.. It'll be my 3rd wedding anniversary therefore 3 years ttc. Yes, I was one of those who thought I would get up duffed on a honeymoon 🙄
Four I was on 450 iu of meds during IVF and my period came 2 days after stopping progesterone.. It just could not wait to arrive it seems! And I had another one 2 weeks later. I hope after 3 months, I will have settled back into a regular (ish) cycle.

Facebook group is brill. I find it great to share the shit I see on the web plus I can up load highly confidential hospital letters for advice thanks banana 😉

fourpawswhite · 22/07/2016 15:59

Thanks everyone, a week on now and no sign so who knows.

Welcome robber sorry you find yourself here but everyone is wonderful, which does help a lot.

I am still umming about Facebook. I would like to but have avoided it until now with work malarkey. Might set one up with nothing on it or something.

Just been baby bombed again. Not a nice one. Someone I babysat for for years. 17 years old. Had an affair with a local guy. Text book stuff. He has two babies she was babysitting, yup, she is upduffed. His kids are going to end up in school with hers. You couldn't make this shit up. I feel so sorry for his wife. And the girl in a way, 17, God.

RobberBride · 22/07/2016 16:27

Happy birthday Tiger and thank you all for the welcome. I feel right at home with all of the bitterness and swearing here.

Fourpaws thanks and I'm sorry - baby bombs (or baby blitzkrieg as we call it in this house, due to the amount of bombs landing around us) always come at the worst time.

I'm a bit behind you all. Five rounds of clomid failed to make me ovulate. I've just finished a round of menopur and ovidrel injections which made me ovulate and made my lining thicken up (hurray!), but I didn't get pregnant. I'm on the NHS at the moment, so I've got a few more rounds of menopur and then one go at IVF. Just about to take norethisterone to induce a bleed so we can get on with the next round of stabbing and shagging.

Zippybear · 22/07/2016 18:03

tigerdog it was my third and very possibly final cycle, not really sure if we can go on but definitely planning a summer of fun, have just done a big shop full of alcohol and non fertility friendly foods Smile I've organised for a few friends to visit over August too so a few things to look forward to. I was the same - totally numb after second cycle. I was initially totally devastated after this one (another chemical). However I now feel a sort of elation - I'm not going to have to go through IVF for ages!!! Whoop! I feel like my body is my own again, I don't have to let anyone touch me and won't have to strip off to a room full of strangers on a regular basis. I am so delighted about this it makes me think we must bury so many uncomfortable feelings throughout this procedure.
facebook group sounds great. I was also a bit put off by the lack of anonymity. Would a fake profile be ok or not in the spirit of it?

karlafox · 22/07/2016 18:51

zippy if you want to join us on fb with an anon profile, that's fine if it makes you feel more comfortable... The rest of us there are actual real like people though so don't be alarmed when you see our faces! 😀

MehMehM3h · 23/07/2016 10:51

Welcome robber sorry you find yourself here.

It is all over for us - the embryo didn't divide, I'm numb...weirdly in shock that this time we didn't even get to ET this time. Then I get bitter that we just threw £8k down the fucking drain.

Have no idea what will happen to my body now that I have stopped the pessaries. Any ideas? Is it just like when ET fails?

Now I need to get my head around the fact that we will never have a child that is mine and Mr Meh's. Sad

RobberBride · 23/07/2016 11:15

Meh that's so unfair and awful. How is Mr Meh?

Zippibear · 23/07/2016 11:26

So so sorry meh there are no words. Be kind to yourselves.
Not sure re what happens next but as you have had egg collection you should have a corpus luteum and some natural progesterone, I'd have thought you would expect a period 2 weeks after egg collection. I could be totally wrong about this though.
Any time you want to talk feel free to message me Flowers

fourpawswhite · 23/07/2016 11:50

Awwww meh. I am so sad for you. There are just no words. Is mr meh with you today?