The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

Found it!
Shit peole say, right?
About to write a MEGA list

Potatoes I'm kind of with you in preferring it here for anonymity. We can be scaredy cats together!
Looking forward to reading your list on the other thread!

I'm going to stay here with fellow scaredy cats Potatoes and Sammylou! I joined an fb group from a MN thread once and didn't like it! Too much like online and real life merging!

I'm only two days post transfer and already my sleeping had gone to shit. I've got 10 more days until definitive answer (though really, I will get my period mud next week). Still, already going spare.

Period mud - ha ha, accurate. Mid, of course.

Zenzie - hang in there! It's tough times but fx for you.

Meh- hope your holding up...

Stick- welcome!.. Any other lurkers out there want to say hi??

Kiwi- good luck with the follies.

Update from me
Follow up appt today after failed cycle. Comments were:
No one thing that went majorly wrong, eggs ok but quality could be improved even though we got to blasto
Long protocol again but all menapur instead of mix of that and Gonal-F as apparently helps with egg quality.
The 9 follicles at the time of the scan at egg collection ranged between 0.7 and a 2.2 so they suggested stimming a bit longer next time to get the smaller ones to buck their ideas up.
I mentioned the intermittent bleeding I suffer from and produced my diary detailing dates and types of blood (Q DH squirming in his chair) the DR felt it was probably hormonal but suggested ?hyseroscopy for peace of mind before the next round. any thoughts on this fiends?
I think she said it also does the job of the endo scratch which she was keen for me to have this time and the bonus is, it will be free so saves me £350! although I assume I will have to be sedated for this.
All in all, it wasn't a bad consultation compared to what others probably have to hear but still exhausted thinking about the weeks/months ahead...

Happy weekend peeps.

Sounds positive Karla good there is a plan in place. Not sure what Hysterscopy entails but anything that gives them a better idea of what they are dealing with could only be a good thing maybe??

potatoes and sammy I'm with you in the stay anonymous and avoid FB camp but a bit like brexit we may be overruled 😁

fourpaws hope stabbing is going ok, when do you start stims?

petit so sorry to hear it didn't work this time. What a mindfuck getting a line and followed by AF. Mother Nature is one motherfucker. Hope you are ok.

pebbles how are you holding out? Fingers cross for you.

Zenzie I feel your pain. Hang in there fiend. I've been completely crampy all day and hormonal crying randomly wtf??? My body so fucked up with these hormone pessaries. I am already planning what to do when I get my period in work next week and have a complete meltdown. Think I may have chuck a sickie. Oh Christ how the fuck is it possible to keep positive when you are bracing yourself for the inevitable

Shitty shitty day. My friend at work who was enormously supportive during my ivf baby bombed me today. And even worse she's 8 weeks today which is basically exactly what I would have been had our cycle worked out. So now I get to have a daily reminder of what stage of pregnancy I would be at. In her defence she did preface with "this is really difficult to tell you" but I still felt like shit and had to go and have a cry in the toilet.

Hi,
Had to have hysteroscopy in Feb my local hospital advised me to have general anaesthetic as they do not have the small scopes that NICE recommend. Felt groggy for a week after had some bleeding for about a week too. For me it was a complete waste of time as everything was fine. I did a lot of research before and found the nice guidelines useful. If your hospital have the smaller up to date scopes then itvis supposed to be tolerable. If they have the larger ones then I would go with sedation. Wishing you all the best.

Above message for wizziwoo!

Beanhunter
Just wanted to say I really feel for you there. Having constant reminders must be tough even with a great friend. Thinking of you.💐

Zenzie,
I agree with you re Facebook. I don't like it. Hope you get some rest this weekend and hope that bastard mud stays away. Take care.

Oops message about hysteroscopy for katlafox not wizzi . I am losing it. Also why are my messages in grey? I blame brexit.

Fiends I am back! My time off work after ET has bitten me on the arse! Thought I'd be ok but instead I've been going into work even earlier and finishing at a stupid time! Kept me very busy and distracted though!
meh just from reading how you feel, I can sense how fed up and upset you are right now. Just a bit more consideration from your DH isn't too much to ask for. Maybe you should stop doing all the things in the house that go unnoticed and he'll realise how much you do for both of you.
wizzi &zenzie how's it going in the waiting game?!
kiwi you've done the right thing booking a nice hol. Best of luck for insemination remember to buy all fertility shite online, on the comfort of your home.
pink how you feeling? I totally related to what you said. I feel like I've lost who I am and infertility has took over my life sometimes. It's a real effort to do anything enjoyable now a days.
potatoes your MC was far too drawn out, it must have been such an eye opener to your DH of how cruel our bodies can be sometimes. It must still be hard to even think about it sometimes.
banana how's knicker watch going? Hope Tuesday goes ok for you, just another test to tick off your list! Thanks for the reassurance, the pains have now stopped and still no sign of AF.
zippy the suggestion of donor sperm will have been a big shock to you both. It's not something that can be discussed/decided with any ease. I hope you do get to cycle again before you have to consider that as a possible option.
petite I am sorry that has happened in such a cruel way. Hope your DH is being supportive. When your feeling ip to it, I would strongly complain to your clinic. They come across as quite cold/clinical towards their patients.
Apologies to anyone with an update that I have missed and hello to everyone else. I guess you're still fucking bored of all this.

I am anti FB I will never reactive the bastard. Couldn't stand the fact that half the bastards I hate in RL could potentially contact me.
My DH has been googling my symptoms and been very informative, positive that they are all a good sign. He says we cannot test too early yet but got all excited when my FRER arrived (£6 for 2 on eBay, free p&p!)
But I am a twat and done a sneaky one, got the faintest positive imaginable. Not getting my hopes up at all and not telling him either. Right now I am just happy with have 4 frozen and we actually got to an ET.
Wow epic post! Have a glitter shit weekend guys.
(Not doing a preview read, incase a lose this post)

Me again.....karla your appointment sounded very productive. Glad they won't to run more tests, rather than just fob you off.
bean that is fucking shit. You must feel so fucking upset and angry. I do hope she is considerate at all times to you

Oh bean, you poor thing. It's awful enough getting baby bombed, but this is something else. Do you see her every day?

Quick wave to everyone else, will catch up properly ASAP.

Bean that is utter shite. Hope you are ok after that seismic baby bomb

Pebbles tentative WOOHOO for a sticky!!! Fingers firmly crossed. Are you going to test again today??

This waiting game is killing me...off out for a big long walk....

karla sounds like a fairly productive appointment, glad they have a plan.

Wizzi definitely chuck a sickie if AF arrives. I'm more of the viewpoint now that we need to do whatever it takes to keep ourselves semi sane, work will survive. Good luck!

Bean that sucks, I feel for you. I know what you mean as my friend at work who had also had a miscarriage and fertility problems and was supporting me recently told me she's 12 weeks pregnant. I keep thinking that I would have been a few weeks ahead if I hadn't miscarried. I'm dreading watching her get bigger. Hopefully it gets easier??!!

Pebbles that's great, but understand your caution. Fingers crossed. I'm impressed with your restraint by not telling DH.

Meh hope you're feeling a bit better. Definitely tell Mr meh to pull his socks up round the house!

Banana, pink, potatoes, how are you doing?

I had another date with dildocam yesterday. Dr is young and male and I find it really embarrassing - does anyone else find this? I'd only had women do scans and smears for me before. DH said "he sees your vagina more than I do" which I'm now afraid I'll blurt out to the Dr in a fit of nerves at an inopportune moment . Follicles are growing well and it looks like insemination will be Monday or Tuesday.

Have a great weekend all!

Tentative excitement there pebbles. Fingers crossed for you.

kiwi i know what you mean, it can be embarrassing. There's one young doctor here who is a bit of a rude git and struts around like he thinks he's amazing. I was horrified when I realised I'd have to have a dildocam with him. Otherwise I've gotten so used to it, I'll drop my knickers for anyone!

bean, that must be really hard. There's no escaping it either. Whilst I was doing my first cycle, my brother surprised me with the news that his girlfriend was pregnant. I found that pretty tough to deal with at the time.

Hang in there wizzi! How long until you test?

karla I think it makes sense to have these things to rule them out. I had a hysteroscopy when I had my laparoscopy so I was under general. It can also help clear things out I think.

banana I'm up for the facebook thing, have been part of another group and it works really well.

Hi to everyone else, I'm on my phone so can't scroll back. I'm just waiting for my appointment now....15 minutes late and counting. Bored.

Hope Saturday is treating you all well.

bean hang in there, it's tough but you have to find your own way to make it through. 4 people I know who had trouble ttc have all either had a baby or are now pregnant.. I just try to detach myself from it all, even when babies are plonked on my lap. It's like an out of body experience I just grin through with gritted teeth.

Today AF arrived. Supposedly I'm on day 22 but not anymore. What frigs going on. I now have no clue when to have day 2-5 bloods or day 18-22 scan.. Think I'm giving up on this 'month'. Try again in July.

🍷 And 🍕 For me later.

karla did you enjoy the 🍕🍷? Hopefully the clinic will have an idea of when to do your bloods.
kiwi and tiger think I would be a little embarrassed if it was a male with a dilocam🙈 Suppose they have seen it all before though.
wizzi how you holding on? I tested again this morning BFN, the first one must have still been some trigger. I haven't cried yet, maybe because it's not OTD?
Also got babybombed last night and I've heard my friend has done her cheesy announcement on FB. So more boredom and hibernate awaits me.
Hope you all manage a nice Sunday
Huge piles of dog shit! Not feeling the glitter today though!

Just had to Google otd, I'm such a newbie at this. Pebble, you're doing well with the changing test results, I'd be a basket case. How many days post transfer are you?

Wizzi, are you going to test?

Full disclosure: for a few nights I've been having ridiculously vivid dreams. They were a very early pregnancy sign when I was pregnant with my daughter, but not this early and it could be due to higher than normal progesterone anyway. But I'm trying so so hard not to get my hopes up because I can feel how gutting it's going to be to get a bfn. This tww is the worst!

Can't do many personals on my phone, but Karla, please drink all the wine and I hope you can work out your cycle soon.

Pebbles you're not out yet, let's face it our hormone levels are all over the place hence the dodgy results...maybe try again in a day or two?
zenzie good symptoms there, looking positive
karla hope you enjoyed the vino. Starting to feel like an Amish person it's been that long !(well minus the tech ban!)😀
Kiwi I'm so immune to the dildo cam and who is peering up my hooha these days, but think I would be mortified if they were any way fit!
Glitter shit everyone else, hope you are all getting through the weekend ok.

I spent last night rolling around the floor in pain (tummy rather than cramps) fine again today so have just put it down to trapped wind. Refusing to test today as I will end up taking a week off work if it's a BFN. Maybe tomorrow if I last....Other than that breathless and dizzy spells which I'm putting down to my huge bloated belly. Oh the fucking glamour of it all.

pebbles hang in there. You seem to be keeping very calm, well done.

Karla sorry to hear that, that's so frustrating. Definitely . Hope the clinic know what to do next.

Zenzie and wizzi fingers crossed!

Wizzi yes he is attractive, I think that is definitely part of why it's so mortifying . Got another scan tomorrow!

Sammy - every day Tuesday to Friday. And I've had a text over the weekend complaining about morning sickness.

Pebbles - eek to the faint positive! Keeping everything crossed for you.

Kiwi - a young fit doctor doing a dildocam?! That should be illegal! Thankfully mine have either been done by female nurses or consultants almost old enough to be my dad.

Tiger - how late was your appointment in the end? Hope it went well.

Karla - how was the and pizza (I don't have a pizza emoji?!) sorry AF arrived unexpectedly, why do our bodies always mess us around when we want to book in appointments?!

Zenzie - I really hope your dreams mean good news for you!

Wizzi - I hope your symptoms are more than just the medication. Totally get the fear of testing. I'm not sure how I'll cope if I get a third bfn.

Oh bean, seriously how can she text you to moan about morning sickness. You poor thing, it's so tough.

Tonight will be my 5th day of stimms. I have a scan tomorrow so they can check in not getting overstimulated again. It'll give them time to decrease the dose apparently. My boobs are SO sore, taking my bra off is torture... I don't remember this from last time! I'm so scared for the scan, what if I'm not growing ANY follicles??? Xx