The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

vix I hope you don't have anymore scares. Did you explain to your dumb friend, that popping an embryo back in isn't that simple! Not like popping a bloody egg back in the fridge!
My ET is scheduled for tomorrow, mid morning. I am not getting my hopes up, as there is a chance it could change to a freeze all cycle.
grumpel that whatapp group sounds very creepy! Isn't saying hello in passing good enough? glad to see you're still bitter, stay hating
sleath how are you feeling? Have you had your 12 week scan? Don't go too far and keep us updated. Must admit after I wed, I day dreamed of conceiving on our honeymoon oh how fucking stupid of me.
potatoes I hope she done a fantastic job on the hair. So we cannot even have a little treat at the hairdressers without being badgered!
fourpaws you're brave to start with the leg, I've always imagined that to hurt a lot more than the tummy. Give the tum a go and I imagine you'll be fine.
agpantha good going with the stabbing. I know chocolate isn't the same as a gin but it sure helps!
icy are you starting healthy eating at the weekend? That's good going, Monday is always my "I promise to he good day". Hope you've had a few more drinks to end on a high. You must be rearing to go now, hope the time flies by for you.
sammy seems your friend is slightly naive when it comes to infertility solutions! If only magic lube was the answer, nice of her to think of you though. Oh your MIL is shocking, keep your distance from her if possible.
sara welcome. Sorry you're here with us! You sound just as pissed off and fed up as us lot. I am sure your DH will realise how time consuming IVF is once all is explained at your appointment. Once you start it just becomes second nature. Last week DH and I went out for dinner and I had to do my injection in the restaurant loo. He thought it was funny that I "jacked up in the loo", we had a right laugh about it.
banana lucky the consultant is treating you so specifically, some shitty ones still have the one size fits all approach. Hope you can get your plan of action up and running very soon.

Shit to all of you, old, new, lurkers, stabbers, starters, 2wwers, upduffed and bored fiends.

Hullo shitfiends.

Wow, we're all surrounded by dickheads, eh? I was speaking to a friend (admittedly not a dickhead) who is writing/editing a book on menstruating and menopause, and had to point out to her that she needs a chapter on menstruating and fertility, and how for many women the monthly appearance of their period is just a little flag saying, 'Hey, you failed again!' and that there's the whole fraught issue of disappearing periods when you need to start a cycle, and induced periods and the whole bloody thing. I told her, 'If you don't have a chapter on fertility then I'd look at the book and chuck it due to being edited by a smug fertile.' She is, though, a bit - broke up with her partner at 37 as he didn't want kids, and got instadiffed with her new one.

How are all the stabbers going? Sorry I'm a bit behind with everyone's news, but fourpaws I wanted to also endorse stomach stabbing. It's not too bad, and I didn't even get any bruising from my injections. When are you back in for transfer? And Wizzi, did you go in today or am I imagining?

sara welcome, and sorry you're here.

I heard from my nurse yesterday that all 4 eggs retrieved successfully fertilised, which means we get to aim for day 5 transfer. Pleased about that and trying not to get hopes up, because there's still a bloody long way to go. It's goddamn exhausting, really.

Tummy done, thanks all. Not to bad, bit stingy, probably because I was wriggling about.

Sara, glad you found us. Seriously helpful folks over here. Don't know how I would get through this without them.

Sammy, yes, I would rather mil did not know but DH works at home on family farm and if he so much as takes five minutes she needs to know where he is. Our hospital is about an hour and a half away so we had to tell them or it would have been a bigger head wreck. She is a pain in the ass though.

For the first day in ages, I don't have anything on today. I am still in Jammies, and I think I will stay that way. Ha.

Ah zenzie, there is a lot of dickheads about just now eh. My lovely SIL who is actually also my best friend had me head shaking last night. There is a 30 mile walk run thing overnight in September. I said I was reluctant to commit because of all this going on. She was like yes but if it works pregnant people can do exercise you know and if it doesn't work you will have a goal to focus on. Eh........yes, I know pregnant people can do exercise but I ain't sure thirty miles in the mud and rain overnight climbing obstacles is a particularly clever idea for a high risk numpty like me. Jeeezzzz.

I don't have a transfer date yet. I am on long protocol so will be stabbing forever. Well until end of june and then see hospital again. Meh.

Oh bugger fourpaws sorry. I forgot you were endlessly stabbing - such fun! Your SIL sounds like she means well but really, if you don't feel like doing it then that should be enough! Even if you are/aren't pregnant, you still will have a billion other things on your mind apart from something like that.

Soo I am PUPO! Still feels rather strange that I have a grade 5A embie onboard!! We also have 4 5A to freeze, which we are very pleased about. Let the 2ww begin!

Hello to everyone, sorry for the me post!

Congrats on being PUPO pebbles! That's great!

I'm on my phone so apologies for the lack of personals! Thank you all for the kind comments re my nob of a friend. I don't think she is trying again, apparently this is all so hard with one...! I have actually stopped referring to her as my best friend. Thankfully everyone else has (mostly) been ok. icy I love the glitter idea!

I've really given up, was out last night for dinner and had prosecco (lovely, lovely prosecco!) Last time I gave up the booze (even though the nurse said I could drink as long as it didn't mess with my head - in the sense that I didn't stress over drinking). I just want to get to the end and move on.
The down regging is driving me mad, am getting insane cramps, I don't think I had this last time and it bloody hurts.

vixx I can't believe they said that to you. People are thoughtless idiots. A colleague actually said to me that adoption is a great idea and that she would have rather have done that instead of having her own child but her husband won't allow it. She told me this after our consultant basically told us we had a shit chance! I did lose it slightly and tell her that it's easy to say when you know you're fertile and have your own child. Ffs.

For this reason, I haven't told anyone about this cycle. I've outright lied to one colleague and the only person that knows is my boss. She's cool though, she is the only one to say "I don't know what to say, but I am sorry that you have to go through this" it's amazing how hard it is for people to say it!

Welcome sara sorry you're here though.

Can I just say, I missed you guys!

Gosh don't worry zenzie. I honestly feel like I am going to be doing this forever and ever.

Fab pebbles. I had to google PUPO as I'm such a novice but that's great news.

Meh, I get what you mean about the giving up. This is my first IVF round but it's been such a nightmare to get here I feel done sometimes. As I've said before I have this voice inside me screaming that even if it does work, it's not going to stop a mc. And I've been there to many times. I almost feel like I'm going through the motions but don't see the point. I just have the worst luck ever.

I'm sad today. This is what happens when I plan a nothing day. To much time to wallow. Sorry for the whinge.

Congratulations pebbles that is absolutely spectacular - PUPO and with 4 frosties?! Hell to the fucking yeah!!

BTW ladies on the 'diet and wine for fertility' front, turns out we ended up unintentionally doing a bit of a scientific experiment

In the run up to my second cycle in Jan, I was incredibly focused about what I ate, didn't drink, took the supplements religiously etc

In the run up to my most recent cycle in May, I hadn't been remotely diligent. Mainly because I didn't expect to be able to cycle again so quickly, and I rationalised that as long as I was still technically miscarrying I could eat total crap. Apart from taking all the supplements, my lifestyle had been anything but virtuous. I ended up going out and getting absolutely shitfaced beyond all recognition one Sat night - not expecting that I'd be starting stims 5 days later. Oops.

I asked my Dr if it was worth delaying the cycle, as my lifestyle hadn't exactly been, er, optimal. He said as egg quality was almost entirely determined by age + the ovarian environment created by the stims protocol, my crap diet wasn't ideal, but ultimately wouldn't make much difference

Apparently he was right.

PGS testing showed that NONE of the 4 frosties from our Jan cycle were genetically normal.

Whereas 6 out of 9 of the embryos tested from this cycle were genetically normal

Not advocating this as a solid IVF preparation regime - but mainly just to say we definitely shouldn't beat ourselves up about treating ourself from time to time. I'm sure reducing stress endorphins is probably far more beneficial overall

Congratulations for being pupo pebbles! Great news about the 4 blasts you will have in the freezer too. Bring on the 2ww!

We should have a thread for all the things NOT to say to people going through infertility. Don't think people realise how it cuts and stays with you.

Pebbles that's a bloody brilliant haul! Amazing. Fx for the 2ww and enjoy being PUPO in the meantime.

Banana that's really interesting- and by interesting I mean, like, shitting hell! Imagine if you'd not cycled again first or tested the embies, and just worked through your second cycle frosties. Actually feel a bit sick on your behalf that that could have been your experience. So pleased you have those Super Six though!

Welcome back meh, if that's not too odd to say on a thread like this!Sorry about your 'friend'. WHY more people can't have general empathy and just say, 'ah that's shit and I'm sorry' like your boss I don't know.

Happy Sunday. I've just had two chocolate flapjacks and a bag of crisps. Hell yeah.

Awesome news pebbles that's amazing! PUPO on!

Vixx agree with starting a new thread on what not to say, great idea
Sara welcome. Sorry you find yourself here but feel free to rant and swear about this whole bollox.
fourpaws try the tummy, it's not that bad especially if you sit down and stab!!
Zenzie well done on the haul and GL for the ET.

I'm in for ET tomorrow AM, we had 10 yesterday as another fertilised after the call on Thursday... 7 decent quality so see what tomorrow brings.
Currently shitting myself with worst case 'what if the Doc trips over and drops the embie' scenarios. Christ it's exhausting!

Grumpel eat what you want, you deserve it!

Good luck for ET wizzi. That's a fantastic number.

wizzi best of luck for tomorrow. You'll be fine and they'll be no freak mishaps! You'll have a nice no. for the freezer too.
banana now that you've brought it up, it does seem fairly logical that a few treats won't hinder the outcome. Great news about the PGS test results. You and DH must feel very glad you opted to test. Any sign of ol Mother Nature?
meh you was missed. I don't blame you for not telling anybody. What your boss said is the kind of thing that makes it that little bit easier, rather than gobshittery.
fourpaws sorry you're having a shitty day. Sometimes too much time to think does no favours. I hope you managed to fit some junk food/fav film into your lazy day at least.
icy how's the diet going?
vixx,grumpel I think you both deserve to eat what you fancy as a little treat.
Thanks for the PUPO well wishes fiends.
I am going to do my very best to forget about it now, cannot get my hopes up what so ever.
I am already in bed, the anticipation of today must of zapped my energy
Hope everyone has a good start to the week.

Thanks all great to find a little tribe of sanity amidst all the fog and well meaning yet twattish unhelpful others. Feeling more positive now. First appointment tomorrow just want to get on with it now.
Potatoespastaandbread** I know I tried not to vomit when I heard that angel shite she is an Irish catholic who assumes she will get pregnant at exactly the right time.
Pebbles086** yes hope he starts to show an interest soon all seems a bit abstract at the moment; like the sound of jacking up in restaurant Loo's! Very Bohemian.
Fourpawswhite** 30 miles walk in the dark at night... What's wrong with box set, Pringles and sofa time, bloody health fanatics!
Zenzie** hello and thanks wish you all the best.
I didn't mention that I live in a terrace and either side of me are pregnant women everywhere I look at the moment are pregnant women did I just not notice before?

stealth thinking about FET protocol I wonder if it's an anti-ohss thing? Downreg the fuck out my ovaries in the hope they stay quiet?

Nice one pebbles am very envious that you're moving forward with treatment (I won't say making progress because unless it works it's not progress!) but movement is good.

Operation better diet failed spectacularly and I had wine chocolate and very few vegetables this weekend. Shucks. I know deep down the diet is a "nice to have" rather than the be all and end all but it's marginal gains right? Plus I'm sure my low sugar thing helped with the egg production. Scratch that. I'm not sure at all. I would have to do a cycle where I'd lived off booze and cake and compare the result to be "sure". So o LIKE TO THINK following the docs advice helped. It was much easier to be good when I was stimming though, proper incentive. Now all the embryos are in carbonite it's harder to justify not eating shit and living off coffee and wine.

Whatever.

Dropped oh kids at school today, SO BITTER walking back to the station! So bitter. Dropped their kit round exW house, she doesn't really work, was in her gym kit. Great figure. Nothing else to worry about. Bitter bitter bitter. I'm on a delayed train anticipating a bollocking from my pint sized man boss with loud overcompensating voice. Joyous. Going to hold out for Xmas (bonus) and then get into finding ad hoc locum work. Not sure how easy it'll be cos my job isn't the most obvious for locum work (am chartered surveyor and work in asset management - work is project rather than task driven so tend to need to be there for a period of time vs day rate. Hmm)

Sorry I'm using this train journey/barren board like a diary rather than being at all supportive to anyone else. Apologies!!

Do we need a secret FB group? I think the BESH have one. I don't know how to set them up but I'd be up for it. Screen shotting other people's BS without fear of being discovers....?! It's an option.

Welcome sara btw - I ised to live in a terrace in west London. Sold it to a young couple. I can't even think about it - that house is a proper little "starting a family" home and when I let myself think about the new couple I feel sick with envy/sadness that our baby didn't live there with us.

grumple sorry about your new street. The "mums" thing just shows how wrapped up they are in their own world. I'm lucky that our street group (bookclub) isn't mum-focused although all the women who attend are parents. Having said that their kids are all older so there is only one proper SAHM amongst them - the rest have pt time jobs. It's such a slap in the face though. The outside looking in bs. I told my neighbors about IVF when one asked me if I wanted "my own" kids. They were all lovely - I think again bc they're older they're more removed from it and can see past their own bounding bundle of joy?

Hi can I join you lovely ladies, I feel a bit in limbo atm as I don't qualify for nhs ivf due to oh's children so we are saving up for private treatment. icy I think I read you are in a similar situation. Can I hang out here and learn about ivf until we can afford it in September? Hope everyone is doing ok today

icy ohss isn't relevant for fet because you're not stimulating the ovaries. It's a mystery to me!

I hear you on the bitter. I was at a wedding this weekend and there was lots of talk of grandchildren in the speeches and I just thought (a) oh how nice that you're confident it will happen soon and (b) I bet she gets upduffed on the honeymoon, the bitch. Beyond uncharitable of me. I wonder if I'll ever stop being so awful?!

Jesus Christ sara. That angels comment is fuckwittery maximised. No words.

pebbles congrats! Hopefully it sticks, keeping everything crossed. Great to have that haul of frosties too.

wizzi good luck today!

I'm on my phone so will catch up properly later, just want to say
sara welcome. I know how you feel about living in a terrace, I do to and the couple on 1 side have kids, I hear them crying often especially at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning. I'm making it my mission to return the favour one day!
icy secret FB group sounds good to me. I will see if I can figure it out if other fiends are up for it.. Also thumbs up to your wine and Chocolate diet, I'm off the waggon too at the moment. I had coffee, wine and junk food this weekend but figured the vitamins and supplements cancel it out.. No??? 🤔

Ps icy diet makes fuck all difference to a FET, I hit the booze and bad food big time before transfer. My advice is to enjoy it as early pregnancy does a real number on what you can eat & drink, so go for it whilst you can!

ET complete ....officially PUPO and five frosties!!
Minor fuck-up during the procedure where Doc inserted wrong shaped catheter (I have a tilted womb) so embie had to be put back in the lab until it was all sorted out 😡 Could potentially have lost me an embie ... wtf are they not geared up for this shit?

Great news wizzi
Waving to all other fiends. Trying to lurk more than post until we figure out if we are going to cycle again. Would be up for secretive fb though!