The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

I was only 29 when we used it, but like you we thought we'd just throw everything at it.
It's difficult because by using it you could eliminate the need for multiple attempts, but there's no way of knowing. Xx

Hey all,

Karla we're with Reprofit in the Czech Rep and when I'm offered the glue I'll gladly accept it. I want to feel like I've given it all I've got..!

We'll be flying 10 days from today! Can't believe it almost here.

Hello! Really don't want to muddy the waters and make a hard decision even harder but something that put me off the glue is that I've read on various threads accounts of when it has made the embryos stick to the catheter, so that it's hard to get them out of the tube and inside of you during transfer - unsticking them and reloading them into catheter can sometimes damage the embryos. I thought it would be just my fucking luck, after everything, to have my only 2 precarious 5-cell embryos get wedged inside a tube and never even make it to my uterus.

Now, I'm not at all sure how common the sticking thing is, how much is a matter of skill, using the right consistency of glue, etc. But it might be worth asking your consultants what their personal experiences have been of using it, how they get around the sticking issue, whether the types of glue have improved in recent years, etc.

(make that 4- and 5-cell embryos)

Thanks guys. I too have read about the glue sticking to the catheter. Am inclined to pay for the time lapse monitoring though. It's £500 but I'm thinking that at least I know that the embryos they put back in are good quality. Although that decision might be taken out of my hands as they only use the camera if there are quite a few embryos..they said it doesn't increase the chances of IVF working but decreases chances of miscarriage. So all in all, they have given us 30-40% success rate. Which I think sucks! OH who's an eternal optimist says that it's good. I said 'if you were told you had a deadly illness which meant you only have a 30-40% chance of you penis not dropping off, would you think that was good odds aswell'! .. He didn't reply.

fractious to help with my anxiety, I have been reading a book about mindfulness by Ruby Wax. It makes me realise how much of my life I'm allowing myself to be consumed by stress (which is a lot!) and if that doesn't help me de stress, I nag my OH for a few hours, that defo helps!

icy sorry for my late congratulations! Lovely to read good news in here.
laura how's the injections been? Still dead inside? As long as the meds do their job who needs feelings ay?
grumble sorry for your MC and that you've landed here, do stay though we are really friendly and sometimes bitter You've nailed the baby bomb reaction too!
fractious I felt anxious just reading what your going through! It's horrible when you can't shake your emotions. I hope you find some escape from them. My way is through music or spinning. That 1 hour a day in the gym helps me forget everything plus tires me out.
sammy good luck for Thursday. I would use the glue too. I am sure we'd try cellotape if it was bloody offered! Have you felt any different from your last cycle?
karla that all sounds good!! Are you pleased/ over whelmed? Hope DH managed to take it all in. When will cycle 1 be? Hope it's not too long to wait.
How is you bip? Hi to potatoes too, hoping your on the mend and can enjoy your rescheduled get away!

No news from me, other than a small victory at work. I now have my head phones in all day whilst most conversations revolve around babies. It's great, other people in the office do it too so I don't look like a barren ignorant bitch
Also have to remind myself that when a doctor writes IVF for a 80 year old patient they mean intra venous fluids and not IVF as we know it made me chuckle to myself.

Karla IVF success rates are fucking depressing. According to HFEA stats the chance of a double embryo transfer resulting in a live birth at my age is 20%. . What I try to remember is that even fertile people in their mid-20s shagging at the right times only have about a 33% chance of conception per month. So I figure what IVF does is even the playing field, for one cycle - statistically at least.

Am trying to decide whether the IVF 2WW is a good time to attempt to learn the Marie Kondo method of tidying. We live like pigs, so transforming our sty into a temple of joy-sparking minimalism is an ambitious project, to say the least. Possibly a good use of my obsessive energies, but equally likely to result in my crying on the floor in a heap of mismatched socks.

Christ - I hadn't heard about the eggs getting stuck and damaged with the glue. Jeez, another thing to worry about! I think I'll still use it though, my consultant is very experienced.

Pebbles - thanks! My last FET was natural so felt totally normal throughout, but compared to my last medicated FET I feel a gazillion times better. That one was cancelled as I was so sick.

What on earth is the Marie kondo method of tidying Bip?? Xx

It's a madly obsessive Japanese method of decluttering. The blurb on the back of the book says it will teach you how to tidy once properly so you never have to tidy again. I' love never to tidy again. I think the book will end up on the same pile as all my healthy low carb low sugar cookbooks though.

bip I like your thinking... Hadn't compared IVF to those alien beings who get up duffed by just dry humping!
pebbles I think we both feel overwhelmed by the whole thing at the moment. I think I will cope with all the prodding and poking, it's the agonising 2ww I know will get to me, it's not all about the money but if it doesn't work out, within the blink of an eye £7000 down the toilet so I need to feel we have given it our best shot! Saying that, we have booked a weekend in London over Easter which I now feel guilty about as we should be save save saving!! Not only that, OH booked us into a posh restaurant where I am going to confess now, I will probably drink lots of wine... I think we will then be due to start the IVF appointments a few days after that so end of March. Unless I get up duffed in the mean time rolls around the room laughing head off/pissing pants at the idea

Hello everyone :) just catching up with all your news!

I feel like a massive fucking cunt twat bitch and I can't believe I'm posting this here but I got a positive pregnancy test on Friday. im really not meaning to be a smug insensitive cow I promise, you've all been here for me since cunt-friend-gate got me posting and I just wanted to update. I'm so sorry if me posting that has upset/angered anyone.

Shitting absolute bricks posting!

Biscuits - I may have missed something as haven't been here very long, but why on earth would we be upset/angry that you have achieved the aim we all share?
Congratulations!!!
I've lost track of time/stories, was this IVF or a miracle natural conception?

Bip - that doesn't sound like something that would work for me. Am far too sentimental and like to keep memories/souveniers! Xx

Hi all, thank you all for your kind words recently. Sorry for being MIA, the funeral and everything has been really hard...not being able to take part etc was not good for me. I feel like I haven't been able to say goodbye. Really horrible feeling.

Anyway, thought it was all getting easier and then today we met with the consultant who had no idea who we were (insisted he'd met us before which he hadn't!) Which is fine if he wasn't so insistent! Unfortunately it didn't get any better, he didn't seem convinced that another go would be great...he didn't come out and say it but basically told us that the sperm quality wasn't great and our chances are between 20-25% and considering how we'd be paying for it...we may want to think about it more. If we do go ahead, I have to have two more periods before we can start again.

He also added that we may want to consider donor sperm.
This is all fucking shit. There is a massive part of me that wishes we were told we had no fucking chance as at least then we could move on. This is just miserable false hope and could all amount to fuck all.

I hope you're all well ladies. I have read the thread, unfortunately my brain is like a sieve today :( please forgive me for being so shit

icy congratulations on the engagement!

biscuits congratulations on the bfp!

Biscuits don't shit bricks (though it may be unavoidable given your condition) - congratulations!

Meh God, you've been in the wars. That is a hell of a lot to try to take on at once. Enormous hugs to you and Mr Meh. It's just so fucking shite isn't it.

biscuits congratulations!!! That's what we are all here for, to support each other in good and bad times! You enjoy your BFP news!! Wishing you lots of love for the upcoming months! So what's your secret? Was it baby dust?
karla the financial stress of all this is just as bad. you and DH should enjoy every minute of your luxury break. A couple of glasses of won't hurt. Enjoy!!
meh welcome back. Really sorry you felt like that after the funeral. If you felt up to it soon, is there a special part of the ceremony you could replicate and say good bye in your own special way?
You must be over whelmed by the news from the consultant. You do have some chance of it working. Is there anything DH can do to improve the sperm (not to sound ignorant) I have been on threads where woman put their DH on all sorts of vitamins and see an improvement. Hope the break from it all brings you some closure and you can start a fresh when you are both ready.
bip I thought that embryo glue was a scientific break through...pros and cons to everything I guess.

Congratulations biscuits! Wonderful news. I've also lost track, was this a natural bfp?

Meh so sorry to hear that, that is shit. Hugs. It's a lot to think about, try to be kind to yourself. Hope Mr Meh and you are doing as OK as possible.

Good luck to sammy and anyone else with things going on this week!

Re anxiety etc, I ended up using counseling through my employer (anonymous thankfully). I have sessions with a phone counsellor. I find it good, and she recommended a mindfulness/ meditation app called Headspace. I'm like Bip, useless at meditating etc, but I really like the app. The man is normal not woo sounding and has a lovely voice. Also agree with Bip re getting out of my world through books, TV etc.

Laura exciting how soon it is!

I have my consultant appointment tomorrow. Bit nervous but trying not to over think it.

Hope everyone's doing OK, thinking of you all.

Hello everyone. Just delurking to say a huge congratulations to biscuits.

Bip, I've become a full on Kondo obsessive. Did a big declutter towards the end of last year which was incredibly liberating and now I'm revisiting it to finish off the house and garden and try and get some order in the house if not in my head. There's something very calming about the whole process so I would definitely recommend it- just take it at your own pace and hopefully it'll help keep you busy during the dreaded 2ww.

Much glittery poop to all!

Pessaries related question... A lot of my morning ones seem to come back out, even though this morning in inserted it almost 2 hours before I got up. Is this normal? ET is tomorrow and I'm worried I'm not getting enough progesterone. But really really don't want to use the other entrance. Xx

Congratulations biscuits on the BFP! Amazing news!
And congratulations Icy on the engagement, what an amazing holiday surprise!

Kiwi hope your consultant appointment goes well! Hope your nervous get better! I have a fertility appointment on Thursday and I'm nervous as hell about it.

Meh your consultant sounded like an utter twat. I hope you don't need to see them again.

Sammy loads of goo comes back out after my pessaries (and it would come out the back way too, so no point trying that!). It's unpleasant, but not a problem in terms of getting what you need. They give you such huge doses that you generally end up with several times the amount of progesterone that you'd normally need to sustain a pregnancy. At my clinic they say they look for levels of 30 mid-luteal phase, and after a couple of days of the pessaries it's common to have levels of 400 or more.

Thanks everyone. It is a headfuck but I think we have agreed to try ICSI again and see what happens.

I tell you though, the stupid, fucking things people have said to me is astounding. The next person to tell me to keep positive is going to be punched in the face. My other best friend (who is normally the sane one out of all of my friends) has actually started on about adoption and other avenues...even though I am really upset by the fact that we may never have our own child. Which is what we want and I'm really fucking upset that we may never have that! I don't really want to be questioned on whether or not I'd love a child regardless of whether it's genetically ours or not. For fucks sake.

sammy I leaked when taking the progesterone too...had to wear panty liners all the fricking time.

pebbles we actually have another ceremony/prayer thing tomorrow which I should be able to take part in (or at least be there for). Unfortunately our MFI is because Mr Meh had testicular cancer years ago and they did radiotherapy, fucking hospital never froze his sperm before doing this and when Mr Meh asked about it all he was dismissed by the doctor! Wankers.
Consultant didn't seem convinced that a diet/stopping alcohol/antioxidants will improve anything either.

Thanks Bip, that's put my mind at rest. And phew to the back not being more leak proof. At least I don't have to worry that I could be doing more! Xx