The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Cheers bip. Trying not to get any hope that this division will be anything. I asked rates yesterday and they said that they would have in,y expected 1% chance for us because of our previous ability to make embryos.

Ok massively headfuck continues.

So we now have two two cells. And maybe a third. They aren't yet sure what this means but if they can divide again they will transfer back tomorrow. They have gone from saying 1% chance to 50/50 chance of getting to transfer. My head is totally messed with. Please keep everything crossed.

kiwi sorry you find yourself back here with us. Hugs to you right now.
Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes.
Back home now, the whole thing has felt so surreal as I have never been in to hospital so it all just felt so alien.
All in all not a bad experience, they got 6 eggs. Reeled off a lot of stats but something about 80% make it to tomorrow ( my head was muddled at the time) apparently I was asking for Pims when I came round from sedation!

kiwi so, so, so very sorry you’re back here again - it’s completely shit, so cruel, so unfair. Big hugs

karla nice one on the magnificent six - the whole process is fucking weird. You aced this bit, now rest up. Pimms after sedation sounds like a bloody awesome combo

bean everything crossable crossed my lovely. As things stand right now, you have two embryos. Two little fighters. Cautiously optimistic and thinking of you - absolutely massive and complete headfuck but this is most def a better headfuck position than yesterday. Hope those little fighters are back on board with you v v soon

bip I’d been on it for about 4 weeks post ERPC, but consultant reckons SOMETHING happened for it to make it look like all my eggs had disappeared (some evidence of my epilepsy medication maybe reversing the effects of PCOS?) but then of course when I got 17 eggs last time everyone was a bit ‘whoa, how is that possible with undetectable AMH’. I am apparently under the ‘no fucking clue’ file. But I have eggs which is certainly a hell of a lot more encouraging than ‘oh yeah, you’re in borderline POF and you’re pretty much fucked’

Hope the thrush fucks the fuck off. re: probiotics have you tried the nuclear one called ‘biocare replete’ - it’s basically a 7 day course of probiotic chemical warfare for after antibiotics

grumpel great news about the FET - won’t be testing buddies as we won’t be putting anything back for a couple of months: it’s freeze all this time for PGS, and cos of the whole fucked-up-lining-no-periods-miscarriage scenario, Dr wants to work on the endometrium before we do a FET, getting me menstruating & my lining properly regenerating. Anything we can do to stop my body killing another baby is A-OK by me

And deffo get the movers involved!

icy slow and steady DEFINITELY better than going off like rockets and stimming too quickly

pebbles hurrah for sunshine - neither cetrotide or merional have to be refrigerated, just get to have lots of mixing up of vials and powders. Feels quite Walter White breaking bad style

Karla great news on your 6.

Banana the medical marvel. Hope stims go ok.

Oh kiwi you must be gutted. Such a fucking horrible thing to happen. Piles of dogshit to you and a sneaky hug.

Sorry you're back in the barren basement with the rest of us, the bottom feeders if you will. I suppose that would make the overly fertile the pond scum! Rather be a fish than an algae.

icy your posts are proper hilarious, You should write a book about all the shit we baronesses' (can't decide on the punctuation of the word baroness when made into multiples!!) have to put up with. It's bound to be a bestseller.

Had my dye test this morning. Have one blocked tube and a bicornate uterus (whatever that means) the doctor who did it was junior so wasnt able to say much other than she was going to speak to my consultant about the results and get her to contact me, But that i would defs need surgery. Feeling a bit gutted, because having shit ovaries isn't enough, I have a dodgy uterus and a missing link between one ovary and the dodgy uterus!

Haha icy and thanks everyone for the kind words.

bean everything crossed!

Great news karla!

bip that's horrible, I hope the thrush gets better soon. No advice sorry, I haven't had it before.

icy I actually feel more at home in the barren basement. We had our booking in appointment last week on floor 1 with all the preggos rubbing their tummies and I just felt like a fraud (which I was).

I got a call from the hospital saying I have a UTI which they found at the booking appointment. I said I have no symptoms and asked if it could have somehow come up on the tests because I miscarried. She replied "yes UTIs can cause miscarriage". I was like, wtf? Does no one teach these people tact? We established it's very unlikely a UTI that's obviously very minor caused my miscarriage, of course, but can't believe she came out with that, made me feel like it was my fault!

Hope everyone's having a good day.

Icy I'm loving the image of fertile folk being pond scum!

Hey nurse - no experience with bicornate uterus but have a blocked tube and apparently if you have one parent tube it apparently doesn't reduced your fertility that much. That's true if you have a tube removed after an ectopic I think. Apparently the remaining tube can waft around and get the egg from the other ovary.
I never had my tube sorted anyway as we were going to Ivf so the thought was there was no benefit to having more surgery. Hope you get a plan soon.

Hi kiwi sorry to hear your news but nice to see you. Good luck getting back in the stirrups as it were (har har).

Did you get your Pimms Karla??? Fingers crossed for good news tomorrow.

kiwi really sorry that has happened to you. Sending you lots of love. Take care x

potatoes no Pimms but maybe a cheeky red wine later call me irresponsible clinic have called already. 4 have fertilised! So they want to try to get them to blasto which is Tuesday.
They will call me on Sunday to confirm that everything is ok but I think she said they expect 45% to make it to day 5. Couldn't quite take it in as I was convinced it was going to be bad news...does this now give them a better chance of implantation? I didn't think to ask about the benefits!
Anyway, hope Friday 13th isn't all it's cracked up to be for everyone.
Happy weekend glittery dog shite fiends

Amazing karla!
I'm watching my phone like its a bomb going to go off to see if we have anything for transfer. If so it'll be today so good bloody job I'm not superstitious.

Amazing news karla! Red wine definitely not only permissible but to encouraged - the eggs are out of you, and hopefully once that embryo is on board it'll be the last time you can drink for at least 9 months

The roller coaster continues. Have a 2 cell that they think is duff and a 3 and a 4 that they want to transfer both today. They said they aren't optimal and increased chance of miscarriage and prob only 10% chance of a live birth but from where we were its pretty amazing.

bean good luck! Hope your little bean is a survivor.

banana thanks. As my fertility guru I will take your advice and enjoy a small tipple later

karla I pushed the "it might be the last time you drink for 9 months" thing probs a bit too far and took myself out for a Last Supper with a friend the night before ET. Rocked up to transfer feeling hungover. Don't recommend that!

Happy barren Friday! - friend just posted this on Facebook and it just about summed it up for me

So today has been fucking awful when it should have been amazing. This morning we heard that of the embryos from yesterday one was now a 4 cell and one a 3 cell. The senior embryologist was pretty blunt and said they weren't as good as they hoped and were slow but that they were dividing and "if we don't put them back we will never know". So I asked her chance of success and she said prob less than 10%. But 10% from where we were sounded pretty damn awesome.

So I rocked up this afternoon, solo as man shape couldn't get the afternoon off, and met the embryologist. Complete cowbag. Basically I asked about chances and multiples as I wanted to be informed. Her precise words "I've never seen a pregnancy from embryos like this so twins would be nothing short of a miracle". So I went from having a shred of hope to basically felling like I had been shat on from an epic height.

So I then spent transfer crying. And have continued that way since. Banana has been a bloody Saint though listening to me whinge. Seriously why would you do that to someone?

Seriously stealth I'd rather have been hungover.

Bean embryologist is a total cockwomble and given none of them had ever seen a supposedly zero fertilisation then turn into embryos for transfer, I think we can safely say that the unlikely CAN happen, and in any case, she needs to shut her fucking cake hole and learn a bit of bedside manner. Her job isn't just science and lab work - it's emotions and people's hopes and dreams

You have two little fighters on board right now - who surprised all the embryologists, the consultant, and you and Mr Bean, so I think it's safe to say that this cycle has been very surprising. So she can bloody do one, frankly

Put your feet up, let the bean-lets get comfy, and watch some desperately trashy telly or something else suitably relaxing. And remember the most important rule - stay away from Dr Google!

(I realise staying off Google is obvs completely impossible, so some advice that was given to me - that I did completely ignore, but was sound advice nonetheless - was to timebox infertility madness. 20 mins of Googling allowed a day and that's it)

Xxx

She sounds like an absolute dickwad bean

I think it's pretty well established that they have fuck all idea what's going to happen to embies based on what they look like on day 2 or 3 so really your guess is as good as theirs

You've come a long way from zero fertilisation so just take some comfort from that. And go home and give your DH a big hug.

What banana said- embryologist sounds like a total twat and needs to learn some softer skills! FFS!! So sorry you've had such a traumatic week, bean. Let's hope the embies continue to surprise you with how well they do- they're def in the best place now at least (away from cow bag embryologist and her mardy bitchface)

bean maybe the embies where sick looking at that cow bags face and decided to rebel. I bet they'll do much better now that they are under your wombs care and not hat battle axe!

I love you guys!

bean I am glad you have managed to get through your cycle and have embies on board. That's an achievement already. That bitch face white coated fuck face should have reminded you of that and highlighted that you've come so far and are still in with a chance. Rest up and as banana say, limit your googles.
karla try get to Sunday without going insane, great news so far.
bip thrush is a fucking bitch to deal with, cannot imagine a prolonged bout of it. Get your hands on what banana recommended.
kiwi you must have been a little gob smacked by her comment, I am still amazed and how twattish people can be.
nurse did you manage to get a next appointment with the consultant? Hope you get a plan of action in a realistic time.
I found the time waiting for my op very frustrating, just wanted it over and done with.
Soo if all goes to plan, I'll be a stabber in about 2 weeks. Had my mock transfer and drug appointment today. Transfer was fine, much less uncomfortable than a smear!
banana I did feel all break bad practising mixing those viles. Had the urge to give the vile a good shake I am going to stab my self, DH agrees it's for the best seems as I am a control freak and a little OCD.

Extra dog shite to all of you. Have a lovely weekend

Didn't realise "being a cunt" was part of the embryologist's job description

pebbles ah good feels good to be "making progress" (which of course is really just 'doing something' unless and until etc etc) sorry that's very negative! Did you do practice stabbings?

Turns out EC will be Monday now.... Scan this am. 26 follicles, most c 12mm, one is 17, some are 7. Nurse reckoned I'd be on for weds so I bought 3 more Menopur and a whole new bottle of buserelin bc mine wouldn't last til weds. Anyway my oestrogen was at 8,000 (8,000 what though?! They just give numbers with no context) and doc worries I'll go into full blown OHSS if we leave it til weds, so final Menopur tonight and then in first thing Monday. Bit down about it all because my ovaries just haven't played nicely at all, the bastards. Bloody ovarian shits. Oh well.