secondary infertility

[mumtosammy]

i have been trying for a second baby for 2 years with no luck (it took 12 months with DS - he's now 3.8). i've just been referred by my dr to an infertility clinic, as he thinks i'm probably not ovulating (tests have not shown anything else up). anyone else out there had an experience of this? think the next steps will be a hycosy and then clomid, any tips or advice on what to ask at the appointment much appreciated!
anyone else out there struggling with the thought of a growing age gap and sadness that their DS might not have another sibling? also feeling that we're getting further and further away from the 'baby stage', it seems so long ago.
also the process of infertility appointments seems so long! we've already been in the system months having the gp appointments and still not got the hospital date.
anyone else feel like this?

Don't panic, Allchat - all pregnancies feel different - I had definite AF-y cramps and all was well. I know I might as well say "try not to breathe", but staying calm is the best thing you can do for yourself at the moment. xxx

Butterflies - might there be another way to get it funded? I get health insurance through work and although they don't pay for fertility treatment, when I was combing through the smallprint, I spotted that they do pay for investigations, so I managed to get all my pre-IVF screening done that way. Might you have insurance through work or your bank or something?

My lap didn't show any endometriosis, but it did show up that one of my tubes was blocked shut, and also that they'd managed to loop one of my tubes round my uterus and pull it out of shape. One of my ovaries was no longer aligned with the tube, so any eggs would just have dropped into my abdominal cavity, so I was effectively working with one side only, and then the misalignment of the uterus interfered with implantation and almost certainly caused my miscarriage. But the good news, is that it was all fixable. Sadly, too late for me, but I'd encourage anybody who can to get the investigations done asap.

You didn't comment on the sperm donation possibility - is that something that dh/dp would have issues with? xxx

Yep, I've pulled myself together a bit thanks purple. Shouldn't read too much before bed.

Can I ask why you had lap? Why did they expect endometriosis?

No - it was just that I'd had all the tests, everything had come back fine and then I mentioned that I'd had a c-section. They were looking for adhesions rather than endometriosis, but actually the first thing they said when I came round was "you don't have any endometriosis" - it surprised me at the time, but if it's also a consequence of c-sections, then perhaps it shouldn't have.

mmm. thanks purple. I've stopped worrying for the time being. I just posted a thread about early testing…..isn't it awful how you try and do everything that you know is best for you, but your mind starts to wander and then you waiver….

Thinking of you both today purple and allchat.

Thank you. Not pregnant here. I knew it. Tested about 5am. Still have the tears trickling but I'm ok. Convinced myself I have undiagnosed endo and need a lap done to investigate. Everything went so well in cycle, I know it's got something to do with implantation.

I just wanted to be able to tell my little girl at Christmas and to get a baby sis or bro for her before her 7th birthday. It's this pressure that upsets me most.

Not going to put pessary in today and just hope AF turns up soon.

Thinking of you purple
X

Sending you a big hug, Allchat. It's the same here. I was also having that fantasy of telling DS at Christmas...last night, he told me once again that he'd really like a little brother or sister...and I was so hopeful.

We've reached the end of the road with my eggs. We promised each other two fresh cycles and we've done that - plus one frozen cycle - so I'm ready to draw a line under it. We have agreed to explore options with donor eggs though and give that a go. It seems that neither of us are ready to accept that ds should be an only child.

Bless you purple. How crushing. Hope you are holding on in there. At least having one kid keeps us going.

I know it's been a long road for you, but all is not lost. Just need to find an alternative route and I think you seem like you have already got your head around it a little.

Keep trying and keep focused. It will happen for us. X

Thanks, Allchat. I'm one of life's contingency planners...I've always got a Plan B up my sleeve! This is sad, but we'll manage. As you say, we are blessed with a beautiful boy and I look at him every day (especially when he's sleeping!) and feel grateful for him.
Take care of yourself xxx

So sorry to both of you. Sending two virtual hugs. Xx

Thanks Sheddie x

Hi, I've not managed to read all the thread and this is the first time I've looked at the infertility threads as I've always been on the conception threads. Have been trying to conceive DC#2 for 21 cycles, now on cycle 22 but not yet at ov point. I feel so disheartened as its been so long & worry that DD will be an only child & it's always been so important to me that she's not. DD is 4 already so were now looking at a 5 year age gap which worries me that they won't have anything in common. I had blood tests a few months ago & a scan earlier this year & everything is fine but my doctor won't help me any further as she says its my age, I'm 38, I was 36 when I started trying.

It amazes me how some doctors are just so unhelpful. See another doctor or change practise. You didn't mention your partners tests though?

My GP has never suggested that my OH has any tests she's just said its my age I'm not producing as many eggs & the quality isn't as good, basically made me feel like what do I expect at my age.

Sorry, but your doctor is frankly crap. How on earth can she not send your partner for sperm analysis? Men's sperm change over their lifetimes and it should always be looked at in parallel to you. Ie. he should be tested the same time you are being tested. Your doc is right about egg quality over 35, but you did start trying at 36. The general rule is help should be seeked after 6 months of actively ttc if you are over 35, not to just ignore you because you are over 35! Sorry, but it makes me cross.
Good luck, but I strongly advise you go back and see a more knowledgeable/helpful doctor.

BobsyBoo. Just to add this is what happened when I was faced with secondary infertility. Doctor sent me for bloods and internal scan that month and also ensured my smear was up to date and had a chlamydia test (I have been with DH for 12 years by the way). DH was sent for sperm test at same time. This is the very least that should happen.
Also - I massively struggle with the age gap, my DD is fast approaching 7 and asks for a bro or sis weekly. There is naff all I can do but keep trying, so I'm just trying to think positively about that side of things (helping me/babysitting when DD old enough!). I think I'm more worried about how I will adjust to have a baby the wrong side of 35! (it will happen!!!!)

Thanks allchatnicknamesgone. My doctor was really helpful from the beginning, I got sent for a scan because of some bleeding between periods but I mentioned I was TTC, I also had swabs taken for chlamydia (I've been with OH for 5 years). When I went back to speak to her about my scan I was told everything was fine and she suggested I gave the TTC another 3 months then go back, I did and saw another doctor who referred me for blood tests, the tests were fine and when I went back to see my original doctor although she was very sympathetic to how I felt she just said it was down to my age.

It's so hard isn't it when they want a sibling, my DD is 4 and she has mentioned it a few times and yesterday she said she had dreamt that a baby came out of my tummy, if only! I know we are lucky to have one but that desire for a sibling for them is so strong.

I think you need to go back and ask for OH to be tested. Whats' the point of solely testing you, if there could be an issue with his sperm. I think that is a bit negligent of your doctor.
Maybe dig a bit deeper about what they actually tested for when they took your bloods too - thyroid etc?

how is everyone doing? i had my hsg last week and just waiting for the results.

Hi MumtoSammy - how are you?
We've been exploring the donor egg situation. We had an amazing offer of a donation from my cousin's daughter and we're looking into the possibilities of that. Our clinic was quite positive - we just have to line up some counselling for everyone - it's compulsory with DE.
I still have waves of sadness about things not working with our own eggs, but it's more important to me to have baby than for it to be biologically mine.

Hi mumtosammy. All ok here. On second month of Clomid…but feeling like I'm losing hope a bit. If it doesn't work this month I am going to book in for my HSG. What was it like? Do you know how long you have to wait for your results?

Hi purple. Donor eggs would seem like a logical step after IVF. Definitely something I would consider if I was in your position. I'm sure counselling is a good idea as well - there must be a lot to think through.

Hi mumtosammy
The hsg I had didn't work and so I am due to have a laparoscopy and dye - there's a 3 month waiting list so timing wise end of January/February time. So I've been putting ttc to the back of my head for a while and we took 2 months off - it's actually been a huge relief knowing I'm not even likely to be pregnant. I've put a bit more effort into other stuff and spending time with non-Nct people.

Purplemeggie - wow big news!

Sheddie - good luck with the clomid!

Hi all
tomatoplantproject, sorry to hear your hsg didnt work and now you have to wait again for a lap and dye. did they tell you at the time that it hadnt worked? i still havent heard back from mine yet, he didnt indicate anything at the time about what he saw (which they said he might do) and i'm struggling now with the wait. it's the final test before i see the consultant. it's been almost 2 weeks - has anyone else got any ideas how long it usually takes to hear back from these kinds of tests? I heard back practically straight away after my pelvic ultrasound scan. also not sure how long then until i'll see the consultant... i suppose it all depends how booked up she is.
sheddie, fingers crossed for your clomid this month. tbh, I did find the hsg painful but it varies from person to person so maybe i was unlucky there. and it was over fast so at least it's done with now. i can see why you would want to rule things out too, but hopefully the clomid will work its magic...
purple meggie, good luck with it all. fingers crossed with the counselling. it sounds positive and what a wonderful offer, people are amazing!

I could tell at the time the hsg wasn't working - the dye basically pooled where it was being injected and they couldn't get any clear readings, so no surprise when we told it was inconclusive. So we're now waiting. Although I have a big and boozy hen weekend this weekend with the wedding in a few weeks time which at least I can drink at and enjoy.

In my head I've decided it will be at least 6 months before we get close to having any treatment, regardless of the problem. Which is helping being patient with waiting between tests and appointments, and also with getting on with life, rather than booking stuff and then thinking that I might be pregnant when that comes around (iyswim).

Hi girls, I just thought I'd post in case my experience helps any of you. I am currently ten weeks pregnant with number two after ttc for more than 18 months. After three months of Clomid which didn't work I had all the usual tests including an HSG (which I found fine, not painful at all) and my husband had a sperm test. All our tests came back without finding anything wrong - in fact everything looked really good. We decided to do IVF and before we did the consultant asked if we wanted to have some further, ridiculously expensive tests which they don't usually do unless they are trying to work out why multiple rounds of IVF have failed. We felt like we were spending so much money anyway that we might as well do them first rather than possibly have the heart ache of failed iVF and then find out there was something wrong all along. So I had the Recurent Miscarriage blood test (even though I have never had a misscarriage) and my husband had a sperm DNA fragmentation test. Lo and beyhold they both picked up problems - with me it was slightly elevated immune cells (not technical term!) which might cause my body to attack an embryo and much more seriously my husband had high DNA sperm fragmentation of more than 30% (under 15% is normal). These would never have been picked up without those tests - have any of you been offered them? We were told we would have to do ICSI or IMSI instead of normal IVF and we're all set to start in October when I fell pregnant naturally! What a rollercoaster, and of course I am worrying about things going wrong but it shows miracles can happen. Hope that helps some of you. Good luck with it all, it is really miserable and I hope you all have happy outcomes to your stories. X