secondary infertility

[mumtosammy]

i have been trying for a second baby for 2 years with no luck (it took 12 months with DS - he's now 3.8). i've just been referred by my dr to an infertility clinic, as he thinks i'm probably not ovulating (tests have not shown anything else up). anyone else out there had an experience of this? think the next steps will be a hycosy and then clomid, any tips or advice on what to ask at the appointment much appreciated!
anyone else out there struggling with the thought of a growing age gap and sadness that their DS might not have another sibling? also feeling that we're getting further and further away from the 'baby stage', it seems so long ago.
also the process of infertility appointments seems so long! we've already been in the system months having the gp appointments and still not got the hospital date.
anyone else feel like this?

So I've just had the hsg and it seems things are not quite right. It seems at least one of my tubes is blocked, and things aren't altogether working properly. We have to wait now until early November to see the consultant to find out more.

In a way it's a relief to think it is likely there is something physically wrong which hopefully can be sorted. And deeply frustrating to wait another few weeks to find out.

On the down side I'm seeing my Nct group this weekend when they will all be going "I'm pregnant" "oh me too" and I'll be sitting there like a gooseberry. If I could make an excuse not to go I would, but it's a 30th birthday and I could also do without the pity party if they put 2 and 2 together.

On the plus side we have just booked holiday and I will not be spending the whole week symptom spotting. I also might start doing my hot yoga again which I had stopped doing thinking it would be a bad idea if I was pregnant to be doing it.

Good luck to those further down the line xx

Hi Tomato . It's good when they work out what the problem is, isn't it? Hopefully they can unblock/stick you and sort it all out. Are you around the 30 mark, too? If so, then you're still young and if they can unstick your tubes, you should have a good chance of conceiving. Here's hoping.

OP I'm not currently TTC but am 14 weeks pregnant with No1. Took us almost two years and my not ovulating was our big issue. My progesterone levels were down at something really low like 8. I realised I had a problem by using my basal body temperature and reading Understanding your Fertility book.

So far during this pregnancy I've struggled with HG and the whole TTC process +3 cycles of clomid + the HG means this may very likely be our first and last.

Its a painful process if you go down the Clomid route but worthwhile.

Hi purple - am 37 which isn't ideal but is still ok I think. And yes hopefully they can sort out any issues - I am just feeling a bit of a failure right now. Onwards and upwards eh?

Congratulations, Toavoid - hope the HG abates.

Tomato take heart, that's still spring chicken territory on the fertility boards ;-). Out of interest, did you have a c-section with dd? When I had my hsg, they said there is a halo effect for about 3 months afterwards when lots of people conceive, so fingers crossed that could happen to you x

Thanks purple - and my age is certainly something I can't do anything about! I had an emcs with dd - I've been wondering if that might have something to do with it. Who knows. I guess I'll find out in due course and yes we're not going to stop trying in the meantime. Although I am giving up giving up alcohol.

Hi everyone. Hope you are feeling ok Tomato after the HSG. I'm sure your appt will be here before you know it and at least you can get some answers.
I am in the dreaded 2ww now after my first Clomid month. I am not feeling very hopeful as I haven't really had any symptoms. No ovulation pain or anything. Did you get bad symptoms on Clomid Toavoid?
Also found out yesterday that the only other NCT friend who only had one baby is pregnant with twins. Can't help feeling gutted that I am not the only one with one.

Keeping everything crossed for you Sheddie - the 2WW is so hard. Hoping it's good news at the end.

Sorry for the delay in responding, we’ve been away for a week. The appointment went well, thanks sheddie. The consultant was really knowledgeable and nice. She has arranged for me to have an HSG and an ultrasound to check everything is clear, and if it all comes back fine, will see me again to arrange clomid. I’m happy with that, and I’m feeling much more positive now I’ve seen her, as she said my egg store was really good, and everything was showing fine except progesterone which was low (same as you, I think?)
She also said the success rate for clomid would be 60%, which made me feel better (but without allowing myself to get my hopes up…!)
How are things going with everyone else? Have you started on the clomid now Sheddie, how are you finding it?

the last few messages didnt come up before i typed that last message, sorry everyone!
so now seen what's been happening.
tomatoplantproject, hope you are feeling ok about things, it must have been a hard appointment.
sheddie, hope you get some good news from your first round of clomid.
purplemeggie, thanks for your advice on the age gaps, that really does help. also the consultant said the same to me about HSG's giving you a good chance to conceive in the following months... interesting stuff.

MumtoSammy some hot flushes and some funny discharge, the latter just on Clomid days.

Fingers crossed sheddie for the 2ww.

Had a really low weekend - saw all of my pregnant Nct friends and it was as bad as I had feared. Luckily I had an escape plan and came home and had a good cry on dh. I hope the tears are now out of my system and I can regain my more normal positive outlook. I honestly feel like I'm having to let go of a dream of having children close together who will go through the early years hand in hand.

Am starting to feel more philosophical about things - we are seeing the consultant in a few weeks and preparing ourselves for bad news. And as a friend said this morning if they find something wrong at least we can work on a solution - even if that ends up being ivf. I'm starting to seriously look for a job, if only to give me something else to focus my energy on and a way to raise some more funds.

And a final thought - I'm sure I read a study recently that said that second siblings tend to do better in life if there is a large age gap with the first child (and I say that as a second child).

My heart goes out to you, Tomato - I remember feeling exactly that way about all my NCT friends popping out their second and third babies - the youngest third child is now two and a half .

It sounds to me though, as if you are sorting out your head - I always think that at our darkest moments, we can't work out what it is that we need to do to help ourselves, and you are clearly working out the things you need to do to make yourself feel better. And IVF feels like such a big step - for me it was an absolute last resort - to be honest, I did it for dh, who really wanted to feel that we'd tried everything and for ds, who keeps asking for a sibling. For myself, I was very reluctant, but actually, once I'd got over the psychological hurdle, the IVF itself has been so much less painful - physically and psychologically, than I expected.

I'm on my second full cycle now (one fresh cycle in April, one FET in July) and if this doesn't work, we won't try again. Certainly not with my eggs, anyway. But I'm glad we did, and have tried this and that we have cleared one of the "what ifs" out of the way.

I had some good news today: I have seven good-sized follicles developing, which is two more than I had last time, and it looks as if my egg collection will be on Monday.

Big hugs and good wishes to all of you.

I hope you had a good week away mumtosammy. It sounds as if your appointment was quite similar to mine. I actually think you are better off having a scan first though. I wish my consultant had done that. I don't see the point in taking Clomid if there is a chance my tubes are blocked!

Really sorry you've been feeling down tomatoplant. I can totally understand how you must have felt meeting up with all you pregnant NCT friends. I really wouldn't worry about the age gap thing. On the positive side I am sure it will be easier at the beginning if your DD is a bit older! There's a 6 year gap between me and my DSis and we get on brilliantly.

purple, when does your IVF cycle start. How are you feeling about it?

Thanks purple and sheddie - I'm determined I won't drown in self pity though and just get on with what needs to be done (as it were). Which I think for me is having something to think about other than having more babies. In a way I'm fortunate that I know a number of people who have successfully had ivf so if we do end up going down that route it doesn't feel like such a huge deal.

Good luck purple with the ivf - it certainly sounds promising (I think).

Tomatoplantproject I completely understand how you feel about letting go of the dream of having two little ones growing up close in age. I went through the exact same feelings. I do now feel that I’ve let go of that more. It took a while, but I think I’ve gone through the ‘grieving’ for that old idea of what a family should be, as I had a really bad patch of it earlier this year, and now I’ve come out the other side feeling more flexible on it all, like it would be ok with 5 or 6 years between children. I would have been horrified at that to start with. Now I can see the benefits too, like if there’s a big age gap you get to appreciate the early years all over again, giving them both the focused attention when they’re tiny.
I really feel for you though, it’s not easy at these kinds of occasions.

Good luck with your egg collection PurpleMeggie, fingers and toes crossed for you, it sounds like you’re in a good starting place so best of luck x
How are you feeling about things during the 2WW Sheddie?
I have my appointment for the ultrasound scan now (Tuesday) and still waiting to book my HSG. I really want to get started on Clomid now (all being clear with the scans of course) – it’s hard not to get your hopes up though isn’t it? did you feel ok on the 5 days you took it?

Hi mumtosammy. The 2WW has been as difficult as ever. I had some spotting and some stabbing pains this week which I obviously started thinking were implantation symptoms! I was also sick when I came home from work last night but I'm fine again today so some weird things going on. I went and did a test today which was negative but I don't know why I did it because I'm not even due on until Weds!
I have a feeling I am going to be disappointed.
It was fine over the days I was taking the tablets. I took them at night - not sure if that makes any difference. However I have been really tired all month - to the point where people keep telling me I look tired which is very irritating! Other than that I wouldn't say I have really noticed any symptoms.
I hope the scan goes well on Tuesday - I bet you just want to get started on the Clomid now.
I'll let you all know if I have any good news next week!

Oh, Sheddie keep strong and don't worry about the -ve test (I'm certainly not going to dignify that one with a "BF" - this early, you def. don't need to count it). When I was pregnant with ds, I tested 4 days before AF, because I supposedly had super-sensitive tests and we were going out for dinner with someone who would frown upon me not having a glass or two of red with dinner. So I tested, and concluded that I could drink. 4 days later and no AF, I tested again and got the faintest of faint lines. He's nearly 7 now. Good luck xxx

Thanks purple, that's given me some hope! I really appreciate your support. xx

sheddie i had the same thing when i had my ds. it showed negative and then a couple of days was positive. i know you probably dont want to get your hopes up too much, but just so you dont write it off yet...

also it does sound like there's some symptoms there, i completely understand why you felt the need to do a test, so fingers crossed for you for next week. :)

Thanks mumtosammy. I've just read a thread on here about a sickness bug where you just throw up once so I think I can rule that out as a symptom! I feel really weird though so if I'm not pregnant Clomid clearly makes you feel like you are, which is a bit ironic I guess.

Hello Tomato I have a DS and a DD with nearly 5 years between them (3 miscarriages between them) and although it is a largish gap, they are really, really close. I love seeing them being friends as well as siblings.

Unfortunately AF has arrived so no luck with my first month of Clomid. Feeling pretty gutted. I allowed myself to get my hopes up which was silly.
Annoyingly I can't get started on a second month because I know my DP will be away in the crucial week so no point wasting the tablets.
Onwards and upwards I guess.

Sorry to hear that, Sheddie. Sending a big hug x

sorry to hear that sheddie, hope you are not feeling too down. it must be frustrating about next month. just think though, another good chance in two months.

i had an ultrasound on tues and they said all looked fine, so just waiting to book the hsg now. it was great to hear the ultrasound was clear, but it hit me all over again how wierd the whole situation was - if you know what i mean, no physical problem, yet nothing ever happens, month after month...