secondary infertility

[mumtosammy]

i have been trying for a second baby for 2 years with no luck (it took 12 months with DS - he's now 3.8). i've just been referred by my dr to an infertility clinic, as he thinks i'm probably not ovulating (tests have not shown anything else up). anyone else out there had an experience of this? think the next steps will be a hycosy and then clomid, any tips or advice on what to ask at the appointment much appreciated!
anyone else out there struggling with the thought of a growing age gap and sadness that their DS might not have another sibling? also feeling that we're getting further and further away from the 'baby stage', it seems so long ago.
also the process of infertility appointments seems so long! we've already been in the system months having the gp appointments and still not got the hospital date.
anyone else feel like this?

Sorry that should say "chance"- blooming autocorrect!!!

hi everyone it's a bfn for me this month. really disappointed as i'd stupidly got my hopes up about symptoms i was having.
feeling a bit like giving up now for the first time... the age gap is now a minimum of 5 and a half and i'm wondering what i'm doing....

Sorry to read that Mummy2Sammy. I feel your sadness. If you feel it's time to give up, then maybe it's at least time for a rest? How old are you?

I'm 40 at the end of the year and I've given myself until them - then it's time to move on. Enjoy the gifts we do have an enjoy the life we lead.

Sending you lots of gentle hugs. Xxxx

Hi MumtoSammy

So sorry to hear it's a bfn. You said that this is the first month you've had a positive with an opk. Does that mean it's the first month you've ovulated since you started trying? In which case, it seems a shame to stop if whatever treatment you are having is starting to work. How are you feeling now that the disappointment isn't so fresh? X

I'm trying not to get too hung up on the age gap. I have three younger brothers and I actually get on best with the youngest who is 7 years younger than me. We're getting a puppy in a couple of weeks - we have always wanted to get one but had been planning on waiting until we had another baby but as that's not working out we decided to give our son a doggy pal instead of a sibling for now as I feel like he needs a playmate in the house!

hi laptop and closephine, thanks for your kind messages. i've calmed down now and feel better. doing a test is quite a bleak feeling, isn't it.
thanks for your words about the age gap closephine, i'm too hung up on it. i dont understand how it would work as me and everyone around me seemed to have 2 year age gaps growing up, and now that's what our families and friends all have too... i keep wondering how family days out would work etc etc.
i am 37 so i think i will set an age point at which we'll stop too, laptop. for now, we'll keep going - 3 more months of clomid.
how is everyone else doing?

Hi MumtoSammy

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. I am trying to look at the age gap in a positive way, in that if we do manage to fall pregnant, our little boy will be almost certainly at school by the time we have a baby and in which case there will be more time to devote to and spend with the baby. I was also 'the oldest' from when I was 22 months old and I do feel like a lot more was expected of me than I expect of my little boy (I already had 2 younger brothers by the time I was his age) so I try and think of it as a positive thing that he doesn't have that label to contend with just yet (but maybe one day.... We can but dream huh!).

My husband and I had an appointment with the lead consultant at our hospital today. We had requested a few questions be answered before going ahead with IUI. They have taken 2 blood tests from me, they are going to test my thyroid and possibly egg reserve (does that sound right?). I had so many questions I've got a bit confused. He is however the first person to tell us that my husbands sperm count is too low and is probably impacting things. He has had 2 analyses both of which came back borderline and until today they have been brushed off as 'fine' and 'unlikely to be a problem' however this consultant said it's likely a sperm issue and therefore we should go ahead with IUI from next month. They are going to give us 3 months of that and if still no joy I will have a laparoscopy (not keen on that idea so really hoping for a miracle before then!)

Hi I've just spent two hours reading this thread. Wow it is so nice to know I'm not alone! DD is 3.5 and we've been TTC since Oct 13. She was conceived after 9 months naturally but I did have an E-c-sec which has left me wondering! No bfp's at all so we've just started tests. Day 21 bloods ok, just waiting for pelvic U/S appt to come through. MIL offered us support to go private today - how sweet of her. I'm tired now but will post more tomorrow. Just wanted to say hi xx

Hi sapb102, sorry you find yourself here as well. Sounds like you are on a similar timeline to us, we had our little boy in September 2011 and it took us 6 months ttc. We have been trying again since August 2013 and as yet, not a single bfp either. Good luck with you tests, I hope you get some answers!

I started to read back through this thread earlier in the hope of finding some positive outcomes but couldn't find any :( I'm hoping that people either forget about the thread once they have found out that they are pregnant or that they feel it might be rubbing others noses in it to announce happy news (it wouldn't! If you are reading this and have conceived a second child after a long time trying, please share I need some hope that it does happen!)

Hi all. I was a success story closephine85 - I did announce it so maybe you missed it (it is a long thread now!). I think there was one other as well - please don't give up hope everyone. We got our BFP through IVF in the end after trying Clomid for 5 months (2 years of trying naturally). I have to say biting the bullet and going private was the best decision we made (but it comes down to whether finances of course).
I'm now 14 wks pregnant and unfortunately having a very difficult pregnancy with lots of unexplained bleeding, but hoping things will continue ok.
I still follow the thread and willing good news for you all. xx

hi sheddie, i was going to point out your success story but didn't want to be presumptious.
glad to hear you're at 14 weeks now, that's great news. sorry to hear about the difficulties though, that sounds very stressful. fingers crossed that everything works itself out. if it helps at all, i did have a couple of occasions of unexplained bleeding with my ds (one very heavy and painful) and everything worked out ok.
take care of yourself and all the best for the next few months.
We did have another success story around May time as well, if that helps everyone!!

Hi all,

Another who recently spent ages reading your stories. Thinking of you all and sorry it was a bfn mumtosammy

I kept meaning to post and never seemed to have chance to write an indepth reply as I wanted to, to acknowledge everyone. We have recently done IVF which failed and then miraculously I found myself pregnant a cycle later. It's unbelievable after needing IVF for our son, then an ectopic too last year so it's still sinking in and early days but I know we are really bloody lucky.

Anyway, I debated about posting, I hope it was the right thing to do but what propels me to for certain was this article on secondary infertility which hit so many nails on the head for me and which I also found positive and comforting - I hope it is of some small help.

mamalode.com/story/detail/secondary-infertility-hope

Thank you mumtosammy. It is quite comforting to hear that others have had bleeding and went on to have successful pregnancies. It's the fact no one can explain why it is happening that is quite frustrating. Every day I get through is a bit further along so I'm hoping everything will be ok. Wishing you lots of luck with your next month of Clomid.

Thanks Closephine! My Ultrasound is booked for next Tuesday (finally) and I'm currently on day 26 really hoping for a bfp this month (although this month should be any different....) at least I've got the U/S and can start of the journey of finding out if anything is wrong. At least it feels like we can start to feel like a time will come where we can make some decisions! I hate Limbo land as I call it.

Hawaiibaby thanks for the link. I'll take a read!

Sheddie my friend was telling just yesterday that she had a big bleed and then had smaller bleeding for about 6 weeks. Her boy was fine and he's just turned 1. Hope that helps x

Hi all

Sorry for the slow reply. Great to hear there are some success stories out there! Congratulations Sheddie and hawaiibaby :)

Sheddie I too bled during my pregnancy, i was wrongly told I'd had a missed miscarriage which thankfully turned out to be wrong! I have since been told I have a cervical erosion, they can bleed due to hormonal changes - is it possible you could have something like that? In which case it would be completely unrelated to baby.

I am in the middle of the dreaded 2ww. This is our last month of trying naturally before starting IUI next month. I think it would be just a bit too perfect if it fell into place this month. I was given an injection of Ovitrelle to inject myself but I decided against it (I used it last month and I don't think it did anything different) as I just wanted to have one last fully natural go at it. Is that silly to refuse the drugs? I wonder if anyone here can advise actually... We can either have natural IUI or stimulated (injections etc) - so far our tests have only indicated a problem with hubby's sperm (count and motility are just a little on the low side) so I am tempted to pick natural for a couple of cycles. What does everyone/anyone think???

Thank you Sapb102 and closephine85. It does sound like this bleeding thing is a lot more common than you realise. The midwives and doctors don't seem to be that bothered about trying to find out what is causing it. I guess at this stage in pregnancy they know that there is nothing that can be done to help and what will be will be.

My view on the medicated or natural subject, for it's worth, is that it probably depends on your age. I am 37 so really felt I had to get on with things and go medicalised asap. If I was younger (don't know if 85 is your birth year?) then I probably would have tried naturally for longer.

Thanks Sheddie, yes that's my birth year so I am 30. I know that gives me an advantage but at the same time I find it really frustrating that even though we tried to start our family youngish (I was 26 when my little boy was born and wanted to have had a second child before I turned 30) it isn't working out. AF arrived on my 30th birthday and I was so gutted that day :( sorry I've seayed off topic there! Part of me thinks just throw it all at it, drugs the lot... and part of me is so sad that it's come to this and would like to try natural just to see first as it might help answer where the problem is coming from at the very least.

You're right about bleeding being very common. When it happened to me, almost everyone I spoke to said it had happened to them too and they all had babies to show for it at the end! I do remember the Drs not being that fussed about it too, I remember calling NHS direct because mine started on a Saturday and they just told me to lie down and go to the GP on Monday. What would be would be.

Swayed*

Hi all, very new to this.
Well im 24 with a beautiful boy who is coming up 4, we have been trying for our second for 2 and a half years with a miscarage about 8 months in. Have just been refered to a fertility clinic by my dr. Blood test showed that all seems to look ok with me. Although i am so grateful and blessed to have my son who fills our lives with so much love and joy the thought of him not having a sibling breaks my heart and has now started asking for a brother or sister. I have so many feelings worry, sadness, anger with myself. I convince myself every month that this is the one and am left feeling gutted when it isnt. Sorry for the long post but after such a long time i just needes to share with others in my position and hopefully recive some hope amd advice thankyou

Hi JP. Sorry to see yourself on this thread too. But a warm welcome.

Hello everyone else how are is everyone doing? mumsnet's issues meant I couldn't sign in for a bit but finally sorted it. Now to re/install my app so I remember to check in more
Often.

Mid cycle for me this month. Not holding out much hope but we gave it a fair shot considering DH has a rotten cold and we have both been totally exhausted after our little boy has been really poorly with a stay in hospital. He's on the mend now and next month, if we find this month hasn't worked, we will be trying our best again.

A friend suggested googling infertility and gluten free diet. Anyone tried it?

Hi all

Jp2130 so sorry you find yourself here as well. I also have an almost 4 year old and have been ttc for 2 years. He starts nursery 5 days a week tomorrow and it feel like a bit wrench and highlights the fact he doesn't have a sibling to take my mind off missing him (I work from home and around him).

Laptopgirl so sorry to hear you little one has been poorly, must have been such a worry. Glad to hear he is on the mend now though. Hugs and best wishes to him for a speedy recovery!

I am on month one of IUI but due to a mix up with our notes we are having natural rather than stimulated so I'm not holding out a great deal of hope. But who knows... I'm only on day 6 at the moment and have a long cycle so it will be a little while before anything happens and ironically looking like I will likely find out if it has/hasn't worked on my little boys 4th birthday!

Laptopgirl I eat a mainly gluten free diet as I think I have an intolerance, I've never been tested and I dont think I have full blown celiac disease but I am definitely better off gluten. However I just had a little Google of specifically fertility related and it seems to suggest high protein... That's me eating a 6 egg omelete for dinner :)

I also read another post on here about a lady who fell pregnant after taking coenzyme q10 (after 5 failed rounds of ivf) so I have started taking that as figure it can do no harm. I am also taking vitamin b6 as remembered I had been taking that for a few months when I fell pregnant with my son.

It's hard isn't it, there are so many supplements, diets etc tailored towards fertility but how do you know which one is right for you?! (If any!)

I know what you mean - it's a mind field.

Thanks for the well wishes my little man seems to be a lot better. ????????

Off to google coenzyme now.....

How is everyone doing? Apologies for the long time off here - all the mumsnet issues caused me a bit of a headache getting back to this thread! We have now had our Pelvic U/S and all looked good and now have had day 1 bloods as the doc wanted more info before referring me to a consultant. DH also has to go for a second semen analysis. Do any of you ever get the feeling the docs are stalling for time? Its been 4 months since we first went to docs :O

I also saw a nutritionist last night. She believes my insulin is spiking throughout the day so wants me to change the way I eat a bit. Also I'm going to do a detox over 6 weeks that includes removing gluten and no more tea first thing in the morning (eek!) Lets see what she recommends in her report! She did mention 2 portions of oily fish per week but no more if you are trying to conceive. Has anyone else sought out advice from a nutritionist?

Hi sapb102, in the middle of the tww over here. AF will likely arrive on ds's 4th birthday which sucks! Bought some early tests so that I can at least try and get over my disappointment before his birthday. It's over a year since we first went to the Drs and I feel like all the tests we have had could have been done in a couple of months if they'd really wanted too. We were supposed to be having our first month of IUI this month but unfortunately I ovulated over the weekend so it wasn't possible to have it.

I've not consulted a nutritionist but it sounds like it's worth a try. I stopped eating gluten over a year ago as I self diagnosed myself with an intolerance and it made me feel so much better straight away. its hard though, if it's of any use the 'genius' range of gluten free foods are the ones I have found to be the most tasty. You can buy it in waitrose and tesco I think.

Hello everyone. How are we all doing the mumsnet problems have made this group harder to keep up with. Does anyone fancy a 'secret Facebook group' instead?