secondary infertility

[mumtosammy]

i have been trying for a second baby for 2 years with no luck (it took 12 months with DS - he's now 3.8). i've just been referred by my dr to an infertility clinic, as he thinks i'm probably not ovulating (tests have not shown anything else up). anyone else out there had an experience of this? think the next steps will be a hycosy and then clomid, any tips or advice on what to ask at the appointment much appreciated!
anyone else out there struggling with the thought of a growing age gap and sadness that their DS might not have another sibling? also feeling that we're getting further and further away from the 'baby stage', it seems so long ago.
also the process of infertility appointments seems so long! we've already been in the system months having the gp appointments and still not got the hospital date.
anyone else feel like this?

I use a clearblue fertility monitor mummy2sammy I've had highs and expecting peak today / tomorrow.

My doctor is meant to be phoning to discuss HSG results so will ask if the period type pains are normal.

How are you doing feeling ATM? Hope life is calm for you. ????????

hi laptop I'm doing ok thanks. am a bit worried that I haven't ovulated on the Clomid because of not getting a positive, but I did have the cm signs of ovulating a few days back so hoping for the best. varying between worrying about that and then symptom spotting (have been feeling sick in mornings). probably just the Clomid effects still.
how are you feeling? good news on your cfm highs.

Maybe your ok wasn't strong enough to pick up a peak on the test stick. Take heart in the positive signs as I fell pregnant with my little man on highs on my CBFM, I didn't have a peak that month at all.

Dr phone and just read results from a report. Used lingo I didn't understand and tbh felt it was a waste of time her phoning. I did remember the phrases she used and quickly googled after to learn everything's normal with my tubes but I have endometriosis slightly.

Weird as last time I had PCOS when having fertility testing. All seems very odd.

hi laptop
sorry to hear the doctor was rubbish - how can they think that talking in jargon is useful?
i'm not sure what that means either, if you had pcos diagnosed before. could it mean you no longer have it, or perhaps the hsg wouldnt pick up pcos? sorry to hear about the endometriosis. i suppose the thing to hang onto from it all is that your tubes are not blocked...
I had a positive opk yesterday! i got really excited, it's the first time in 3 years of trying i've ever had one! trying not to get my hopes up about it, but it's hard isnt it. we have a good chance now at least. and i'm really happy that the clomid seems to be working for me again.
hope everyone else is ok.
sheddie, are you still around? how are you doing?

That's fab news M2S! Sorry for lazy abrev. ???? I hope it all works this month. ????????????

I'm still waiting for a peak and hoping today I might will test when I get home from work.

Then we can symptom spit together. ????????????

Symptom spot! Bother the iPhone Autof*ckup. Xx

hey laptop hope you got your positive. I had another positive today!! really confused now about what's going on. it's day 21 for me today.? so in theory not in fertile window now. anyone else had experience of ongoing peak for a few days.? hope everyone is ok.

Hey everyone.

I'm new here. I've been TTC no 2 for four years now and building up to IVF attempt 2. I'm feeling really lonely in my situation at the moment so decided meeting people like me might help.

I know they say secondary infertility affects 1 in 6 couples but I don't know anyone else in our position out of dozens of couple friends. All our pals have got 2 now (or 'completed their family' as a lot of our friends have decided to phrase it!) No-one really 'gets' how hard it is. I think they think 'oh well you've got one child so chin up' but it still hurts so much.

I'm just going to get some things off my chest - but this is fully aware that I'm lucky to have one child and there are people worse off than me...

This week has been particularly trying. My colleague pushed her scan photo in my hand and said something like 'Yey! We're expecting number two' and I just pictured the next six months, if our IVF fails, of watching her bump grow whilst I'm really sad. (I know i need to try to stay positive and i am trying, i promise!!)

Then another friend posted a photo of FB of her daughter holding their scan and a sign saying 'I'm a big sister' and I just had to unfollow her!! My daughter asks all the time when she'll have a brother or sister and it is heart wrenching. So that made me feel really bad. And then I feel bad that I can't be happy for my friend. Argh!!

Plus I've had a few people say this week, 'its just not meant to be'. Is that not the worst thing to hear? Especially from people who've got multiple kids. So it was meant to be for you, but it's not for me? I know people just don't know what to say and are trying to be comforting but that particular phrase really gets my goat!

Thanks for reading. Just needed a vent! Would love to hear back from anyone on here at the mo in the same position x

Hi MLP79

I'm in a similar situation to you, been trying to conceive a second child for 2 years now. Our little boy is almost 4. I feel like I am surrounded by pregnant people. Just this morning I was at a party and I overheard someone mention that 3 people from her NCT group are already pregnant again (her baby isn't even one) and I happen to know one of my friends is in her group. I found myself dreading finding out that she could be one of them and I feel terrible thinking like that.

I feel the same guilt about my son missing out on having siblings. He's a happy little chap but he's always desperate to have friends round to play and it makes me sad and wish he had a sibling to play with.

Have your doctors found any reason for your infertility? As yet ours is 'unexplained' which is so hard in itself - if there is nothing wrong why am I not pregnant?!

Sorry - not sure how much help this message is, but at least you're not alone. I found myself on here as I'm having a 'down' day and felt the need to respond to you!

Hi closephine85

Thanks for your reply. Yes ours is 'unexplained' too and the docs keep saying 'there's no reason you shouldn't get pregnant naturally' but I just feel that is so unlikely now. (That said, a lady in my office has just fallen naturally after four years trying trying after her first, so there is hope out there).

I dread it too. I hate it because I'd love to share in my friends happiness but I just can't at first. People are really insensitive too, I've found, even those who know about our problems. But I guess people just can't hide how happy they are and I need to deal with it!!

On the positive side, I've just booked in for some infertility reflexology. I'd try anything at this point!

Are you going through / thinking of IVF or anything? X

Sounds like our doctors. I'm just finding so hard to accept that there is nothing 'wrong' how can there not be? I keep looking at my son and thinking 'how on earth did we manage to get you then?' :)

Yes, it takes me a bit of time too. Luckily at this stage most of my friends are still on their first as we started a little earlier. I think when they start having more that's when I'll really struggle (can't bear the thought of not having managed by then!!)

We have been offered to try IUI starting in October - have you tried this? I would like some further investigations first, because I don't want to waste it if there is something underlying that hasn't been found yet. So far I've had HSG, blood tests and folicle tracking all of which have been fine. My husbands sperm analyses have both come back borderline but no one has seemed overly concerned about that as they are still 'normal' just low normal? Are there any other tests you have had I could possible ask for?

When do you start your ivf? We had said that it is too expensive and I can't bear the thought of spending all that money for it to fail! But then I looked briefly into overseas adoption and that also seemed to cost a small fortune and be full of heartache stories too so now I'm not sure?! X

hi mlp75 and closephine. sorry to hear of your situations. all I can say is that I completely understand everything you're feeling. people just dont understand it when you've already got a child but I know how much it hurts. I totally understand the conflict of feelings when someone announces a pregnancy, wanting to be happy for them but feeling bitter it's not you. I too have a workmate about to embark on the pregnancy journey and wondering how I'll manage to sit next to her for the next 6 months...
good luck to you both.

Hi

Mumtosammy, I haven't read all this thread cos it is pretty long but I see you're the OP. so I guess you're still in the same position as when you first posted? I so, I'm sorry. I know how it feels to have another year tick over with no success.

Closephine85, we're not suitable for IUI due to hubby's low motility. In the last two years of saving for and having treatment, his tests have gone from 2% to 1% to 0% (it should be 4%. The doc said not to worry about the 0% cos 'it's not that different to 1%' but unsuprisngly I didn't find that comforting!!!). I really hope it works for you. At least it is much cheaper than IVF so you can have a few goes. Are you going ahead with it soon?

I've had the hormone tests that show I do ovulate each month but also that I have low reserve so time is of the essence (I'm 36 now). The only test I've not had is for blocked tubes. Ideally we should have had this done before the IVF but the clinic told us we didn't need it cos IVF bypasses your tubes - but I realise now I definitely need to do it. You have to phone on the first day of your period to get an appt and when I phone they're always fully booked and say 'try next month'!

We start IVF 2 at the end of August. It is a big decision because it costs so much. We decided one attempt only, because we don't have loads of money and wanted to keep what's left of our savings for the daughter we have rather than spending it on a 'maybe baby' we don't have. But luckily my in laws offered to pay for a second go.

I have more negative feelings than positive at the moment. I was a 'poor responder' so our chances are only about 20% at most. I'm glad we tried IVF because the possible outcome is so amazing. But I've never felt pain and sadness like when I got my period and knew it had failed. The thought of going through that again is terrifying tbh. Maybe I'm just a wimp?!

And everyone just says 'you might as well, what have you got to lose' and I just marvel at how lucky these people are that they have so little clue about what we've been through. But I know we're so so lucky that we've been given this second chance and I'm really trying to be positive and imagine we'll be the lucky ones this time round. And lots of people do get their BFP so I don't want anyone to be put off by my experience. I'm still glad we tried it.

Ps I've never heard of follicle tracking... I'll go and google it now!

Hi MumtoSammy, thanks for your message - it's strange how much it helps to know you're not alone but at the same time don't want others to be going through this too. Hopefully we will all get happy endings!

MLP79 - folicle tracking is when you have ultrasounds around the time you ovulate and then you can be given an injection to bring on ovulation. I'm not entirely sure of the point as I ovulate naturally anyway and I feel when it happens so can time things pretty well. But at this point I'm willing to try anything. We are doing this for 3 months (this month was the first and it hasn't worked) and then starting IUI in October. Where I live we get 6 free cycles of IUI so we're hoping for a miracle during one of those months.

I think sometimes it's just easier to be negative than get your hopes up isn't it? I've had a few months where I completely convinced myself I was pregnant and the let down was much harder than those when I tell myself I'm not. I wonder if negative thoughts have any impact? I hope not!!

Good luck with your IVF I really hope it works for you this time round. It must be so hard thinking it's your last try so fingers crossed for you x

MLP, yes i'm still in the same position unfortunately. i'm on round 3 of clomid at the moment. i had success with round 2 in March but sadly had a MC.
hoping it will work again for me.
closephine, follicle tracking sounds good - did you have this done privately? my consultant has never mentioned this to me.

Hi MumtoSammy, no it wasn't private but I live on an island and our healthcare isn't NHS. There is no IVF at all here, you have to travel to the UK for it and there is none offered for free. Here you get 6 rounds of IUI for free. I'm not sure how exactly this differs to what you get on the mainland? It makes the IVF option even more expensive for us as we'd have to pay travel and hotels etc too x

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage x

thanks closephine hope you are doing ok this week.
how is everyone else feeling. ? I'm symptom spotting really badly this week! day 30 on sunday, trying to stay calm.

Hi everyone,

I have just read through this thread with real interest. We have been ttc #2 for 2 years now. DS is 3 and was conceived fairly easily (with one mc before him). I thought #2 would come along fairly quickly after we started trying, but apparently not! I've had a host of tests - scans, amh, ovulation and nk cells, and DH has had sperm test. All came back normal. 2 things I have picked up on here: I've not had an HSG - could someone let me know what that is and what it involves? I also had a CSection with DS and there are some thoughts on here that may contribute to secondary infertility - anyone got any more experience on that??

Oh, and I'm 44, so age isn't on my side, but I gave birth to DS1 at 41, so I kind of thought that I was bucking the age odds - again, clearly not!!

Sending good wishes to all those currently in the 2ww. Thanks.

hi joey38, sorry you find yourself here too. i know how frustrating it is. sorry to hear you haven't managed to find out much from your tests so far.
the hsg is a procedure they do to check your tubes aren't blocked - basically they inject die and pump it round your system to see if it can get everywhere it should. it might be useful if, like you say, there is a chance of damage from a c-section. this might reveal itself on the hsg?
I dont know much about post c-section problems as i didnt have one, sorry not to be more help.
just thought i'd reply though and let you know we all understand how you feel.
thanks for the best wishes for the 2ww. i've started feeling very irritable, it seems like standard pmt to me, so i've lost hope a bit today. a few more days will probably tell all anyway...
hope everyone else is ok x

Hi Joey38

I'm afraid I can't be much help either as didn't have a C section with my first. However I have also read a few stories where people have found out after years of trying that their c section had caused complications so definitely worth investigating for you I would have thought.

MumtoSammy how are you doing? You must be coming to the end of your two week wait? Hope you're feeling ok. The waiting is the hardest part! I was just reading back over some previous posts and I saw you had some confusion with the peaks on you clearblue ferility monitor. From what I have read, as soon as it gets a peak the machine goes into auto regardless of wether you put a stick in or not. I think it gives you two peak days followed by a high and then switches to low. I have turned it on to check this out in the past and seen the peaks and highs even though I haven't actually tested. Hope that helps? The sticks are so expensive I tend to cheat a little and only test when I know ovulation is getting close.

I'm just in limbo at the moment as at the very beginning of my cycle. I'm busy compiling a list of questions to ask the consultant at our appointment next week. Hope the poor guy has a few hours!

Hello everyone old and new. Sorry we meet here!

Sorry I can't check back on my phone but the poster who mentioned about the clear blue monitor I find it very sensitive. Some months in the early days I only got 'highs' (middle bar). This cycle I got 3/4 highs one more than I thought before I finally peaked for two days. I don't often do two days for the peaks as I see it as a waste of sticks I've got the info I want. But sometimes I do just to keep an eye on things.

I and half way through my 2ww and I wonder how often we should be DTD after the peaks, I hear of people doing it every other day until the end of the cycle.

We currently have a house full of people so having time or privacy to DTD as often as we might like it's hard. But we've done our best this month. In light of having the HSG this cycle aswell. It's my wedding anniversary on test day. Hope I'm not in a grump! That said no symptoms to speak off ATM.

I had a EMCS - and my HSG didn't show any signs of damage from it. But I also didn't ask as it wasn't on my radar. Wish I had now. Never happy us women - hey

Wishing you all lots of luck this cycle.

Hi laptopgirl

I also get very confused about when to DTD. My GP told me last week that the best thing to do is to do it every 3 days regardless of where you are in your cycle so going to try that this month. I often seem to get 7 or 8 high days (think my record was 12!) before I get a peak... I have no idea why so many but we originally tried to DTD every day there was a high but by the time the peak arrived we were exhausted! On the months I've had folicle tracking, when it was leading up to ovulation I asked if we should be doing it yet and the dr doing the scan was very blunt she just said 'well you can but you won't get pregnant now' and they always tell me to do it on the day ovulation and then every other day after for a week. I find this so confusing as it goes against everything I read online about doing it beforehand and not having much chance after... Sorry I realise this is not a very helpful post!! Anyone else have any ideas?! :)

Hi guys- just following this thread. Question for mlp79- did u say they have said there is no reason you shouldn't conceive naturally? I ask because u mentioned having low egg reserve- have I got that right? I've also got low egg reserve and we were told we needed ivf for baby no 1 because Of it and I've been wondering If I'm going to have to do ivf again if we want a chance at a second or whether there is any change Of it happening naturally (I may be just deluded!!!).....