Fertile women in their 40s makes me mad!!

[esther39]

Hello. I'm 39 and have been trying to conceive for 2 years now with no success. About 6 months ago i was told i am perimenopausal as i had a high FSH of 20.5. I also have lots of menopausal symptoms too.
I am lucky enough to have 4 lovely, healthy children, (with a previous partner). My husband is 27 and has no children and we would have loved one together. He's a great stepdad to my 4, it's so devastating.
I can't even have IVF treatment as my FSH is too high and on an ultrasound scan i had only 1 follicle and was told my ovaries are quite small, suggesting menopause.
I know this sounds bad, but i get so upset and angry when i see these older pregnant women, late 30s, early 40s. It seems to be getting more common to have a baby later in life. I feel like a freak as i can't get pregnant. Every time i go on Facebook there is another woman i know, around my age announcing her pregnancy, or just had a baby. How in the hell are they doing it!
Of course, it may have not been easy for all of them, some may have had treatment to get there. But i can't even have treatment, nothing can be done to help me, it's over.
I hate these bloody older pregnant women!
Sorry for the rant, but please tell me i am not the only one that feels this way.

I have re read after your comments and it reads different when I know its offended people, the lines that I can see have caused offence aren't the point I was trying to make, there's a lot in that that me and a lot of people can really relate to just a couple of lines need removing to make it mumsnet friendly, the original versions more suited to fertility forums where its usually posted

Forgive my bad etiquette of not considering others when posting in a certain board

I'm sure we often post (and certainly copy and paste) without considering what might offend everyone else, I certainly know there isn't much censorship on here to spare others feelings as a rule

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother

(With a couple of lines removed)

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss

I have read more books,
I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over

occasionally people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a good wife, a good aunt, a good daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

-Author Unknown

Lauren - I get that you did not mean what others have inferred. DD was 'natural' and if I get lucky enough to have another after IVF and m/c x 3, I will be the same (best that I can be) mother to them both.

Good luck for tomorrow.

Good luck for tomorrow Lauren xx

Thankyou both, just bought a gift for the donor and will write her a card tonight

Thank god for selfless people like that hey

Your donor is an amazing lady, and what a lovely thoughtful gift you have bought for her.
I do hope everything goes well for you and in nine months from now you are holding your precious little gift xxx

Thanks so much, I will let you know how I get on tomorrow and in 2 weeks hopefully will have some news, its going to be a long 2 weeks! Xx

No

Not great news, donor only produced 8 eggs so I got 4, if she produced 7 they would of cancelled and gone to 1 of us, I do think that would of increased my chances being rematched in the future so would of prefferres that,,they aren't expected to all be mature or all fertilise so will have to have some serious positive thinking tonight and the lab will call tomorrow

Really hope you get that long over due good luck. Keeping fx for you lauren

Thanks Gingerbreadlady waiting for the call this morning

Good luck Lauren83! My fingers are crossed for you!

I'm sending positive thoughts for you & the donor

Thanks both!

I'm staring at the phone, dreading having nothing to transfer, if I don't its wasted my nhs go, and a donor cycle would be 9k, I have found this cycle really hard, its made me psychically ill and been so long the thought of having to do it again fills me with dread, the past 3 years have been a constant round of tests, hospital appts every week, surgery and 3 ivfs

I have several medical issues as well as infertility, all connected though

I had a letter yesterday saying the hospital think I have a blockage in my bladder too, I got put on meds for overactive bladder as I was going 40 times a day but they made me come off for the cycle, positive will be I can go back on those as it improved my quality of life loads

I just so want my luck to finally change :)

Really hoping it goes well, you've had such a rotten time. We'll 4, eggs, just need 1 (but hopefully you'll get all 4) to work to get your bfp. I've read of ladies on here who only have 1 or 2 eggs at collection & go on to get their bfp.

I'm almost at ivf stage & reading about you has made me consider being a donor (not sure if ilegible etc). You will make an amazing mum, & for the record. TOTALLY got where you were coming from with that poem. Thinking of you today lauren

We got 2! God I was shaking like a leaf, we will have them both back tomorrow at 9.30am, they are taking me to theatre for the transfer though as they know they will have a job doing it and won't want me awake, they have to manually fill my bladder for me too as I can't hold it, luckily its the medical director who did my scratch doing it so at least he has had a 'dummy run' no one can ever get in :)

You have helped me so much thankyou, I hope you now how grateful I am for the support, its really helped me

We were really hoping for plenty of embies to freeze so if it failed we could try again, if it worked we could try for a sibling but this is the hand I have been dealt and I am so grateful to my donor

Also Esther how are you? Sorry the threads been hijacked a bit

Gingerbread that's so lovely you would consider, I wanted to do it years ago before I knew, I donated blood all the time before I was ill and I'm an organ donor and on Anthony Nolan bone marrow register, When I was 5 I told my mum I wanted to donate my organs when I died but not to let them take my eyes incase I couldn't find her in heaven, god knows where I had got that from, soon as I was old enough I signed up to donate everything (everything but my corneas that is) :)

How did the transfer go lauren?

We

Well not exactly to plan, the lifts were broke due to the storms and the theatre and ward rooms are on the top floor, they would use the stairs due to safety issues so everything got moved down stairs, they used consultation rooms and offices as recovery/ward rooms, I imagine some precious ladies would complain but we found it funny and had a laugh with the staff over it. Instead of my lovely en suite I was wandering round reception to use the loo in my gown, they also struggled getting the beds into the make shift rooms so it was hectic but the staff were so apologetic and lovely

Unfortunately one of the embryos stopped developing after fertilising and 1 was only an ok grade so not feeling too hopeful but you never know!

Lots of positive thinking now, I have slept loads since and my DP has been great waiting on me, my dad had open heart surgery yesterday so going to get out of the house and go see him later

Sounds like a bit of an adventure! And all with the added stress of your dad's surgery. You are a very strong lady. When will you test? Keep us posted, still got my fingers & toes crossed for you.

My dads fine just been to see him, he was sat up and talking in intensive care 14 hours after coming out of open heart surgery and I had sedation and slept for as long, he has put me to shame!

OTD is 4th Aug, I know I could pick it up earlier but I'm off 5th/6th so think its wise to wait til then incase its a BFN so I can shed a few tears

Sounds like a good plan to me. Do they tell you how how the donor gets on? How many embryos?

The donor donated to another lady she wasn't having treatment herself, I won't find out how the other lady did, the donor won't find out how the eggs did but can call to find out if its a BFP or not

OP, I think I feel like I die a little bit inside every time I hear anyone is pregnant. It doesn't actually matter whether the woman is in her 20s, 30s or 40s, I think when you are infertile for one reason or another, it is very difficult to see others being able to do it so easily and the worst thing is that when you have difficulties conceiving, everyone around you seems to be pregnant or giving birth. I guess that may be because we see more of what we focus on!