Fertile women in their 40s makes me mad!!

[esther39]

Hello. I'm 39 and have been trying to conceive for 2 years now with no success. About 6 months ago i was told i am perimenopausal as i had a high FSH of 20.5. I also have lots of menopausal symptoms too.
I am lucky enough to have 4 lovely, healthy children, (with a previous partner). My husband is 27 and has no children and we would have loved one together. He's a great stepdad to my 4, it's so devastating.
I can't even have IVF treatment as my FSH is too high and on an ultrasound scan i had only 1 follicle and was told my ovaries are quite small, suggesting menopause.
I know this sounds bad, but i get so upset and angry when i see these older pregnant women, late 30s, early 40s. It seems to be getting more common to have a baby later in life. I feel like a freak as i can't get pregnant. Every time i go on Facebook there is another woman i know, around my age announcing her pregnancy, or just had a baby. How in the hell are they doing it!
Of course, it may have not been easy for all of them, some may have had treatment to get there. But i can't even have treatment, nothing can be done to help me, it's over.
I hate these bloody older pregnant women!
Sorry for the rant, but please tell me i am not the only one that feels this way.

Lovely thread this

For all

Pickle, i'm so sorry about your daughter, that is terrible, i do feel for you. And having to have a hysterectomy at the young age of 32 must have been really upsetting.It is very true what you have said. I will cherish the good things i have. You have been through so much heartache yet you sound such a strong person.

Some pp posts have made me so grateful I haven't been through that heartbreak

Wicked/Pickled I'm so sorry

There's always someone hurting more than us Esther

Thanks Lauren, much appreciated.

People in their 40's having babies has no effect on yourfertility or lack of it.
You have 4 children, those older ladies may have been trying for years and may only ever be able to have one child.
You sound ridiculous

Wickeddevil as an adoptive mother I would say you've got that the wrong way round... she was a let down to you.

Kilmr knock it off.

The OP is not ridiculous she is in pain. Have some empathy for fucks sake.

Yes on the face of it she has 4 and should be grateful but that does not lesson the pain and the ache of wanting another.

I thought I was close to my DH as I ever could be when w married. Then w had a child together. It brings you closer. The OP is not ridiculous for wanting to give her DH what she has already experienced nor is she ridiculous for wanting to share that with him.

Fuck off to AIBU if you want to be vicious.

Esther I am sorry you can't have a baby with your husband.

I knew a young woman that had tests to find out why she wasn't conceiving and was told that she wasn't perimenopausal. She had in fact finished all that and was post menopausal. She was 27 and childless. Please be happy that you have children already. I know 39 is not old, but we have no control over these things, do we...we just have to be grateful for the things we are blessed with

There are some things in life we don't have a choice in, but we do have a choice in how we deal with what comes our way; sometimes the only thing we can do is smile and keep moving forward.

So people who cannot or don't procreate with every partner or husband they have are not as close as possible?

Definitely get counselling and be straight with your spouse that if he wants his own biological children, it will need to be via assisted conception/egg donation. He needs to decide on the future based on this.

I think donor eggs might be your best bet.
I understand your frustration but it's not a zero sum game ( they are not taking your baby away from you ) and you have 4 kids.
I must admit didn't post earlier as thought you were a name changed erillou like Lauren - who had been really bitter and upsetting with a v similar situation.
I struggled to conceive for years high fsh too and got lucky at 40 - you would hate me. I would love more but have to try and be happy and grateful for what it is.

Wow, so you conceived naturally then ? How high was your FSH if you don't mind me asking ?

My fsh is 23, AMH is 2, I'm 30 and I have one tube

They gave me a 0% chance, not even 1!

Miracles can and do happen though Lauren. Doctors don't always get things right all the time. One doctor told me last year that you shouldn't take any notice of FSH levels and they can actually be elevated by stress.
Stress can stop ovulation, which means if there's no ovulation then FSH levels will rise in order to stimulate a follicle. High FSH doesn't always mean no eggs left. You are young, i don't believe that uou have no good quality eggs left. Are you under NHS or Private ?

I'm going to try and remain positive and you should too. As i said in a recent post, a lady on another website, age 39, with FSH of 26 has conceived naturally recently.

Have you had a recent afc - my fsh was 12 at 37- afc 4 and amh 0.01
Given an 1% with or without ivf. How is your cycle - mine was 22 days on average.
I'm sure if you've been on other forums you've come across dhea and other supplements. I really believe in dhea helped me conceive naturally ( never did ivf) but did have a few mc

I'm nhs at the mo at a private clinic, my afc is 4

1st ivf 4 eggs BFN
2nd ivf cancelled due to fsh

Donor eggs now, if I had money I would try with my eggs but I need to go with my best chance. I won't respond to meds with my fsh at 23 and I can't waste money with a natural ivf and 1 egg

I haven't had an afc and i have no idea what my FSH is at the moment. Of course i can't get an accurate reading if i was to have it tested now as iv'e been on HRT for 4 months. Really need to come off it and get FSH retested. Don't even know if my natural cycle would come back now anyway. For all i know i could be postmenopausal by now.
Before i began the HRT my cycles had been erratic, but roughly anywhere between 4 and 6 weeks.
Iv'e heard of DHEA and various other supplements. Iv'e read other ladies stories of experience with DHEA and there have been some positive stories, some have conceived after taking it. Several of the ladies have had early mc's or cp's but have gone on to have a healthy pregnancy.
I know a mc must be very upsetting but sometimes i wish i could even get that far. At least i'd know then i could get pregnant. So frustrating, as i haven't had a sniff of a pregnancy in 2 years.

good luck Lauren. I really hope the donor egg route works out for you and you have a lovely baby this time next year.

Just read that a lady on another website has just fallen pregnant at the grand old age of 44, only took 4 months of trying. She too has a man who is much younger. Lucky bloody cow! She's been quite rude to me once or twice, more or less told me i shouldn't be even on a TTC board when i'm menopausal. How insensitive is that ?
Iv'e never upset or offended anyone on that website to the best of my knowledge. She just kept on having digs at me, all the other ladies were lovely.
She told me i should leave the board as it was clear i'd never have another baby. What a bitch!
For months she has put posts on there of how much sex she and her boyfriend have and goes into detail. Her post today made me want to vomit.
Hope her boyfriend dumps after she's had the baby for a younger woman. Silly old bitch!

By the way she already has 3 children, which she kept going on about how easily she conceived them. So not as if she was one of those poor ladies that had tried for years and then had just the one child.
Honestly, some people are such arseholes.

Esther you have to stop this bitterness. If the women was rude to you ignore her but slating her on here is not going to help. And in all fairness some people found your OP on here quite upsetting so.....

Have you approached your GP for counselling yet?

You cannot spend the rest of your life feeling this way towards other women just because they have conceived. It will eat you up inside and stop you from appreciating your life and what you have.

Seek help OP it will be the only way forward for you.

I did have a few counselling sessions last year but didn't really find them helpful. Although they were more about dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks. I guess this is a different issue, more about my inability to accept my condition and why i'm so bitter toward others. Recently my doctor suggested counselling and i did actually phone the wellbeing clinic yesterday but there is a long waiting list to be seen.
Guess i just have to get on with it for now. I do realise how very fortunate i am and i have to stop this nastiness.
I guess the best thing for me to do is to stay off all these baby-related websites as i just get upset and wound up.
That woman did annoy me though.

I think staying off particular boards is a good idea Esther.

Just until you can deal with what's going on. If you can join the waiting list. It maybe a while but it will be beneficial.

Your bitterness appears very consuming of your time and energy.... This cannot be healthy for you or your family environment. I second staying off those boards and getting some help.