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Original poster

Fertile women in their 40s makes me mad!!

194 replies

esther39 · 06/07/2014 09:53

Hello. I'm 39 and have been trying to conceive for 2 years now with no success. About 6 months ago i was told i am perimenopausal as i had a high FSH of 20.5. I also have lots of menopausal symptoms too.
I am lucky enough to have 4 lovely, healthy children, (with a previous partner). My husband is 27 and has no children and we would have loved one together. He's a great stepdad to my 4, it's so devastating.
I can't even have IVF treatment as my FSH is too high and on an ultrasound scan i had only 1 follicle and was told my ovaries are quite small, suggesting menopause.
I know this sounds bad, but i get so upset and angry when i see these older pregnant women, late 30s, early 40s. It seems to be getting more common to have a baby later in life. I feel like a freak as i can't get pregnant. Every time i go on Facebook there is another woman i know, around my age announcing her pregnancy, or just had a baby. How in the hell are they doing it!
Of course, it may have not been easy for all of them, some may have had treatment to get there. But i can't even have treatment, nothing can be done to help me, it's over.
I hate these bloody older pregnant women!
Sorry for the rant, but please tell me i am not the only one that feels this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 20:36

Lauren, i think you have me mixed with someone else. As i said, this is the first time i have used this site.
I'm so sorry you are going through menopause so young, it's awful for you. I thought starting it mid 30s was bad enough. It's heartbreaking that you haven't been able to have a child. But ladies in menopause can sometimes get pregnant you know. A lady on another website has just recently conceived with an FSH of 26 and she is 39, so a lot older than you. It doesn't have to be over for you yet. Can you not try Natural cycle IVF ?

OP posts:
Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 20:39

This lady conceived naturally by the way after 5 years of TTC x

OP posts:
suzylee73 · 07/07/2014 20:57

My husband is ten years younger than me and it does put a bit of extra pressure on tbh. I know he wouldn't leave me because I am all out of eggs but you always get that small nagging voice at the back of your mind :(
I hope you feel better soon Smile

Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 21:09

It's so strange as the other poster had exactly the same story as you, all the same details and she was 38 last year to her partners 26, your 39 to your partners 27, you should message her she had exactly the same anger issues towards older women getting pregnant and her children were the same age as yours too and she was struggling with the fact she couldn't give get partner a child, she went on HRT after having similar test results to you

DottyDooRidesAgain · 07/07/2014 21:11

Doppelganger Confused

Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 21:14

Yes Writerwannabe83, my husband has had his sperm tested and is all normal and healthy. The problem is me. I have a few ovarian cysts and i don't ovulate. Periods are irregular. It's just that these days a lot of women over 35 seem to be conceiving really easily and quickly. A woman i know has recently had a baby at 38 and my Doctor said she gave birth at 39 after just 4 months of trying to conceive. My friend was 42 when she had her 3rd baby and again she had only been trying for a few months! I know that fertility is meant to decline after age 35 but so many woman seem to be having babies into their 40s. I feel like a bit of a freak as i can't conceive It's nice to know though that there are others in the same situation though.
By erilou38

She feels like a freak too

I thought that statement stood out

You should def message her Shock

Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 21:18

Anyhow I could copy and paste more but you're in a bad place and I respect that, I know you need support so will leave your thread and hope you get it, just be mindful for others this time please, I got sucked in last time

Good luck I hope you get sorted

Only1scoop · 07/07/2014 21:30

I recall the erilou38 posts. There are striking similarities....

Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 22:13

Just a coincidence i think ladies.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 07/07/2014 22:27

Erilou38 uses her i also....

Such coincidences....

Hope you find some peace with your situation.... whatever the outcome.

Take care

Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 22:30

I will have a look at her posts. How strange!

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 22:32

Her fsh was 11.3, her youngest child 7 and she got with her partner (the one with the same age gap) at the same time you did yours

It gets spookier, I think she will be able to advise you far better than us give her a message

DottyDooRidesAgain · 07/07/2014 22:39

Sorry OP but having read through most of erilou38 post you have:

The same posting style
Too many of the same details such as age, amount of children, age of your DH, how long you have been conceiving, what methods you have tried, your feelings towards older pregnant women.
The exact same phrases used such as My husband had his sperm checked some months ago.

Yeah I think you are two of the same.

Which I am not knocking you for by the way. I have named changed recently and you would be able to find my other nn if I had stood out to you as my previous nn.

Who ever you are your issues are real and need addressing. Get RL support OP. It is the only way forward Flowers

Bange · 07/07/2014 22:56

cool your jetts colombos

Posters are entitled to name change as often as they like and it's probably done to protect her anonymity (although maybe not that successfully).

I name change all the time and my basic 'story' (although I'm happy and have nothing to complain about really) never changes. If somebody said are you blah blah blah and other people started searching for similarities in my posting style, Id' be seriously fucked off,

Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 22:58

Why don't you get this thread deleted, start again with less bitterness and we won't call you out on it? What you think, I promise not to pipe up

Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 23:00

Can't find any of these posts but this is an international website right ? Could well be someone out there somewhere with striking similarities to myself.

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 23:01

Bange I think its fair enough though after everything last time

This isn't to protect anonymity, if it was she wouldn't post so much identifiable info, its just as she upset a lot of people last time

No biggy though, like I said delete and try again OP?

Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 23:03

I have never used this website. Was on Netmums and Fertility Friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 23:05

Wish i'd not posted on here now. Just thought it would have been a change from Netmums etc.

OP posts:
DottyDooRidesAgain · 07/07/2014 23:05

To be fair Bange Laura featured heavily in the other posters threads hence why she spotted this from the off. It has not been said with malice just a statement of fact.

Why don't you get this thread deleted, start again with less bitterness and we won't call you out on it? What you think, I promise not to pipe up see.

Name changing shouldn't be used just to be nasty towards other people. If the OP wanted to be so anonymous then she should not have been so open.

Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 23:11

Esther I said I will let it drop no major crime, just hope you get sorted...

Dotty Thanks for that, if I wasn't 'involved' I wouldn't of found the need to point it out, my first reply I hadn't twigged then I did, I'm not kicking off with her am I I'm just asking

I'm being sincere when I say if she posts again I won't say anything, do you want me to ask for my threads to be deleted

What's your user name on FF I'm always on there, are you getting any support?

Wickeddevil · 07/07/2014 23:17

Please do get counselling.
For your sake
For your children's sake
For your husband's sake

I was adopted as a 5 year old by an Aunt in her mid 40's who had not been able to conceive children herself, and who had not had any counselling about it. She hadn't come to terms with not having had a family of her own, and I was a let down to her. The adoption wasn't pretty.

Please don't do this to your DC

PickledinGin · 07/07/2014 23:21

Be grateful for the 4 healthy children you have. I understand the desire for a child with your partner and you still have that chance that it can happen. Some of us are not so blessed. I have had 3 beautiful children, but that is tinged with the sadness of the death of my daughter, yes I have 2 wonderful and healthy sons and would love to have the chance of a child with my new partner. He would make a fantastic dad but due to me having to have a hysterectomy at the age of 32 there is no chance. Look at the blessings you have in your life and cherish them, the desire for what we do not have can taint all the good we do have.

Original poster
esther39 · 07/07/2014 23:21

Don't go on Fertility friends as often as Netmums, in fact its been a couple of mon ths. I also go under Esther39 on there. If you want to check Netmums out i am under the username of NickyC1771

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 23:23

I wasn't asking to snoop, was just going to send you some links of decent support for your situ