Hello ladies
I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.
This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this 
). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.
This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.
I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.
We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.
I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff
Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...
I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??
Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.
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Infertility
Infertility meltdown
HappyAmbler · 02/01/2014 00:06
Thanks Shellster for the words of encouragement. I need to remember that I've got an appointment with my FC coming up in a few weeks and do my best to be positive about taking serious action. It's just that I really want it to be NOW and IVF just seems like a long hard journey.
I think I'm out this month and fully expect AF to show over the weekend. Boobs still hurting (7 days non stop aching now) but starting to get the small signs that witch is on the way 
No Shell, my period is due tomorrow. The boob pain has been really bad this month, since 7dpo. Of course I got my hopes up but, although they're still a bit sore, they've deflated now so I think I'm out this month.
I also had bad ovulation pain this month that lasted for a couple of days. It was just a dull ache but pretty uncomfortable. I never usually get ov pain. It's a big mystery! Just wish my body would do what it's meant to!
Good luck for starting your IVF journey next month.
So sorry to hear about your meltdown Ruby. I can just imagine how you were feeling in those two quite different situations. I remember telling a close friend that I was having a miscarriage (like FOREVER ago... it took about 2 weeks for it to actually happen as I waited for a natural m/c. Looking back I don't know how I managed to go about daily life, work and socialising for those 2 weeks, but at the time I thought it was best to stay busy)...anyway we were sitting in a busy, noisy restaurant where the tables were fairly close together. I was taking solace in wine and trying not to cry into my meal, when a heavily pregnant girl sat at the table right next to ours. I just didn't know where to look! So we ordered more wine.
Glad MrR is being more supportive of you. But a year until SA! I expect you will have to nag him a bit (it's for their own good isn't it?) 
I'm not feeling great tonight. My period is unusually heavy and making me feel v tired and dizzy and crampy. I'm wondering it it's something to do with having a lap & dye at the end of January. I got a normal period straight after it, so thought i had gotten off lightly. Seems not. Anyone else had a lap & dye and had super heavy period afterwards?
Yes, Shellster, pretty much. Been married 3 years, ttc for 2.5 years. Managed to catch on the 3rd cycle but sadly ended in miscarriage in jan 2012. I'd had some spotting so got an early scan at the epu, where they detected a heartbeat. However it was measuring a week too small, given my dates, and they told me that while it could all be ok, it could also end in a miscarriage. But I was relieved to have seen that little precious heartbeat so went home feeling better. The spotting stopped for a few days, but then it returned. Cue a repeat of above situation a week later, this time taking DH to the epu with me (and naively hoping he could see the heartbeat too). But there was no heart beat.
And not a hint of a bfp since. So that's my sad story.
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Ahhhhh Dulcet I feel for you!! My AF was due today, no show too. I guess last time it was 33 days so not really late as yet though! Don't be too hard on yourself, what you're feeling is completely normal; I too have had to say 'congratulations' through gritted teeth, it's very hard whether or not you like the person, you just wish it was you.....
Went with OH today for his GP appointment - sat through a graphic description of his toenail fungal infection (lovely) before getting to the SA bit. GP was very helpful and said he wasn't sure of the procedures in our area, although he thought it had changed in the 5 years since OH last one, but he would look into it and phone OH with instructions. Have to say OH was if not keen then at least willing, and left with a list of products to buy from Holland & Barrett. The GP recommended scoffing lots of almonds but sadly he can't stand them!
However, SA test results aside, I really don't want to work with my manager a minute longer; his latest trick is to refuse my holiday requests and say that I have to take 2 x 2 week holidays and the rest as days throughout the year. I don't see why I should - it's not in my contract, I don't want to and no-one else has to - plus no-one covers my work when I'm not there, so it defeats the object of having a relaxing break! If needs be I will get HR involved as I'm not willing to do this, I will book my holidays at convenient times (non-school holidays to work round colleagues with kids, for example) but I'm not taking them when he wants me to.
Grrrr - rant over! Had fish & chips after the GP appointment, had a very healthy weekend but then thought 'bugger it'. Oh and I did feel like a big glass of 
but managed to avoid it!
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