Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

[chopsface]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/2428240-Infertility-Rant?msgid=55609961#55609961

Good luck today sammy!

So long old thread, its been nice knowing you

[loopylou1984]

Thread 2 created, titled 'infertility rant'

Thanks Ruby, I didn't want to tell too many people either because it felt like the more people that know the more pressure... But somehow my parents and sister, dh parents and siblings, a couple of friends and both our bosses all know! Eeek!

If helps to have people to talk to on here that understand though, RL people say things like 'oh so you'll be having a spring baby then?'

Shell - I seem to be feeling a lot better so far today, although I think it is the anti OHSS medicine that makes me feel unwell and I haven't taken that yet! Xx

[RubySlippers77]

Just to say good luck to all you ladies during your IVF - I hope talking to other people on here helps you. I didn't tell many people in RL as I felt the expectations would be too high (unlike OH, who told anyone and everyone!) so am sending you all lots of hugs xx

[Shellster52]

Yes please sammy. You guys are 11 hours behind so hopefully you are sleeping soundly now and wake up feeling better.

So you down reg before an FET cycle then aussie? I'm always curious as to why women down reg for FET. Why take drugs to emulate a natural cycle when you could just implant the embryo at the right time in an actual natural cycle? There must be some reason, but I just don't get it. You sound more relaxed than me aussie. If it was my embryo, I would know the day, the number of cells, the grading. I've read too much and become too obsessed after 11 IVF attempts. But much better for you mentally to just know that it is top quality and focus on that.

[loopylou1984]

Shall I make a new thread? Xx

[loopylou1984]

Eek Aussie, it's all moving forward now! Exciting! How do u feel?

I've had another fairly rubbish day sickness wise, but does seem to be lifting now. Clinic couldn't prescribe anti sickness as they didn't have a doctor there this afternoon, however after an argument with the go receptionist, then the duty doctor dh has gone out to pick up some anti sickness pills. So I will take one of those tonight anyway just to try to get a good nights sleep.

We have to be at the clinic 10am tomorrow, for a scan first to check the OHSS has improved, them if it's going ahead embryo transfer will be at 10.30.

Have been drinking as much as I can, hopefully if these mess work I can finish my lucozade! Xx

[aussie82]

hi ladies,

just a quick update from me - had hysteroscopy this morning. bloody early start and i was a nervous wreck but at least its all over. they were planning on draining/removing a cyst i had last year but apparently its disappeared! so guess thats good news lol

waiting for my call to give me next update as to when start taking injections and its doses! so much mixed emotions - cant wait to get started as ive been playing the 'waiting' card for too long (in my opinion) and then another part of me is scared! a roller-coaster of emotions!!!

im liking the name - infertility rant. definatly fits purpose!

yeah shel - your right i have got one embryo frozen but to be honest i dont really remember what day or anything... just that its a top grade x

sammy, shell is right drink drink drink plenty of water! im struggling with my intake. feel sick everytime i look at water... god know how i will be drinking 3 litres a day. and i think its 1 or 2 litres of milk also per day! gosh x

[loopylou1984]

Yes, infertility rant sounds good!

I ended up getting anti anti sickness injection yesterday so managed to drink and keep the pain killers up last night, feeling rough again this morning though and so far have spent every waking minute by the toilet.
At this point I just want to feel better. Xx

[Shellster52]

I'm worried if we call the thread something to positive, it will jinx us and we won't all get our BFP's! Perhaps we can call it something like infertility rant, so that others who want to rant can join us if they feel the need to rant to us old pros?

sammy, I understand being desperate to go ahead with transfer and not wanting this torture to drag on any longer. But what would be the good of doing it with excessive hormones decreasing implantation success and wasting a hard worked for embryo - so please try to drink water as much as you can even though I know it must be really difficult with nausea. You need to flush out those follicles and not have high estrogen levels to increase the chance of that embryo implanting!

Of course you are welcome to join us aussie :). From memory you have one frozen embryo? What day was it frozen at? When do you start treatment - do you have to do some down regging or just wait for the right time in a natural cycle?

Yes chops, still going strong. Tomorrow is 14 days past EC - the day that my dreaded early m/c took place after the last transfer in Dec 14. So I'll be relieved after I get through tomorrow without any blood and perhaps then feel a bit more hope.

[aussie82]

hi ladies, im back!!! can i please come along to your next thread?

sammy - i had OHSS and thats why with my last nhs cycle i only got as far as EC. They wanted my hormones to come down before doing the ET. apparently (so ive been told) success rate is better that way as it lefts your body to go back to normal before implantation but i understand your pain ... just want to get this out the way and have a BFP! I know you said you dont like coconut water but that is meant to be really good to lower your OHSS. aswell as drinking water :) hope you feel better soon. oh and congrats on the embryos side x

shelter - not long to go with you. me and you are both in the waiting limbo. me to start treatment and you for your results! xxx

[loopylou1984]

On the plus side the embryos are all doing ok. I can remember all the numbers but pretty sure it was 4 grade As of optimum size. X

[loopylou1984]

Hi all, it is mild OHSS but as long as things don't worsen they will still do the transfer on Saturday. My ovaries are 2-3 times bigger than they should be and so are pushing on my diaphragm and the follicles have filled with fluid. Am very uncomfortable - but they have given me some medication to help. Feeling nauseous too which is making it hard to eat and drink. X

[chopsface]

No idea what to call new thread, sorry!

sammy I really hope you've not got Ohss, what are the symptoms? Hope you get some answers and feel better soon hun :-(

shell, still going strong?

[loopylou1984]

Yes let's - perhaps it shouldn't say meltdown now that we're all in control?!

I didn't speak to the clinic again yesterday as I felt really good, almost back to my normal self. However we are waiting for 8am to arrive as in have been in pain since 3. I have stomach pain, back pain and chest pain that all feels like trapped air but no matter what I do I can get in to a comfy position :(. I'm so worried it's OHSS and they won't let me have the transfer.
Should get an update today on the embies! X

[Shellster52]

14 more messages (after I post this one) until this thread is filled up. Shall we decide before this one gets filled what to call the new thread so we can all find it?

Glad you are feeling a bit better sammy. Did you call the clinic back or did you feel better again by the afternoon? Did you get any update on how your 8 embryos are doing???? If not, when do you next get an update???? I'm so curious to find out!!!!

[loopylou1984]

Yeah they did, it's really hard to drink when you feel nauseous, but I am trying.
It's 11.45 here now, and I have spoken to a nurse who didn't seem too worried, but said to call back this afternoon if I still feel bad. She seemed to think as I have improved slightly that it wasn't OHSS.

I like your positive thinking Shell :). Xx

[Shellster52]

sammy, did the clinic warn you about OHSS. I don't know a lot about it because I have the opposite problem of being a poor responder. I know it is caused from the excessive amount of homones from so many follicles and that you are most at risk once you have taken the trigger injection - which is now for you. I also know that water helps flush it out and that's why I suggested you having LOTS of water. I am not sure of the symptoms but I know it is a serious condition. Anyway, it's 8pm here so I think you guys over there should be about to wake up, so hopefully then you'll call the clinic and they'll test you for it.

I'm happy to start a new thread too. Hopefully us 5 will all be able to talk about pregnancy after infertility very soon once I get my BFP with Monday's blood test and Sammy feels better and has her transfer.

[loopylou1984]

I think we should, I need you girls at the moment! Unless everyone else is hanging out elsewhere? X

[chopsface]

When I suffer anxiety I get dizzy spells and bad guts!

We are on page 40, are we starting a new page just for us 5?

[loopylou1984]

Chops - that's exactly what I said to dh.

The pessaries don't list nausea as a side effect, but a couple of the girls around here said they suffered for a couple of days. I've been taking it since Monday night. We ended up speaking to a dr in the night and he's said to call the clinic this morning to see if they want to check me over. Will be calling them at 8. I don't think it's anxiety, I don't tend to suffer, but I guess you never know. Xx

[chopsface]

Hmm sammy not sure you should be feeling so sick. Do you think anxiety might be playing a part too as you wait for news? Or maybe even a side effect of sedation? How long have you been taking the progesterone? Do they say they may give you nausea? Definitely mention it to your clinic. Can't have you feeling like this in the 2ww can we? you've got all that to come during 9 months of pregnancy!

shell still have everything I can crossed for you hun. X

[loopylou1984]

I'm keeping everything crossed for you Shell. Xx

[loopylou1984]

I'm feeling really awful tonight Shell. I have felt nauseous all day, but now that I'm meant to be laying down to sleep it seems to have stepped up. I'm scared.
I can't remember what the progesterone is called. Will look in the morning.

I'm just sitting on the sofa in tears trying to let dh get some sleep. Xx

[Shellster52]

Hello, sorry to keep you in suspense. After last embryo transfer, I am sure I was pregnant based on the same pregnant feeling/cramping as when I concieied DS and the fact that my period being late. My sister asked what I am going to do with all my baby clothes so I replied that I was finally pregnant and would use them again. The next day I had the heaviest period of my life which I assume was an early miscarriage. So again now I started with the cramping and now have a physical pregnant feeling in my uterus, so I'm too scared to announce it again since my period arrived the day after I announced it last time. So I'm trying not to get excited and impatiently waiting for my official blood test on Monday.

8 fertilised is amazing. I had 2 fertilise both this cycle and last! sammy, the progesterone does not make me feel sick at all. What brand are you taking? Make sure you keep up the water even though EC is over. Having had 18 follicles, you need to flush out all those excess hormones. Perhaps that will help you feel better.

aussie, I have been where you are and know the feeling of just wanting to get on with things. At least things are starting to happen and you'll be back at your clinic for an update soon.

[loopylou1984]

It's lighter than a general, but still made me feel very strange.
I think it's the progesterone pessaries that are making me feel sick... So not much I can do about that sadly. Xx