Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

EC has been moved forward to Monday! Eek!

I had 21 follicles in total, with 8 already at the correct size. Bit scared now. X

Wow sounds promising Sammy! X

Well it will mean there's lots of choice hopefully - the nurse thinks we'll get 10 or so eggs - so with the embryoscope hopefully we'll have a really good one put back! Xx

Wow sammy. I am glad you are behind me in IVF or I would be very jealous of your 21 follicles if I was going for scans at the same time and reporting back with my measly 5 growing follicles! You are young, you respond well and I think that is further evidence that the eggs will be good quality.

Oh shell. I hope they're good quality!

How are you doing? Xx

Hard to know how to feel sammy. I have moments where I feel positive, but then I worry that I just have harder if I were to get a negative result. After the last transfer when I was briefly pregnant, I had definite 'pregnant feeling' in my uterus from 9 days post egg collection. 9 days after EC will be Monday coming this cycle, so I had better get that same feeling again or I think I will fall apart Monday! I had that pregnant feeling really strong last time when I would wake up in the night and when I first woke up in the morning. And my period always arrives when I wake up in the morning, so it's as though my fertility hormones get to work while I'm sleeping. So with that in mind, I am trying to get lots of sleep but of course when this is on your mind it's the hardest time to sleep!

Good plan Shell, lots of sleep can only help. I hope you wake up feeling pregnant. But if not, don't panic. Every pregnancy is different (or so I've heard).
Just about to do my last suprecur injection with the trigger to be in an hours time! Eeep! Xx

Did anyone else find the trigger injection a bit overwhelming? I just burst in to tears! Xx

Oh sammy its bound to feel emotional after everything it's taken to get this far, and all the staying strong you need to do!

shell I hope you have sticky embryos I really do.

shell have you got some advice for a friend of mine? She had medicated iui this month. Her first. Her official test date was Monday but she tested today with a digi and it said pregnant 1-2. Is there any chance this is still the trigger? She also tested yesterday with a cheapie and it was negative. When I mentioned that today that the trigger must have gone if she got a neg yesterday, she said she looked at it again later it had a feint line. She is 13dpiui. How long does the trigger take to leave the body? Is it just a case of waiting? I really feel for her and don't want to get her hopes up.

From the cheapie prego tests I've bought, the instructions say to read the test within 5 minutes and then discard. The reason being that they can develop an evaporation line so I would think that the cheapie was in fact a negative. It's so hard to give a definite answer about how long the trigger takes to leave the body. I tested a few days after the trigger in a previous cycle to ensure it was out of my system in case I later did a preg test and I got a complete negative a few days after the trigger - I can't remember exactly how many - but definitely not 13days later! It's sounding very promising for her but I also don't want to give her false hopes. Her body might just take longer to process it. Perhaps the cheapie was negative as it was less sensitive than the digi? With my DS, I did cheapie preg tests for days in a row and each morning the line got darker. So she could do that - but of course that would not put her anxious mind at ease now and by the time she does that, she'll have her blood result anyway!

This is such an emotional roller coaster isn't it sammy. I hope Sunday goes quick for you and you can get on with egg collection. I'll check in again Monday... by which time hopefully I should know a bit more about my situation.

I'm in a bit of panic mode myself at the moment as I am feeling a bit crampy in my uterus just as I do before my period arrives. Today is day CD26 and my cycles are usually 24-27 days long. I usually wake up to my period. So if I wake up tomorrow and no period, I will assume that this feeling is the embryo burrowing in and feel a bit hopeful. But with my period due any time around now and me feeling the usual pre-period cramping, of course I am in panic mode. And with my brief pregnancy after the last transfer, I had a 'pregnant feeling' which was different to this current pre-period cramping feeling. Just want today to be over with so I can wake up tomorrow and see - of course I'm not sure how I'm going to wake up when it's going to be impossible to sleep!

Thanks Shell, suddenly I'm terrified. I'm scared the triggers not worked as I can feel anything yet, I'm scared of the sedation, I'm scared they won't get any good eggs, and most of all I'm terrified of how I'll react if this doesn't work. I'm sure this is just hormones talking, I was fine all week.

I'm going to be like you when the time comes, analysing every little feeling! Lots of people have said that they were sure af was coming as they got their usual pre af cramping - and it turned out they were pg so all is not lost! Keep hopefull :)

Chops - I have no advice for your friend having never gone through it, but is it crazy that I kind of want to poas this morning just to see two lines for once even if I know they're fake?! Thankfly I have no ICs in the house! Xx

Oh shell I really feel for you :-( this must be torture for you. All I can say is I had period like cramps 3 days before my bfp, from 13-16dpo which I why I didn't take a test until 17dpo as I was convinced I'd start any minute. So in my experience cramps mean nothing. But I know why you're not getting your hopes up.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my question re my friend. She will get her answer in 24 hours too. I can't believe what emotional turmoil her and her dh had to go through as they are using donor sperm. :-(

Good luck for tomorrow sammy I will be watching how you get on in the next few days.

Thanks Chops

Good luck for tomorrow Sammy and I hope you feel better soon - you sound very nervous and worried about what will happen, your clinic should be able to put your mind at rest for some of it but of course some of it is a waiting game! You've done everything you can, now let the doctors look after you and take it easy for a bit.

Shell, congratulations on your two embryos I hope they (and you) are doing well! I know I was taking estradiol but don't remember a particular brand, it was all in plain packets from the pharmacy. And yes, we STILL have the bloody builders here - and the lodger - I'm going slowly insane, 25 weeks along now and still no sign of either being ready to leave!!

How is the pre-baby relaxing going Victoria? I'm not able to walk very far now, may have to start swimming to do some kind of exercise!

Thanks Ruby, it's just because I can't be in control, I hate it when things are happening to me but there's nothing I can do to influence them. I'll be ok. Xx

Wow - 25 weeks Ruby. I suppose you're much bigger than others at 25 weeks with twins. Does the hospital give you and particular precautions for the birth or tell you to expect a c-section due to twins? Hoping that mine take and I'll need advice from you!

I have actually done just that sammy and POAS just to see those two pink lines for once even though I knew it was the trigger! I know exactly how you feel. It is such an emotinal roller coaster. This is my 11th attempt at IVF and each time I do it, there is always one point where I think I can't do it any more because it's just to emotionally exhausting. I think from now on is the toughest part because everything is out of your hands now and it's just waiting - waiting to see how many eggs, waiting to see how many fertilise, waiting to see how many have arrested overnight each day until transfer, and then waiting for you period to hopefully not arrive. It's just two more weeks which isn't long in the grand scheme of things, but each day sure seems long when you're waiting for something that you've wanted for so long and there's been such a build up to this point. Guess I'm just saying that I know how you feel and that it's normal to feel the way you do.

Thanks for the reassurance chops about the cramps. I too had cramps when I first conceived DS to the point that I thought I was going to miscarry him and get my period any minute. So I myself should know that it isn't necessarily a bad sign. But then after the last transfer I had the cramps and got my hopes up that it was a good sign and obviously it didn't work so this time I'm cautious about getting my hopes up and having further to fall. I didn't wake up to my period this morning as I expected so at least that is a relief, but perhaps the progesterone pessaries are just delaying things. So basically the cramping could be good, it could be bad. I just have to be patient... somehow!

Everything crossed AF stays away shell when is test date?

Wow 25 weeks ruby how is the nausea and the blood pressure? I'm 18w today and no one would know I was preg I'm barely showing yet.

Good luck with the ec today sammy x

Oh my iui friend tested preg 2-3 weeks this morning so I guess amazingly iui worked first time for her!

They got 18 eggs! Sheesh.
Home now and feeling quite uncomfortable and a bit sleepy, but dh is taking care of me. Thank you for thinking of me. Xx

Hope everyone's ok, it's very quiet round here. Shell - any news?

We have 8 fertilised, so now have to wait until Thursday to find out how they're doing. I'm so scared I'll be left with none. Xx

Everything crossed for you sammy will they do 3 day or 5 day transfer?

I too was expecting an update from shell when I woke today... Hope she's OK :-(

Me too, we need some happy news.

They hope to do a 5 day, but will make a decision on Thursday. Xx

hi ladies, sorry did a bit of a disappearing act with no internet but back now! congrats sammy on your numbers... i really really hope i get something like your numbers when its my turn! lol

shel - fingers crossed. i hope its good news x

i went today for my first scan and blood test. havent down regulated enough so have to up my nasal spray to every 6 hours now and then another blood test on thursday. still feeling a bit of a waiting game but at least some movment which seems promising!

sorry if ive missed anyone but good luck to everyone pre and post preg. xxx

Thanks Aussie

Sucks that you're still waiting, but as you say, things are moving. Xx

Hope you get to start treatment soon Aussie

sammy how are you feeling today? Is sedation different from a general? I had a general a couple of years ago and felt poorly for days :-(

It's lighter than a general, but still made me feel very strange.
I think it's the progesterone pessaries that are making me feel sick... So not much I can do about that sadly. Xx