Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

Mine usually drops 13/14 dpo with af coming the next day. So I fully expect it to be low tomorrow. X

I haven't seen amyone else on here that is such a poor responder like me - even those who are years older than me. And you are years younger than me so I am sure you don't have to worry about poor response like me sammy. So you are just days away from starting then sammy I hope you feel okay once you have done your first few injections and are just getting on with things instead of all this waiting.

It's Saturday afternoon here and I'm just cleaning my house trying to keep busy to fill the afternoon. Then I just have to get through tomorrow - and then I find out if I am going ahead with EC and have a glimmer of hope for a baby, or if this cycle is cancelled and I have to wait months to recover, meanwhile having another birthday and feel like my chance has slipped away. Two very different contrasting outcomes so I am just so anxious to see 4 mature follicles at my scan on Tuesday.

Shell - I am keeping everything crossed for you. ????????????????

Yes - should be starting thursday as long as af turns up tomorrow as expected. I feel like she's coming although my temp was still high this morning.... Maybe just because it's hot at the moment. X

Any other symptoms Sammy?!

Nothing chops. I feel crampy on and off but that's normal pre af. I'm sure temps were just messed up because of disturbed sleep. Xx

Ah I see you already poas :-( I was hoping you'd get last minute reprieve

Doesn't look that way chops :(.
Just want tomorrow morning to hurry up so I can stop clinging to the glimmer of hope from this mornings high temp! Xx

I do that too sammy. Even though it's been 4 years of nothing and I should know better, I still try every month and get my hopes up if my period is one day late, just so I can come crashing down again.

Even now, I am holding on to desperate hope that my four follicles will have grown at tomorrows scan so IVF can go ahead. I know you guys haven't been through IVF to know the details, but mature follicles are normally 12-14cm at day 10, where as my 3rd and 4th largest were only 7 & 5mm. So it really doesn't seem possible but still I am desperately hoping today just so I can come crashing down tomorrow!

I tell myself I'm going to try the 'forget and it will happen' method if this last IVF I can afford doesn't work. But really, how on earth am I supposed to forget????

I don't know shell, if only there was a switch!
Huge temp drop this morning, so af is on her way.

Now I'm scared, we're definitely doing IVF. What I don't get though is that if there's nothing wrong with either of us and it's not happening, then why will it work artificially? ???? feeling sad today. X

Forgot to say, found out on Saturday that sil 20 week scan is the same day as our test date. Now that is going to hurt if our cycle fails. X

Massive hugs to both of you

hi ladies, hope you all are well. sorry havent been on here much - my laptop keeps playing up! grrrr

sammy i think me and you will be cycling more or less same time. my down reg starts tomorrow and period due to start week later.

shelter how did todays scan go? hoping there is good news your way xxx

Aussie - hooray - great to have a cycling buddy! Think I'll be about a week ahead of you then as my period is due today and baseline scan booked for Thursday morning. Hope you're not as terrified as I am! X

Sending you all best wishes for the coming days, it sounds like it's been a tough time recently. Shell I hope you have lots of follicles and sammy I hope your IVF unit are kind and helpful! I'm sure they will be able to put your mind at rest with regard to the treatment that you'll have and why they're giving you one type rather than another, and as it's private they should have more time to spend with you, rather than the horrendously crowded fertility clinics at NHS hospitals.

Good luck to all of you

hi sammy - im still full of mixed emotions and a very large part of me just wants to go to sleep and wake up with it all done and a BFP! lol

purely selfish but glad you'r actually ahead ... you can hopefully guide me and calm me down on a mad day lol

am i right by thinking your on a long protocol?

shell - good luck with your app. hoping you'll have good news to report back when we wake up x

hi to all xxx

Thanks Ruby, the clinic are lovely and def don't rush us, our appointment the other day was an hour and 40 minutes! How are you doing?

Aussie - my booklet says short protocol (although I don't really know the difference?). This is my natural period (arrived this morning) then straight in to drugs on Thursday providing everything looks ok!

Shell - have you had your appointment yet? X

sammy, you are young and healthy and I really think you have a higher chance than the average couple going through IVF, so I'm really hoping you've got a BFP on the day of SIL's 20 week scan.

I've had my last scan Tuesday morning which showed 19, 18, 15, 13, 10, 10 and 4 less than 10mm follicles. I think they need to be 15mm when I do my trigger injection which will be 9pm tonight to have a chance of being mature and chromosomally normal. So 3 already meet that criteria and the 13 should grow to 15 between Tuesday am's scan and trigger injection tonight. The 10's might give an egg but might not be mature and the 18 & 18 could keep growing and be over mature. So who knows. I just have to wait and see. Normally they call the next day after egg collection with an update which is already a very long 24 hours. But because egg collection is Saturday this time and clinic is closed Sunday, I have to wait until Monday to receive a phone call. It's going to be a very long weekend!

Hi Shelter, the numbers looks promising and from what ive read i think alot of them grow in the last few days before EC. fingers crossed for you hun... and i feel your pain... i hate the waiting game!

im currently waiting for my period to start next week and have started down regging since tuesday... this month is def. going to drag!!! xxx

oh and btw ladies... my acupuncturist said that coconut oil and coconut water is really good... might be worth while looking into :)

Oooh Shell. The numbers sound good :). Fingers crossed lovely :)

Aussie - i had heard that about coconut water... I really hate the stuff but am going to give it a try!

Just had my appointment and baseline scan and we're good to go, so first injection will be tonight! Eek! X

I've heard coconut water is really good aussie and tried it once... absolutely disgusting! I do use the coconut oil in some of my healthy snacks that I make. Did she give a reason why these are good?

Not sure that the numbers look as promising as you guys sound. Perhaps it's just me being pessimistic after 10 failed previous attempts. I am only expecting 4 mature eggs from the follicles between 13 - 19mm.

I am having EC on Saturday morning and then heading straight on from the hospital to our holiday spot where I am thinking there will be no reception. So I might not post again til Monday. Just giving a heads up so you don't think something has gone wrong and I have disappeared!

Hope you've got a busy few days booked aussie to help your time pass. The waiting to start is always a drag.

Good luck sammy. Hopefully I'll have time to check in again tomorrow before my EC and weekend away to see how you went with your first injection. Now that you're getting started the next two weeks will go by quick as you are having regular scans and blood updates.

Good luck with the EC Saturday shell, look forward to hearing from you Monday.

Good luck with the first injection Sammy! Are you doing it or DH?

Good luck to you aussie!

hi ladies,

shelter - not sure on the benefits of coconut... something about hydration or something. i didnt really understand to be honest... its the fact that its good for you is all i understood lol. thanks for the heads up regarding no reception... knowing me i would have assumed the worst. good luck with your EC and enjoy your holiday spot. fingers (and toes) crossed everything goes well xxx

sammy - good luck with your first injection. i find it easier for my DH to do it whilst i close my eyes lol i know im not brave at all lol xxx

thanks victoria for the best wishes. sorry i havent read the thread from beginning. are you cycling? how far you gone? xxx

Evening everyone.

Shell - Will be waiting for your update on Monday. My first injection was fine :)

Victoria/Aussie - I did the injection myself, find it easier to be in control if that makes sense. Xx

Yes, I've always thought the worst too when I people have suddenly stopped chatting on here for a while, so that's the reason I thought I'd give a heads up. We must both be pessimistic people LOL. By the way, have you ever tried coconut water? If you're like me, you might decide there are other things you can find that are good for your fertility after one sip! Oh, and to update you, victoria is well past cycling and currently enjoying her pregnancy that she naturally conceived the month before she was due to start IUI!

sammy, glad to hear the injection was no big deal. Now you've got that mastered, I guess the next step is the first scan. Do you know what date that will be?

Yes first scan is a week today, then one the following Monday with egg collection provisionally booked for Wednesday 15th!

I too would have worried if you suddenly stopped posting! We're clearly a pessimistic bunch! X