Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

As shell said I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant with my miracle pre treatment baby after 2.5 years ttc. Dh has got poor sperm but there was one good one in there eventually! I was on this thread whinging for about a year so I like to pop in and check how my friends are doing :-) What are your ttc issues Aussie?

Well done for doing your first jab Sammy the rest will be a piece of cake now :-)

Hi Ladies,

Wow congrats Victoria. Thats great news!!! Glad to see you still pop in to see how everyone else is doing x

Sammy, glad to hear your 1st injection went well - must say very brave doing it yourself. x its all go go go now ... 15th is just round the corner now x

Shel - ive tried coconut water now and actually quite like it lol what other options are there to help fertility? most things ive read (diet) is all like 3 months before starting IVF! Hope everything went well x

Weird thing is we only dtd twice that month. Last ditch attempt before treatment. Just said to dh, we'd better have sex, I'm ovulating, just in case. Dh even said "yeah right, like it'll work this time". It was a surprise when af didn't show up. I was getting frustrated it was late as if it got any later we wouldn't have been able to fit in a cycle before our holiday abroad! Didn't even occur to me I was preg, had no tests in the house.

I so want you ladies to feel the glee and shock of a positive test. Everything crossed for you! X x X

Thanks Aussie - fx it'll come round quickly.
Can't believe you like the coconut water, I really didn't! As far as I can tell for IVF high protein and lots of fluid seems to be key.

Chops - I still can't believe your story, I remember when you announced your bfp, I was so excited, it was like it was my news! Xx

I'll be so excited when you get your bfp too Sammy! And you MUST join the FB group so we can stay in touch!

I don't like coconut water either but dh loves the stuff!

I promise to join if it get my bfp! I really don't want to lose touch with you. Xx

Yay! x

hey chops, hope you don't mind me answering aussie's question about your story on your behalf. I know ruby isn't here much now she's busily pregnant and I thought you might not return for a while to so that's the reason I answered. I still can't believe your story either - especially the fact that your IUI was rejected that cycle due to your day 2/3 dominant follicle/cyst. I was convinced you were not going to ovulate that cycle, let alone conceive!

So first scan is the Friday coming sammy. I look forward to your update.

aussie - I too can't believe you like the coconut water! But glad you do if it's going to help. Yes, most things I've read are also suggested for 2-3 months prior to IVF as well. I know that water is important during the actual IVF cycle. Helps plump up the follicles I was told by an acupuncturist. Everything went well thanks aussie. Mmm, perhaps not well because I would have liked to get 10 eggs, but considering my pathetic aged ovaries, I got 5 eggs which was a good effort for my body.

I'm dreading the phone call from the clinic tomorrow. Knowing this is the last cycle I can afford but not bearing the thought of having to say goodbye to this dream, I am so anxious. Last time I had 5 eggs collected, only 1 fertilised normally. The clinic could call and say nothing fertilised and it's game over. Or even if 1 or 2 of the 5 did fertilise, perhaps they have arrested over the last two days. How will I cope????

Sorry about constantly swapping between chopsface and victoria401! I am one and the same!

Don't worry about telling my tale shell but just so you know I check here every day for updates, I have no life! Are you having icsi? Surely that would increase the chances of more fertilizing as I though that was the issue with dh's sperm, being unable to penetrate the egg.

By the way, I have found nothing busy about being pregnant. I spend a lot of time 'resting' in front of the tv ;-) I'm sure the busy part will come in a couple more months!

Shell - are you expecting the call tomorrow? Everything is crossed for you! We are here for you whatever the outcome.
Yes scan is on Friday, which seems forever away right now!
I'm on day 4 of injections (well 4 of suprecur, 3 of menopur) - I feel a little crampy tonight, but they clinic said to expect that. Xx

Shell, wishing you lots of luck for the phone call tomorrow, I hope your little eggs are working away at the moment!

I've never even tried coconut water, but I do drink lots of water anyway due to a dodgy kidney, perhaps it helped with our IVF.

Victoria, if you're not busy feel free to come round to mine and clean up some of the mess the builders leave every day!! I know it's a means to an end of finally having the extension finished, but I'm so fed up of finding dust over everything. At the moment I have no idea when they'll be done and hence when I can start nesting.....

Hi Ladies, hope everyone is well.

good luck with the phone call shell - hope its good news :)

just quick update from me - im waiting to start my period which should start on wednesday but apparently the nasal spray (used for down reg) can delay it by few days to 1 week... which means more bloody waiting!!! xxx

ruby, I remember you having builders in during your 2ww. Didn't realise they were STILL around! Must be frustrating, but will be nice to have a lovely house for when the twins arrive. ruby, can I ask what brand of estrogen you took? I have read that some estrogen causes birth defects and I need to be taking the one that mimics what our ovaries produce. Since my Dr is not familiar with the protocol of taking estrogen during the 2ww and is just allowing me to do it based on a study I showed her, I am paranoid about if she has given me the correct type of estrogen.

So of my 5 eggs, only 3 were mature and able to have ICSI performed. Of those 3, 2 fertilised. I felt a bit deflated when I heard that news and I suddenly went from 5 to 2. I felt a bit more anxious when she said they were at 3 cells. I've done this too many times before and know they should be at 4 cells by 48 hours. Went in for embryo transfer today (day 3) and they were at 8 and 10 cells which is in the optimal range so that was a relief. Had them both transferred. So that's it. I can't afford IVF anymore, I have no embryos frozen so no plan B if this fails. This is it.

Sammy, looking forward to hearing about your scan this Friday. I am sure it still feels like forever away at the moment!

vic, I too think I will have more time once I am pregnant. I have spent the last 4 years of my life planning IVF cycles and googling research after each failure to fix things for the next attempt. I am not going to know what to do with myself once this is over.

Shell! You're now pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO!) hooray and congratulations!!
I feel awful this morning, headachey and really tired... Is this the drugs? Will reply properly to everyone later, Xx

shell I'm so pleased you got embryos transferred. And I love your positive thinking of '...more time once pregnant....' Good luck

well done shell for getting this far... 2 embryos transferred! i really hope it works... good luck and rest up xxx

Hope you're feeling better sammy. I personally didn't find much side effects from the drugs... but then my body barely responds to them and I hardly produce any eggs. Here's hoping that this means you're ovaries are busy at work to make your headache and tiredness worthwhile.

Yes chops, I have moments of positive thinking, followed a few seconds later by me giving myself a stern warning not to get my hopes up as I will only have further to fall.

I spoke to a lady my age at my clinic who has her embryos genetically tested and I can't help but remember her telling me that 2 out of 3 of all her eggs are genetically abnormal which is apparently normal for our age.

So it just depends if 1 of my two embryos are from the 1 in 3 normal eggs I produce. Mmm, this is going to be a long two weeks!

And thank you too aussie. I am torn between resting when my mind is over active and thinks and wonders and drives me insane, or keeping busy and distracted.

Shell - when is test date? Xx

I have to have a blood test at clinic on 20th as official test. But with my last embryo transfer that resulted in an early miscarriage, I had definite pregnancy feeling 9 days after egg collection which will be next Monday this cycle, which lasted until it changed to a pre-menstrual cramping feeling and then I had the heaviest period of my life. So I am counting down to Monday and desperately hoping I get that pregnancy feeling again for some reassurance.

The 20th! Goodness they like to make us wait don't they?! Fx for a pregnancy feeling, I'm excited and nervous for you! Xx

Yes, that's 16 days after egg collection and definitely a later blood test than when other women on Mumsnet are tested by their clinics. I'm guessing I will pretty much know by then... hopefully I'll 'feel pregnant' come Monday/Tuesday and my period will be late by the 20th... hopefully!

In the meantime, your scan is this Friday so I look forward to hearing how you get on with that. Hope you are feeling better :)

Shell - I hope you start to 'feel pregnant' soon!

Scan is in 4.5 hours. I'm scared, and really wish dh was coming with me. Am terrified they'll say it hasn't worked or I ovulated anyway or something Xx

hi ladies,

hope everyone is well.

just a quick dip in...

best of luck sammy with the scan - every stage of this bloody process is daunting. feel your pain but hang in there... im sure it will go well xxx

shell - hope you get 'preger' feeling soon xxx

Thanks Aussie - about to leave work to go to scan now. I'm really nervous!

How are you getting on? Xx