Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

hi ladies, just a little update from aussie.

im on a long protocol... so i now have my downreg nasal spray (suprecur) which i am due to start taking on 30 june (approx. 1 week prior to my next bleed).

im due to ovulate next week thou - can i still try and hope for a natural miracle?

protein shake is meant to be good thing to take. just thought i share this incase no one knew. not all protein shakes are good thou so need to make sure you get the right one. i was recommended to go to a shop near regents park. xxx

I don't see why you can't try naturally aussie.

Curious as to what makes a protein shake the wrong type? I am in Australia so not likely to go the shop near regents park any time soon! Is it because of the fake sugars and numbers that make them bad? I am familiar with the high protein diet and I buy the all natural pea protein powder and add almond milk along with other goodies to make my shake, so I assume this is okay?

I'm interested too, dh has lots if protein shakes which I will definitely steal if it's likely to help...
Do you know what the bad ingredients are Aussie?
Good luck with your cycle!! Xx

Just popping on to make sure you're ok! Not long now. Fingers crossed for you all x x

Your DH sounds like he's quite a healthy guy sammy if he's into protein shakes. My husbands quick fix is from a choice between McDOnalds or Hungry Jacks! He's sick AGAIN today. Seems to get sick every 6-8 weeks. A normal wife would be sympathetic but I am just over it. He skips breakfast, eats crap and I'm sure it's the reason for his 0% normal sperm. Not sure how I'm going to forgive and forget if IVF doesn't work out and I watch as I turn another year older and know my fertility is gone and he's destroyed my dream. Ho hum.

Went for my day 3 scan today. Had only 7 follicles at the start of last cycle compared to other cycles when I have had 15-16. So I decided to postpone last cycle. I even upped my DHEA after reading studies showing how it increases follicle counts. But still only 7 measly follicles again today. I decided to start the meds anyway and see what happens. The protocol I am on is supposed to get the follicles growing at a more even rate which worked a treat the first time I tried this protocol. But today I already have a dominant follicle at 9mm on the right and the rest are all small. So that hasn't worked out either. Going back Monday for a repeat scan. They say stress reduces follicle growth but it's going to be hard to feel positive this weekend after today's result.

Hi Victoria! How're you doing? I noticed on the ante natal bus that you were feeling pretty rubbish. Xx

Ok Shell, so it's not the result you hoped, but still 7 is better than 1 so it may all work out. You only need one to fertilise. I understand your disappointment and fear though because I know I will feel exactly the same, you just want the best chance. What will they expect to happen with the already dominant one? Will it just wait for the others to catch up?

DH is pretty healthy, although he is a real meat eater and has been known to go a few days without any fruit or veg before. However for the last 3 months or do I've had him on fruit and veg smoothies (with Brazil nuts for selenium) and he has noticed a real difference in energy so think he will be sticking to it. Xx

hi ladies, sorry for the late reply. my acupuncturist said theres good and bad protein shakes out there. the nutri health centre i went to seemed quite medi trained as she was asking me what medication i was on etc. shes advised for me to take a particular shake for now as im only on vitamins but onces my down reg starts to stop taking this shake and buy a different one as apparently the ingredients can react to drugs!?!

the one ive been suggested prior to down reg, is called 'terra nova life drink'.

sorry to hear your scan didnt go aswel as you expected Shell but dont give up hope yet. its too early and youve made the right choice... the more you delay the harder it will get xxx

im waiting for 30 june to start my down regs and OMG time is going soooo slow. i try and not think about IVF but everything i do and decide is IVF based... eat, drink especially. i was going mad yday on google trying to understand if i could try one last time for a natural miracle prior to down regs and soooo many controversial information thats im still confused.com. i called my clinic and the very nice lady had to put me on hold to get the answer but (in her voice) she didnt sound to certain either! maybe im just being para lol

how you ladies feeling today? x

Aussie - what was her answer (even if she sounded unsure!)?

I'm ok, getting nervous about nurses consultation on Monday now, even though it's only a chat and blood tests! Lol.
I haven't really changed my diet that much... Should I have?! X

sammy, not sure what will happen with the one dominant one. I didn't ask. I guess they have no idea either. All I can do is go ahead and see what happens because as aussie says, the longer I wait for a cycle to be perfect, the harder it will get.

I know how slow the time in the lead up goes aussie! And I was exactly like you (and still am while I wait for this torturously long weekend to be over so I can get on with Mondays scan and see if some of my few measly follicles are growing) - it's impossible to forget when everything I eat and drink is IVF based and when I am downing pills morning and night.

sammy, I remember for my fourth IVF I was on this special IVF diet, I was taking all the right supplements and I had done all the research and thought I had my IVF protocol perfected to suit my body for top quality embryos. I started an IVF thread and 3 other ladies joined who were doing their 1st IVF and had no idea about diet, supplements etc. I was sure I was in with the best chance and didn't have to worry about having BFP's shoved in my face at the end of my cycle. Turns out all 3 ladies got a BFP except me! So who knows if any special diet works?! You sound young and healthy so I think you are in with the best chance.

Shell, I think you're doing the right thing by going ahead. If all 7 were to progress then that's a fab number, and it's still enough for some to fail and be left with a few good ones. Stay hopeful!

Hmmm well the 2 vodka and lemonade a I had last night are not part of an IVF preparation diet I'm guessing? Gah, wish I knew what would make it work!
Thank you for your positivity, I'll be thinking of your message when treatment starts. Xx

Mmm... alcohol... that sounds tempting! All 7 DEFINITELY won't progress sammy. They say on average about half of the antral follicles grow. So statistically that means 3.5 - but in a natural cycle the body selects the strongest to grow and allows the others to die away so that we ovulate one egg, and because I already had a dominant follicle that process had already started by day 3 despite the down regging to stop that, so I'm not even feeling too confident of my 3.5. Arrgh, see the agony of IVF begins. I hope I get better news at my scan on Monday.

Sorry you're follicles aren't playing ball shellster :-( I'm so angry with your dh for not looking after himself. Have you had rows about it? Does he actually want another baby?! Me and my dh had some rows about his health and living and eventually he seemed to make more of an effort, which I'm sure contributed to our natural bfp. Fingers crossed for your 7 follicles x x

Sammy yeah Ive been pretty poorly the last couple of weeks but I'm coming out of the other side now. Good luck with your nurse appointment x

Glad you're starting to feel better chops, it'll all be worth it in the end X

Shell - good luck for Monday, will be thinking of you. Xx

hi sammy, well she said no i should try (unprotected sex) as if i get pregnants then the drugs can have effect. which i understand but ive googled this and alot of women get preg during down reg and have no problems. im just being hopeful that i might get preg even though chances are very slim but you cant stop wishing for a mica le lol

shell im sure you already know so sorry to sound patronizing but try not to worry as from what i understand... its had to predict how things are going to progress until after EC. youve done such a great job so far so dont give up hope hun and nooooo stressing xxx

one of my biggest challenges during this whole experience is getting my patner on board. hes very understanding and supportive. and is now very good with his diet (which i control) from sunday to thursday. but every friday night has to be a night out with the lads on a night out where theres loads of drinking and smoking. which no doubt contradicts the whole weeks had work grrrrrr

Hmm. I think in your position Aussie I would probably still try for the miracle! X

yeah i must just do that... no miracle for the last 4 years so chances quite low... but hey ho lol

thanks x

My DH (or not so D!) is in a bit of denial chops and even at times says there is nothing wrong with his sperm - despite a report that says otherwise!? The more I try to point things out, the more he gets defensive - he just doesn't want to change. An argument how is only going to add stress so all I can do is try to make him as many healthy meals as possible even if it means me getting up on my days off before he leaves for work to make him breakfast. Glad to hear you're feeling better - how many weeks are you now?

Thanks for your well wishes too sammy. I just hope a few of the smaller ones have caught up. It really will help me feel more positive and get through the next few days in a better frame of mind if there are at least a few growing at an even pace because as aussie says, stress is only going to do me harm. You are right aussie, I hear other womens stories and see them get all in a panic when they start their IVF and think things aren't optimal, but do you think I can apply the same logic to myself - no! So it's nice to be reminded from an objective viewpoint.

Yes, aussie, I too would be trying for the miracle as when we are so desperate for this, it just seems a shame to waste an opportunity when there is an egg being released.

Lol shelter you just reminded me of myself... I especially wake up to make hubby healthy breakfast and where possible lunches too as Macy d's isn't going to help this process! I'm forever running around him giving him vitamins also... Just a shame that all that hard work is wasted on Friday nights out with the lads! Grrrr

What do you give your partner? I give vit d, vit e, vit c and well man conception also.

It's easy to be objective and remind people to stay away from stress when you wait and watch me in a few weeks time... I ll be needing my same advice reminded every day lol haha

Good luck with your scan tomorrow... Will be thinking of you xxx

My dh takes wellman conception, but c and Brazil nuts for the selenium. Zinc is v important (doctor recomended!) but is in his wellman).

We have our appointment for planning the IVF tomorrow afternoon, scary. Can't quite believe this is where we are. Xx

sammy - is this your first round of IVF? sorry havent read the beg. of thread.

Yes it will be the first. Paying privately while waiting for the magic 2 years for the NHS. X

grrrrr that is sooo frustating!

good luck with tomorrow - i hope you leave your appointment full of optimism :)

ps. make sure you go into the appointment prepared with your own set of questions (if any) as that will help. keep us posted xxx

shelter - hope your scan goes well today (taken into account time difference) xxx