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Original poster

Nick Duerden in the Guardian - His wife "leaves me fully alone with my daughter for the first time" at 16 months!

492 replies

beanieb · 02/05/2009 23:57

piece

Is this normal, for a father to not be left with their child alone until they are over a year old?

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 03/05/2009 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grammaticus · 03/05/2009 12:12

What a prick

Original poster
beanieb · 03/05/2009 12:45

Oh good, I am glad other people agree that this was a wank 'article'

OP posts:
BeehiveBaby · 03/05/2009 12:59

I assumed that the iPod was in a dock....he is just so techno savvy that that is the only thing he would ever think to play music on IYKWIM?

BeehiveBaby · 03/05/2009 13:01

My mum looked after DD1 for 36 hours (at 11 months) well before DH did.

Turned out well when I finally left her with him at about 19/20 months. I had been stressing about getting her off daytime bottles and on my return asked how many she had got through. His reply: 'What bottles?'!

ThingOne · 03/05/2009 13:09

I thought it was such a knobhead article I didn't finish it when my grauniad arrived yesterday morning but but but...

I was breastfeeding and didn't go away overnight until my DS1 was 22 or 23 months old. Nothing to do with my DH being incompetent; I just didn't want to go away when he was still breastfeeding lots. My DH did regularly have sole care before this, though.

I didn't go away overnight sans enfant before 18 months with my second either. It's just not my thang.

sazlocks · 03/05/2009 13:14

FGS
confirms again why I am glad we no longer buy weekend papers as last few months seem to have been full of irrelevant rubbish like this.

My DH looks after our DC 3 days a week. Is the idea of a father taking sole responsibility for a child really so unusual that it merits a write up in the gruad ?

Lulumama · 03/05/2009 13:17

he has painted himself as a juvenile , selfish and rather pointless man.

big woo hoo he got up in the night to soothe her.

i cannot understand why he would expect a round of applause

or admiration

that is what a parent does

Sufi · 03/05/2009 13:21

DH read the feature, passed it over to me, and said 'don't bother reading that, the guy's a twat'. God, I love my DH!

Littlepurpleprincess · 03/05/2009 13:21

I actually sympathise with him a bit. 16months is really bad, don't get me wrong, but DP rarely looked after our son alone for a long time. Not because he wasn't capable, just because he didn't need to. I didn't work and hardly ever went out. When we were together, we were ALL together as a family. It just never came up.

But it came with a massive downside. He never learnt DS's routine, didn't bond with him like I did, didn't understand the hard work I put in everyday because all the little things I had to do for DS never even entered his mind. It also ment he had no confidence in his ability as a parent and it scared me a bit. What if I got hit by a bus tomorrow and DP had to be a single dad? He wouldn't have a clue, not because he didn't want to, just because he had never had the opportunity.

We argued about it once and he snapped at me "well you never LET me do anything, sometimes I don't feel like he's my baby!" and that really upset me. I just did everything, without thinking to involve DP.

So, I went back to work last summer, and DP is at uni so he gets the school holidays off. He had DS all summer, he saw him twice as much as I did, and I forced myself to take a step back and let them get on with it. Their relationship changed so much. They are so close now. DP knows just what to do. I can leave without giving instructions and I feel that we are equal.

Still, I think this guy needs to realise that it's not all about him. He should spend one to one time with his daughter for HER sake, not his. Also, his poor wife must need a holiday if thats the first break she got in 16 months. I don't think he's a bad father, I just think he's ignorant.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/05/2009 13:23

16 months?

dh was super-competent from day one!

OTOH, I was all fingers and thumbs with nappies, with buttons, with babygros.. and they kept slipping out of my hands in the bath and stuff In my defence, they are wriggly, slippery little buggers.

Gorionine · 03/05/2009 15:24

I have only spent 1 night away from my dcs and that was to give birth to DS2 (did not stay in hospital overnight for ds3 and dd4). DH is super competent with the children but we actually enjoy doing things together hence he has not had to do anything on his own. He is a very hands on dad even with me arround and I am sure he would be very hurt to be judged as imcompetent by some of you just because the occasion has not arrised yet for him to "fly solo" for more than a couple of hours here and there.

piscesmoon · 03/05/2009 15:54

I should have a break and let him have a go on his own Gorionine- I get the impression that you have time on your own and it is quite different. It is nice to do things together, but sometimes DCs have a lot to gain with just Dad.

Gorionine · 03/05/2009 16:00

They do things with just their dad, just not overnight.

piscesmoon · 03/05/2009 16:05

I didn't mean overnight-just more than 2 hours -with Dad cooking meals etc. I think it is good for them all to build up a relationship with Dad as an equal parent.

smallorange · 03/05/2009 16:09

God am so at: "i've become a parent, well done me," articles.

I didn't read it because I'd have dropped dead of boredom before the end.

You have had a child. You are a parent. Get over it.

Gorionine · 03/05/2009 16:11

Dad cooks meals even if I am arround. That is what I am trying to say, the fact that that I am arround all the time does not mean he is useless. I do not see looking after them on his own as a thing he has got to do to prove me he can do it, I KNOW he would be perfectly able to look after all of them on his own for longer periodes of time!

piscesmoon · 03/05/2009 16:18

I should make the most of it then Gorionine and have a whole day out on your own-it is lovely! I think it is good for them-they do things differently-DH used to dress them in weird combinations of clothes when they were little! Other things weren't the way that I would have done them, but I kept quiet- reasoning that he was doing it so it wasn't fair to interfere.

Merrylegs · 03/05/2009 16:27

'small neat smile'
'pillowy sleep'
'relief puddles around me'

The worst thing about this article (and the words 'money' and 'old rope' spring to mind) is that it's horribly overwritten.
For that he should be judged.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 03/05/2009 18:44

'relief puddles around me'

Yes it makes him sound like he has wet himself.

ruddynorah · 03/05/2009 18:50

crikey. dh did it all from day one. all i did were the breastfeeds.

i was very very nervous of being alone with her when he went back to work when she was 6 weeks old.

nickytwotimes · 03/05/2009 19:01

I saw the offending article yesterday and I couldn't bear to read it all either.
I knew I could rely on MN for a good thread on it.
Utter tosh and wankery.
GROW UP MAN!

Northernlurker · 03/05/2009 19:09

What would he have done if the fox and cubs hadn't wandered into the garden eh?

'As I was sitting on the bog reading Private Eye my choking daugheter wandered into the bathroom'

Nope, not got the same ring to it at all.

His poor girlfriend - she's lumbered with a total useless pillock there!

scampadoodle · 03/05/2009 19:18

I couldn't stand the "I didn't really want to be a dad, but hey, I'm brilliant at it!" tone. That Family section is disappearing up its own rectum.
"Grow stuff with your kids! It'll keep them happy for hours & they'll eat all the healthy stuff you grow!" No it won't and no they won't.

ProstetnicVogonJeltz · 03/05/2009 19:20

He's a nob and so is she for indlging him.
How the blood hell do these people cope with real life?