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Original poster

Nick Duerden in the Guardian - His wife "leaves me fully alone with my daughter for the first time" at 16 months!

492 replies

beanieb · 02/05/2009 23:57

piece

Is this normal, for a father to not be left with their child alone until they are over a year old?

OP posts:

justthefourofus · 03/05/2009 20:58

I also took it as that this was the first time he was left on his own with child overnight. I would find hard to believe that his dp would go from nothing to 36 hours, doesn't make sense. So, with that in mind, I don't think 16 months is too late or too early, it depends on your need and desire to go away, really.

I wanted my children very much, but I still had a really hard time when they actually arrived. It was not love at first sight with them and with my first one that made me feel insecure and miserable. I thought that I was supposed to love them for the first moment. But the love came soon enough. I think this guy is gone through something similar. And from what I know from other people, quite a few do. This is not an opinion piece but a personal experience and I guess you may not like it if doesn't resonate with your own.

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/05/2009 21:32

DS2 is 19m and has NEVER been left with dp.

BarcodeZebra · 03/05/2009 21:36

I read the head-line and thought he was a tit. Didn't bother reading it.

spicemonster · 03/05/2009 21:44

LadyEvenstar - why not?

Laugs · 03/05/2009 21:50

He wasn't that bad.

DH was a SAHD by the time DD was 10 months, but he didn't care for her overnight until she was 18 months.

And he can't have been that drunk. 2 bottles of wine for 3 people = 2 lg glasses of wine each over the course of a whole day. I would drink that in sole charge and be fine.

What does annoy me is that men's parenting books have to be so laddish. The only one we could find in our library when DH was about to become as SAHD was entitled Chips, Videos and Alcohol (IIRC). That just made me feel really depressed, for men.

The article's conclusion, though, that he feels so bloody pleased with himself for managing one whole, sober day alone with his child, did grate.

thisisyesterday · 03/05/2009 21:54

ds2 is 18m and has never been left overnight with dp.
he has had him while I go to sainsburys, but that's about it

main reason being that until very recently he was attached to a boob approximately ever 45 mins (that's ds2 btw, not dp)

i never had any real need to be away from him either

moondog · 03/05/2009 21:54

God what a tit (and I agree that 2 bottles of wine between 3 over say 8 hours is nothing much.
Middle class Londoners who write for the Guardian.God, they're so awful.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 03/05/2009 21:58

I do hope all you lot who have never left your child won't be moaning about how crap your DH is at taking responsibility in a few years?

Jeez, I did the whole 'I have no fucking idea what I'm doing either' number from the start. And I didn't. And DH stepped up.

spicemonster · 03/05/2009 22:01

I can't help thinking that if his partner was still bfing, he would have mentioned it. Anyway. on rereading the article, I see it is nothing more than a plug for a book (much like a recent MN thread was for another Guardian article [mad]). All terrible tiresome

Meglet · 03/05/2009 22:03

(My now Ex) Dp had an hour on his own with ds when he was a week old. I had to go to the doctors for more painkillers and wasn't taking a newborn out in the peeing rain to a waiting room full off ill people.

He was on his own with ds and dd when she was 6 weeks old. That was funny, coming home to a trashed living room and a shell shocked dad.

scotagm · 03/05/2009 22:05

This is yesterday - apart from the really flippin obvious smug point - what are you trying to say?

If your child is 18 months and you never felt the need to be away from then - then you are unreal.

I had a child with my dp because we both wanted to be parents - but we both need our own time now and again.

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/05/2009 22:05

spice I have never left him with anyone...Oh tell a lie I left him for 6 minutes exactly the other day while I ran to the shop....and boy did i run. lol.

thisisyesterday · 03/05/2009 22:05

just because we parent our children together doesn't mean my partner can't take responsibility for my children.

he takes plenty thank you very much. right now my littlest is still a baby who has only recently stopped breastfeeding.
my 4 yr old on the other hand is very much a daddy's boy atm.
dp has plenty of responsibility for both boys, but that doesn't only manifest itself in him having to look after them by himself does it???

thisisyesterday · 03/05/2009 22:07

what am I trying to say? that it isn't totally abnormal for a mum not to leave her toddler.
that I, and other posters who have said the same, have plenty of good reasons for not leaving our babies.

If I had needed to go away overnight I would have. but I didn't need to.
so, not trying to sound smug at all, but answring the many questions of "but WHY???" as if it was totally unheard of

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/05/2009 22:08

DS2 is 19m and i have never wanted to leave him with anyone else nor felt the need.

But dp and I do a lot together with ds's though I do most with ds2

thisisyesterday · 03/05/2009 22:14

and I like that all of you who have/do leave your kids with someone else overnight or whatever are all normal, but those of us who choose not to are "smug" and "unreal"

judgeypants!

Heated · 03/05/2009 22:15

I really like the little girl's blouse.

Beanieb, as the OP what do you think of the piece?

hercules1 · 03/05/2009 22:17

I am amazed you have never left your 19month old alone with your dh. REally? Did I misread your posts?

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 03/05/2009 22:17

unreadable fiction

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/05/2009 22:20

Hercules, I have left him for 6 minutes lol. He is often out with ds1 on the other hand.

hercules1 · 03/05/2009 22:21

Do you never feel a desire to go out on your own childfree other than to Sainsburys?

BeehiveBaby · 03/05/2009 22:22

I never felt the need to leave mine for fun as it were. I have only left them for funerals and the preceeding visits to dying ralatives in fact

spicemonster · 03/05/2009 22:23

Bugger - just lost a very considered response so this is going to have to be less so!

And I'm the one who said 'why not'. What I found alarming about the article (as a single parent) is the fact that I expect couples to parent equally. As far as I know, breastfeeding is the only bit of childcare that men are physically incapable of doing but it seems that women take ownership of it and I'm just struggling to understand why that should be. A couple of quotes from the thread: "I just did everything, without thinking to involve DP."
"I still directed what happened over the day"

Why is that? Why don't women share it with their partners? It seems to me that this is at the root of a lot of the plaints on MN - the 'my DH expects me to do everything round the house' threads of which there are an endless number. Why isn't your DH/DP an equal parent from the off?

Laugs · 03/05/2009 22:23

I think it is completely normal not to have left DC alone overnight at 16 months. But not leaving them with someone else during the day, ever sounds like very hard work to me. We all deserve a bit of time off, even if it's just to sit and have a coffee and read the paper alone. We have to be kind to ourselves.

emkana · 03/05/2009 22:24

I didn't leave my dd1 overnight until she was 2.2, and then I was in hospital to have dd2.

I don't think there is anything abnormal about not being away overnight from your very young children.

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