This Morning - No mention of Little Arthur

[smileanddance]

The horrendous case of Arthur is at the forefront of all our minds this week, and all other live TV shows seem to be discussing the case, however Phil and Holly have not so much as uttered a word about him this week. They are so smiley and happy and I just find it really disrespectful and surprising that they haven't even acknowledged him. AIBU??

You can go to bed happy now that someone agrees with you.

What are you hoping Phil and Holly will be covering tomorrow?

@smileanddance

Thank you Fallingstar! I was starting to think I was going mad. I probably do get too affected by things that happen in the news, but that's just the way I'm wired and I don't think I'm alone. I was never like this before I had kids may I add. I don't tend to discuss this in person with anyone, (definitely no competitive grief or whatever you all call it) and have always in the past found solace from listening to discussions about it on TV. Strange as that may sound to some, I really don't understand the anger around this.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting you are mad, but you are over invested. It’s a tragic case, of course. But it isn’t healthy for you to get so emotionally involved in something that has nothing to do with you personally. Some people are sensitive to stories like this, but know that and back off. Far better you use your energy to do something useful for society, if that’s what you’d like, rather than obsessing over this poor kid and his family. You can’t help them.

This thread has shown a very unpleasant side to a number of posters.

Genuinely don't understand why posters on here seem so hostile.. Why they keep throwing around made up terms like "grief competition" and "grief wanking" Just because a thinking, caring human expressed their feelings.
I'm a bit like you OP, some things can really stick with me and it's hard to shake them off, because they seem so unreal and utterly incomprehensible.
Finding solace in TV discussions is a way of coping, and so is talking about it, in real life or on mumsnet. Why shouldn't we be able to?

If you want tv discussions then look further than daytime tv.

It is your grief, and everyone else's, everyone who felt an overwhelming love and sorrow for poor little Arthur. You don't have to be family or even have known him - you could still mourn him and love him

No. It isn't your grief. And to suggest that somehow you can love him like his own family is stunningly disrespectful and hideous in the extreme.

Yes, you can mourn what's happened to him, and be horrified by the whole case. But to suggest that somehow you can share the grief of his family is just ridiculous.

Watching This Morning today. Gino's doing the call in. Is now a good idea to phone about this story OP?...

@BIWI

It is your grief, and everyone else's, everyone who felt an overwhelming love and sorrow for poor little Arthur. You don't have to be family or even have known him - you could still mourn him and love him

No. It isn't your grief. And to suggest that somehow you can love him like his own family is stunningly disrespectful and hideous in the extreme.

Yes, you can mourn what's happened to him, and be horrified by the whole case. But to suggest that somehow you can share the grief of his family is just ridiculous.

OP hasn't once claimed to share the grief of Arthur's family but it's perfectly normal for some people to feel great grief and pain over stories like this.

OP hasn't once claimed to share the grief of Arthur's family but it's perfectly normal for some people to feel great grief and pain over stories like this.

But it isn't normal to complain that a programme hasn't covered Arthur's death, and complain that support isn't being provided.

Why does op need support over another families loss?

The poster suggesting that the grief is ops is ridiculous. Op has heard a news story, the grief is the families and the support needs to be provided for those who actually knew Arthur.

Anyone else claiming they need support for something they chose to watch or listen to is inserting themselves into someone else's tragedy, especially those who then go on to post online about it.

@FallingStar21

And you know what - no one can tell you that "it's not your grief to bear". It is your grief, and everyone else's, everyone who felt an overwhelming love and sorrow for poor little Arthur. You don't have to be family or even have known him - you could still mourn him and love him

Absolute hogwash. And totally disrespectful to Arthur's family.

And in any event, the op's focus is not on expressing her grief for what happened to Arthur, but annoyance that she hasn't been offered TV support for the trauma she experienced from watching the video of his torture.

I absolutely agree that you can't compare the grief of a stranger with the grief of the family (although let's be honest - complete strangers seem to care a hell of a lot more about Arthur than some of his closest family members). However, some people do get very deeply affected by cases like this. People can struggle mentally over all sorts of things. You can't really tell another person they shouldn't be upset about something (whether it's hearing about the torture and murder of a small child or something mundane like a bad haircut). You can't help your feelings. If someone is struggling with something yes, they might need support. For me personally, This Morning is the last place I would go for support and I think it's the wrong programme to discuss Arthur's case. I have however considered counselling as I always get deeply affected by things like this. I would like support from a professional to help me deal with painful and intrusive thoughts.

Nobody is telling anyone not to be upset. It is upsetting.

Requiring support from TV programmes for something you chose to watch is another matter, as is complaining simultaneously that there was too much/not enough coverage on TV.

although let's be honest - complete strangers seem to care a hell of a lot more about Arthur than some of his closest family members

If you're referring to Arthur's murderers then say that, this implies that the wider family didn't care which is totally untrue.

If you know you get intrusive thoughts then its for you to manage by not watching the news, turning the TV off or over, not reading things you know will distress you etc.

Deliberately watching something and then complaining you don't have appropriate support from Holly and Phil is just silly.

Some posters have grossly misunderstood my message. I never said that a deeply affected stranger's grief is the same as a family member's grief, of course it wouldn't be. But a stranger can too experience strong emotions and they are allowed to feel love, grief and sorrow (on whatever level) for this amazing little boy.
Please stop making everything comparable, competitive and ugly. It really isn't this way.