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MSBP: Lost Mothers 2nd thread

331 replies

GillW · 16/06/2004 16:23

New thread beacuse Bunglie needs the existing ones to be temporarily archived (and the last one was getting so-o-o-o-o long...)

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 21/06/2004 14:37

ooooh bunglie, just had a super duper idea. Why don't you get dd and ds their own domain names as gifts. You can register them for £40 each for several years. They can then set up private email accounts if they wish and have stuff forwarded to an address that the ap's don't have. I'll email you the website and basic info on how to do it.

beetroot · 21/06/2004 14:44

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GillW · 21/06/2004 14:54

Bunglie - if there is any way you can get a message to your dd, you can help her to set up a free (and private) email address which is web-based, so no-one else will be able to read it. Have a look for example at this (there are many others, but I like this one).

OP posts:
Bunglie · 21/06/2004 16:01

Very interesting GillW.
I was accused as you know of having Munchausens Syndrome AND munchausens syndrome by proxy.
I wish I could tell you how the Judge reached his decission,(gagging order!), but what I shall say is All of the findings he applied to me can and should be applied to Southall, Does that make him a sufferer of his own syndrome? But he does fit the profile applied to me, down to a 'T'.
Ironic or what? Southall a sufferer of MSBP.

beetroot · 21/06/2004 17:48

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Bunglie · 21/06/2004 18:04

The finale, Tea, pressies and departure.

As dd and I had hurried back home, leaving af trailing in his shorts, we managed to get back and put the kettle on for them. dd had told me that she makes her own cards and presents. af had complained (I think jokingly!) that dd kept taking his fresh white paper. As Quakers EVERYTHING is recycled. All envelopes are reused and if they get a letter with a bit of scrap paper not used at the bottom, it will get torn off and used (quite often to send to me!). So any new paper and stuff is a real treat for her. Whilst the kettle was boiling, I took her down to my 'office' and sorted her out with a whole load of coloured paper, card, and other art stuff. She was really pleased. She saw I had a lavender bush in my Garden and commented that she made lavender bags as pressies for people. She seemed thrilled when I gave her a whole bag of last years lavender that I had dried. It did smell wonderful!
Arrive home ds and Af, look of exhaution so Tea and cold drinks all around. DD had put her card stuff in a carrier bag so no fuss was made about it, but I felt I had to make the offer to DS about giving him some paper so he got a reme of white paper with a big grin on his face. As it was his birthday in a couple of weeks I decided to give him his birthday present. He was thrilled. Put the bracelet on straight away and dd asked what was on the inside (MIZPAH), She looked puzzled until ds showed her his card. On the front I had put MIZPAH, and the quotation about being apart but always together etc, and I had printed the poem inside the card. Stuck a fridge magnet on the front of a penguin that had room for a photo in it and turned it into a birthday card. dd then understood Mizpah, said she had a fridge magnet like that and wanted a little fridge to go with her teasmade, (I gave her at Christmas), AF said "Just because you have a fridge magnet does not mean you need a fridge!(I hope he was joking again!). He made no comment and ignored ds's bracelet.
I spoke to ds about his gap year (which is now!) and his plans to travel. I offered him a Rucksack, (a large proper back packing one), which he readily accepted. dd said that was just what she needed for her Biology field trip to Snowdonia! So it was a good job that I had 2 of them. So they both now have one.
It was nice to be able to talk to my ds. He had seemed to warm and was very enthusiastic about his job. telling me all the details. It sounded great.
I also had a Teddy that was new, but urgently needed a home, and it was given to me with 4 cushions which had 'Dogberries' on. Which was why I had it. I invited ds and dd to the spare bedroom to see if dd could give the teddy a home and she fell in love with it. ds saw the cushions and exclaimed "Dogberry!". Not bearing to part with all four I said that they could have one each. dd chose a pink one and ds chose a blue one. However, ds said, "can I leave it here, and collect it another time as my flat is in a bit of a mess?" I added "Of course and it is an excuse to come and visit again, not just to go fishing." He agreed. AF could not manage the stairs and I used the stairlift as it was at the top he could not follow. Again I had both ds and dd to myself if only for a minute or two.
We went back down and af imediatly 'bear-knapped' dd's bear and said it was very nice but dd was having none of it and took it back.
It was way past time they should have left for the football, despite this my ds never said a word apart from laugh at my 'varoom' 'varoom' and told me that IF we won we would have a good chance of winning whatever it was they were playing for. So despite all of the time limit they left late and both of them came up to me seperately and gave me a kiss, yes a kiss and a small hug and said "Thankyou for the day"
They drove off waving out of the car window.
I had made a comment about the 'am' to my dd, and was surprised that she was a bit derogatory about her. I think I must give the AF credit for giving me time with my children and referring to them on 2 occassions as my children or me as 'mum'. Something he would never have done had his wife been there.
Oh- If you don't know the 'Dogberry' story I shall tell you again but it does make me a bit sad.
It was wonderful!
Any questions?
Lots of love Bunglie

Twinkie · 21/06/2004 18:13

Ooohhhh Bunglie how wonderful for you - have reduced me to tears!! - I hope that you get to spend time with them both again soon.

How long befiore you can see them without AF being a weirdo and not letting a 17 year old have a teddy??

beetroot · 21/06/2004 18:17

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Bunglie · 21/06/2004 18:23

I am sorry, I don't mean to upset you all, please be happy or I will have to email tech2 and say I don't just want BIG knickers i the mumsnet shop but also I am gong to need a crate of mumnet tissues to send out.
Mine were tears of Joy on this occasion.
Perhaps AF found the teddy more cuddly than the 'am', sorry a bit mean of me that

Twinkie, did you read that I told them your frog wants a loan joke? dd and ds thought it great(threw cushions at me) and only af said, I did not see that coming!

Janh · 21/06/2004 18:26

Twinkie, I think AF was actually being jokey, and pretending he needed the teddy more than DD! He sounds as if left to his own devices he could be quite fun (love the image of him trailing in his shorts, Bunglie!) The whole thing sounds so happy and jolly really. You are all going to be such good friends in a little while!

So sweet about DS and his Dogberry cushion

Bunglie · 21/06/2004 18:50

I am glad you remembered Dogberry Janh, then if anyone wants to know YOU can tell them for me, and I can stay happy for ever and ever!
But it was a nice moment, and for him to leave and say he will collect it NEXT time, is just plain wonderful.
To put a little dampner on it the AF did reitterate that he and the 'am are commited to bring dd (and ds if he wants) to see me after she is 18, but will not entertain the idea of them coming on their own. But that does not matter, because without the 'am' we HAD time on our own. I am making sure they both know how much I enjoyed it. ds is getting a txt and letter and dd just a letter. but I did think it needed following up.

Janh · 21/06/2004 18:55

But they can't stop them coming on their own after they're 18, surely??????

Janh · 21/06/2004 18:56

btw Bunglie, you said before the visit that you had to tell the AF something he wasn't going to like, did that not happen?

beetroot · 21/06/2004 19:03

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Bunglie · 21/06/2004 19:10

Yes Janh you are correct. I did have something to ask and I will tell you what when I can, BUT, he was receptive, and did not get upset (the af) and I suspect he was expecting something like it due to the letter I wrote to them after Christmas. He did comment, he could not keep secrets from the 'am' and he was not sure how she would react, which I think is his way of saying 'badly'. More when I can, but it is not bad, it is good, I was nervous but all is OK now.

Bunglie · 21/06/2004 19:14

DD will be living with the AP's for another 7 months at least, after she is 18, as she does not do her A Levels until next summer. I would not want to put her in a position of a conflict of interest as she must have some loyalty to the AP's and I would not want her to lie or do anything behind their backs. It would be great if they gave permission for us to meet without them. I hope in time they learn to trust me and do.

SofiaAmes · 21/06/2004 19:40

Totally crazed at work but have a quick question. Bunglie is it possible that ds remembered dogberry?

Bunglie · 21/06/2004 19:43

No doubt what so ever Sofia. Dogberry was a very big part of his life and that is why he (as a young man) wanted a cushion because it had 'dogberry' on. It was almost identical to his dogberry, and he was almost emotional about it.

soapbox · 21/06/2004 19:48

Oh Bunglie - I've been sitting at my desk at work - just about managing to keep sensible about Dogberry - but that last post has finally tipped me over the edge and I'm sitting here furtively dabbing away

Poor kids - they really have suffered for that man's ignorance haven't they!

Janh · 21/06/2004 20:03

Keep forgetting DD has another whole year of school!

Thinking about little DS and his Dogberry dissolves me every time, soapbox (and the thumbsucking label on DD . Honestly, how did these people get approved in the first place?)

Bunglie · 22/06/2004 00:00

Just got text back from ds
"Had a gr8 day 2. Hope 2 c u soon. thanx 4 the presents. (his name)"

Isn't that Great, so it is not just me and my wishful thinking. He had a good time too.

Janh · 22/06/2004 00:03

Bunglie, being with someone like you must be a total pleasure for them both, even if you weren't their mum - that's a bonus!

postsue · 22/06/2004 01:24

Just managed to find the thread, and try to catch up.................

Great news Bunglie.

I tried to get a question put to bluncket on this morning the other day to no avail. huh surprise surprise.....

Beetroot i had to put on my suglasses the other day, i now know why. seriously hope you had a great time and i jealous.

talk soon

mummytosteven · 22/06/2004 01:27

Glad that you had such a great time with your children Bunglie - you'll have to see if you can convert your daugther to fishing too (though hopefully not in a Monsoon dress on a muddy riverbank!) Once your daughter is past 18,and especially once she has left home to go to Uni hopefully the aps will be OK with her seeing you alone (as after all they are not going to have much choice if that is what she wants). the af sounds more reasonable than am, so hopefully he would see it that way anyway.

wayward · 22/06/2004 12:36

I found this posted by Jimjams on your Southall Guilty thread, became glued to it!
Read HERE