I'm astonished that so many people are in favour of...

[emkana]

... smacking

Can never see any justification what so ever for smacking a child. Why would you hit a child when there are perfectly good ways of disciplining them that don't involve smacking?

i agree Liquid - if its in a calm controlled environment i think it is acceptable.

obviously losing it with a child is completely different - anger management issues springs to mind

Until my children can understand that what they are doing is unnaceptable by means of a discussion i will continue to parent the way i feel necessary.

i agree that parents are responsible for their childrens upbringing and should not be dictated to.

go no then bugsy - name the other methods that actually WORK

Probably shouldn't have come anywhere near this thread but I did and these comments leapt out at me.

"I deserved it every single time"

"children will grow out of smacking"

I have genuine questions for people who smack their children:
when is your child old enough to be hit?
When are they too old to be hit?
How on earth do you know when they "deserve" it or when they are just learning and being children?

Phew Bugsy I was beginning to feel I was the only one who just thinks it is plain wrong

there's a big difference between a smack and a beating and let's not get the two confused.

In my day we used to say things like 'oh, I'll get battered for that' which would probably horrify a lot of you that a child could say that, but it was just words - today they'd probably say 'I'll be in deep doo-doo' equally unpleasant but it doesn't mean they will be literally in deep doo-doos !

I like and concur with Soupy's post.

• just wanted to use this I'm not sceptical

How can hitting ever be in a calm controlled environment.In fact it is almost worse to actually think about hitting your child and then carry it out than to temporarily lose it and lash out.One is temper but the otther is calculated which is awful

I'm loath to get involved in another circular argument about smacking - but I am not surprised by the statistic. It's a culturally entrenched behaviour whilch will take a great deal to shift IMO. But that is no reason not to ban it - it's worth remembering that public execution/judicial torture were once culturally ingrained as well.

I see it as a sort of linear continuum between savagery and civilisation - society's/people's methods of dealing with behavioural breaches become less physical and more reason-based. First the death penalty and judicial corporal punishment (the lash/cane in Singapore, for example), then formalised corporal punishment in Borstals and prisons, then schools - parental smacking is the last vestige of permitted physical violence. Children are now the only people who can legally be hit.

You can think smacking is in general not a good thing without wanting a complete ban - I don't think this survey sounds like it was subtle enough to catch the differences.

"Children are now the only people who can legally be hit."

I don't think that's actually true. I bet if you gave a smack to an adult of the same degree of a chatisement smack to a child, you would not be prosecuted. Similarly, if you really hit a child then you would be prosecuted.

agree with j&rsmummy, a parent that loses it and it turns into a beating would need anger management. A side issue is that actually I'm completely not in favour of having a 'good shout' at DS. DH lost it recently with him (when he took his own pooey nappy off in bed - yuk!) and afterwards DH and I had to have a sit down and a good chat about what he'd done, he's agreed he won't shout like that again and I hope he doesn't. I think that's just how it works with DS though and I don't think shouting works in general, they're not really taking in what you're saying and really all you're doing is venting - not very constructive.

Don't smack if you don't feel it's right. I'm not suggesting you should. I'm only saying why I do.
Hit and smack are completely different concepts as far as I am concerned.
I think Soupdragon outs the point across very well.

Message withdrawn

Now punching is where I draw the line. Kicking, too.

It is legal to hit an adult Soupdragon. It's technically assault regardless of how hard you hit.

sorry, couldn't resist trying the new !

Thanks cod - I'll go to my room now for 25 minutes - or should that be the naughty step?

I also think that smacking in a cold, controlled manner is worse. It's a deliberate attack. Losing your temper in a moment of stress is understandable. Coldly deciding to hit your child and cause them pain is far worse IMO.

I don't resent the smacks I got as a child when my mother was just stressed and harassed. I do resent the ones that were a deliberate punishment - at the time I thought they were designed to humiliate, and demonstrate that my parents were bigger and stronger than me. Don't think my parents were evil or anything, it was the way people behaved then. But it's wrong, again IMO.

It used to be acceptable for husbands to beat their wives - we've moved on from there. Should make a similar move with smacking.

I'm not perfect myself and have smacked ds occasionally. But I know it's wrong and have apologised.

Message withdrawn

For those that think physical abuse and smacking are completely unrelated - have a look at this report, particularly the part headed "escalation from smacking to significant harm"

report

Oh arse. I meant illegal. Cod.

Actually even I wouldn't try to use reason with an adult soupdragon, it might spray me with boiling cock-a-leekie or something

jess, I've listed all the discipline techniques I use on so many occasions in these debates. DS is a tricky, feisty kid, DD is easier but neither of them are angels. I've never smacked either of them because I think it is wrong & yet they are well disciplined kids. I'm not perfect & I don't want to sound smug - but there is no need to ever hit any child.

Message withdrawn

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